I scatter them around the site because I don't really have a thread about what happened. I'm not really sure what happened. I know parts. I know some things I've been accused of doing and some of them are correct. Some are not. Some, I don't know for sure. I can't remember. I'd have to see proof to fully believe I did them.
What does this mean, you have episodes in your life where you don't have memory?
Most people I've encountered have held them against me. Some have not. Those are the people I tend to stick with.
None of us would want to hang with people who act superior and we feel judged , belittled and put down... I can understand constructive criticism when we are hurting ourselves & others though.. but even this has to be done in the right spirit...a spirit of caring for that individual.
But after we've attempted to change our ways, make amends... be that better person... no one would want to hang with someone who is going to throw it back in our faces.. we need to be around "encouragers
" who can see the best in us, ..be our friend, stand beside us....
I'll never forget this one man who entered our Church yrs ago, his whole life he was a DRUNK... he was messed up, rough, biker. I think a Bouncer for Rock groups for a time...he had many demons in his past... but something led him there...can't remember the story now...but I just loved this guy...I was very touched with the changes in his life... he was so damn Humble... very friendly... he was so excited about coming out of the darkness... almost in a child-like way....so Thankful... and so open about it.... He reminded me of the "Parable of the Prodigal son" story... . I had many conversations with him... then one day ....he DIED.. suddenly...I missed his presence there ...just one of those that stand out in my memory.
I am sure there was some people who looked at him like -what is he doing here, he is embarrassing...or look where he came from... I didn't do that, I was very touched by how he had changed his life...that man needed encouragers to not judge his past.. but lift him up ....and give hope for making a new life..
It has been healing to write them out and help others. But, it would be more healing to have proof in hand, and be able to discuss what I supposedly did. If I did it, I need to make amends and correct my behavior, so it doesn't happen again.
If you have no memory, let's say from Drinking (just as an example, I don't know your story).....who are the people accusing you - do you trust THEM/ their character to be honest
... or do you feel they have ulterior motives, something to gain from making it sound worse than it was??