Me and my wife have been married for just over a year. We dated for nearly 7 years before that and have been best friends since day one.
Just before our marriage she started getting in touch with her spirituality which I assumed was a phase. I am a believer and go to church regularly. I had great parents who were christians but didn't go to church. They truly were wonderful people with a lot of success and friends. My wife's parents weren't so lucky. Her mother committed suicide when my wife was young and her father was never the same being reclusive and having a bad gambling problem amongst other things. He is a nice guy but isn't all there in my opinion.
I really don't have a problem with my wifes spiritual journey and in fact I support her to a degree. At this point she is choosing not to participate in Holloween or Christmas. This has really shocked me and I am angry, upset, confused and a number of other emotions.
This is brand new for her. Never in the past 8 years has it been any kind of issue. She won't carve a pumpkin with me, she won't help me put up a christmas tree, etc..
I encouraged her to go talk to her pastor and he put her in her place by telling her she's being a little bit out of line following these crazy extreme views of christianity and now she's ignoring him.
It may seem very trivial and stupid but the Holidays were an extremely bright time in my life growing up (like many of us) and I want my kids to have the same when they grow up. Unfortunately I can't imagine moving forward and having kids knowing that she'll be trying to instill this same (in my view extreme) view of christianity.
I really don't know what to do. She continues to talk to her father whom in my opinion is nobody to be handing out life advice. I just don't where to go from here.
We have had discussion after discussion and fight after fight about this issue but it's going nowhere.
I know some churchs are against celebrating Halloween but where is she getting the No Christmas tree idea? Sounds like not from her Pastor. What is she reading, where is she getting info on the net ?
I live in an area where this type of thinking goes on a lot. It drives me nuts! I find much of this has do with certain religious denominations and sheer ignorance. I'm not going to even recommend that you speak to the minister about this. In my area it is the ministers who are promoting this particular extremism. Is this going on in your case?
My minister delivered the best "Halloween" sermon last year. I wish I had a copy of it for this thread. The sermon had to do with the history of Halloween....and how it is okay for Christians to participate in the celebration. And remember Halloween is on the eve of All Saints Day.
I wish you and your children well on this one. By the way......what happens when Easter rolls around? No candy or egg hunts?
I imagine she's not Catholic but Catholic doctrine is interesting in that there is a "sin" called "scruples" (or maybe it's scrupulosity).
I never knew this but it's where a person becomes soooooo obsessed with doing everything the right way (sex, sin, conduct) that they almost become "Holier than Thou" (gee, not ever a Christian, lol). It's a different form of radicalism, as opposed to som forms of radicalism within Islam as an example. God is supposed to unite, not cause conflict.
The point of this sin is from Catholicism, I think, is that sin is a natural part of life, just like getting dirty when you are a kid - you are going to do it and just come clean regularly. To obsess with things like Halloween smacks of scruples.
I am not sure of the doctrine she subscribes to but religiosity is to not be tolerated (or shouldn't be) from any doctrine. I understand your frustration.
You say that you are a believer, so this puts you in possibly the best position in situations like this. If it is a fundamental church, one thing most share in common is the view of the husband's spiritual leadership. Hate to sound manipulative, but it could help.
It must be obvious that she does not think that you are a Christian. Let her know that you are a believer, and are confident of your relationship in Christ. As such, a common thread among fundamentalists is that when the two partners are not in agreement, the wife should look towards the husband's leadership, if he is a Christian, because they believe that the leadership goes through the husband to the wife.
The basic point is that all things should be tempered, and balanced.
Most conservatives who are a little more balanced actually believe in leadership to a degree, but only with full agreement and support of the wife. And its a servant leadership, like opening the door for her because you value all that she brings to the relationship.
In the case of holidays, you can let her know that as the husband and future father, you believe that all things should be tempered, yet it is important to let the children have happy memories of holidays. On Christmas, we celebrate all areas like other families, but we add our faith by having a time where we bring presents to Christ. My daughter's presents are usually committing to voluunter at a grief camp, and my son volunteers his summers to work at a camp for disabled children. Mine is voluunteering to a group that helps elderly and single mothers in construction/maintenance projects around the house.
Me and my wife have been married for just over a year. We dated for nearly 7 years before that and have been best friends since day one. (interesting…on many levels...7yrs & “best friends”)
Just before our marriage she started getting in touch with her spirituality which I assumed was a phase.(u underestimated spirituality eh?) I am a believer and go to church regularly. (so? is it “alive?”)I had great parents who were christians but didn't go to church.(why not? do tell, even tho’ u r biased) They truly were wonderful people with a lot of success and friends. My wife's parents weren't so lucky. Her mother committed suicide when my wife was young and her father was never the same being reclusive and having a bad gambling problem amongst other things. He is a nice guy but isn't all there in my opinion.
I really don't have a problem with my wifes spiritual journey and in fact I support her to a degree. (wow, how big of u man…as u say u r “Christian”?)At this point she is choosing not to participate in Holloween or Christmas. This has really shocked me and I am angry, upset, confused and a number of other emotions(she is the one who should be “angry, upset, confused…” wouldn’t u agree if u were reading this as another Christian person? OMG! NO Halloween “support” wah-wah-wah…ridiculous indeed!)
This is brand new for her. Never in the past 8 years has it been any kind of issue. She won't carve a pumpkin with me, she won't help me put up a christmas tree, etc. (so? see wah-wah as above)
I encouraged her to go talk to her pastor and he put her in her place by telling her she's being a little bit out of line following these crazy extreme views of christianity and now she's ignoring him(why not? she’s entitled to, no? maybe her pastor is weak/wacked/worldly himself, who knows but God)(not me/you/her)
may seem very trivial and stupid but the Holidays were an extremely bright time in my life growing up (like many of us) and I want my kids to have the same when they grow up. Unfortunately I can't imagine moving forward and having kids knowing that she'll be trying to instill this same (in my view extreme) view of christianity(gee, I guess u wont be multiplying anytime soon)
really don't know what to do. She continues to talk to her father whom in my opinion is nobody to be handing out life advice. I just don't where to go from here.
We have had discussion after discussion and fight after fight about this issue but it's going nowhere.
(see bold/underlined…u as a“Christian” can PERCEIVE why, right?)
I ‘m being coy but really I’m not convinced yer W is so wrong here. Many a Christian family refuses to participate(if not all) in historically pagan activities based on the Holy Spirit (= H>S> from hereon out) revealing/teaching them so, despite what others including pastors think. If she can show scripture(s), then she must be respected for her conviction(s), not chastised as “extreme.”
I assume u have likewise for yer case? All Christians are not at the same growth levels. if u were aware of this, u’d be more patient/understanding/inquisitive about the whole matter anyhow, & not trying to ENFORCE yer view only. She may SEE you as extreme, or u as worldly, weak/wishy-washy, u dig? Ironically, she may be right and ahead of u as she at least
is zealous for God. As Christians, we should listen at least to what other Christians have to say, and seriously consider their input b4 we arbitrarily reject it. Maybe u r right in yer concerns of how far she may go, dunno but, as I read u here, I’m not convinced. sorry.
Maybe you should sit her down and have her explain her convictions. There may be some legalism involved. Explain to her that the Pharisees and scribes followed Levitical laws which were their own made up laws. They decided they needed to add extra clauses to the law of Moses. Some of those things were nuts-- like tying shoes on a Sunday. (don’t know if he can handle Leviticus tho’)
anyway, when some grow in the faith there can be difficulty with the balance between reliance on grace and legalism. Halloween is considered a pagan holiday, so I see where she's coming from on that one. Could you compromise with her in painting a pumpkin rather than carving one? I could be wrong, but I don't think there are any pagan rituals in painting pumpkins. Maybe make some sugar cookies and get pumpkin cutouts and let the kids decorate them? She could even call it "fall festivities".(that’s weak/false/legalistic of u too…lol. u know better, c’mon now…carving vs. painting…sheeeeesh)
n terms of Christmas, I know some who do the three gifts like the wise men brought. Would she agree to that? What about putting some religious ornaments on the tree? (lukewarm, maybe accepted by her, mb not)
yway, I think the important thing here is to allow her to grow in her faith but to keep a close eye on legalism or cult-like beliefs. She's probably just wavering right now trying to find her convictions in different areas. Hang in there. (now yer warming up, “growing in faith” in the positive sense)
I never knew this but it's where a person becomes soooooo obsessed with doing everything the right way (sex, sin, conduct) that they almost become "Holier than Thou" (gee, not ever a Christian, lol). It's a different form of radicalism, as opposed to som forms of radicalism within Islam as an example. God is supposed to unite, not cause conflict.(that’s a bogus statement as clearly seen by good vs. evil in all facets of life. Only if we are talking an assembly of Christians can we talk “unite;” and this too is hard to attain/keep.)
The point of this sin is from Catholicism, I think, is that sin is a natural part of life, just like getting dirty when you are a kid - you are going to do it and just come clean regularly. To obsess with things like Halloween smacks of scruples. (not necessarily so. if/when the H>S> convicts u of something, let us know and see how many folk mock/judge u as xtreme/legalistic/scrupulous etc.
I am not sure of the doctrine she subscribes to but religiosity is to not be tolerated (or shouldn't be) from any doctrine. I understand your frustration.(let her come speak/write for herself, then maybe we all can show better discernment on this matter. For it is as u wrote: “I am not sure….”) “As for me and my house…” we give out candy to any kids who come but we don’t decorate, like most
other folk do. I notice Halloween has become so popular that it seems people go all out for it more so
than any other holiday, including Christmas. hmmm, I wonder why.
Now if the H>S> convicts me not to do the candy bit, u think I care what u or anyone else thinks? including my W, my pastor, my Mom etc???
Tks Mommy for basically agreeing w/ me, and reminding me of Easter (et al) specificsin
re: to paganistic tenets/history. Strange, but it almost reads more like S.A. instead (hmmm....)
Its ironic how often we Christians can get into wasted arguments over semantics and really be in agreement in principle, moreso than secular heathens do.
Sad actually, as it should NOT be.
I wrote on yours only to see where u really STAND.
Glad u worked it out amicably w/ hubby. agree w/ u on daughter tho' some would bicker w/ us on double-std angle.
Glad to know u r vigilant in yer watch. We need more watchmen on the towers (as well as laborers).
I was calling him out to do what u wrote 2nd time, esp since he was claiming Christianity as his guide/mantra. u may remember
Paul doing likewise to Peter, right? Patience is key here 4 them.
Oh, i'll bite on the Sabbath day inference u made; where do u
stand/believe on this commandment?
Sounds completely selfish and like she's going to be missing out on a lot of fun times with the children. Let the scrooge get her sense of spiritual superiority while you and your kids have the fun.
If she won't listen to her pastor and is ignoring him why is she attending that church where he is the leader of the church? That strikes me as odd. If I didn't agree with the leadership of the church on something that is obviously important to her then I would go elsewhere.
imo I think alot of Christians get so caught up in religious non sense they miss the real point.
You have your holiday celebrations. Invite her to join in with the fun, if she says no then you have fun, and allow her to do whatever she believes is right.
SOME are no[t] earthly good and so [should be] heavenly minded.
OR, put another way:
so earthly good and not heavenly minded.
hmmm, i used to be this way but....
Let me stop having too much fun here, when i should be
serious bout any of us deceiving ourselves, as Paul has
written plenty (along w/ James) about/regarding.
God giving us free will is a beautiful but also fearful thing,
for we do not always choose wisely w/ that free-will.
We who have had the honor/privilege/mercy/joy/responsibility of hearing the gospel of Jesus Christ, and rejecting it &/or HIM and DIE in this state will be facing the FATHER alone, who is PERFECT and cannot allow less than perfect/holy to enter heaven. Otherwise Jesus' sacrifice wasn't necessary for us to be reconciled to God, for we are covered in his "lambs" blood(So much for being good &/or having good intentions).
I note this only for non-Christians, or newbies, so that no false
sense of security is fostered here while i am still here posting from time-time, thereby doing my duty before the Lord.
All the Christian holidays are co-opted pagan (usually Celtic or Roman) holidays. Halloween was origionally Samhain (pron: sow-win). It marks the end of the harvest season and is also the beginning of the new year for the celts. They believed it was the time of the year when the veil between the world of the living and dead was the thinnest ans some souls were able to walk the Earth. It was a time of reverence for ancestors that had passed away. That is how it wound up being turned into All Souls Day which was followed by All Saints Day.
Christmas is from the origional pagan holiday called Yule which is celebrated on, and about, Dec 21, the winter solstice. The early Christians had a hard time converting the pagans to Christianity. In the 7th century Pope Gregory I declared that the church would adopt the holiday dates and most of the customs and practices of the pagan religions to help make their conversion goals more successful. They "christianized" many of the pagan holidays that we still celebrate today. The yule log, mistletoe, x-mas tree, decorating with evergreen and holly, etc, etc are all earlier pagan practices. The Romans had a similar holiday that time of the year called Saturnalia.
Some Christians will argue with you about this until they are blue in the face and will be extremely narrow minded about it and deny all of it. Others know it to be true and feel that if they follow any of these pagan practices then they are not following what is written in the Bible. Some Christians feel that they can still take part in these holidays and follow these ancient customs as long as they don't feel they are doing it in a pagan religious manner.
Evidently your wife is of the belief that she shouldn't follow ANY pagan practices. Often this mindset claims that following these practices is worshiping the devil. This is interesting because the devil is purely a Christian invention. None of the pagan religions even believe in the existence of the devil or satan. Even how we think of satan today has radically changed many times in the last 2000 years.
I should clarify and give the generally accepted definition of a pagan. Pagans are usually considered to be any religion other than the Abrahamic religions (Judeism, Christianity and Islam). Pagan religions would therefore include the native American religions, Buddhism, Druidry/Celtic religions, etc.
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New Wife Is Becoming Extremely Religious 
having too much fun here, when i should be 
