Re: Am I a sinner?
Come on, Adeline. Would you go rubbing up against some other woman and think it's normal heterosexual behavior? Would you "cuddle" with another woman? I certainly wouldn't. When I hug a friend, it is a hug, plain and simple. I don't get "feelings" from it, other than the "feeling" of a kind friendship.
And I have been a SAHM for 19 years and have spent plenty of time with other housewives, and have never had either this experience or any kind of feelings associated with it.
LR, you must be having a bisexual awakening of some kind. There are people on these boards who have studied human sexuality extensively, and can surely help.
The first thing, though, is to accept those feelings. You have them for a reason. Now, that said, you do not have to act on them. There are bisexual women on this board who have said that they are monogamous with their husbands. Basically, they made a choice. You can, too . . . depending on what your husband says about what happened.
You must be transparent with him. You just go up to him as soon as you can and blurt everything out. Just make him hear it. You tell him the whole thing, including what you felt. You let him decide how he feels about it. If he wants a divorce, you allow it.
Put yourself in his shoes; if he had this experience with another man, what would you want to do?
If it were me, man, I would be filing. Dh and I could remain friends, really good friends, but if he had "feelings" for another man, and wanted to rub up against him, and it were "nice," then hey, he's not the man who is going to be in my bed.
Obviously, this is just me. Not saying for other people.
Now, he may say that he is williing to keep the marriage if you will yourself not to do it again. Can you accept that? First thing, you would have to go no contact with the sil. Can you do that?
And her husband needs to be told, too. Full disclosure. These guys have to know their wives' sexual identities.
Also, none of this should involve shame. You are what you are. Accept it. I'm sorry it did not come up sooner, as you are going to be disrupting some lives if it comes to divorce. But you always have to face reality if you want to be happy in life, and have a peaceful conscience.
Lastly, just know that God loves you, no matter what. God knows all of us. He knows all of our sins, and we all have them.
I love my dh very much, LR, but sometimes I am attracted to other men. I feel ashamed of that, because I think dh deserves all of my mind, heart, body, and soul. And the first thing I do when I feel attracted to another man is to tell my dh. I mean, I have practically run to the phone to tell him before, as it just seems so wrong to me to be disloyal that way. Seems to take the power out of it.
And it helps that he is never mad. He usually just smiles and tells me I am a silly girl with a big imagination. That helps, too. It tells me he believes in me, and knows I will do the right thing (not pursue the attraction).
Good luck, LR. Have courage. You are not a bad person. My sister is a lesbian. The only bad thing is to lie to yourself and deceive your husband.
Transparency, LR. Transparency.
One of the deepest feminine pleasures is when a man stands full, present, and unreactive in the midst of his woman's emotional storms. When he stays present with her, and loves her through the layers of wildness and closure, then she feels his trustability, and she can relax. -- David Deida, The Way of the Superior Man