Am I a sinner? - Page 2 - Talk About Marriage
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post #16 of 111 (permalink) Old 02-04-2014, 09:34 AM
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Re: Am I a sinner?

First, we're ALL sinners... but the whole idea behind Jesus is forgiveness, but we have to look at what Jesus considered violations.
Sure adultery is one of them, but adultery, biblically speaking, is something committed between men and men, or men and women.

But in all reality, does your church allow divorce and remarriage? If so, then your church allows for adultery and fornication, pretty much exactly what Jesus was against. You can't pick and choose your scripture.

It's really up to you to decide if it was really "immoral".

Keep in mind, using credit cards to buy gifts for Christmas is far more of a flagrant, Jesus-insulting sin than your small transgression, if it was.

Either way, in the end, remember that Jesus died for your sins through his own example in life. While he lived, he was warning the living Jews about the consequences of sin... he was preaching ONLY to Jews, not the world... there are plenty of reasons in the bible (that I'm not going into) about why He would not have approved of Paul's evangelizing.

So, don't go wasting a perfectly good Jesus, as you're forgiven, anyways, just try not to do it again, or else you'll have TWO "forgivens" to your soul.

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post #17 of 111 (permalink) Old 02-04-2014, 09:47 AM
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Re: Am I a sinner?

Come on, Adeline. Would you go rubbing up against some other woman and think it's normal heterosexual behavior? Would you "cuddle" with another woman? I certainly wouldn't. When I hug a friend, it is a hug, plain and simple. I don't get "feelings" from it, other than the "feeling" of a kind friendship.

And I have been a SAHM for 19 years and have spent plenty of time with other housewives, and have never had either this experience or any kind of feelings associated with it.

LR, you must be having a bisexual awakening of some kind. There are people on these boards who have studied human sexuality extensively, and can surely help.

The first thing, though, is to accept those feelings. You have them for a reason. Now, that said, you do not have to act on them. There are bisexual women on this board who have said that they are monogamous with their husbands. Basically, they made a choice. You can, too . . . depending on what your husband says about what happened.

You must be transparent with him. You just go up to him as soon as you can and blurt everything out. Just make him hear it. You tell him the whole thing, including what you felt. You let him decide how he feels about it. If he wants a divorce, you allow it.

Put yourself in his shoes; if he had this experience with another man, what would you want to do?

If it were me, man, I would be filing. Dh and I could remain friends, really good friends, but if he had "feelings" for another man, and wanted to rub up against him, and it were "nice," then hey, he's not the man who is going to be in my bed.

Obviously, this is just me. Not saying for other people.

Now, he may say that he is williing to keep the marriage if you will yourself not to do it again. Can you accept that? First thing, you would have to go no contact with the sil. Can you do that?

And her husband needs to be told, too. Full disclosure. These guys have to know their wives' sexual identities.

Also, none of this should involve shame. You are what you are. Accept it. I'm sorry it did not come up sooner, as you are going to be disrupting some lives if it comes to divorce. But you always have to face reality if you want to be happy in life, and have a peaceful conscience.

Lastly, just know that God loves you, no matter what. God knows all of us. He knows all of our sins, and we all have them.

I love my dh very much, LR, but sometimes I am attracted to other men. I feel ashamed of that, because I think dh deserves all of my mind, heart, body, and soul. And the first thing I do when I feel attracted to another man is to tell my dh. I mean, I have practically run to the phone to tell him before, as it just seems so wrong to me to be disloyal that way. Seems to take the power out of it.

And it helps that he is never mad. He usually just smiles and tells me I am a silly girl with a big imagination. That helps, too. It tells me he believes in me, and knows I will do the right thing (not pursue the attraction).

Good luck, LR. Have courage. You are not a bad person. My sister is a lesbian. The only bad thing is to lie to yourself and deceive your husband.

Transparency, LR. Transparency.

One of the deepest feminine pleasures is when a man stands full, present, and unreactive in the midst of his woman's emotional storms. When he stays present with her, and loves her through the layers of wildness and closure, then she feels his trustability, and she can relax. -- David Deida, The Way of the Superior Man
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post #18 of 111 (permalink) Old 02-04-2014, 10:06 AM
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Re: Am I a sinner?

Well you are alive so the odds are by someones standards just being that is likely a sin.

Religious deities are well known for being all forgiving when asked. People on the other hand not so much so chose well on which ones standards and forgiveness you seek.
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post #19 of 111 (permalink) Old 02-04-2014, 10:18 AM
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Re: Am I a sinner?

jld- I know I know, but I really am just trying to make sure I understand what she is conveying... some people are insanely conservative and might find some things to be awful when in fact most people would find them benign, I know some women that because of religious beliefs believe it is wrong to go see the gynecologist because no one but their husband should look/feel down there! So since the OP is being vague... who knows what she is describing. And to answer your question, I guess I am pretty affectionate with my friends... I've never rubbed up against them or anything but can remember many a time where we'd go on road trips and stay in hotels together and have to share beds and we'd wake up cuddled against the other and think it was funny/cute, or being passengers in a car and cuddling up to take a nap. Happened a lot in my younger years. Never felt it was anything other than innocent and plutonic, but I suppose some could see that as too intimate.
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post #20 of 111 (permalink) Old 02-04-2014, 10:26 AM
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Re: Am I a sinner?

I'm sorry if I seemed like I was picking on you, Adeline. I am just trying to get the OP to be as honest as possible with herself.

I have six sisters and many nieces. I understand everybody slammed together on the couch to watch a movie, and stuff like that. But I don't think that is what this gal is describing. Just my opinion, I guess.

And again, didn't mean to pick on you. I've been picked on enough on these boards that I don't want to do it to anyone else inadvertently, lol.

One of the deepest feminine pleasures is when a man stands full, present, and unreactive in the midst of his woman's emotional storms. When he stays present with her, and loves her through the layers of wildness and closure, then she feels his trustability, and she can relax. -- David Deida, The Way of the Superior Man
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post #21 of 111 (permalink) Old 02-04-2014, 10:36 AM
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Re: Am I a sinner?

jlp- no worries! I wasn't offended, I promise We all have different perspectives that can be valuable to each OP. I guess I was trying to play devil's advocate here and think well maybe there is a small chance the OP is making a mountain out of a molehill and it isn't as it seems.
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post #22 of 111 (permalink) Old 02-06-2014, 04:41 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Am I a sinner?

Thank you all for the replies. I am sorry if my posts came off as being vague which was not my intention at all. I am so sorry about that. This is just so hard for me to process through and if you add to that my inexperience with these things. Forgive me if I upset anyone.

I guess the description of us rubbing against each other is the most accurate and the end result being an orgasm. From her trembling breathing and voices she made I guess she experienced similar feelings as me. I am ashamed to admit that while the feeling was similar I most likely have not ever had an orgasm while being intimate with my husband. At least not that I remember.

All this talk about gays and bi-sexuals and normal behavior is so confusing. I was told that gays go to hell as a child unless they go to therapy to get cured. I am afraid to tell about this to anyone least my husband as he will surely leave me if he thinks I am not normal.
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post #23 of 111 (permalink) Old 02-06-2014, 06:07 AM
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Re: Am I a sinner?

Get out of that religion, LR. It is messing up your head.

You will get half of whatever you two have if there is a divorce. Don't let him talk you out of it.

You have got to accept yourself. Again, get out of that religion. There is a spectrum of sexuality, and wherever you are on it is fine.

And keep coming back here. We can help you.

One of the deepest feminine pleasures is when a man stands full, present, and unreactive in the midst of his woman's emotional storms. When he stays present with her, and loves her through the layers of wildness and closure, then she feels his trustability, and she can relax. -- David Deida, The Way of the Superior Man
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post #24 of 111 (permalink) Old 02-06-2014, 06:15 AM
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Re: Am I a sinner?

Okay, maybe don't talk to your husband just yet. But do not think something is wrong with you. You are fine, and that religion is the problem.

Do you have anyone in real life not in that religion who can be supportive and honest with you? A secular counselor, for example?

One of the deepest feminine pleasures is when a man stands full, present, and unreactive in the midst of his woman's emotional storms. When he stays present with her, and loves her through the layers of wildness and closure, then she feels his trustability, and she can relax. -- David Deida, The Way of the Superior Man
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post #25 of 111 (permalink) Old 02-06-2014, 06:54 AM
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Re: Am I a sinner?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Lovable Resin View Post
Thank you all for the replies. I am sorry if my posts came off as being vague which was not my intention at all. I am so sorry about that. This is just so hard for me to process through and if you add to that my inexperience with these things. Forgive me if I upset anyone.

I guess the description of us rubbing against each other is the most accurate and the end result being an orgasm. From her trembling breathing and voices she made I guess she experienced similar feelings as me. I am ashamed to admit that while the feeling was similar I most likely have not ever had an orgasm while being intimate with my husband. At least not that I remember.

All this talk about gays and bi-sexuals and normal behavior is so confusing. I was told that gays go to hell as a child unless they go to therapy to get cured. I am afraid to tell about this to anyone least my husband as he will surely leave me if he thinks I am not normal.
Back the sex train up, princess! You've never had an orgasm with your husband? How long have you been married?

C

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post #26 of 111 (permalink) Old 02-06-2014, 07:09 AM
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Originally Posted by jld View Post
Okay, maybe don't talk to your husband just yet. But do not think something is wrong with you. You are fine, and that religion is the problem.

Do you have anyone in real life not in that religion who can be supportive and honest with you? A secular counselor, for example?
You have a different take on this than me. I will stand by my original post, but are you seriously advocating OP keep her "indiscretion " from her husband?

Are you encouraging her to break her family up?
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post #27 of 111 (permalink) Old 02-06-2014, 07:25 AM
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Re: Am I a sinner?

I am going to pm you, Conan. He does need to know, but we want to do this safely, right?

The part about being fine is her sexuality. Some people are bisexual. They cannot change what they are. They can choose how they deal with it, how they live it out or not, but not how they are.

One of the deepest feminine pleasures is when a man stands full, present, and unreactive in the midst of his woman's emotional storms. When he stays present with her, and loves her through the layers of wildness and closure, then she feels his trustability, and she can relax. -- David Deida, The Way of the Superior Man
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post #28 of 111 (permalink) Old 02-06-2014, 08:00 AM
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Re: Am I a sinner?

No, jld, I'd like to know your train of thought as well. Because, honestly, you DID make it seem like you are advocating her keeping this from her husband. She has cheated, as she clarified, which IS a sin (the original question). Yes, she may very well be attracted to both men and women, but she made a choice, regardless, when she married her husband. However, the one thing I am going to say is that you and I definitely believe differently about the subject of homosexuality. I don't think of it as a disease that can be "cured", so that much I agree with.

You can use the 2x4 without adding nails to it.
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post #29 of 111 (permalink) Old 02-06-2014, 08:05 AM
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Originally Posted by jld View Post
I am going to pm you, Conan. He does need to know, but we want to do this safely, right?

The part about being fine is her sexuality. Some people are bisexual. They cannot change what they are. They can choose how they deal with it, how they live it out or not, but not how they are.
I pmd you back. I will agree about being able to be sexually stimulated by the same sex.

I have a lot of experience and study in human relations and sexuality and how our desires occur.

I agree that being stimulated by her friend does not make her abnormal.
Gotta go for the day.

Please explore the issues in my pm.
Take care.
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post #30 of 111 (permalink) Old 02-06-2014, 08:15 AM
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Re: Am I a sinner?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Lovable Resin View Post
My husband has a sister whom I have known a long time and is very close to us both. After a long back story and due to certain circumstances it came to be that me and her shared what I would call an intimate moment
I am curious. Have you guys been involved before? I ask because you said "a long back story" which makes me think there is more to this story. Is there more? Do you have a romantic or flirty history with her?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Lovable Resin View Post
When we were sleeping in the cottage I woke up in the night and me and her (the husband's sister) were all tangled up and arms around each other. This is one of those things you just can't explain but she was awake too and was just looking at me. After awhile she started to move herself against me and it bagan to feel nice and I guess we got caught in the moment. We did not kiss or anything like that.
Idk if you are being purposely evasive or vague but you aren't coming right out and saying what happened and it's confusing. You are eluding to the fac that you "don't know" what you did or what happened and that is hard to believe. How did you end up "tangled in arms?" Did you make out? Did she go down on you and vice versa?

Look, the bottom line is that you cheated on your husband with his sister.

Religious or not, cheating is considered very bad to do to your partner.

How do you plan to handle things from here on out? Do you think you are gay? Or bi-sexual?
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