Am I a sinner? - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 111 (permalink) Old 02-03-2014, 09:45 AM Thread Starter
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Am I a sinner?

Hello all. This is my first thread and I am more than a little nervous posting about this matter so please forgive me if my writing is all over the place.

I am married and me and my husband are devoted Christians. That makes this even more difficult for me to comprehend.

As it happens, I seem to have done something that I believe might be sinful and I am feeling dreadful about it at the moment. My husband has a sister whom I have known a long time and is very close to us both. After a long back story and due to certain circumstances it came to be that me and her shared what I would call an intimate moment together on a trip a couple of weeks ago. We were sleeping in our cottage while our husbands were out on a camping and hunting journey. We have not talked about the incident since.

I can't really stop thinking about this. What should I do? Do I ask God for help? Thanks.

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post #2 of 111 (permalink) Old 02-03-2014, 09:53 AM
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Re: Am I a sinner?

You shared an intimate moment with your husband's sister?

From what I understand homosexuality is a sin.

But the bigger issue is that you don't seem to care that you cheated on your husband, you're just worried about going to Hell.

Do you care about your husband?

When you love someone you put their needs ahead of yours. At least, that's how it's supposed to work.
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post #3 of 111 (permalink) Old 02-03-2014, 07:27 PM
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Re: Am I a sinner?

First of all repent to the Almighty. All sin is equal in God's sight, except the sin against the Holy Spirit. Once you have repented have peace. Do not let Satan continue to plague you with guilt.

Bring your sin out of the darkness and tell your DH. Satan works in the dark, Christ works in the light. Before you do tell your DH pray that the Almighty soften his heart to be able to forgive you. I am sure your DH will appreciate your honesty. We ALL sin and fall short. True character in a person can admit wrong doings and forgive the unforgivable.

An intimate moment could be a touch/kiss/cuddle or full intercourse. Nevertheless, you should apologize to your sister in law too. Let her know it will never happen again and keep your distance, if you feel you are tempted.

I have learned over the years that sometimes a female is easier to talk and relate to about the deep stuff we feel. Sometimes a husband just doesn't get it. Regardless, your DH needs to be the go to for ALL intimate conversations. That is how husband and wife bond emotionally and spiritually.

Remember you are forgiven through Christ's blood, and Christ chose to surround himself with "sinners".

Blessings and you are in my prayers.... A lot of good can come out of this dark valley that may bring you and DH a lot closer together and be able to help out another couple!!!

Use this time to poor yourself into Scripture. God will use this dark time in your life to "grow you up". Trust, trust, trust. God will never forsake you.
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post #4 of 111 (permalink) Old 02-03-2014, 07:43 PM
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Re: Am I a sinner?

I am going to assume "intimate " means sex.
Having any sex outside of marriage is a sin.

Committing adultery is a sin.

You have sinned.

That's the bad news.

The good news is you can repent because of what Jesus did on the cross for you.

You should first pray to God and ask for forgiveness (confess what you did), asking him for the strength to repent is good too.

You need to cut your affair partner out of the picture and you need to tell your husband and ask for his forgiveness as well.

If he wants to work through it you should get some marriage counseling, not necessarily from a pastor. I have seen some incredibly inept pastors destroy marriages in trouble.

Try to find one with experience with infidelity.

Your husband should deal directly with his brother in law. You need to keep your distance from the person you broke your vows with.
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post #5 of 111 (permalink) Old 02-03-2014, 07:49 PM
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Re: Am I a sinner?

ConanHub, you are right about the pastor issue. I would also advise as to not telling any Christian women in your church about it...i.e. asking for advice or prayers.....Some Christian woman can be very, very mean and judge mental........so sad in a church but very true.
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post #6 of 111 (permalink) Old 02-03-2014, 08:09 PM
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Re: Am I a sinner?

LR, I have a little different advice for you.

I think God loves all of us. I think God created people of all sexual persuasions. It sounds like you are bisexual. I think it would be a good idea to face up to that, and tell your husband.

You may want to find a more liberal Christian church.

You should not deny who you are. That will only lead to dysfunction. And you should not deny and hide from your husband. Be transparent.

I think God loves you no matter what.

One of the deepest feminine pleasures is when a man stands full, present, and unreactive in the midst of his woman's emotional storms. When he stays present with her, and loves her through the layers of wildness and closure, then she feels his trustability, and she can relax. -- David Deida, The Way of the Superior Man
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post #7 of 111 (permalink) Old 02-03-2014, 08:24 PM
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Re: Am I a sinner?

Quote:
Originally Posted by jld View Post
LR, I have a little different advice for you.

I think God loves all of us. I think God created people of all sexual persuasions. It sounds like you are bisexual. I think it would be a good idea to face up to that, and tell your husband.

You may want to find a more liberal Christian church.

You should not deny who you are. That will only lead to dysfunction. And you should not deny and hide from your husband. Be transparent.

I think God loves you no matter what.
It's one thing to be bi-sexual and monogamous. It's another thing to be bi-sexual and cheat on your spouse... I'm not even religious, and I understand the difference.

C
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post #8 of 111 (permalink) Old 02-03-2014, 08:29 PM
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Re: Am I a sinner?

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Originally Posted by PBear View Post
It's one thing to be bi-sexual and monogamous. It's another thing to be bi-sexual and cheat on your spouse... I'm not even religious, and I understand the difference.

C
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post #9 of 111 (permalink) Old 02-03-2014, 08:35 PM
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Re: Am I a sinner?

"So God created man is his own image, in the image of God he created him; MALE and FEMALE He created them. God blessed them and said to them, Be fruitful and increase in number, fill the earth and subdue it." Genesis 1:27-28a.

God did NOT create people of all sexual persuasions. He created a male and female to fit perfectly anatomically,emotionally and spiritually.

It does NOT ever matter what we all THINK about God but what He SAYS in HIS HOLY BIBLE. Society has a way of twisting the Bible to fit one's lifestyle. Which is heresy.

Finding a more Liberal Christian Church is actually falling more and more away from the Truth found in Scripture.

God does love us no matter what, he gave us His only Son to redeem us and bring us home to Heaven.
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post #10 of 111 (permalink) Old 02-03-2014, 08:51 PM
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Re: Am I a sinner?

I'm sorry about that. Yes, I totally agree about marriage being monogamous. And I think it is really important to be transparent with your spouse. He may want a divorce. Accept it if he does. And try to accept yourself.

Sorry to not have been clear, everyone. I am tired, and it was just an oversight. Please forgive.


One of the deepest feminine pleasures is when a man stands full, present, and unreactive in the midst of his woman's emotional storms. When he stays present with her, and loves her through the layers of wildness and closure, then she feels his trustability, and she can relax. -- David Deida, The Way of the Superior Man
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post #11 of 111 (permalink) Old 02-03-2014, 09:19 PM
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Re: Am I a sinner?

We are all sinners.

Hook me up a new revolution, cause this one is a lie. Sat around laughing and watched the last one die.
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post #12 of 111 (permalink) Old 02-04-2014, 01:53 AM
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Re: Am I a sinner?

I don't believe it. I don't know how a person can be a, "devoted Christian", and not know what a sin is. Sorry, I think it's bunk.

"I'm significant!! Screamed the dust speck." - Bill Watterson

"And this, too, shall pass away."
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post #13 of 111 (permalink) Old 02-04-2014, 03:47 AM
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Re: Am I a sinner?

hmmmmm... well why do you only think it "might" be sinful? I'm starting to wonder where what you did actually falls on the spectrum of intimate. Was there kissing, or something more? Or were you just cuddling and holding each other? I'm trying to figure out where the confusion on your part lies. If you kissed this woman or anything more than that wouldn't that be just as much of "sin" then if you had done so with a man? Since that would be cheating on your husband?
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post #14 of 111 (permalink) Old 02-04-2014, 08:48 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Am I a sinner?

Adultery and affair... Oh my. I did not really think about it like that. I do not know where to begin. First I want to thank all the people who replied.

When I married my husband I was very young and a virgin and he is the only person I have ever been intimate with. Please bear with me I am not very well versed with these things and everything I have ever learned about being intimate I have learned from my husband. I have never even kissed another person.

I guess I should tell what actually happened even though it is very hard because I am so embarassed about it. I am really not exactly sure what to call it that took place. When we were sleeping in the cottage I woke up in the night and me and her (the husband's sister) were all tangled up and arms around each other. This is one of those things you just can't explain but she was awake too and was just looking at me. After awhile she started to move herself against me and it bagan to feel nice and I guess we got caught in the moment. We did not kiss or anything like that. I'm not sure exactly how long it lasted but after and during it evoked such feelings in me that should only be happening when intimate with my husband.

I don't know what it is I am actually asking... I feel very confused about this. She is my best friend and we haven't spoken about it at all and it's starting feel really awkward as usually we can talk about anything. Me and her both are housewives and we take care of our homes and children while our husbands are at work so we spend a lot time together. I could say I spend more time with her than my husband since he is working long hours.

I feel if I tell my husband he sees it like some of you here and do not want anything to do with me anymore. I guess I eventually have to tell him even if he might show me the door. My husband is not very good at talking about emotional matters and this could be something I fear he cannot forgive. I need to pray forgiveness.

Thanks.
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post #15 of 111 (permalink) Old 02-04-2014, 09:06 AM
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Re: Am I a sinner?

alright, well, again I just want to be make sure I am completely clear about what you mean about "feeling nice"... so are you saying that you two rubbed against each other for the purpose of orgasming? Or that you were just cuddling and caressing non-sexually (but possibly sensually)? Either could feel intimate or nice... anyways, if it is indeed the former then is it possible that she was doing this in her sleep? Like sleep walking, except sleep... humping? ha i don't really know. Maybe that's why she doesn't talk about it because she truly doesn't remember. If it was just cuddling then don't sweat it. If it really was more like stimulation to orgasm then it's time to explore what made you reciprocate it when she started to engage in this.
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