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post #16 of 29 (permalink) Old 02-13-2014, 04:40 PM
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Re: Dear Lord

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I thank you for everything you have ever done and continue to do for me Lord. I ask you to please bless me, my Lord. Please give me guidance.
.
Some years ago I prayed words very much like these. I had the same emptiness, the same dark thoughts, hopeless, loss..... I am of faith and continued to pray for guidance and strength.

Early in our R, we were in very bad shape. I was too emotional to even stay in the same bed with her one evening and took the guest room, quietly sobbing and praying. We'd had another fight, one of many in those days. I was completely lost in how to remedy this situation we were in. Very near to giving up on it.

At 2:00 in the morning we found ourselves together in the kitchen. Something had woken her but she couldn't explain it. She would hear it, I could not. We investigated but could find nothing. We had a snack and talked. About the event and the discussion that led to the fight earlier. She related it to the event and I had a moment of clarity. I could see through all the pain, anger, and emotional wall she had put up and found where she really was. It was as amazingly enlightening as it was terribly frightening. I clearly saw where she was, why she was there and how far she had traveled form our marriage. But it gave me understanding, a logical plan, a hope of success the strength to regroup and move forward. This year, my wife and I will happily celebrate our 29th anniversary. I, on that evening, nearly 7 years ago believed there had been a Divine Intervention. To this day I still believe that.

These things do happen. I hope it does for you. Whether in recovery or the strength to survive a failure and find happiness down the road. You are in a lonely place but are not alone. Many have traveled there and moved on.


Amp

Confidence Love Patience Faith Are the tools to help heal a marriage.

"Some of the greatest lessons life has taught me came from my darkest days in it" -Amp

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post #17 of 29 (permalink) Old 02-23-2014, 05:19 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Dear Lord

To my Dear Lord, my Father in Heaven,

I come to you as you child and I am begging you with all my heart and soul that you may help me to leave this horrible place, where Sarah abandoned me, took our child, took everything I owned, left me to rot and laughed at my pain.

I cannot stay in this town anymore. I have absolutely no quality of life here; my days are full of worry, insecurity, fear and lonliness. I have no social support, family or friends and I am truly struggling in every aspect of my life. My most precious mama is coming in April so that we can get the house packed, get it cleaned, and make sure my little pets come with us.

I come to you Lord, on my knees as I did on Saturday, and I please ask of you with all my heart and soul that You may see it that I am home in the comfort of my home town where I will be content, at peace and eventually happy.

I thank you for everything you have done and continue you to do for me Lord.

Please, Lord. Please let good things happen in the future.

Please allow me to come home.

In the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit.

Your child,

Daniel
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post #18 of 29 (permalink) Old 02-23-2014, 05:37 PM
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Re: Dear Lord

FC: My heartfelt prayers go your way.

And always remember that "where two or three are gathered in My name, there shall I also be!"

Matthew 18:20

"To love another person is to see the face of God!" - Jean Valjean from Les Miserables

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post #19 of 29 (permalink) Old 02-23-2014, 05:47 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Dear Lord

To my wonderful friends 2NT, Amplexor and Abritrator - I thank you deeply, and from the bottom of my heart for your thoughts and prayers.

Please know that I am listening to every word you say, and I am so very gratitous that you are there for me. I haven't forgotten you, and I never will.

Lord, please bless these children of yours, let them be happy, healthy and safe and may they be content in their lives. Please help them in their struggles and shroud them, and protect them in your Love. Bless them, they are truly good, good people.

Amen
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post #20 of 29 (permalink) Old 02-23-2014, 07:58 PM
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Re: Dear Lord

You're a good man, FC!

"To love another person is to see the face of God!" - Jean Valjean from Les Miserables

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post #21 of 29 (permalink) Old 02-23-2014, 08:13 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Dear Lord

Thank you very much, Arbitrator. I truly mean it.

It just saddens me that no one IRL can see it, and I have done so much soul searching and cannot believe the treatment I have received in my 36 years of my life from so called friends, former in laws, ex girlfriends, ex wife, heck, even my parents.

I am a good man. I know in my heart. I am gentle, generous, loving, caring, a good listener, intelligent, open minded, faithful and above all never, ever do anything to make people feel bad about themselves.

But I have made a truly concious choice now, my friend: I shall not love again. I never want to marry again. My heart is permanently closed now to that L-Word. It really is. My defences are permanent now. I will allow no one to get near me, I will not be vulnerable.

All I want to do now, is life out the rest of my days in peace, alone but not lonely.

This is what I want. I have made my mind up, forever.

Because you know what my friends?

Everything that I have ever wanted to do, see or go I have done.

So now, I view the rest of my time on this earth as just waiting. There is nothing more that I want.

It's really very peaceful.
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post #22 of 29 (permalink) Old 02-23-2014, 08:40 PM
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Re: Dear Lord

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Originally Posted by Forever Changed View Post
Thank you very much, Arbitrator. I truly mean it.

It just saddens me that no one IRL can see it, and I have done so much soul searching and cannot believe the treatment I have received in my 36 years of my life from so called friends, former in laws, ex girlfriends, ex wife, heck, even my parents.

I am a good man. I know in my heart. I am gentle, generous, loving, caring, a good listener, intelligent, open minded, faithful and above all never, ever do anything to make people feel bad about themselves.

But I have made a truly concious choice now, my friend: I shall not love again. I never want to marry again. My heart is permanently closed now to that L-Word. It really is. My defences are permanent now. I will allow no one to get near me, I will not be vulnerable.

All I want to do now, is life out the rest of my days in peace, alone but not lonely.

This is what I want. I have made my mind up, forever.

Because you know what my friends?

Everything that I have ever wanted to do, see or go I have done.

So now, I view the rest of my time on this earth as just waiting. There is nothing more that I want.

It's really very peaceful.
That's where our views part ways, FC. And let me explain it to you the way a good Christian friend explained it to me when I felt so down and out and rejected.

For what it's worth, God does not want us alone. That's why he desired man to have woman.

You are a Christian man; it's all too obvious. Did it ever occur to you that as such, the Heavenly Father directed you to be with this woman as His instrument in trying to help bring this woman to Christ. And as such, she rejected you and chose some other path to His plan. That is hurtful, yes, but it is not your fault. God is going to try to use all of His children to further His love in this uncertain world of ours, and that includes you, me, and so many others.

Painful as it may be, we often cower from the possibility of coming to be hurt yet again. Give yourself the space to grieve this loss, and overcome it. Read scripture daily and pray often, because God will never forget you ~ neither in your despair or in your victories! Never say never, brother!

God has a plan ~ have faith ~ and come to embrace it! And iff you ever need to talk, I'm only an IM away! God Bless you, kind Sir!

"To love another person is to see the face of God!" - Jean Valjean from Les Miserables

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post #23 of 29 (permalink) Old 02-23-2014, 08:40 PM
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Re: Dear Lord

Glad you are moving away from that place. You need those friends and family in your hometown. You are making progress. You made a tough decision to make a move to try finding peace. I think that's a good start.

Thank you for the kind words an prayers. I keep you in mine. Let us know your progress. Keep posting once in a while. You're doing fine. I'm proud of you for the progress you are making.

"I'm significant!! Screamed the dust speck." - Bill Watterson

"And this, too, shall pass away."
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post #24 of 29 (permalink) Old 02-23-2014, 10:21 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Dear Lord

But why has the Lord taken everything I have loved away from me?

The reasoning behind my decision is that I may find love, but for how long? A week? A month? 10 years? Then they leave, you see. Forever.

Oh how I dream of Heaven. All the time. I sit outside and smile about what Heaven will be to me. When God calls me Home, My Angel will take me to Him. She will be so beautiful and her eyes will say "We love you, we have been waiting for you". They will lead me to God and I will no longer have fear, sadness, worry, regret, sorrow anymore. Just peace, and love. They will sing in the most beautiful voices.

I only have one question for our Heavenly Father if He permits me to ask. One word. Just one word.

Why?

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post #25 of 29 (permalink) Old 02-24-2014, 12:07 AM
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Re: Dear Lord

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But why has the Lord taken everything I have loved away from me?

The reasoning behind my decision is that I may find love, but for how long? A week? A month? 10 years? Then they leave, you see. Forever.

Oh how I dream of Heaven. All the time. I sit outside and smile about what Heaven will be to me. When God calls me Home, My Angel will take me to Him. She will be so beautiful and her eyes will say "We love you, we have been waiting for you". They will lead me to God and I will no longer have fear, sadness, worry, regret, sorrow anymore. Just peace, and love. They will sing in the most beautiful voices.

I only have one question for our Heavenly Father if He permits me to ask. One word. Just one word.

Why?
No one knows what is in their future. We all just do the best we can with what we have. That's all I do. What I do is not enough for most, but it's all I have to give right now. I have to be satisfied with what I have to offer now.

I don't know why these things happen. Much of what happened to me was due to not knowing who I was actually marrying. Some of it was because I did not stand up for my boundaries, when I saw them being violated. I didn't have the guts to get another divorce. I wanted companionship and love, just like you do. Some of my problems came from biological changes, both in me and her. Some of my problems came from my inaction to help myself. I don't know which would have been correct, to leave or to work on myself. I think the answer is both. I needed to work on myself, always. I needed to make me a priority and all else would fall into place.

I think she was just not ready to commit and I think I needed someone to help me, too much. I always thought it was normal to work together on things that happened in life. I know now, that's not how anyone likes doing it any more. They like to be on their own, making their own decisions while being married. It's a different concept to what I thought was supposed to happen.

There were many other things which I could not do anything about which led to my separation. I have to know that there was nothing I could do to change those things. You must learn that, too. You can only do the best you can with what you know today.

You can read the Book of Job, but it basically ends with God asking Job to tell him how things were made if he thought he was so important that he needed to know everything. God does as He sees fit. His reasons we may never know. We live and deal with our lives as best we can.

And really, that's it isn't it? We owe God. He doesn't owe us. We must find a way to be grateful for everything. You may love your ex and your little family that you once had. I do also.

What you must somehow come to understand is this. There is not only one life path that you can live. There are many and if you take into account all the apostles and martyrs went through, you will see that they all had a tough life. They were fishermen or tax collectors who left all behind to follow. I'm not saying you need to leave all behind. I don't know what you need, except love and kindness, some healing and some hope and just a little happiness and joy. I know if you can start to find those, you will feel like they are building upon each other and helping you to heal.

There is much more you can do, though. You need the counseling to help you. You need to heal further. You need to find some friends, like you said. You need to live for you and not forget your son. You must come first, so you will have strength for your son. You can make a difference in his life. He can know you. You can survive and have a decent life that is satisfying and happy. You have work to do, but we all do. I have plenty of my own work to do. I can only start, doing a little at a time. I have to be satisfied with that.

X can no longer rule my life, not matter how much I miss her. I must make myself happy. It doesn't take that much to make me laugh. I just need to carry those good thoughts into the rest of life. I need to find goals and work toward them. I think you will probably find yourself doing the same.

Never give up. The only constant in life, is change.


"I'm significant!! Screamed the dust speck." - Bill Watterson

"And this, too, shall pass away."
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post #26 of 29 (permalink) Old 02-24-2014, 07:02 AM
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Re: Dear Lord

Quote:
Originally Posted by Forever Changed View Post
But why has the Lord taken everything I have loved away from me?

The reasoning behind my decision is that I may find love, but for how long? A week? A month? 10 years? Then they leave, you see. Forever.

Oh how I dream of Heaven. All the time. I sit outside and smile about what Heaven will be to me. When God calls me Home, My Angel will take me to Him. She will be so beautiful and her eyes will say "We love you, we have been waiting for you". They will lead me to God and I will no longer have fear, sadness, worry, regret, sorrow anymore. Just peace, and love. They will sing in the most beautiful voices.

I only have one question for our Heavenly Father if He permits me to ask. One word. Just one word.

Why?
FC: Do me one small favor! Before I answer that question, I want you to go to the Old Testament and read the Book of Job(pronounced like Jobe). Read that for me, Sir, so we can be on the same page.

And I'm certainly not doing this to necessarily show you up, much less to belittle you, but rather to give you a little bit of direction... and with it, just a whole lot of hope!

My prayers will remain steadfast with both you and your painful situation!

"To love another person is to see the face of God!" - Jean Valjean from Les Miserables

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post #27 of 29 (permalink) Old 02-27-2014, 02:23 AM
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Re: Dear Lord

How about an update, FC. I'd like to know how you are doing. I know Arb wants to discuss the book of Job with you and I would enjoy being a part of that. I've read it a few times. How about getting one started? We may all learn something. Give it a shot. You really don't have anything to lose by reading and talking about it. All you can be is mistaken. I've been mistaken all my life and I'm still here.

"I'm significant!! Screamed the dust speck." - Bill Watterson

"And this, too, shall pass away."
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post #28 of 29 (permalink) Old 02-27-2014, 07:10 PM
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Re: Dear Lord

Hear you go, FC. It's the KJV. Sometimes a little tougher to read, but I find it interesting. Hope this helps you get started.

JOB CHAPTER 1

"I'm significant!! Screamed the dust speck." - Bill Watterson

"And this, too, shall pass away."
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post #29 of 29 (permalink) Old 03-02-2014, 07:57 AM
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Re: Dear Lord

It will be a good day to start a discussion here on Job. Looking forward to you and Arb kicking my butt.

"I'm significant!! Screamed the dust speck." - Bill Watterson

"And this, too, shall pass away."
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