Walking the line between standing and serving... - Page 2 - Talk About Marriage
Relationships and Spirituality The place to look for faith based solutions.

User Tag List

 4Likes
Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Search this Thread
post #16 of 25 (permalink) Old 01-11-2014, 05:52 PM
Moderator
 
lifeistooshort's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 6,350
Quote:
Originally Posted by Machiavelli View Post
It may or may not be okay. It all depends on what was in his vows. Most Churchian marriage vows do not have a biblical basis. In my case, my vows included "forsaking all others," so the harem is out. That doesn't mean the vows have a biblical source, though.
Well assuming his vows also included forsaking all others your point is moot. Besides, it's not correct:
Hebrews 13:4- " Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous"
Do you honestly believe Jesus was ok with men f$cking hookers as long as they didn't dump their wives?

Notice the reference to "all", not just women?
Posted via Mobile Device


Last edited by lifeistooshort; 01-11-2014 at 06:06 PM.
lifeistooshort is online now  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
post #17 of 25 (permalink) Old 01-11-2014, 06:05 PM
Moderator
 
lifeistooshort's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 6,350
Quote:
Originally Posted by Machiavelli View Post
The only female dominated culture in history I've ever heard of (aside from the Amazons, and they were imaginary) is the present Anglo-Celtic world.

True, but the behavior of men is directly linked to the power women have. When women have no power men will treat them like sh!t; wife beating is much more common where women have zero power, and men don't have responsibility for anything. Flies in the face of women being the weaker sex, you'd think that men would use power to protect. Not so. Male behavior improves where women don't have to tolerate it; women would also behave badly if there were no consequences, such is human nature. But because, as you pointed out, there haven't really been women dominated societies women have never really been in such a position.
Posted via Mobile Device
lifeistooshort is online now  
post #18 of 25 (permalink) Old 01-11-2014, 07:03 PM Thread Starter
Registered User
 
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 18
Re: Walking the line between standing and serving...

lifeistooshort I was not looking for a biblical hall pass for my behavior at all. I was only asking for feedback and advice on how to go forward spiritually.
chouse2312 is offline  
 
post #19 of 25 (permalink) Old 01-11-2014, 07:24 PM
Moderator
 
lifeistooshort's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 6,350
Re: Walking the line between standing and serving...

I know, Mach and I, hijacked your thread. Sorry about that.
I posted this on your other thread but I think you need to cut your wife some slack here; a year is not a long time after a breach of trust. I know you're frustrated but you have to let her heal on her own time frame. Every time it comes up just stop the attitude; tell her calmly "you're right, I was wrong, and I love you. Tell me what you need from me". If it's about intimacy you're going to have to back off; I'm a little disturbed by the attitude in your other thread of "ok, I'm sorry but i need mine so if you can't suck it up I'll find another woman". .That's a great way to tell her she's not important and is easily replaced. And your own fil, who by your own admission is a friend of the marriage, is telling you you're emotionally abusive. Just stop bullying, back off and let her heal. This isn't about you and your entitlements, and you have to expect some speedbumps along the way.
Posted via Mobile Device
lifeistooshort is online now  
post #20 of 25 (permalink) Old 01-11-2014, 08:04 PM
Member
 
Mr Blunt's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 2,490
Re: Walking the line between standing and serving...

Quote:
Qute of Chouse
lifeistooshort I was not looking for a biblical hall pass for my behavior at all. I was only asking for feedback and advice on how to go forward spiritually.


Chouse,

You have committed a sin against God and have hurt your wife and you are remorseful and wanting forgiveness and reconciliation.

God makes it very clear that He will forgive you. Your wife is not acting on the spirit of the teachings of Christ and you are suffering double for your betrayal.


My feed back for going forward spiritually is this:


Continue to try and make amends to your wife but DO NOT tolerate any disrespect. Because you failed does not give your wife the Christian right to disregards God teachings and judge you with spite, disrespect, and criticisms.

Keep getting closer to God and as much as possible allow your forgiveness and acceptance from God to build you up. Getting closer to God is always what Christians are called to do

Take whatever actions you can to reinforce that you have been forgiven, accepted and your relationship with God has been restored. Once you believe that 100% you will be stronger and not so defeated and empty.


Tell your wife that you love her and that you will work hard to repair the damage that you have done to her but that the time for you groveling, begging, crying is over because God has restored you. Tell her that you are going to be seeking God to get closer to Him regardless if you’re seeking her forgiveness is going to be truly granted by her. Tell her that you are going to follow God and be the spiritual man that God intended no matter what she decides to do about her Christian response to your failure.

Your wife has the scriptures to legally divorce you but she does NOT have the scriptures to not forgive you.


Matthew 6:15

But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins



She can take the legalistic approach or she can follow the spirit of Christ; her choice; that is for her to decide. You are to accept that you have been forgiven, accepted, and restored and start acting like it even if you are hurt!
Mr Blunt is offline  
post #21 of 25 (permalink) Old 01-11-2014, 08:21 PM
Moderator
 
lifeistooshort's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 6,350
Re: Walking the line between standing and serving...

Forgiving and being able to move on and be 100% in the marriage are two different things. Nobody gives men whose wives have cheated a hard time if they can't get past it, even if their wife is remorseful. And none of us are Christ. There was and is only one.
Posted via Mobile Device
lifeistooshort is online now  
post #22 of 25 (permalink) Old 01-11-2014, 11:50 PM
Banned
 
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Obamastan
Posts: 5,626
Re: Walking the line between standing and serving...

Quote:
Originally Posted by lifeistooshort View Post
Well assuming his vows also included forsaking all others your point is moot.
It's never wise to make assumptions.

Quote:
Originally Posted by lifeistooshort View Post
Besides, it's not correct:
Hebrews 13:4- " Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous"
Do you honestly believe Jesus was ok with men f$cking hookers as long as they didn't dump their wives?
Jesus never said that, that's a quote from the unknown author of the Epistle to the Hebrews. Also note that regular prostitution is not forbidden in the Law of Moses, unless adultery (married whøre) comes into play. Prostitution is discussed quite a bit in the law. Parents are forbidden from prostituting their daughters, it is forbidden for an Israelite to be a kedesha (pagan temple prostitute), priests cannot marry a zonah (ordinary prostitute) or a divorced woman, and priests daughters cannot work as a zonah. Other than that, the Bible is silent on the practice with a couple of exceptions: it says men who use prostitutes are fools who waste the family's money, and Paul in I Corinthians tells the Christians of the city not to patronize the sanctified prostitutes of the Temple of Aphrodite/Venus.

Do you have any other scripture I've missed?


Quote:
Originally Posted by lifeistooshort View Post
Notice the reference to "all", not just women?
And that's why men aren't allowed to commit adultery either. Married women are not to commit adultery (actually that's the only kind of woman who could under the biblical definition) and men (both married and single) are also not to commit adultery with another man's wife. See, the prohibition covers both men and women, which is why under the Law of Moses, both men and women would be punished.
Machiavelli is offline  
post #23 of 25 (permalink) Old 01-12-2014, 12:06 AM
Banned
 
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Obamastan
Posts: 5,626
Re: Walking the line between standing and serving...

Quote:
Originally Posted by lifeistooshort View Post
True, but the behavior of men is directly linked to the power women have.
Where does this "power women have" come from?

Quote:
Originally Posted by lifeistooshort View Post
When women have no power men will treat them like sh!t; wife beating is much more common where women have zero power, and men don't have responsibility for anything. Flies in the face of women being the weaker sex, you'd think that men would use power to protect. Not so. Male behavior improves where women don't have to tolerate it; women would also behave badly if there were no consequences, such is human nature.
Women behave badly every day. Increasingly so, as they have thrown off traditional, or as in this case, even biblical, direction. As to beating women, the OP never did, but since you mention it, why are so many women so attracted to dark triads and outright murderers? Look how many women love Sean Connery

Quote:
Originally Posted by lifeistooshort View Post
But because, as you pointed out, there haven't really been women dominated societies women have never really been in such a position.
I suspect the natural order will soon reassert itself.
Machiavelli is offline  
post #24 of 25 (permalink) Old 01-12-2014, 12:17 AM
Banned
 
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Obamastan
Posts: 5,626
Re: Walking the line between standing and serving...

Quote:
Originally Posted by chouse2312 View Post
lifeistooshort I was not looking for a biblical hall pass for my behavior at all. I was only asking for feedback and advice on how to go forward spiritually.
I posted all that because you've never heard it before in the feminist sandbox that is the American church, post-Second Great Awakening (let's say since 1840). And you won't outside of a seminary class structured to explain it all away. However, even if you discount all that info, the simple fact is that your wife is 100% completely out of line scripturally by divorcing you over this.

Here's some other Lost Scripture (I Peter 3:1-6) for you:

Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, when they see your respectful and pure conduct. Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear— but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious. For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves, by submitting to their own husbands, as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord. And you are her children, if you do good and do not fear anything that is frightening.

Now, you failed to fulfill the next verse, #7, Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with youa of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.

Notice however, that there is no get out of jail free card for your wife if you screw up verse 7, as you have done, because 1-6 would apply to wife, even if you were an unbeliever and not subject to verse 7.

How old are you two? Got any kids?
Machiavelli is offline  
post #25 of 25 (permalink) Old 01-29-2014, 03:15 PM
Member
 
Microwavelove's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Maryland
Posts: 36
Re: Walking the line between standing and serving...

@Machiavelli, trying to use loopholes to rationalize cheating and hurting his wife is not going to help his situation at all.

To OP, I pray for your marriage. Your wife is angry right now. You hurt her deeply and damaged her trust and there really unfortunately is nothing that you are going to be able to do to help her heal. I know it looks bleak, especially since she is making plans to move, but maybe this is not the end of the road, but what she feels she needs to do to feel okay within herself. Have you tried counseling? Would she agree to at least give that a chance, even if it is while you two are separated?

Microwavelove is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Options

Register Now



In order to be able to post messages on Talk About Marriage, you must first register. Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.

Important! Your username will be visible to the public next to anything you post and could show up in search engines like Google. If you are concerned about anonymity, PLEASE choose a username that will not be recognizable to anyone you know.

User Name:
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.

Password:


Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.

Email Address:
OR

Log-in









Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



Thread Tools Search this Thread
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search



Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Walking the Fine Line: Nice Guy vs No More Nice Guy darkrat Sex in Marriage 29 05-18-2013 10:19 AM
Line crossed and I'm a coward for not walking itzachicken Coping with Infidelity 13 03-30-2013 07:00 PM
Tmws serving day melissa68 Going Through Divorce or Separation 7 08-15-2012 11:31 PM
Guys, please help - Walking a fine line of desperate and rational JennaLynne The Men's Clubhouse 14 10-03-2011 03:27 PM

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

 
For the best viewing experience please update your browser to Google Chrome