This is so hard. The husband and I haven't been speaking for the past 3 days - not really, anyways. Once again I so want to pick up the kids and LEAVE.
I'm not married yet, but I already know that leaving does not solve anything. Leaving means you've given up and do not respect your husband enough to at least stay, calm down, and talk this out as husband and wife.
And get this - 2 Sundays ago he preached about how the kids' good upbringing is all due to me, and that he is ashamed of that and knows it needs to change, and said how he knows he needs to make the family a priority. In fact, the leaders have confronted him two times on that, and he even mentioned that in front of everyone. But for what?!! This shows that his heart will not change. Other people will still always come before the wife and kids.
I know you are very busy helping with other families, but remember your faith in God comes first (have you been able to spend time with God lately?), your marriage comes second (have you had time to sit down and lovingly talk with your husband about concerns and pray together?), and your children come third (have you been able to sit together as a family and pray together especially since you're all sick with colds?). It seems as if you're priorities are out of line and that will always cause issues in a marriage and within a family.
I know you're greatly concerned with helping others inside your parish and community, but God, your husband, and family come first. It's good that you're trying to find people to help this family out, besides yourself, but you can not spend too much time worrying about other people when your husband and children need you desperately.
I was listening to a radio sermon on marriage (ugh! what timing!) and the preacher was saying how the wife should be the man's number one priority, and the kids too - she should be the most important thing in his life. And it took all my strength to not just break down and BAWL. We are so LAST on his list, always. And in his opinion, I don't do enough for the people we serve. I should drag the kids around late at night and on weekend trips to go serve others. I should sacrifice the kids for others.
I don't agree with this preacher and with all the pastors and priests I've heard preach it is always our relationship with God that comes first, our marriage second, and our children third. I can't imagine that if we're ignoring God how we will continue to be blessed and be given special graces to do His will.
Something I've found to be helpful is to meet with other Christian families and see how they're raising their family and working on their marriage. I met this lovely Christian couple at a recent marriage workshop (they ran it) and they offered their email addresses to us in case we ever needed to contact them. I'd be happy to pass along those email addresses in case you'd like to talk to them. Their testimony is very inspirational and perhaps by talking to other couples you might have a better understanding on how to improve your marriage with your husband. It would be very nice if your husband yourself could do something like this together.
And I'm screamin', show me the money!!! Where's the proof? Nothing has changed.
Change can happen slowly. The parable about the seeds and where they were planted reminds me about how our own Christian faith can be (read Luke 8:4-21).
Right now your husband is like a brand-new seed who has just been planted. What type of environment are you helping to grow in? Since you CAN NOT change your husband, you can only do what YOU can to help encourage him and support him. Is what you're doing for him and for your children encouraging him to be a better husband and father? If not, then you need to pray and think of what changes God is calling YOU to do to provide this environment that will be rich and loving and supportive.
How can I be kind and loving and gracious to this guy?! I still serve him hot meals at the hour he needs them, I make coffee for him every afternoon (fresh, he won't drink it otherwise). I do all the household work, I even put his clothes away and pick up his shoes. ANd on top of that I have to put up with this kind of garbage.
You can be kind because that is what God has called you to be as this person's wife: kind, patient, loving, forgiving. I'm sure you do not do certain loving actions to be told what a great person you are--- that is a selfish love. Doing the actions shows your life, expecting to be shown love back is selfishness (as Jesus taught you have your reward on earth, you won't be rewarded in heaven for such actions).
I don't have an answer for figuring out how to get him to help out more around the house and with the kids, that is something you'll have to pray about and discuss with him. However, I do know that we can not pray like "Lord please change X, Y, and Z in my husband" because God will not answer those prayers. If we pray such as "Lord help me to know how to guide my husband to be a better father to our children and to be supportive of all I do for him", God will open those doors and share the wisdom with us.
Does anybody have a happy marriage? Is anybody's husband nice to them?!
We're not yet married, but for the past year and half we've been living together along with my sister. Overall, yes we've been very happy, but there are bumps and we've had fights and have been angry at one another. The point is this: I did not stop loving him and showing him that love because of those bumps. He did not stop loving me and showing me he loved me through his actions because of those bumps. That love, I have no doubt, will continue on because it's not a selfish type of love: I do not do something to be praised by him, I do it because I love him.
I hate that in the worst of times my thoughts turn to the first love. Regretting that it ended. Seeing pictures of his wife and baby and thinking that she is living the life I should've had. I know it's dumb and not helpful. I know it's not real. Blah blah blah, and my heart is still broken and hurting.
Realize this: God did not make you to be that man's wife: He created you to be your husband's wife. And you have no guarantee that you would be happy at all with that person. Be thankful of what God has given you and focus on improving the situation you are in (aka your marriage now).
Doesn't help that the husband has a night job and every night I'm alone with the kids. Dinner, bath, bed...just us and no husband or daddy. Even on the nights he doesn't work, he still leaves for some other reason - oddly, right before dinner.
This is not an ideal situation and I would be upset with this as well. It's not good for you, its not good for the children. Perhaps making a request that he could at least stay home 1 evening that he has off (I understand that he might want to go out on other evenings to be with his buddies) would allow him to actually do it. But please do not harbor anger towards him because of his working situation-- it is what it is and unless he can find a way to make it better, you can not be angry with him about it.
I've been praying a lot the last few days. I wish God would hurry up and fix my feelings.
Read the Bible about patience. It's about God's timing, not our demands. I prayed for YEARS that God would "hurry up" and heal my depression and anxiety that was literally killing me. I moment I realized I had to stop making that demand of God and start asking Him "Lord how can I serve you?" that's when the depression and anxiety were gone.
Now I'm going to go do a workout video. I want to make myself attractive and skinny. I have about 15 lbs to lose. Either that or in my grief and depression I'd like to devour a bowl of ice cream.
I turned to eating a lot of food and gained about 40 lbs over the last 5 years of dating my fiance. It was because I stopped turning to God and abused food to get over my emotions. I read the book "The Eden Diet" and have been working on turning off the need of food when I'm stressed and saying yes to praying to God. You might find it beneficial to improve your relationship with God to help maintain and lose weight (I've lost 20 lbs in about 6 months).
Btw, why do you want to make yourself attractive and skinny? Would God approve of your reasons why?