bahn1987

so i have a very long story..
at the begging of last summer i met a guy at work. i had a boyfrined in mx who he and i were on our last straw. the coworker and i hit it off, but we never crossed a line.. until my bf and i broke up. so him and i saw e/o for a cpl weeks and decided to be coworkers. then a cpl months later we got hot and heavy and never left e/o's side. so from last sep to jan was the most amazing time for us. then his roomate came home from studying abroad. him and her had a thing previous to he and I.. but he continuously assured me it would be ok. then when she did she exiled me from the group of ppl i had become extremely close to.. he would come over to visit for the first six months.. we carried on a romantic relationship. then about two and a half months ago we stopped completely. i attempted to date a guy, unsuccesfully. and he and his roomate started dating.
.. so here's the issue. we have once again decided to make things work. the last week has been amazing. but everytime we hit a bump in the road he flips and ends it. there is no thick and thin with him... so i have told lies in the past to avoid his reaction. small lies, i have never cheated, but now he doubts me. and the lies are an initial reaction i have. three days ago he told me him and his roomy had sex. i was torn apart because i couldnt imagine him with her. so when he asked if i had anything to tell him i said no. i lied. it was only a) i couldnt bring myself to tell him, and b) i didnt want him to feel like i did.. the guy and i didnt have any sex btw, because i broke down crying and told him i couldnt go through with it cause i was in love with my ex.
so last night i told him the truth and he calls it lieing.. i know it is, but i just had to tell the real truth. i had to let him know the real circumstance. my problem is lieing. now he wants nothing to do with me.
how do i explain to him that its because i was scared..?
but he doesnt care. what do i do?

Wisp

You are all over the place..

Let me summarise for you:

You are hoping that you can get back to the relationship you had with e/o.

He is happy to say and do things that hurt you. He may or may not have had sex with his roommate. This hurts you more.

You say you are lying, yes, you do not know how to talk to him, you do not trust his reaction if you told him the truth.

So what do you do:-

You move on. The relationship you were in was not working and is now tainted with mistrust.

Get a new boyfriend, someone who loves you, respects you, wants to care for you and most importantly someone that you love. The e/o man you want to be with is not the man for you. Start afresh and move on.

turnera

Did you mean to say "He and she had a thing previous to ... ?"

Sorry, just a nit-pick thing of mine. I'm an editor, and my own DD19 can't stop saying "Him and I are going..." grrr

Anyway, what you do is learn from this and vow to be honest in your next relationship. Life is full of learning from our mistakes - it's called wisdom. You'll find someone who is more invested in you than his former roommate.

swedish

If he calls it off everytime you hit a bump in the road, you probably keep things from him to avoid this. Not good for a serious relationship, but he doesn't sound anywhere near ready for anything serious if he lives with a woman he has on and off sex with. If you need more than that from him, move on.

__________________
~Swedish

No problem can be solved from the same level of consciousness that created it.
Albert Einstein

LADYGAINES

1- As long as his ex is also his roommate your relationship will never work

2- If he doesn't take you back this is a learning experience. You forgive yourself and don't lie to someone you care about again

3- From the outside looking in this sounds like a bunch of foolishness going on between you two.

4- Please use protection and don't jump into another relationship. There is nothing wrong with being single for a while to work on yourself and the habit you have of telling little lies.

bahn1987

thanks for the replies. heres more clarity

they just moved out from the apt they shared to seperate places.. and they did have sex within the last 2.5 months when we were seperated.

yes we are foolish. i wish he wouldnt over react all the time. that's why i'm always nervous.

but i think his reactions are his way of bailing.

i've tried to move on, but idk how. i hate knowing their gonna end up together and i'm gonna be the one who is alone.

swedish

well, if that happens, she will be the one wondering why he bails when things get tough, and you can focus on things you enjoy & leave the door open to meet someone you can be completely honest with.

__________________
~Swedish

No problem can be solved from the same level of consciousness that created it.
Albert Einstein

827Aug

Thanks for the clarity. It is now crystal clear. Why would you want to live this way?! Move on and find someone who doesn't make you nervous. And stop lying!