Did I lust after the woman I lied to my wife about meeting? NO
Was she married? If not, there is no way it can rise to the point of "adultery in your heart" (sticking with actual biblical definitions).
But i did conceal that meeting from my wife so that was a lie and for that I am obviously guilty.
I don't know why you would lie about such a thing. Was it to avoid your wife going off and having an episode?
I lusted after the pornography and since I went as far to have cyber sex with a stranger on a shuffle chat site Im sure that is biblically lusting after another woman.
Exceedingly lame to be sure, but even that probably doesn't reach the level of epithumia
(the Greek new testament equivalent of "covet"), despite what you hear from the pulpit. Both of those terms indicate an actual intent to commit real adultery to the point where it is a consuming obsession (to pant after like a dog). Pornography is kind of stupid, especially these days with sex so available, but I again doubt that it can actually rise to the level of epithumia, since there is no way you're going to be able to get your hands on those women, assuming they are married, in the video.
My wife is now saying she wants a divorce at the moment but in counseling stated if the papers were in from of her she would not sign. She thinks there is no hope for our marriage and she will never be able to love or trust again, but she does not want to "go through" a divorce. There were a lot of tears from her in this meeting…which I have not seen in quite some time. I do not want to have false hope but I would be lying if i said I didn't want to come out on the other side of this with my wife.
Remind me as to what was your sex life like before you communicated with you your old female friend? And how old are you guys, anyway?
On the topic of serving and leading. How do we biblically differentiate between being the leader of the house and falling in to the trap of being the only one working in the relationship. My wife and I have been plagued with coming to "base" at different times. It seems it has been a long time since we were both working our butts off for the marriage at the same time. So I think my wives version of us R ing is for me to do all the work until she as the confidence to. I know this will just continue the cycle as it was. But is this was the Bible calls for men to do in "leading"?e
I take it you are referring to: "But I want you to understand that the head of every man is Christ, the head of a wife is her husband, and the head of Christ is God." I Cor. 11:3
or maybe: "Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord." Eph 5:22
That just means that you call the shots. It doesn't necessarily mean you shouldn't consider her wisdom or even her wishes, but you are the skipper.
As that bolded section above: Your wife's version of this is that you conform to her will and submit to her authority.