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post #16 of 41 (permalink) Old 04-20-2014, 05:16 PM
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Hi, life! Yeah, I hear you on the refined starch. The flour products don't help me, that's for sure. But where I really notice the difference is the amount of fat I eat.

I did have some Woodstock on my pasta salad, but only one bowl. But there were plenty of chocolate chips in my cookie.

I think it just has to be important enough to me to cut back, or cut it out when I can. If it is not important enough, I will just eat what I want.

You are a runner, right? I bet you have no trouble staying at 130.

I can't run. My organs are at risk of prolapse. I could do more exercisewise, though, if I wanted to. Lazy here.

And congratulations on the pay increase!

Thanks! 130 isn't too hard for me to maintain as long as I keep running and I pay attention to my hunger signals. I'm not much of a soda drinker and don't care for beer, so I drink a lot of water. I like vodka and rum but don't drink much.

I just turned 40 so I'm waiting to see if I have that metabolism drop, though I'd tell you that my metabolism has never been that great so I've always had to make good choices. I'd also tell you that because of my thick muscles I probably don't look 130.

My biggest problem is dessert; I love chocolate, cake, ice cream and donuts. The only saving grace there is that I can eat small amounts and be happy. I have a taste for dark, bitter chocolate and I don't buy reduced fat anything. In order to reduce fat generally a lot of chemicals have to be introduced, and in my view it's peoples attempt to eat too damn much. Eat real food and don't eat so damn much; that's my motto.
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post #17 of 41 (permalink) Old 04-21-2014, 09:43 PM
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Re: confession

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Thanks! 130 isn't too hard for me to maintain as long as I keep running and I pay attention to my hunger signals. I'm not much of a soda drinker and don't care for beer, so I drink a lot of water. I like vodka and rum but don't drink much.

I am so impressed you are a runner! I bet you stay slim easily!

I am a water drinker, too. Sometimes I have herb tea, but that is about it. I have a lot of bladder problems, and anything besides water can be a trigger.


I just turned 40 so I'm waiting to see if I have that metabolism drop, though I'd tell you that my metabolism has never been that great so I've always had to make good choices. I'd also tell you that because of my thick muscles I probably don't look 130.

Young one! I am turning 44 this week!

And I am sure you look great.


My biggest problem is dessert; I love chocolate, cake, ice cream and donuts. The only saving grace there is that I can eat small amounts and be happy. I have a taste for dark, bitter chocolate and I don't buy reduced fat anything. In order to reduce fat generally a lot of chemicals have to be introduced, and in my view it's peoples attempt to eat too damn much. Eat real food and don't eat so damn much; that's my motto.
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Yeah, I love sweets, too. I don't buy reduced fat ****, either

I can't eat dairy. My body won't accept it. With dairy, I would be 20 lbs. heavier, I swear.

One of the deepest feminine pleasures is when a man stands full, present, and unreactive in the midst of his woman's emotional storms. When he stays present with her, and loves her through the layers of wildness and closure, then she feels his trustability, and she can relax. -- David Deida, The Way of the Superior Man
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post #18 of 41 (permalink) Old 04-22-2014, 12:44 AM
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Re: confession

can I join in the confession even if it isn't a weight one? pretty please?

My confession/secret/weakness (not sure what to call it) is that I always go back and forth about whether or not I should push myself socially or if I should just stick with what I am happy with. I enjoy friendship very much, but don't feel a need to constantly meet new people or forge new friendships. I err more on the "sociable hermit" side I suppose you could call it haha.

I have a handful of AMAZING long time friends that I have known for 10 plus years that live all over the country now. Our friendships now consist mostly of phone conversations and photo sharing on facebook, and the occasional visit. When I talk to any of these girls on the phone, it's always a LONG conversation that leaves me feeling refreshed. I try to go visit them and they sometimes visit me (it would require flying either way) and that equals out to seeing them once every 1-3 years depending on the person. I cherish them very much.

Then where I've been living currently for a few years, I made a few friends as well in a group of girls. The girl I was closest too actually ended up moving away (go figure, right?) and then the other girls ended up having kids and we saw each other less and less, but we still try to get together I'd say every couple of months. Mostly to grab coffee or dinner. I wouldn't consider them close friends, but simply "friends." Not sure how to explain it

Anyways, for the most part I am happy with this. I feel I have a little of the best of both worlds... close friends for life that I can talk to often and "get me" and I try to fly and visit, and local friends that I can get together with once in a blue moon just to casually chat. Other times I wonder if I am too much of a hermit... I feel like I should be throwing dinner parties and get togethers left and right (isn't that what most adults do??) but honestly those types of things I'd rather do with my best friends, who live far away. It's not really my "thing" to host parties with people I don't know well. I spend a lot of time alone outside of work. But I kind of don't mind. What is the "right" amount of friends, or rather the "right" amount of socializing? Am I severely lacking? A hermit? Or as long as I am happy with it, I shouldn't force myself? I always go back and forth.

That's my confession
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post #19 of 41 (permalink) Old 04-27-2014, 01:22 AM Thread Starter
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Re: confession

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can I join in the confession even if it isn't a weight one? pretty please?

My confession/secret/weakness (not sure what to call it) is that I always go back and forth about whether or not I should push myself socially or if I should just stick with what I am happy with. I enjoy friendship very much, but don't feel a need to constantly meet new people or forge new friendships. I err more on the "sociable hermit" side I suppose you could call it haha.

I have a handful of AMAZING long time friends that I have known for 10 plus years that live all over the country now. Our friendships now consist mostly of phone conversations and photo sharing on facebook, and the occasional visit. When I talk to any of these girls on the phone, it's always a LONG conversation that leaves me feeling refreshed. I try to go visit them and they sometimes visit me (it would require flying either way) and that equals out to seeing them once every 1-3 years depending on the person. I cherish them very much.

Then where I've been living currently for a few years, I made a few friends as well in a group of girls. The girl I was closest too actually ended up moving away (go figure, right?) and then the other girls ended up having kids and we saw each other less and less, but we still try to get together I'd say every couple of months. Mostly to grab coffee or dinner. I wouldn't consider them close friends, but simply "friends." Not sure how to explain it

Anyways, for the most part I am happy with this. I feel I have a little of the best of both worlds... close friends for life that I can talk to often and "get me" and I try to fly and visit, and local friends that I can get together with once in a blue moon just to casually chat. Other times I wonder if I am too much of a hermit... I feel like I should be throwing dinner parties and get togethers left and right (isn't that what most adults do??) but honestly those types of things I'd rather do with my best friends, who live far away. It's not really my "thing" to host parties with people I don't know well. I spend a lot of time alone outside of work. But I kind of don't mind. What is the "right" amount of friends, or rather the "right" amount of socializing? Am I severely lacking? A hermit? Or as long as I am happy with it, I shouldn't force myself? I always go back and forth.

That's my confession
do you feel that you need more social interaction?

if its right for you, your fine. if you find yourself wishing you had friends to go out with on saturday nights, you may need more friends. if its the latter, i would suggest hobby groups. nothing like sharing an interest with a group of people.

"The ecologist is continually having to look at the aspects of nature with which he is unfamiliar and perforce must be an amateur for much of his working time.... professionals may carp at omissions, misconstructions, or even downright errors in these pages. perhaps ultimately they may forgive them for the sake of the overall vision that only the amateur, or the ecologist, blithely sets out to experience."G. Evelyn Hutchinson
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post #20 of 41 (permalink) Old 04-27-2014, 01:36 AM
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Re: confession

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do you feel that you need more social interaction?

if its right for you, your fine. if you find yourself wishing you had friends to go out with on saturday nights, you may need more friends. if its the latter, i would suggest hobby groups. nothing like sharing an interest with a group of people.
I feel like I probably should branch out more, but I am somewhat shy and with my marriage problems it has made me more of a homebody. I used to be able to throw school in there as a 3rd excuse, but not anymore. I think if I didn't have my great friends back home to talk to on the phone, and the occasional get together with some local people, that I'd probably feel more lonely. I don't know! Sometimes I feel like a bit of a "loser" sitting home alone all the time. It makes me miss my close friends more than it makes me want to make new local friends... it may be a hindrance having long distance friends! ha. But I guess my confession could be summed up in one word; shy. That's probably more of my problem.
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post #21 of 41 (permalink) Old 04-27-2014, 11:36 AM
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Re: confession

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I feel like I probably should branch out more, but I am somewhat shy and with my marriage problems it has made me more of a homebody. I used to be able to throw school in there as a 3rd excuse, but not anymore. I think if I didn't have my great friends back home to talk to on the phone, and the occasional get together with some local people, that I'd probably feel more lonely. I don't know! Sometimes I feel like a bit of a "loser" sitting home alone all the time. It makes me miss my close friends more than it makes me want to make new local friends... it may be a hindrance having long distance friends! ha. But I guess my confession could be summed up in one word; shy. That's probably more of my problem.
Oh, you sound sweet, Adeline.

I am mostly home, too. Just easier that way with all my kids.

What are your hobbies?

One of the deepest feminine pleasures is when a man stands full, present, and unreactive in the midst of his woman's emotional storms. When he stays present with her, and loves her through the layers of wildness and closure, then she feels his trustability, and she can relax. -- David Deida, The Way of the Superior Man
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post #22 of 41 (permalink) Old 04-28-2014, 12:54 AM Thread Starter
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Re: confession

i would say this is my daily confession, but lets not fool ourselves... i lack the discipline to post up everything i do wrong every day.


anyway, i get emotional when my wife and i argue. i know its not great. i know i could diffuse the situation much faster if i would just LISTEN to her and reflect her feelings back to her to let her know that she is being heard. instead, i get upset, perceive where i am being attacked, and i either attack her or clam up and tell her that i am not talking about it anymore.

i know its not all my fault... my wife has done things that make it hard for me. but, i want to be strong. i want to be able to rest in the knowledge that i can be an unshakable rock.

i guess i struggle with the line between believing that my own emotions are my own issue and considering my wifes willingness to work with me. the irritating part is that i KNOW she is willing to work with me. she has shown me that over and over again. and yet, i still trigger. she has made changes in her behaviour that absolutely blow my mind, but i still trigger from the past...


my confession is that i am not as strong as i want to be. im not as strong as i like to think.


despite that, i gotta say... i could not be more proud of my wife. she has come so far from when i first met her. the difference is more than i can describe. she is amazing now.

i love her and i want to be a stronger man. and i dont think lightly of myself... still not enough.

"The ecologist is continually having to look at the aspects of nature with which he is unfamiliar and perforce must be an amateur for much of his working time.... professionals may carp at omissions, misconstructions, or even downright errors in these pages. perhaps ultimately they may forgive them for the sake of the overall vision that only the amateur, or the ecologist, blithely sets out to experience."G. Evelyn Hutchinson
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post #23 of 41 (permalink) Old 04-28-2014, 08:34 AM
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Re: confession

That is a beautiful post, As'laDain.

As'laDain, you have many wonderful qualities. The fact that you are emotional also means that you are a good communicator, and are affectionate and attentive. I know your wife loves that, and really needs it, As'laDain. Thank you for giving that to her as much as you can.

There is no shame in saying, This is where I am. I don't want to stay here. But it is where I am right now.

Dh told me that when he starts to feel angry with me, he really makes an effort to calm himself. He knows that his words hurt more than mine, because of how much I look up to him and rely on him. He is careful of what he says, because he knows his words could crush me, and he does not want to do that.

Women like your wife and me really lean on our men. Not every woman seems to need that, but I do, and I suspect your wife does, too.

I am indeed married to a rock. But you know what? He doesn't communicate like I would like. He is not affectionate or attentive like I would like. He could be a lot stricter with me, and I think I would get more done. He definitely errs on the side of loving kindness and compassionate forgiveness.

And while I love that, and truly bask in it, I know it would not hurt for me to get a little more guidance from him.

One of the deepest feminine pleasures is when a man stands full, present, and unreactive in the midst of his woman's emotional storms. When he stays present with her, and loves her through the layers of wildness and closure, then she feels his trustability, and she can relax. -- David Deida, The Way of the Superior Man
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post #24 of 41 (permalink) Old 04-29-2014, 12:32 PM
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Re: confession

Well, I am 135 now. Not quite sure how. Maybe a little busier.

I really do think the best way to lose weight is to get interested in life. Takes the mind off snacking.

One of the deepest feminine pleasures is when a man stands full, present, and unreactive in the midst of his woman's emotional storms. When he stays present with her, and loves her through the layers of wildness and closure, then she feels his trustability, and she can relax. -- David Deida, The Way of the Superior Man
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post #25 of 41 (permalink) Old 04-29-2014, 09:05 PM
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Re: confession

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Oh, you sound sweet, Adeline.

I am mostly home, too. Just easier that way with all my kids.

What are your hobbies?
the cliché stuff, like movies and reading. I also like travelling. I love my dogs and do a few activities with them. School was my hobby for so long. I feel so lost without it I am seriously considering going back to tack on a certificate or something to my bachelor's. I must be crazy! It will keep me busy, but won't really give me much social fulfillment. Most students are younger than me, I enjoy class discussion with them, but not really hanging out outside of class.

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post #26 of 41 (permalink) Old 04-29-2014, 09:13 PM
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Re: confession

I hear you. I don't really have any hobbies, either.

I am thinking about hanging out at the kids' ballet school more. Usually I just drop them off and do errands, or go home. But the moms are pretty nice, and I could stand to make some more friends.

It is an effort, isn't it, trying to make friends. And takes patience. And some luck.

One of the deepest feminine pleasures is when a man stands full, present, and unreactive in the midst of his woman's emotional storms. When he stays present with her, and loves her through the layers of wildness and closure, then she feels his trustability, and she can relax. -- David Deida, The Way of the Superior Man
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post #27 of 41 (permalink) Old 04-29-2014, 10:32 PM Thread Starter
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Re: confession

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the cliché stuff, like movies and reading. I also like travelling. I love my dogs and do a few activities with them. School was my hobby for so long. I feel so lost without it I am seriously considering going back to tack on a certificate or something to my bachelor's. I must be crazy! It will keep me busy, but won't really give me much social fulfillment. Most students are younger than me, I enjoy class discussion with them, but not really hanging out outside of class.
for hobbies, i find that if i dont have something to contribute to the hobby, i wont feel much fulfillment from it.

for instance, i like to keep fish. aquariums and everything that goes on in them interest me.
now, i could just keep fish and be happy that i have pretty fish tanks. but... thats not really enough for me. so, i experiment and i post up the results of my experiments online on aquarium websites. i have forged some close friendships from this.

for instance, i know that i can collect live food for fish from water treatment plants. i know that i can go to a water treatment plant and collect several pounds of live food for fish in just a few minutes, for free. that means that i really dont have to pay for fish food if i dont want to, and its the best food you can get for ornamental fish.
some of the people in the hobby really appreciate that information. so, my attributions mean something.

so, do you like gardening? carpentry? remote controlled cars or airplanes? exercising? you could even turn personal development into a hobby...
you just gotta get excited about something.

right now i have a project going on where i am trying to raise a fish that nobody on earth has ever been able to raise in captivity before. its an ongoing process, and i may never succeed, but the constant discussions online have put me in contact with a lot of prominent people...
i have even had a few magazines ask me to write an article or two.

personally, i think hobbies are awesome. they are even better when you have someone else to share them with.


the thing is, if you try to come up with something new and have a community that will appreciate your contributions, and you actively try to make contributions, your social life will take care of itself.

"The ecologist is continually having to look at the aspects of nature with which he is unfamiliar and perforce must be an amateur for much of his working time.... professionals may carp at omissions, misconstructions, or even downright errors in these pages. perhaps ultimately they may forgive them for the sake of the overall vision that only the amateur, or the ecologist, blithely sets out to experience."G. Evelyn Hutchinson
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post #28 of 41 (permalink) Old 04-29-2014, 10:42 PM
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Re: confession

I agree, As'laDain. If someone is feeling bored and lonely, the best thing is to tackle the bored part first. The lonely then tends to take care of itself.

One of the deepest feminine pleasures is when a man stands full, present, and unreactive in the midst of his woman's emotional storms. When he stays present with her, and loves her through the layers of wildness and closure, then she feels his trustability, and she can relax. -- David Deida, The Way of the Superior Man
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post #29 of 41 (permalink) Old 04-30-2014, 12:36 AM Thread Starter
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Re: confession

my confession for the night...

i still struggle with some of the things i have seen... saw my best friend get ripped in half in a terrible care accident. i still carry a lot of guilt from it because i pushed him to go to a party. i still think that if i hadnt pushed him to go to the party so soon, he would still be alive. i still find myself thinking that if i would have just had more patience, that he would still be alive. i told my best friend that i wanted to leave. i wanted to go to an after party... i could have waited, but an ex-girlfriend was there and i was feeling uncomfortable around her.

anyway, my buddy pretty much did what i wanted. he was the closest friend i have ever had... when i had a hard time accepting that my my girlfriend was cheating on me, he was the one that helped me out. he set me up with other girls, etc. he encouraged me when i was feeling down.

one of the things he did was to get me into playing paintball. i turned out to be insanely good at woodsball. apparently im a natural stalker. i have to admit, if it werent for him i wouldn't have developed my stalking skills. i got to the point where i could tag my brother from ten feet away and he had no idea where i was...
i wouldnt have made it that far if it weren't for him. he had a habit of challenging me. for paintball, he would hide in the woods and have me seek him out. i would use a little pump action PGP and he would use a fully automatic angel...

half the time, i would beat him. it was exciting, so i did it. i practiced a lot.

he didnt just help me by way of paintball, he helped me through martial arts as well. i have been practicing an obscure martial arts since i was very young, and he was my sparing partner for several years. he wasnt very good, but he was incredibly enthusiastic. he would attack relentlessly, until i was really good at defending myself. he liked attacking. i liked defending... it just worked for us.

i miss him...

"The ecologist is continually having to look at the aspects of nature with which he is unfamiliar and perforce must be an amateur for much of his working time.... professionals may carp at omissions, misconstructions, or even downright errors in these pages. perhaps ultimately they may forgive them for the sake of the overall vision that only the amateur, or the ecologist, blithely sets out to experience."G. Evelyn Hutchinson
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post #30 of 41 (permalink) Old 04-30-2014, 12:59 AM
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Re: confession

Oh, As'laDain, I am sure you do. He was like a brother to you.

Do you think that when people leave our lives, there may be a higher reason for that than we realize? Do people just come into our lives on accident, and leave on accident?

I don't think so.

Please cherish those memories. Please forgive yourself for what happened. I really don't think it was all in your control.

((((((As'laDain))))))

One of the deepest feminine pleasures is when a man stands full, present, and unreactive in the midst of his woman's emotional storms. When he stays present with her, and loves her through the layers of wildness and closure, then she feels his trustability, and she can relax. -- David Deida, The Way of the Superior Man
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