Yet I disagree with the course of action to tell your husband.
Honesty is always the key in any and every relationship. Of course your advice would be shared this way, because you are not following that which you preach. We do not come to the light, lest our deeds be exposed. There is no way to have a relationship with anyone without open honest communication. Once that trust has been betrayed, then you live within the shadows of your sins. Be sure your sins will find you out!
Me myself I'm in an affair right now and I asked God. He DID answer. only once and the message was simple: (I was on my knees asking forgiveness) It's ok, He said. But stop it now, and do not continue your sin.
First of all, it is not right to sin. Sin is not bad because it is forbidden, sin is forbidden, because it is bad. Think about that phrase. Adultery is adultery no matter how much you try to paint it or sugar coat it. Its a violation of one of God's 10 commandments AND it is never a good thing when we sin against God. God takes no delight in sin and those who live in it. However, God does forgive sin and He washes all of our sins away. But like the Apostle Paul said, "Shall we who died to sin, still live in it, that we should obey its lusts?" There is a difference between screwing up with something here and there vs actually "living" in sin. You are "living" in sin. Your foolish heart is darken. I totally understand if you committed adultery once and maybe twice. Sure, you seek forgiveness and than you do the most important thing ever...YOU REPENT! The word repent means that you turn from doing. In other words, you make a 180 degree turn from the opposite direction. Let him who sinned, sin no longer. You must get right with God.
Now God does forgive, but you MUST get right with Him. What a mockery for us to seek out forgiveness and God's love, only to slap Him in the face by living a carnal lifestyle. God is NOT mocked, for what you sow, you shall also reap. There are grave consequences for your actions and if you think for once that you can play around with fire and not get burned, you better watch out, because I know of many of Christians that played around with strange fire (speaking of adultery) and God removed them from this earth, because of their foolish and lustful lifestyle. Do I believe this holds true of everyone? No, but I wouldn't want to leave a question mark on this issue. The Bible is very clear about abiding in Christ, that you might bear much fruit. But if you do not abide in Christ (as John says), that you are cut off and thrown into the fire.
Now, I totally believe you about the part where God spoke to you and told you to stop it. Did you stop it? Of course not and you have continued thereafter for a year. Let me tell you this my dear friend...God will NOT tell you anything else in life. He has given you one task...STOP fooling around with adultery. There is only one thing for you to do now...REPENT! Get right with God! Anything else that you try to do, will be in vain! God will NOT hear you, for your prayers are hindered.
Many of men throughout the Bible have had encounters with God; whereas God will tell them, "Go and sin no more." In fact, let me recall for you the woman caught in adultery. Jesus told that woman, "Neither do I condemn you. Go and sin no more." It is one thing to receive and accept God's forgiveness, but it is a whole different story to actually live your life in Christ, abiding in Him, bear fruit in Him, doing what He would have you do. You have isolated yourself from God when you did not do the things He has told you to do. Listen to this passage the Lord just gave me to share with you, "To keep you from the evil woman, From the flattering tongue of a seductress. Do not lust after her beauty in your heart, Nor let her allure you with her eyelids. For by means of a harlot A man is reduced to a crust of bread; And an adulteress will prey upon his precious life. Can a man take fire to his bosom, And his clothes not be burned? Can one walk on hot coals, And his feet not be seared? So is he who goes in to his neighbor’s wife; Whoever touches her shall not be innocent" (Proverbs 6:24-29)
I somehow feel like a traitor starting something and then ending the relationship. + I don't want to hurt anyone. (ok i know it's hypocrite, because i already hurt many by doing it)
At least you have called it for what it is. You are a adulterer, a liar, a cheater, a hypocrite, a sinner! And I am a sinner too! But I say again to you, how shall we who died to sin, still live in it. "Walk by the Spirit, so you do not carry out the desires of your flesh" (Galatians 5:16).
That message of God was a year ago, and i've spend a year secretly seeing my affair and enjoying a lot of intimacy with her.
That is a very sad account my dear friend. When you leave this earth, how will you be remembered? As an adulterer or as a child of God? What will man remember you for? I guarantee you that the message of repentance will slowly fade away from your life. With each act you commit, you harden your heart before the Holy Spirit. You are what the Bible says are, "searing your conscience." I hate to say this, but God will have nothing else to do with you UNTIL you repent! Make no mistake about it. God is only interested in those who want to follow after Him and serve Him. Jesus said, "If you love Me, you will keep My commandments." In a way, you do not love Jesus rightly, because you are not keeping His commandments. Okay, I understand, you asked Him into your heart, just as much as you make a commitment before your wife at the alter. But you violated that commitment/oath when you broken the marriage vows; just as much as you broken God's commandments when you first committed adultery. This does not mean God cannot redeem you. Yes, God does leave the 99 sheep to go after the one sheep who has left on his own, BUT He will NOT force you to come back to be under the spout where the blessings come out. You cannot be grafted back into the fold, until you REPENT! And you cannot be for God on one side and for the world on the other side. God says that you need to be either all for Him or all against Him. If you are lukewarm, God says that He vomits you out. In the same matter, Jesus writes on the Sermon on the Mound, you cannot serve the things of the world and God at the same time. The reason being is because the two are against each other. You cannot be in the light, yet still play in the darkness...it doesn't work that way as a child of God. And if you think that you can play with fire and not get burned, you have a wake call coming to you really soon. Or you just might not wake up at all. It would be better if the Lord take you home, than for you to continue to live in sin secretly while your innocent wife is at home. You need to be there for your wife, despite whether she gives you sex or not. Love does not demand! Loves does not seek its own! You might verbally say you love your wife, but do you show it? We are to be doers of the Word, not hearers of it only. All the "I love yous" in the world means squat if you cannot back it up by your actions! Your actions and passions are spent in this adulterous relationship and you are entrapped by it, held captive, stuck in bondage.
I shouldn't have, and i'm near the point now i think i can end it.
No, you are not near the end with those words! You have no power in and of yourself to stop that which you have started. Impossible! You cannot quite the trap that you have allowed yourself to step into. And if this one ends, you will replace it with another. We are told to make no provision for the flesh for its lusts! Okay, so a provision has been made and you find yourself living in a continual habitual unrepentive lifestyle. The only hope you have without a shadow of a doubt is "REPENTANCE!!!" God has already told you what to do! You are to STOP it! You will not be hearing anything else from God on any other subject or topic until you REPENT! A choice has been set before you...choose life or choose death! There will be no other direction, calling, guidance, conviction until you follow the word of the Lord to repent!
I guess my problem is that the temptation is just too big and i can't help myself.
Yes, you are right! Call it for what it is...it is too big for you! But this is where God wants you. Philippians 4:13 tells you that you can do "all" things through Christ, who gives you the strength to. All does mean all! BUT, you MUST do it through Christ. You can pray, "God give me the power to do Thy will. I want Your way in my life. Decrease my desire and this stronghold that hoovers over me and give me the utmost desire to do Thy will. Create in me a clean heart and renew a right spirit within me. Cast me not away from Your presence. Do not take Thy Holy Spirit from me. Restore unto me, the joy of my salvation and renew a right spirit within me."
You must put off the deeds of the flesh and put on Christ. Again, you MUST act through prayer and submission to Christ to put to death this adulterous relationship you have been in. It starts with YOU! Again, God will NOT force you to get right with Him, nor will He speak to you audibly and through some grand revelation. Actually, let me back track for a moment. God has spoken to you, to me, to all of us in a grand revelation...its called the Bible. And everything therein has the way in which we ought to live life in Christ. So we say, "God, show me a sign and I will change and live for you." God would say, "Go read my Word to you. All the answers are there."
In the bible it's happens many many times that the good guys are having secrets, and it's a command not to tell lies
King David is most famous for his sin with Bathsheba. The ramifications of his actions was the death of his son. What a price to pay. Samson's fooling around (fornicating) with someone who was not of his kind (I believe Delilah was a Philistine). The end result cost him his life. Lot's desire to move into Sodom to live in a wicked city cost him his wife. So what is it going to cost you pakmenu? Sin is only pleasurable for a season. What is it going to cost you? I promise you, the end result will NOT be worth every sexual encounter you had with the adulterous!
but I remember no story where it's recommended action is to confess to the spouse.
This is called rationalization. Its a way of finding loopholes in the Scriptures and in the convictions you are feeling and experiencing. 1 John 1:9, "If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness." Yes, you can confess with and towards your wife. In fact, this is the best confession you can make with regards to your actions. To confess to a close friend or pastor would be to diminish your wife. I have a close friend who came to me one day and confessed his adultery. The conviction was so strong, he knew he needed to share it with his wife. And so he did immediately and they had a great time of restoration and forgiveness and their marriage is stronger then ever.
Any and every marriage should be founded upon trust and commitment. And if you are a Christian, it should also be founded upon Jesus Christ. Once you leave a life in secret, you break one of the very cores that marriage was founded upon. The moment you committed adultery, you broke the marriage commitment to be faithful to your wife, until death do you part. Remember, God allows a clause to the party that has been cheated upon. Although, from stories I have heard over the years, usually when one spouse comes clean about an affair, the other spouse is usually forgiving. However, don't confuse forgiveness with weakness. There is only so much a person can take, while their heart is trampled upon.
With my wife we often communicated 'indirectly' by praying to God, and so I could find out her true feelings, and she mine, without us talking directly to each other, and we'd dare say things we really mean, we wouldn't normally dare to say directly to each other.
Everything that is except this adulterous relationship you find yourself caught up in. Do not deceive yourself into thinking that what you are doing is okay and that God fully embraces you for your actions of disobedience. There is nothing good about sin! There is nothing good about you keeping this a secret from your wife. There are no amount of words that you can say to make your affair right. But you have the ability within you to deny yourself, and pick up your cross, and follow after Jesus once again...each and every day! Proverbs 3:5-6, "Trust in the Lord with all of your heart and do not lean on your own understanding. But in all your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your path."
Wish you peace and forgiveness, and a restored relationship
And I wish you all the more in your life. We have one life and it will soon be past. What is done for Jesus Christ will last! Come back to the Lord in repentance, openness, exposure, and humility.
"Nevertheless I have this against you, that you have left your first love. Remember therefore from where you have fallen; repent and do the first works, or else I will come to you quickly and remove your lampstand from its place—unless you repent" (Revelation 2:4-5).
Another passage the Lord pressed upon me to share is Psalm 119:9-11, "How can a young man cleanse his way? By taking heed according to Your word. With my whole heart I have sought You; Oh, let me not wander from Your commandments! Your word I have hidden in my heart, That I might not sin against You."