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post #16 of 58 (permalink) Old 03-16-2011, 10:58 PM
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Re: Help! Married but can't forget my ex :(

Just a little thought for Clarence.

Maybe you need to be more aggressive when it's time to have sex.

Change foreplay, change positions, change dialogue, change your pick-up lines, (role play, pretending she's a sexy girl you have just met), add some spice, add some games, when you initiate sex, do not follow old boring routine.

Women do like gentleman but sometimes when it's time to have sex, they love to be screwed like an animal as well.

Sometimes, when women say NO, means Yes. You have to read between the lines.

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post #17 of 58 (permalink) Old 03-16-2011, 11:57 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Help! Married but can't forget my ex :(

Mslonely - can you explain your abbreviations? I dont know what EA and PA and OM stand for. Thank you for your input. I'm really glad your marriage is better...sounds like you've been through so much.

For sure needs aren't being met in my marriage and when it boils down to it, part of it is probably the typical loss of feeling "in love" that you feel before you are married. The ex was a real romantic and very creative, and my husband is not at all. So I miss that and wish that he would pay attention to me like that. I'm not ignorant, either, and I realize that these are things that both spouses have to work hard for once married.

Unfortunately my ex's wife is mutual friends with tons of my friends on Facebook. They live in the town where I went to high school and where I dated that guy. It's very wierd that he and his wife are now friends with so many of my friends. We've known those friends since high school, since I was dating my ex. So many times his wife comments on my friend's updates, so it's like I'm bombarded by thoughts of her together with him and the life they have together. Sadly I've wasted time and have found out that they have been to several different countries together and done things that I always wanted to do. I found myself anguished thinking "that should be me!" It's really dumb. I hate myself for having those thoughts, and I resolve to not waste any more of my time on the internet to ever look at anything to do with them again. But the anguish still remains.

Thanks for saying Clarence (I think it was?) that everyone will always have a special place in their heart for their first love. This guy was my first love and we were together for four long years. And like I said before, I didnt' end the relationship because I didn't love him anymore. I don't think he believed that but I wish he knew it was true.

At some point I told myself it was ok to have a lingering love for a person I used to know. I suppose it's ok so long as it doesn't damage my marriage. And how can I have any love for a person in my past without it damaging my marriage? I'd rather be able to totally black it out of my memory to be able to only ever dream of and think of my husband.

I will do what I can to be a better wife - very hard when my husband isn't the kind of man I hoped he was. I just hope that someday when I remember my ex I won't have any emotion tied to that memory. It seems impossible, b/c it's already been 12 years for goodness' sakes. If I knew how, I would make myself stop feeling something.
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post #18 of 58 (permalink) Old 03-17-2011, 03:48 AM
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Re: Help! Married but can't forget my ex :(

It's alright to remember something beautiful in your life.

Momories are harmless unless you let them haunt and anguish you.

Every man has a romantic side, love can be expressed in his very own romantic way which some women might feel it a total dumb boredom when some women will be greatly touched.

Some men were more pratical & rational, they show their romantic side by working hard and bringing home the bacon. You can't say they're bad husbands, but they are just not that romantic in a way we talk about.

Sit down and talk to your husband, understand what he thinks about being romantic, because you might be shocked that he lacks of the ideas how to maintain the romance, chemistry, and passion for you.

Believe him, your husband can be romantic from now on, but he just needs a little instruction from you.

I know instruction doesn't sound so romantic but as soon he gets the idea, he knows how to develop it in a even more creative way.

For example, my husband, his being romantic was to cook a super meal for me.

That's his old way of showing himself romantic to his wife, me.

To have food in my stomach feels good but what I exactly needed was to have butterflies in my stomach.

Therefore, when we started to work on the marriage, I gave him the idea of dating me as if we have just met. ( Just a little instruction of how I like to feel loved and romantic)

Now he dates me once a week, and he's quite enjoying it as well. He then came out many creative ideas when he asked me out for a date. He really treated me as if I'm a wonderful girl that he's very eager to date with.

Now he cooks less for me, only when I request but I'm happier to this kind of dating romance. After all, after he cooked, I had to do all the dirty dishes, you know, when I looked at these dirty dishes, and the big mess in the kitchen, I couldn't feel any butterflies or chemistry in my stomach already, no matter how delicious the food he had prepared for me. It's funny that in order to make me enjoy his cooking without worrying about doing the dishes, he then hired a maid to do all the house work for me. He doesn't want me to worry about any housework, so I can stay with him to enjoy some DVD films in front of the TV together, LOL, for him, that's his side of being a romantic husband.

I'm grateful to have a live-in domestic help at home!! That's also part of his being romantic, but it has nothing to do with chemistry or the heart beating fast. Nevertheless such romantic support is very pratical and I don't think any wife would refuse.

Although those aren't exactly the romantic feelings that I need, they're acceptable, too!! Together with the dating activities, I'm very satisfied and happy with my husband now.

So, I don't really care about the OM already. He's still in my memories, but he isn't that attractive already.

Trust your man can learn and adapt himself to a way to make you happy, but you have to tell him what EXACTLY you would love him to do.

As for the short-forms, PA: Physical affair. EA: Emotional affair. The OM, the other man. (your EX)

Last edited by MsLonely; 03-17-2011 at 04:08 AM.
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post #19 of 58 (permalink) Old 03-17-2011, 08:27 AM
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Re: Help! Married but can't forget my ex :(

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Originally Posted by MsLonely View Post
That means I have been going through lots of emotional roller coaster including an EA like yours.
....
As for the OM, it's the hardest part. He won't go away from your life. He's your love as well. Dreaming about him gives you joyful and loving feelings, those are the happiness that your husband failed to give.
Respectfully, I don't think Striving is involved in an EA. Neither am I..

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post #20 of 58 (permalink) Old 03-17-2011, 12:19 PM
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Re: Help! Married but can't forget my ex :(

You guys hit the nail on the head:

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Originally Posted by Blanca View Post
It was a world of half truths. i had a lot of boyfriends.

I guess its easier to fix something that's not real. Life can be so perfect in your head, with someone else because you can make them whatever you want. but i confronted the reality and brought myself back to who i was and the life i was creating for myself.

There's probably some truth to your story about your BF being a great guy, and that you really loved him. but obviously there's a lot you're not mentioning because you left him. It couldnt have been that great if you could walk away.

Your relationship with your BF wasnt that great, because you left. That's the reality. And your relationship with your H isnt that great either. welcome to life. You can perpetuate your fantasy and give yourself a pseduo stance for demonizing your H, but what are you really comparing him to? Just a delusion. Your marriage sucks. its fine to confront that, but dont do it with something thats not even real.
Wow. So eloquent and perfectly stated.

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Originally Posted by mommy22 View Post
Your mind is living in a season, a fantasy. You've created this ideal in your mind which surely wouldn't be the case even if everything worked out perfectly to allow for this relationship.

It's a shame to live your life in fantasy when there's a life waiting to be lived in reality.
So very true.

I also do not believe in "soulmates." I think people think soulmates are the "puppy dog feeling" at the beginning of a relationship when it's just not so. Over time, in every relationship, those feelings subside some and love matures into something else.
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post #21 of 58 (permalink) Old 03-22-2011, 10:43 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Help! Married but can't forget my ex :(

So I Googled my struggle and was so amazed to find SO MANY other people out there with my same struggle! Wow. Somehow the past few days have felt lighter and less burdened, just to know I'm not alone. There are so many who say that no one ever forgets their first love. And sadly, many more who are going back and forth between that guy and their spouse. I wouldnt' do that. I WANT my marriage to be that fantasy, I want to love my husband like that.

I"m just so glad to have read out there so many other cases where people can't forget the first guy they really loved.
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post #22 of 58 (permalink) Old 03-25-2011, 08:43 PM
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Re: Help! Married but can't forget my ex :(

Blanca's responses are really powerful here.
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post #23 of 58 (permalink) Old 03-26-2011, 06:01 PM
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Re: Help! Married but can't forget my ex :(

Quote:
Originally Posted by Blanca View Post
It was a world of half truths...i conjured up all kinds of 'what ifs' and 'if only'.

I guess its easier to fix something that's not real. Life can be so perfect in your head, with someone else because you can make them whatever you want. but i confronted the reality and brought myself back to who i was and the life i was creating for myself.


I am seriously printing this out and putting in on an index card in my purse. Good stuff, and it can apply to so many more things than who you chose to marry. For me, it applies to all the decisions I've made that I wish I could go back and change so often.

"Life can be so perfect in your head..." I love this, because it's just that--in my head. It's not real. And real life is never perfect.
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post #24 of 58 (permalink) Old 03-27-2011, 08:19 PM
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Re: Help! Married but can't forget my ex :(

My first Love was so romantic. Did all the things girls love. Flowers, notes, calls, special plans, surprises, personable (my family loved him), interesting and attentive. He turned out to be a lying untrustworthy cheater as well. Oh he loved women. ALL women. *laughs then sighs*

I'm glad you've found out that you are not alone in your struggle. That can help.

Can you use that imagination/fantasy brain of yours and remember and try to recapture some of that love you had with your husband in the begining?

I say "fake it till you make it". Pretend your husband is the coolest bestest ever and use positve reinforcement for anything he does that even slightly makes you feel love and adored.

Marriages have ups and downs. When yours is back in an "up" I bet this fantasy of the great ex boyfriend will fade in time.

Oh and the FB thing blows. Who thought of that anyway? My childhood bully "friended" me on FB. Life in a small town....*laughs*
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post #25 of 58 (permalink) Old 03-28-2011, 03:10 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Help! Married but can't forget my ex :(

[QUOTE=Homemaker_Numero_Uno;283418]Since you did have a good relationship with the ex, is there any way you could explain to him (and to his wife) by letter what is going on and ask for help in a counseling venue? It needs to be resolved.

Yeah...no. No way would I contact him now. It ended so ugly with many anguished tears from both of us and him spontaneously asking me to marry him in a moment of grief and desperation. Then a few years later I sent him a letter - sort of a hey, how are you kind of letter, and he sent it back unopened, with a type written note (no handwriting) and addressed to me as Mrs. (and my last name) and basically said I never cared what you had to say in the past, i do not care what you want to say now, and i do not want to ever hear from you again. So. And then he tacked on a "i wish only happiness for you" sort of thing on the end to make up for the anger and bitterness and rudeness of the rest of it. Hurt like heck of course. But I know our break up must've hurt him much more, and I was always genuinely sad for that and grieved for a long time as well.

But anyhoo, no, not going to try to contact him again of course. That letter was sent maybe 5-6 years ago. We broke up in '98.

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post #26 of 58 (permalink) Old 03-28-2011, 03:18 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Help! Married but can't forget my ex :(

Quote:
Originally Posted by SaffronPower View Post
My first Love was so romantic. Did all the things girls love. Flowers, notes, calls, special plans, surprises, personable (my family loved him), interesting and attentive. He turned out to be a lying untrustworthy cheater as well. Oh he loved women. ALL women. *laughs then sighs*

I'm glad you've found out that you are not alone in your struggle. That can help.

Can you use that imagination/fantasy brain of yours and remember and try to recapture some of that love you had with your husband in the begining?

I say "fake it till you make it". Pretend your husband is the coolest bestest ever and use positve reinforcement for anything he does that even slightly makes you feel love and adored.

Marriages have ups and downs. When yours is back in an "up" I bet this fantasy of the great ex boyfriend will fade in time.

Oh and the FB thing blows. Who thought of that anyway? My childhood bully "friended" me on FB. Life in a small town....*laughs*
Saffron - SO SORRY for your first love turning out to be a cheater!! And the childhood bully finding you on FB - maybe they were trying to resolve that and be a better person? Who knows.

Yeah, it's AWFUL that she's mutual friends w/ so many on FB, b/c I see "him" on her profile picture and each time it gives me some sort of gut wrenching emotional reaction. I wish the emotion would go away! So what if I see a picture of him with his wife and baby? Who cares, right?! Good grief, why do I have to feel anything?!!

I don't know how to fake that my husband is a romantic, thoughtful guy like the first love guy was. Pretty hard! But I get what you mean. And very true, when my husband and I are on good terms I usually don't dream about the ex at night and don't think about him as much. There's tons of work to be done in our marriage and of course it's my greatest hope that the memory and especially feelings about the ex totally go away.
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post #27 of 58 (permalink) Old 04-21-2011, 10:52 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Help! Married but can't forget my ex :(

This is so hard. The husband and I haven't been speaking for the past 3 days - not really, anyways. Once again I so want to pick up the kids and LEAVE.

The other day I was making a meal for a girl in the hospital and her family, and was about to go run complicated and involved errands for her, with my kids in tow. I was making some phone calls, trying to find someone to stay the night with this girl at the hospital, and my husband, laying on the couch, says "why dont you go spend the night at the hospital? i'll come home early from work at midnight, you can go there from midnight until morning". Made me so angry and so hurt! I had just told him earlier that I haven't slept well since my kids and I are all battling bad colds, and that the next day I'd be working again after I drop the kids off at school. I told him I couldn't believe he would suggest that, did he not see how sick and busy I am, and how I'm already bending over backwards to help this family?!! And he says "well, if it were me, I'd go stay the night at the hospital, even after work, because that's just the kind of person I am", and I said that I'm the one who has kids to take care of (he's not involved with them at all, even tho he lives here) - to which he responded, "even if I had the kids to myself, I would still go, because that's just how I am". ARGH! What am I, chopped liver?! Anyone else on this planet can see how much I give to other people, and how much I give to my kids and to their good upbringing - but for him, it's like it's never good enough. He truly thinks he's God's gift to mankind. And get this - 2 Sundays ago he preached about how the kids' good upbringing is all due to me, and that he is ashamed of that and knows it needs to change, and said how he knows he needs to make the family a priority. In fact, the leaders have confronted him two times on that, and he even mentioned that in front of everyone. But for what?!! This shows that his heart will not change. Other people will still always come before the wife and kids.

I was listening to a radio sermon on marriage (ugh! what timing!) and the preacher was saying how the wife should be the man's number one priority, and the kids too - she should be the most important thing in his life. And it took all my strength to not just break down and BAWL. We are so LAST on his list, always. And in his opinion, I don't do enough for the people we serve. I should drag the kids around late at night and on weekend trips to go serve others. I should sacrifice the kids for others.

Ironic - he said in his sermon that someone prayed "thank you God that our teacher (my husband) is here sacrificing his family for our sake" and he said it in a regretful way, that it shouldnt' be like that.

And I'm screamin', show me the money!!! Where's the proof? Nothing has changed.

How can I be kind and loving and gracious to this guy?! I still serve him hot meals at the hour he needs them, I make coffee for him every afternoon (fresh, he won't drink it otherwise). I do all the household work, I even put his clothes away and pick up his shoes. ANd on top of that I have to put up with this kind of garbage.

Does anybody have a happy marriage? Is anybody's husband nice to them?!

I hate that in the worst of times my thoughts turn to the first love. Regretting that it ended. Seeing pictures of his wife and baby and thinking that she is living the life I should've had. I know it's dumb and not helpful. I know it's not real. Blah blah blah, and my heart is still broken and hurting.

Doesn't help that the husband has a night job and every night I'm alone with the kids. Dinner, bath, bed...just us and no husband or daddy. Even on the nights he doesn't work, he still leaves for some other reason - oddly, right before dinner.

I've been praying a lot the last few days. I wish God would hurry up and fix my feelings.

Now I'm going to go do a workout video. I want to make myself attractive and skinny. I have about 15 lbs to lose. Either that or in my grief and depression I'd like to devour a bowl of ice cream.

Thanks for letting me vent. If anyone reads this and thinks I'm a loony, you're right.
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post #28 of 58 (permalink) Old 04-23-2011, 03:38 PM
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Re: Help! Married but can't forget my ex :(

I had some past boyfriend that I still have feelings for-- not that I love them but its more of the "what if" questions of wondering what life would have been like if I chose one of them instead of the guy I'll be marrying in July. These are not good feelings to have and its been difficult for me to decide how to handle them.

I've personally decided that I shouldn't allow myself to feel bad about thinking about other guys. I find that if I'm making me feel bad then I think about the people MORE often. Also, I decided that since I'm not comfortable telling my fiance or a friend about these feelings, I could at least tell the virtual world about them. And I did just that: I posted anonymously about my feelings and love for one guy and sent it out to all the readers at that site. I felt immediate relief that I wasn't hiding it any more and I could let it go.

If you're finding yourself focusing on comparing your husband to one of these ex's, stop and focus on how you need to work on things with your husband. Depending on your views of marriage, you might even want to de-friend these people Facebook. If they're causing you to feel things you shouldn't, do it for your marriage--- the people might not understand, but that doesn't matter: improving your marriage DOES matter.

I would highly recommend that you find ways to decrease the stress and time you're spending on thinking about these ex's. By allowing myself to open up and state that yes I do still feel certain things for my ex's, I was able to let go and use that energy focused on improving my relationship with my future husband. I hope you too can find a method to return your energy towards your marriage and not on your ex's.
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post #29 of 58 (permalink) Old 04-23-2011, 04:03 PM
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Re: Help! Married but can't forget my ex :(

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This is so hard. The husband and I haven't been speaking for the past 3 days - not really, anyways. Once again I so want to pick up the kids and LEAVE.
I'm not married yet, but I already know that leaving does not solve anything. Leaving means you've given up and do not respect your husband enough to at least stay, calm down, and talk this out as husband and wife.

Quote:
And get this - 2 Sundays ago he preached about how the kids' good upbringing is all due to me, and that he is ashamed of that and knows it needs to change, and said how he knows he needs to make the family a priority. In fact, the leaders have confronted him two times on that, and he even mentioned that in front of everyone. But for what?!! This shows that his heart will not change. Other people will still always come before the wife and kids.
I know you are very busy helping with other families, but remember your faith in God comes first (have you been able to spend time with God lately?), your marriage comes second (have you had time to sit down and lovingly talk with your husband about concerns and pray together?), and your children come third (have you been able to sit together as a family and pray together especially since you're all sick with colds?). It seems as if you're priorities are out of line and that will always cause issues in a marriage and within a family.

I know you're greatly concerned with helping others inside your parish and community, but God, your husband, and family come first. It's good that you're trying to find people to help this family out, besides yourself, but you can not spend too much time worrying about other people when your husband and children need you desperately.

Quote:
I was listening to a radio sermon on marriage (ugh! what timing!) and the preacher was saying how the wife should be the man's number one priority, and the kids too - she should be the most important thing in his life. And it took all my strength to not just break down and BAWL. We are so LAST on his list, always. And in his opinion, I don't do enough for the people we serve. I should drag the kids around late at night and on weekend trips to go serve others. I should sacrifice the kids for others.
I don't agree with this preacher and with all the pastors and priests I've heard preach it is always our relationship with God that comes first, our marriage second, and our children third. I can't imagine that if we're ignoring God how we will continue to be blessed and be given special graces to do His will.

Something I've found to be helpful is to meet with other Christian families and see how they're raising their family and working on their marriage. I met this lovely Christian couple at a recent marriage workshop (they ran it) and they offered their email addresses to us in case we ever needed to contact them. I'd be happy to pass along those email addresses in case you'd like to talk to them. Their testimony is very inspirational and perhaps by talking to other couples you might have a better understanding on how to improve your marriage with your husband. It would be very nice if your husband yourself could do something like this together.

Quote:
And I'm screamin', show me the money!!! Where's the proof? Nothing has changed.
Change can happen slowly. The parable about the seeds and where they were planted reminds me about how our own Christian faith can be (read Luke 8:4-21).

Right now your husband is like a brand-new seed who has just been planted. What type of environment are you helping to grow in? Since you CAN NOT change your husband, you can only do what YOU can to help encourage him and support him. Is what you're doing for him and for your children encouraging him to be a better husband and father? If not, then you need to pray and think of what changes God is calling YOU to do to provide this environment that will be rich and loving and supportive.

Quote:
How can I be kind and loving and gracious to this guy?! I still serve him hot meals at the hour he needs them, I make coffee for him every afternoon (fresh, he won't drink it otherwise). I do all the household work, I even put his clothes away and pick up his shoes. ANd on top of that I have to put up with this kind of garbage.
You can be kind because that is what God has called you to be as this person's wife: kind, patient, loving, forgiving. I'm sure you do not do certain loving actions to be told what a great person you are--- that is a selfish love. Doing the actions shows your life, expecting to be shown love back is selfishness (as Jesus taught you have your reward on earth, you won't be rewarded in heaven for such actions).

I don't have an answer for figuring out how to get him to help out more around the house and with the kids, that is something you'll have to pray about and discuss with him. However, I do know that we can not pray like "Lord please change X, Y, and Z in my husband" because God will not answer those prayers. If we pray such as "Lord help me to know how to guide my husband to be a better father to our children and to be supportive of all I do for him", God will open those doors and share the wisdom with us.

Quote:
Does anybody have a happy marriage? Is anybody's husband nice to them?!
We're not yet married, but for the past year and half we've been living together along with my sister. Overall, yes we've been very happy, but there are bumps and we've had fights and have been angry at one another. The point is this: I did not stop loving him and showing him that love because of those bumps. He did not stop loving me and showing me he loved me through his actions because of those bumps. That love, I have no doubt, will continue on because it's not a selfish type of love: I do not do something to be praised by him, I do it because I love him.

Quote:
I hate that in the worst of times my thoughts turn to the first love. Regretting that it ended. Seeing pictures of his wife and baby and thinking that she is living the life I should've had. I know it's dumb and not helpful. I know it's not real. Blah blah blah, and my heart is still broken and hurting.
Realize this: God did not make you to be that man's wife: He created you to be your husband's wife. And you have no guarantee that you would be happy at all with that person. Be thankful of what God has given you and focus on improving the situation you are in (aka your marriage now).

Quote:
Doesn't help that the husband has a night job and every night I'm alone with the kids. Dinner, bath, bed...just us and no husband or daddy. Even on the nights he doesn't work, he still leaves for some other reason - oddly, right before dinner.
This is not an ideal situation and I would be upset with this as well. It's not good for you, its not good for the children. Perhaps making a request that he could at least stay home 1 evening that he has off (I understand that he might want to go out on other evenings to be with his buddies) would allow him to actually do it. But please do not harbor anger towards him because of his working situation-- it is what it is and unless he can find a way to make it better, you can not be angry with him about it.

Quote:
I've been praying a lot the last few days. I wish God would hurry up and fix my feelings.
Read the Bible about patience. It's about God's timing, not our demands. I prayed for YEARS that God would "hurry up" and heal my depression and anxiety that was literally killing me. I moment I realized I had to stop making that demand of God and start asking Him "Lord how can I serve you?" that's when the depression and anxiety were gone.

Quote:
Now I'm going to go do a workout video. I want to make myself attractive and skinny. I have about 15 lbs to lose. Either that or in my grief and depression I'd like to devour a bowl of ice cream.
I turned to eating a lot of food and gained about 40 lbs over the last 5 years of dating my fiance. It was because I stopped turning to God and abused food to get over my emotions. I read the book "The Eden Diet" and have been working on turning off the need of food when I'm stressed and saying yes to praying to God. You might find it beneficial to improve your relationship with God to help maintain and lose weight (I've lost 20 lbs in about 6 months).

Btw, why do you want to make yourself attractive and skinny? Would God approve of your reasons why?
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post #30 of 58 (permalink) Old 06-06-2011, 05:36 PM
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Re: Help! Married but can't forget my ex :(

Striving -

I came across your post while googling something somewhat related, and felt compelled to reply.

First off - block your ex and his wife on Facebook. They will not receive notification - you will simply cease to see one another on the website and there will be no possibility for communication on either end. Here and there you may come across the occassional un-tagged photo, but the frequency will be reduced 95%. (There is a link on the very bottom left of each individual user page - "Report/Block This Person" - click that, then choose "Block So-and-So". This is always reversible in the future, should you feel the need).

Several statements you've made seem to point toward the foundation of a lot of your problems - a lack of self confidence and feeling of true value/worth. The way your husband regards you clearly reinforces these feelings, and - as other posters have pointed out - you romanticize and fixate on a former relationship as a result. I'm not downplaying the heartache or the significance of that past relationship - I understand precisely what you're going through - but, as you know, dwelling on the past doesn't fix your current problems nor does it make the man you married a more emotionally or physically present person.

You have to start with you - focus on making yourself a better, more fullfilled and well-rounded person. Eat healthy, get regular exercise, maintain positive relationships with a few close and trustworthy friends (the kind of people you could tell these things to without judgement). What are your interests? Explore them!

I know that therapy isn't cheap, and finding the time isn't easy, but there are sliding scale counselors, and seeking one out is a great idea. Speaking with a professional who can help you begin to put the puzzle pieces of your life and your identity together is the beginning of truly understanding not only what it is you want, but how to best love, understand and give back to others. Working on yourself will make understanding, confronting and repairing your obsession with your ex and your current marital issues a goal you can accomplish. If it feels like you won't be devoting enough time to your children, husband and higher power then remember - you cannot love anyone until you love yourself. If you are not a whole human being, you cannot give your "all" to anyone else.
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