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post #46 of 58 (permalink) Old 03-29-2012, 11:57 PM
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Re: Help! Married but can't forget my ex :(

Welcome back. These threads do seem to croak, and you see little activity.



Quote:
Originally Posted by striving View Post
Wow. More than ten thousand views. Either the title sounds really juicy or there are a lot of people who can relate to me but just don't take the time to comment.

Far too many of us are in your situation.


Remember me posting this earlier in this thread?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Clarence Rutherford View Post
Striving,
I know what you feel.
I've been having similar memories to a NEAR-fiance I had 22 years ago!!!!

About a month ago, flashbacks and memories almost wrecked my work week as it was so easy to get tearful...

Don't know what's wrong with me, but I started thinking of her and recalled all the pain I felt when she dumped me. I cried my head off.
Look at what I lost -- I could have had a 30 y.o. virgin.

For the last couple of years, she and other former GFs have come into my mind, wondering why I didn't do this, or did that, or how I could have made things better and still been with one of them. Then the cold hard reality hits: it wasn't ever my choice to end it.

Maybe I'm going through this bec. I'm getting close to 50 and am feeling a lot of regrets.

It may have something to do with the state of my 14 year marriage. We are not maritally separated or talking divorce, but we have lived in separate states since July.

We have also been sexless - her choice - for the past 5-6 years, but that's improving.
That's a long story and may post about it in another thread here.

I've gotten over this and realize that "going back" in my mind to this woman (and only remembering the good things) won't do me any good and I shouldn't waste crying over something that happened in 1988!!! I should instead save my tears for my marriage and work to improve it.

Plus, I don't know that woman anymore. It's all a dream. This whole thing is about me and my emotions, not her.

You don't know your EX anymore either.
So I know where you're coming from.
I finally started a separate thread on my issue...
My long distance marriage...

Got very little response and went moribund, despite my many blog-like postings. Finally, after complaining about lack of response, a couple of people bothered to contribute to the thread.


Quote:
Originally Posted by striving View Post

Still checking back once in a while but since nothing's changed it's been too depressing to post or ask for any new advice. I've been thinking more about leaving or suicide, or who knows. Neither is going to happen of course, but I'm sure everyone has these dreadful thoughts once in a while.

Am really sorry to hear how nothing's really changed. Please don't consider suicide, lady.

We are doing better and God answers prayers, but it takes work.
We aren't having nearly the amount of LM I want -- like weekends at least and more. I want it daily to 3-4X a week...

We only have sex like once every 3-4 weeks, but that's a heck of a lot better than once every 1-3 months, like I had to like beg for earlier.

So things are changing and I'm trying to get her to become sexually attracted to me. I think she lost some sexual attraction toward me during our nearly 20 yrs. together, though she frequently tells me she loves me.

She also feels pain during sex, but the thread goes more into that and other issues. Perhaps you'll look at it and contribute.

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post #47 of 58 (permalink) Old 03-30-2012, 01:15 AM
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Re: Help! Married but can't forget my ex :(

Hello striving

I couldn't wade through everything here, so I don't know if somebody already said these things to you, anyway, for what it is worth, here are my thoughts (yeah like I am any sort of expert...look at the mess I created!!!). Anyway, you asked for opinions so here goes.

I will preface this by saying that I am a christian man, or to be honest, I try to be a christian man...huge failure...sinful but forgiven. I assume that you are a practicing Christian, so I will speak from that world view as best I can, and balance it with how things really work. Sorry to offend you non believers, it is not my intention, but we are on the "spirtual" part of the board.

We all remember ex lovers. Remembering isn't a problem, if you don't your heart is ice and you really have a huge problem.

The problem is not that you fantasise about the ex-lover, this is just a symptom. The problem is that your needs are not being met in this marriage. In desperation you are looking for something outside the marriage to fulfill you. Be honest and you will see that this is the truth. Is it "sinful" (I loathe the loaded and judgemental way in which this word is used in the church!)? Of course it is, but not nearly as sinful as the alternative of livng a double life in your heart and mind. Don't beat yourself up over it, you are a sinner, we are all sinners from the day we are born. All sin really means is that we are not perfect to gods standards...pretty obvious really, and no shame required, it is just a simple fact on par with "we need to breathe oxygen". Instead of worrying about the "sin" and what other people think, do something about the problem.

The answer is not to repress your feelings and thoughts as you have been...this is not healing and growing. As for the "sinful thing"...we are sinful at birth, to the core, to every fibre of our being...acknowledge this fact and that you can't change that or avoid it, and you will stop worrying about every little sin and keeping a score card, accept the forgiveness Jesus gives us and move on. Our faith is built on grace, not works (thank god!!!!!)

This will sound harsh, but really fantasising about ex-lovers is no different to a man viewing pornography because he is frustrated with his lack of sex life/feeling emotionally disconnected from his wife. The pornography isn't really the problem, it is a symptom. It is a warning sign that he is hurting inside and lonely.

Fantasising about lovers, reading romance novels, using sex toys instead of making love with your partner, viewing pornography, these are very often poor substitutes for the real thing we need and want - intimacy...both physical and emotional. God created us to need intimacy, don't deny yourself the right to have it, or if you don't have it, to at least seek it.

What you need to do is create a major crises with your husband. Don't half do it, go all out or it won't work. Sounds a bit strange maybe, but hear me out. You need to let him know that you can not and will not go on with an unfulfilled marriage. You need to be 100% honest with him.

What is the worst that will happen? He may say I can't do this and leave. At least you know where you stand and you can lick your wounds and move on. If the marriage fails at that point, it is his fault.

What is the best outcome? You shock the hell out of him and force him to reset his priorities, and put you at the top of the list. As a Christian, God comes first, spouse comes second, children come third (just), everything else is waaaaaay down the list...even ministry...in fact perhaps ESPECIALLY ministry if that is what is damaging one's spouse and children.

The pursuit of ministry at all costs (neglecting wife, leaving home, being an absent father, always putting other people before the family) is actually an obscene and twisted form of arrogance. Do you seriously think that one man working his whole life could do anything that god could not have done without that man. If you do, you have a very small view of god, and if god is that small you don't need him. Husband's oh so important minsitry is worthless if he damages and destroys those he is supposed to love above all else...his family.

So what will happen if Husband has to quit or abandon his ministry because of the MAJOR crises you have created? Well, if it really is god's work, god will send somebody else to do the work or god will do it himself, while your husband gets his priorities right and restores his family. If he is man enough to do what it takes to fix his family, in the long run he will be a better man for it and more effective in "his ministry", or better still, God's ministry.

Family comes first. For family to come first, marriage must come first.

When we are 100% honest with god, he is free to work in our lives.

I plead with you, do not make the mistake I made. I ignored all the signs that things were wrong and carried on faithfullly, diligently, resiliently meeting my obligations, responsibilities and duties for years and years. I ignored all the signs and symptoms - especially seeking comfort from viewing pornograpy -and tried to pretend that things weren't that bad. The final outcome is that my marriage is so broken that it is a high likelihood that I will be getting divorced soon. I should have seriously addressed the marriage and emotional issues when they first arose and when there was some hope of restoring things. Hindsite is a wonderful thing.

Gods guidance and peace be with you.

Last edited by Introubledeep; 03-30-2012 at 01:23 AM.
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post #48 of 58 (permalink) Old 03-30-2012, 09:37 AM
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Re: Help! Married but can't forget my ex :(

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Originally Posted by Introubledeep View Post

I plead with you, do not make the mistake I made. I ignored all the signs that things were wrong and carried on faithfullly, diligently, resiliently meeting my obligations, responsibilities and duties for years and years. I ignored all the signs and symptoms - especially seeking comfort from viewing pornograpy -and tried to pretend that things weren't that bad.

The final outcome is that my marriage is so broken that it is a high likelihood that I will be getting divorced soon.
I should have seriously addressed the marriage and emotional issues when they first arose and when there was some hope of restoring things.
God... I hope not...
If you can, please tell us why you feel there's no hope.
As a Christian myself, and a sinner too, you can try to change things.

Look at my sexless marriage thread I linked to above your post.
You think you'd want to live in a marriage like that, where your spouse only "allows" you to ML with her once every 3-5 weeks? Or less?



Quote:
Originally Posted by Introubledeep View Post



This will sound harsh, but really fantasising about ex-lovers is no different to a man viewing pornography because he is frustrated with his lack of sex life/feeling emotionally disconnected from his wife. The pornography isn't really the problem, it is a symptom. It is a warning sign that he is hurting inside and lonely.

Fantasising about lovers, reading romance novels, using sex toys instead of making love with your partner, viewing pornography, these are very often poor substitutes for the real thing we need and want - intimacy...both physical and emotional. God created us to need intimacy, don't deny yourself the right to have it, or if you don't have it, to at least seek it.

That is very good.
I too have sexual fantasies.
I'm "over" my former GFs, Christian virgins I was semi-sexual with in "everything....but...." activity....
during my late 20s when I had a very strong sexual drive... and rarely had relationships...

Was a Christian and felt conflicted about vaginal sex... though in my mind, I now think how I could have just proceeded and they may not have stopped me...... (They let me do nearly everything else.... so they really couldn't consider themselves "innocent").
God wouldn't have condemned me for having sex... a normal part of a young man's life....

Will tell you this... I wasn't so conflicted when I met my future wife @30.... We had a lot of sex (on weekends)....
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post #49 of 58 (permalink) Old 03-30-2012, 11:31 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Help! Married but can't forget my ex :(

Quote:
Remember me posting this earlier in this thread?
I do remember your comments, Clarence, and I'm thankful for the feedback and thoughts.

Quote:
We only have sex like once every 3-4 weeks, but that's a heck of a lot better than once every 1-3 months, like I had to like beg for earlier.
I hate sex. I can relate to your wife. I wouldn't mind doing it if I felt attracted to him, or even if I felt loved by him. That would make it easier, though I imagine I would very rarely want it. I'm sure you already know that generally speaking, women don't NEED sex. Women don't really want it (generally). We'll give it willingly when our needs are met. But it's not a need of ours, so I think men should just accept it and move on. In my case, at least my husband gets his needs (sex) met at least once a week, and I suppose that's what makes him feel loved. But for me - no needs are ever met, and I never feel loved. At this point I'd love to feel loved once a week.

But for example, for Valentines Day, our oldest daughter (9) said "oh daddy we need to go get mommy some flowers!" to which he replied with a long ranting and raving about why should he have to buy flowers and how stupid it is....he sent our 9 yr old crying to the bathroom. Later she asked me "mommy why doesn't daddy want to show you he loves you?" It breaks my heart. She's only 9. Why should she be even aware of any problems between her parents?? I told my husband what our daughter said, and I said it was sad. I did not say it in a mean or angry way. It did not affect him, and he did not think of it twice. He only continued to rant about why he should have to buy flowers on that day. I'm afraid of what kind of man my daughter will end up with, as you know how the cycle goes. I would never wish a lifetime of hurting and pain on my precious daughters. I beg God every day that He bless them with men who will treat them like princesses.

Quote:
So things are changing and I'm trying to get her to become sexually attracted to me. I think she lost some sexual attraction toward me during our nearly 20 yrs. together, though she frequently tells me she loves me.
Clarence, take it from me, you bend over backwards and make it your entire life goal to show her you love her in ways that do NOT involve sex...you find out her interests and things that she likes or makes her happy, find out what her favorite drink is, her favorite candy....and the intimacy will come once she learns to trust in your love for her (if she's anything like me, and that's how I would feel).
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post #50 of 58 (permalink) Old 03-30-2012, 11:51 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Help! Married but can't forget my ex :(

Quote:
The problem is not that you fantasise about the ex-lover, this is just a symptom. The problem is that your needs are not being met in this marriage. In desperation you are looking for something outside the marriage to fulfill you.
Very true, and I'm aware of that. Our marriage counselor (we went 5 times to a marriage counselor last fall, couldn't afford to keep going...he barely touched the tip of the iceburg) said pretty much the same thing. I agree. But I can't necessarily fulfill my own needs in the marriage, which is why I'm still stuck in this problem.

Quote:
What you need to do is create a major crises with your husband. Don't half do it, go all out or it won't work. Sounds a bit strange maybe, but hear me out. You need to let him know that you can not and will not go on with an unfulfilled marriage. You need to be 100% honest with him.
I've thought many times about telling him what I've been going through for ALL THESE YEARS....the thoughts of my ex, etc. Many times I cry in agony alone at night for having left him and having married my husband instead. What would be a major crises, in your opinion? I wonder if telling him these things would be major. I have a feeling that telling him about all of this wouldn't help matters any. I don't think he would care. As he's said to me before (when I told him I felt suicidal), "yeah, you got a problem", I guess he would just react in the same way. We're currently in a crisis. Not talking to each other. He was gone for six hours last night and I don't know where he was. He locked me out of the bedroom the night before; I slept in our kids' room.

I also have to somehow hold to my Biblical beliefs of seeking peace, not manipulating, etc. So I'm not sure I could create a major crisis.

Quote:
The pursuit of ministry at all costs (neglecting wife, leaving home, being an absent father, always putting other people before the family) is actually an obscene and twisted form of arrogance. Do you seriously think that one man working his whole life could do anything that god could not have done without that man. If you do, you have a very small view of god, and if god is that small you don't need him. Husband's oh so important minsitry is worthless if he damages and destroys those he is supposed to love above all else...his family.
I couldn't agree with you more!! And I can't tell you the many times he's threatened to quit ministry when he and I are arguing. I have so far asked him not to, because each time it has been for pure manipulation, and in no way have I seen any sign of spiritual conviction - not to mention that if he were to quit the ministry, we have no income, and more than that, he is NOT a man of action, and quitting ministry means he really would do nothing. It's not like he would actually spend time or efforts working on our marriage - so I've never seen the point to quit ministry.

And you know what's so ironic? We've had several issues in our ministry with marriage problems right now. My husband's been "counseling" several individuals and/or couples on their failing marriages. Want to hear something CRAZY?! He does not apply it to his own life, and does not see how it relates at all! I keep wondering, and I am so baffled, why is God allowing these marriage problems to come to my husband for him to help them?!! And why oh why and when oh when oh WHEN will my husband, a PASTOR, start working on his OWN marriage?!

The counselor we saw suggested that when it comes to our marriage, my husband is just plain lazy. I believe that's true. And guess what my husband did about it? Yep, you got it - absolutely nothing.

This morning, after being gone 6 hours last night (I assume with church people), I just put my workout clothes on to run over to the gym - but he left first, and said he was going to go help church people with some work project. That leaves me sitting here at home with our toddler son, workout clothes on, now unable to go to the gym (no childcare). He knew I wanted to go to the gym. Church people ALWAYS come first. Always. They always have, these last 12 years we've been married.

Quote:
Family comes first. For family to come first, marriage must come first.

When we are 100% honest with god, he is free to work in our lives.

I plead with you, do not make the mistake I made. I ignored all the signs that things were wrong and carried on faithfullly, diligently, resiliently meeting my obligations, responsibilities and duties for years and years. I ignored all the signs and symptoms - especially seeking comfort from viewing pornograpy -and tried to pretend that things weren't that bad. The final outcome is that my marriage is so broken that it is a high likelihood that I will be getting divorced soon. I should have seriously addressed the marriage and emotional issues when they first arose and when there was some hope of restoring things. Hindsite is a wonderful thing.
I wish my husband could read this and absorb this. I say read AND absorb, because my husband has read the Bible, has started (but left unfinished) reading Christian marriage books...but absorbs nothing. I'm not ignoring any warning signs...the warning signs are screaming at me in the face. But what to do when it's my husband who ignores and does nothing? I'm so very sorry for your situation...I hope for healing for you, I really do.
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post #51 of 58 (permalink) Old 03-30-2012, 10:05 PM
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Re: Help! Married but can't forget my ex :(

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Clarence, take it from me, you bend over backwards and make it your entire life goal to show her you love her in ways that do NOT involve sex...you find out her interests and things that she likes or makes her happy, find out what her favorite drink is, her favorite candy....and the intimacy will come once she learns to trust in your love for her (if she's anything like me, and that's how I would feel).
Stiving,

That's a GREAT solution. Thank you very much !!!
I hadn't thought of any of this.
Win her heart by showing her how much I remember things and honor her likes/ dislikes, etc.

Thanks also for reading my thread her on TAM.
It didn't draw a lot of interest.... but I think it shows what a spouse can go through with a low-drive or refusing spouse...
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post #52 of 58 (permalink) Old 03-31-2012, 07:52 AM
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Re: Help! Married but can't forget my ex :(

[QUOTE=Introubledeep;655557][QUOTE=Clarence Rutherford;654056]God... I hope not...
If you can, please tell us why you feel there's no hope.
As a Christian myself, and a sinner too, you can try to change things.

Look at my sexless marriage thread I linked to above your post.
You think you'd want to live in a marriage like that, where your spouse only "allows" you to ML with her once every 3-5 weeks? Or less? QUOTE=Clarence Rutherford;654056]

Hi Clarence, I won't hijack this thread with long answers to these questions, but if you really want to know, see my thread "Loneliness to pornography to an affair".

As for the no sex thing, try periods of up to 2 years with NO sex, about once every 4-6 months for the last 5 years...my experience. My marriage is beyond repair in the natural realm. Maybe God has a miracle, but am I able to endure the pain and suffering of many more years of emotional abuse till we reach the point where my wife is willing to try and fix things?

I am very sad, but this is the truth..I believe so anyway.
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post #53 of 58 (permalink) Old 04-02-2012, 11:56 AM
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Re: Help! Married but can't forget my ex :(

Hi, striving and Clarence. Glad to see that you're still posting.

striving, I read your original post (2010) for the first time today. That post focused on your ex and the feelings you still had for him. in 2012, your posts have been about your marriage and the problems within it. I think that's been the real issue all along.

Is your husband willing to work on your marriage? I know he went to counseling with you, but does he desire a happy marriage, and is he willing to work to make you happy? I can tell that you are frustrated but trying to make your marriage better.

Have you read the book "The 5 Love Languages?" Do you know your husband's primary love language (s)? Does he know yours? One thing you might try as a couple is to jot down a few examples of things your spouse can do to show you love in your love language. e.g. give me a compliment in the morning, a greeting card with a personal message from you, scraping the snow off my car (acts of service), stay home with the kids while I go to the gym, etc. My husband and I did this, and it worked for a while, but I found myself getting frustrated because he would stop giving me words of encouragement after a few days. My therapist encouraged me to keep reminding him and to ask him to remind me if i stop making deposits in his Love Bank.

One crucial point is that you've got to tell your husband how your relationship is affecting your children. He has to know that displays of tension or hostility between the two of you will affect your children's future relationships. I don't know if he's aware.
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post #54 of 58 (permalink) Old 04-24-2012, 03:47 PM
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Re: Help! Married but can't forget my ex :(

I have a similar situation, and my marriage has been to hell and back. We have only been married 4 years with a 1 yr old. Striving reminds me so much of myself, but it doesnt sound like her husband even wants to work on the marriage. Sounds like he is playing church as a pastor and may not even be saved or have a relationship with God. ( I am not saying he doesnt bc I wouldn't know, just sounds like it) I have been in the same situation as you -striving, thinking about my ex even doing the what ifs, even trying ot be friends with him. Now that we have a child my main focus is my marriage I want to love my husband and have that bond with him but it does take two! I applaud you for staying and trying to work it out most women would have left. Are you just waiting for him to cheat to have a reason to leave? lol I only ask bc I have a friend that said that for years she waited for a biblical reason to leave and never got one. She still doesn't know if her husband is saved and they are in their 70's!! I have seen A lot of advice saying leave leave leave! Is that what the bible says? No. I struggled with this much myself. My husband has hurt me/and i hurt him as well in so many ways but he now seems willing to work on his marriage with me in doing counceling and a marriage devotional.
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post #55 of 58 (permalink) Old 08-20-2013, 10:20 AM
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Re: Help! Married but can't forget my ex :(

How's it going for you, Striving?
Hope you're doing better.

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I know, I'm an idiot. I'll just get that out of the way.

To sum up: Dated HS sweetheart for 4 yrs, that relationship ended and 2 yrs later I married my husband who is a pastor, we've been married 10 yrs, have 3 kids, marriage has been rocky and he's not at all what I had hoped/dreamed/longed for. Marriage has been the greatest disappoinment.

Besides that, I have a serious problem and it seems that no matter how much I pray and beg God and memorize verses, it eats up my brain and won't go away. I have such a hard time stopping almost constant thoughts of my former boyfriend. Nobody knows about this; it's too embarrassing to admit even to my closest friends. I have found out that this boyfriend has turned into an amazing man, has traveled the world, and seems to have a great marriage with a baby on the way. And like a dork, all I can do is obsess on the "what if". I long to be happy in marriage, to be in love with my husband, etc. But my husband won't even pray with me. He is often rude and unkind, and so far from wise. He ignores the kids. And every Sunday I have to sit and listen to him preach.

Sadly the relationship with the HS boyfriend (went thru college years too) was physically intimate. He was a great guy with a great family. (I have virtually no relationship with my husband's family, they live overseas and the family relationship is way different than your typical American, Christian family.) I truly did love him and did not leave him because I did not love him anymore...it was b/c I knew we needed to stop the intimacy and also b/c I knew I felt God leading me to serve overseas.

So to make a long story short (too late!), I'm just throwing this out there to hope for some helpful advice. I need a labotomy. I really wish for that part of my brain to be cut out so that I could quit longing for this guy. Again, I feel like I've tried everything. What does the rest of the world do to get over a past relationship?!

Thanks for the help.

P.S. Oh yeah, forgot to mention...my ex's wife is mutual friends with so many of my friends on FB as they now go to the church where I was married, so I see her comment on my friends' posts and it's so frustrating! I feel I can't comment after her, since she probably hates my guts for breaking her husband's heart and giving him a history. Does not help matters any.


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post #56 of 58 (permalink) Old 08-20-2013, 10:22 AM
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Re: Help! Married but can't forget my ex :(

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Originally Posted by chocolotto View Post
I have been in the same situation as you -striving, thinking about my ex even doing the what ifs, even trying ot be friends with him. .
Me too...
I don't think of my EXs much anymore, those Christian girls I dated in the past, but still... the thoughts do enter my head what might've been...



Quote:
Originally Posted by chocolotto View Post
I have a similar situation, and my marriage has been to hell and back. We have only been married 4 years with a 1 yr old. Striving reminds me so much of myself, but it doesnt sound like her husband even wants to work on the marriage. Sounds like he is playing church as a pastor and may not even be saved or have a relationship with God. ( I am not saying he doesnt bc I wouldn't know, just sounds like it)

I have been in the same situation as you -striving, thinking about my ex even doing the what ifs, even trying ot be friends with him.

Now that we have a child my main focus is my marriage I want to love my husband and have that bond with him but it does take two! I applaud you for staying and trying to work it out most women would have left. Are you just waiting for him to cheat to have a reason to leave? lol I only ask bc I have a friend that said that for years she waited for a biblical reason to leave and never got one. She still doesn't know if her husband is saved and they are in their 70's!! I have seen A lot of advice saying leave leave leave! Is that what the bible says? No. I struggled with this much myself. My husband has hurt me/and i hurt him as well in so many ways but he now seems willing to work on his marriage with me in doing counceling and a marriage devotional.
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post #57 of 58 (permalink) Old 09-12-2013, 02:32 PM
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Re: Help! Married but can't forget my ex :(

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Women do like gentleman but sometimes when it's time to have sex, they love to be screwed like an animal as well.

Sometimes, when women say NO, means Yes. You have to read between the lines.
Wow... I like that idea, the animal part.
Methinks I was too much of a "gentleman" while single AND married.
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post #58 of 58 (permalink) Old 04-01-2015, 07:01 AM
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Re: Help! Married but can't forget my ex :(

Hi i know its an old post...but needed a place to express my feelings...which makes me feel guilty all the time...i keep thinking about my ex not a single day since i broke up had gone without thinking about him and what he is doing where he is...after our breakup he just stop posting on social networking sites and like invisible to me now...i keep looking for any trace to find what he is doing where he is...sometime i just go crazy trying to look for him over net...what makes me feel guilty is now i am a married woman...its just been 1 an half year since i got married i have a great husband...and i am having a happy married life...but he doesn't have the passion or possessiveness for me the way my ex used to have...i know i am being childish but which girl doesn't want a guy madly in love with her...and i broke up with my ex not because i stopped loving him that was because of family pressure and my lack of courage to stand up for him i tried my best but didnt crossed the limit where i threaten my family to run away or commit suicide cause i wanted him in my life with my family's concent...but today i am with this great guy who loves me but never shows me...he does do thoughful thinks to make me happy like occationally asking me to call my family which i keep forgetting taking me for long drive when i am low...holding me tight when i am sad...he cooks too when i am tired...makes me laugh at his stupid attics...he is a wonderful family oriented person...and it breaks my heart to be away from him even for few days...but my stupid obcession for my ex is just driving me crazy...i just want to know he is ok and is doing well in life...cause when we brokeup he cried and very passionately told me how much he loved me and how much he have thought about our future together and i am running his life by going away from it...and i just cant handel the fact that a person who loved me so much is going through so much pain all because of me...he even told me that he would never marry again cause i am the only wife he ever wanted...i just hate myself for breaking his heart but he let me go without creating much issues...initially his parents also asked my parents to get us married but my parents had there own issues...he is a very polite honest and a strong headed person...when ever he used to come visit when i was working he made sure we go to church where he used to thank God for giving me to him...for him i was his lucky charm his wife his girl and all that shattered in a matter of few seconds when i tied the knot with some other guy...he never created any issue for me but the last time i spoke to him before marriage he said till the last movement i will keep my hopes high that you would come back to me...i hate myself for breaking such a divine heart...but now i am with a person who has such a pure soul like a small child...he is strong from outside yet so sensitive from within...i guess i should just let my past behind me cause my constant obsession would only ruin my relationship with my husband...i know i love him more i guess more than my ex i guess way more than my ex...but i still wonder then what was that which i had for my ex?
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