Do you hide? - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 49 (permalink) Old 01-01-2014, 04:10 PM Thread Starter
jld
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Do you hide?

Do you hide your sins (mistakes, shortcomings)?

Do you feel like you need to talk about them, in an effort to help other people avoid making the same mistakes?

Have people held your sin against you once they found out, or have you found people tell you things about themselves that you never would have suspected?

Has it been healing for you?


One of the deepest feminine pleasures is when a man stands full, present, and unreactive in the midst of his woman's emotional storms. When he stays present with her, and loves her through the layers of wildness and closure, then she feels his trustability, and she can relax. -- David Deida, The Way of the Superior Man
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post #2 of 49 (permalink) Old 01-01-2014, 04:21 PM
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Re: Do you hide?

Quite often, when one talks about one's mistakes/fears, I find that lots of people have been through the same thing, and I would never have suspected.

For example, I haven't wanted to fly in an airplane for a long time now, and it just so happened that a woman I was working with felt the same way. She told me what drugs to get off the doctor next time I was due to fly.

I expressed to a different one that I wanted to get away from working for a year and travel, because I couldn't see the point of life just working and working, turns out she was the same way. She in fact already had plans to go off to Thailand and find out... and off she went a few months later.

So something useful comes out of it sometimes - namely, that people are not so different.

Of course, it's generally a bad idea to share such negative things, but the conversation was already in those areas when I joined in.
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post #3 of 49 (permalink) Old 01-01-2014, 04:30 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Do you hide?

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Quite often, when one talks about one's mistakes/fears, I find that lots of people have been through the same thing, and I would never have suspected.

So something useful comes out of it sometimes - namely, that people are not so different.

Of course, it's generally a bad idea to share such negative things, but the conversation was already in those areas when I joined in.
Thanks for the reply, Sandfly. One further question, and feel absolutely free not to respond: How do you deal with shame?

One of the deepest feminine pleasures is when a man stands full, present, and unreactive in the midst of his woman's emotional storms. When he stays present with her, and loves her through the layers of wildness and closure, then she feels his trustability, and she can relax. -- David Deida, The Way of the Superior Man
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post #4 of 49 (permalink) Old 01-02-2014, 01:28 AM
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Re: Do you hide?

Jld, you dont' have to deal with any shame.. We ALL sin and screw up..We have a Savior that has erased our sin/shame on the cross. Every single day we can start anew. Every day we are forgiven and can move forward...
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post #5 of 49 (permalink) Old 01-02-2014, 09:56 AM
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Re: Do you hide?

The Origins of Shame | Psychology Today

What We Get Wrong About Shame | Psychology Today

Understanding the Psychology of Guilt

"I'm significant!! Screamed the dust speck." - Bill Watterson

"And this, too, shall pass away."
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post #6 of 49 (permalink) Old 01-02-2014, 03:38 PM
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Re: Do you hide?

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Originally Posted by jld View Post
Do you hide your sins (mistakes, shortcomings)?

Do you feel like you need to talk about them, in an effort to help other people avoid making the same mistakes?

Have people held your sin against you once they found out, or have you found people tell you things about themselves that you never would have suspected?

Has it been healing for you?
I am WHO I AM.. I don't try to hide my shortcomings from many to appear this perfect woman to others... I believe in showing some vulnerabilities...our weaknesses, that THIS allows others to feel comfortable with us ENOUGH to open up themselves.... Plus if we are not who we REALLY are but wearing a mask ... so to speak....then how is there genuine "Belonging" or acceptance in that.. it's a facade...

Not that we go up to people and say - I did this , this & this.. but if the conversation carries to such a direction & it feels appropriate to ....to not fear speaking who are are, where we have been...what lessons we have learned along our journey.

If people don't like the real us... they can go fly a kite... others will.. this really is my attitude....even if I may get hurt along the way... why should I care, because would I really LIKE that person who had their nose in the air rejecting me.. the answer is NO.. I wouldn't!

Our imperfections make us Human, and being human is what allows many to feel comfortable... For instance...it's like this comparison.... stepping in the doors to an immaculate house....(my Grandmother was like this).. so darn clean you could eat off the floor, but somehow it made you nervous ...what if you put your shoes in the wrong place, didn't put the dishes in the sink the right way, spilled something on that brand new couch ...

You just feel more "at home" when you go to the house - a little more disheveled...seems the laughter comes a little easier...the joking a little louder, you can put your feet up.. it's more comfortable!

Quote:
How do you deal with shame?
Can I Brene Brown you to death here...you know I already recommend that wonderful book of hers... She is known as the Shame Researcher..

The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You're Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are:

...



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post #7 of 49 (permalink) Old 01-02-2014, 04:21 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Do you hide?

Wow, that second image was really powerful, SA. I have that book on hold at the library.

I thought this topic would take off, but maybe it is too heavy?

Anyway, thanks again for that book recommendation. Looking forward to it!

One of the deepest feminine pleasures is when a man stands full, present, and unreactive in the midst of his woman's emotional storms. When he stays present with her, and loves her through the layers of wildness and closure, then she feels his trustability, and she can relax. -- David Deida, The Way of the Superior Man
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post #8 of 49 (permalink) Old 01-02-2014, 04:31 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Do you hide?

That last one was good, 2ntnuf. Thanks for sharing.

One of the deepest feminine pleasures is when a man stands full, present, and unreactive in the midst of his woman's emotional storms. When he stays present with her, and loves her through the layers of wildness and closure, then she feels his trustability, and she can relax. -- David Deida, The Way of the Superior Man
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post #9 of 49 (permalink) Old 01-02-2014, 06:03 PM
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Re: Do you hide?

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I thought this topic would take off, but maybe it is too heavy?
I am a SICK Puppy.. I like Heavy / deep / Controversial... ..it's just that this thread is in the Religious section...not a happening place on TAM !

You will be blessed by that Book - this I am so sure

The Shame thread needs a Shame you tube Video...


Brené Brown: Listening to shame: TED Talk: Inspiring: Informative: Ideas - YouTube
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post #10 of 49 (permalink) Old 01-02-2014, 06:25 PM
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Re: Do you hide?

For me it depends on the person and the situation they are in. I don't go around flaunting the fact that I have been bankrupt in the past, and in fact, have only shared that with one person who was going through a similar thing and felt that she was the worst screw up in the world.

I have a friend with a misbehaving teenage daughter. I will share some of the things my kids have done that has caused me to feel shame because she needs to know she is not the only person who feels like she does.

I don't share anything with people who I feel just want to judge and feel superior. It is somewhat healing to share with someone who is in a similar situation or to be able to prevent someone from making the mistakes that you made.

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post #11 of 49 (permalink) Old 01-02-2014, 06:30 PM
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Re: Do you hide?

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That last one was good, 2ntnuf. Thanks for sharing.
Didn't know for sure what the problem was. I was thinking you might have been mistaken. Sometimes guilt feels like shame. Figured they would give a good start anyway.

"I'm significant!! Screamed the dust speck." - Bill Watterson

"And this, too, shall pass away."
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post #12 of 49 (permalink) Old 01-02-2014, 08:53 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Do you hide?

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Originally Posted by SimplyAmorous View Post
I am a SICK Puppy.. I like Heavy / deep / Controversial... ..it's just that this thread is in the Religious section...not a happening place on TAM !

You will be blessed by that Book - this I am so sure

The Shame thread needs a Shame you tube Video...


Brené Brown: Listening to shame: TED Talk: Inspiring: Informative: Ideas - YouTube
Yeah, I guess I thought it might go here under the spirituality heading. I really was not sure where to put it.

Thanks for the link!

One of the deepest feminine pleasures is when a man stands full, present, and unreactive in the midst of his woman's emotional storms. When he stays present with her, and loves her through the layers of wildness and closure, then she feels his trustability, and she can relax. -- David Deida, The Way of the Superior Man
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post #13 of 49 (permalink) Old 01-02-2014, 09:30 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Do you hide?

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For me it depends on the person and the situation they are in. I don't go around flaunting the fact that I have been bankrupt in the past, and in fact, have only shared that with one person who was going through a similar thing and felt that she was the worst screw up in the world.

I have a friend with a misbehaving teenage daughter. I will share some of the things my kids have done that has caused me to feel shame because she needs to know she is not the only person who feels like she does.

I don't share anything with people who I feel just want to judge and feel superior. It is somewhat healing to share with someone who is in a similar situation or to be able to prevent someone from making the mistakes that you made.
You are brave, bellavista. I am sure it was not easy to go through bankruptcy. And I bet your friend appreciated your empathy.

I'll tell you, when I think of the bad things I have done, esp. the things I cannot change, I feel humbled. And I think about things that, given different life circumstances, I could have done that would have been even worse. And all of that makes me feel a lot of compassion for other people who have done those things.

Okay, so to make this officially part of the religion board , let me say that I think Jesus was a great guy and inspiring figure. He knew who needed compassion and understanding.

I really appreciate the threads here where people are straight up with their struggles. It takes a lot of courage to expose oneself.

I am not sure anything teaches as well as raw honesty about a personal shortcoming. Those are the stories that grip me here.

Sincere thanks to everyone who has shared those stories.

One of the deepest feminine pleasures is when a man stands full, present, and unreactive in the midst of his woman's emotional storms. When he stays present with her, and loves her through the layers of wildness and closure, then she feels his trustability, and she can relax. -- David Deida, The Way of the Superior Man
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post #14 of 49 (permalink) Old 01-03-2014, 07:51 PM
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Re: Do you hide?

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Thanks for the reply, Sandfly. One further question, and feel absolutely free not to respond: How do you deal with shame?
We all sin. God sent his Son to redeem us from sin and to give us the gift of Eternal Life with Him in heaven through Christ's death on the Cross.

With that being said shame can sometimes motivate us to change. God gave us His Word, A Love Story to his creation. He also gave us a free will, we can accept his gift of forgiveness and eternal life or reject it. Satan, who is very real but not popular to talk about, wants us to live in a life of shame, reminding us of our past mistakes. When one start's to feel ashamed of past mistakes we NEED to remember Christ 's forgiveness. He does not want us to live in guilt. He wants us to seek his Word and obey his commandments. The commandments are His love manual for His creation.
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post #15 of 49 (permalink) Old 01-04-2014, 05:16 AM
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Re: Do you hide?

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Thanks for the reply, Sandfly. One further question, and feel absolutely free not to respond: How do you deal with shame?
I am generally shameless.

If someone wants to talk about anything, whether it's sex or haemarroids, then we can laugh about it or have a serious discussion and it's all the same to me.

I have secrets that I wouldn't share, and I sometimes wonder, because I normally sleep-talk, that they would come out,

However, It tends to be complete nonsense when it's reported back to me, such as comparing different colour helicopters and buses, or repeating the word 'cheese' like I've found the answer to an important question in physics...

So if it came down to it, shame doesn't play a big part in life.

How about yourself?
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