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post #1 of 41 (permalink) Old 04-14-2014, 08:33 PM Thread Starter
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confession

i was thinking about something... i don't go to a regular church. my church lately is my friends, family, and coworkers.

i tell them of my struggles, my transgressions, and my joys. right now i am at a point in my life where i really cant enjoy close friendships through a local church. i move too much. ill have just enough time to get to know them, and then i will move to another part of the country. so, i don't go to church, but i still find that i need to tell people when i mess up from time to time.

im in the army, and lately, that has been my platoon sergeant and other senior NCOs. when i feel like i mess up, i tell them. they hold me accountable, and i move past it with their guidance. i find this form of confession far more useful and productive than just telling a man of faith my sins. this way, i am held accountable, and i actually grow. im forced to face it.

its scary as hell.


anyway, i was thinking, and i want to introduce this idea to others. so, this is my first attempt in that.

got something on your mind? did something you're ashamed of? post it here and follow advice of the TAM community. generally speaking, i find TAM to be pretty spot on when it comes to what needs to be done.


"The ecologist is continually having to look at the aspects of nature with which he is unfamiliar and perforce must be an amateur for much of his working time.... professionals may carp at omissions, misconstructions, or even downright errors in these pages. perhaps ultimately they may forgive them for the sake of the overall vision that only the amateur, or the ecologist, blithely sets out to experience."G. Evelyn Hutchinson
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post #2 of 41 (permalink) Old 04-14-2014, 09:05 PM
jld
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Re: confession

I can't believe I am posting this, but here goes, something I am really embarrassed by: I need to lose 10 lbs.

Now, it really is 10 lbs. Not 100, or 50, or 25. It really is 10.

I have been hitting the treats hard the last 6 weeks or so, and I really need to substitute a non-eating activity for them. I think every time I feel like pulling out the vegan chocolate chips or rice cakes with almond butter, I need to grab a cup of tea, or read something interesting, or just find some kind of substitute activity.

I am really at the top of the acceptable weight range for my height (I am 5'4" and weight 140 right now), and need to get back to 130 or so. I can't realistically maintain anything lower than 130. Or am just not willing to.

As'laDain, if you were not such a good friend, I don't think I would have dared post this. But I wanted to support your thread, you know!

One of the deepest feminine pleasures is when a man stands full, present, and unreactive in the midst of his woman's emotional storms. When he stays present with her, and loves her through the layers of wildness and closure, then she feels his trustability, and she can relax. -- David Deida, The Way of the Superior Man
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post #3 of 41 (permalink) Old 04-14-2014, 09:32 PM Thread Starter
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Re: confession

jld, thank you for your support! i know how scary it is to tell people that your not perfect... and show how that is true!
do you have a plan for losing weight?

i have to admit, i dont really have a plan for making sure that i dont drink too much. i dont even feel like an alcoholic, but i barely have anything in place to make sure that i am consuming responsibly, even though i usually just have a few shots. i think tommorow ill try laying out a certain amount of vodka and stick with that... basically pour out my shots into one glass and make that the limit for me. that way, i still get to drink with my wife when she wants to and i dont get drunk. in order for that to work though, ill have to make sure that i cant just pour more from the bottle later on...

"The ecologist is continually having to look at the aspects of nature with which he is unfamiliar and perforce must be an amateur for much of his working time.... professionals may carp at omissions, misconstructions, or even downright errors in these pages. perhaps ultimately they may forgive them for the sake of the overall vision that only the amateur, or the ecologist, blithely sets out to experience."G. Evelyn Hutchinson
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post #4 of 41 (permalink) Old 04-14-2014, 09:52 PM
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Re: confession

That is an admirable goal, As'laDain, cutting back on alcohol. I used to like sharing a bottle of wine with dh, but I have problems with my bladder, and I don't want to irritate it.

I hear you on a plan . . . or the lack of it.

I think trying to substitute non-food activities will help me, but I really think it is just keeping my goal in my mind. And being honest with myself about what I am eating.

Tomorrow I am making pasta salad for the boys, but I don't think I will eat it, because if I do, I will put Woodstock and Goddess dressing on, and they are loaded with fat! That is really how I put the 10 lbs on -- too much fat! And it was delicious!

I can't really count on dh for help, because he really doesn't care what I weigh, or not at 140. And to him it is only a health concern, not anything else. I think I would have to get to 160 before he would start mentioning health to me. And I don't plan to let it get that high!

He was surprised when I brought my weight up yesterday; he hadn't noticed. I think it is incredibly obvious.

You know, people don't think of food as an addiction, but treats are, I think. The things that put weight on me, like tahini dressing, or chocolate chips, or almond butter, or avocado, are not essential. I could avoid them. They just make food more fun. And I need to try to lessen my tendency to see food as fun.

Mostly I need something more interesting in my life than fun food.

Thank you for asking that question, and starting this thread. I was not really sure I wanted accountability, but this might be good.

One of the deepest feminine pleasures is when a man stands full, present, and unreactive in the midst of his woman's emotional storms. When he stays present with her, and loves her through the layers of wildness and closure, then she feels his trustability, and she can relax. -- David Deida, The Way of the Superior Man
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post #5 of 41 (permalink) Old 04-15-2014, 10:31 AM Thread Starter
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Re: confession

jld, is it possible for you to lose it through exercise? personally, i think exercise is the best way to lose weight.

or maybe i just really love exercise...


anyway, today i am going to forgo the vodka. im going to focus on spending some enjoyable time with my wife and daughter tonight. its what i normally do anyway, but i normally have a few shots of vodka.

im sure my liver will appreciate the break!

"The ecologist is continually having to look at the aspects of nature with which he is unfamiliar and perforce must be an amateur for much of his working time.... professionals may carp at omissions, misconstructions, or even downright errors in these pages. perhaps ultimately they may forgive them for the sake of the overall vision that only the amateur, or the ecologist, blithely sets out to experience."G. Evelyn Hutchinson
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post #6 of 41 (permalink) Old 04-15-2014, 10:47 AM
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Re: confession

Hey jld, I think you and I have the same build! I'm 5'4 and about 130; 140 gets heavy for me as well and I can get into the 120's but it's very tough. I am of the mindset that if you have to kill yourself it's not meant to be.

For me a few extra miles and cleaning out some refined starch usually does it.
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post #7 of 41 (permalink) Old 04-15-2014, 05:39 PM
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Re: confession

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Originally Posted by As'laDain View Post
jld, is it possible for you to lose it through exercise? personally, i think exercise is the best way to lose weight.

or maybe i just really love exercise...


anyway, today i am going to forgo the vodka. im going to focus on spending some enjoyable time with my wife and daughter tonight. its what i normally do anyway, but i normally have a few shots of vodka.

im sure my liver will appreciate the break!
For men, exercise really makes a difference. For women, diet is usually key.

I do exercise on the crosstrainer, though, every other day. I used to do it every day, but then I read you should only do it every other. Not sure if that is right or not . . .

Good job on the vodka. And I think I hear your liver thanking you.

Well, I ate the pasta salad today. And a chocolate chip cookie the boys made.

But I can still button my jeans, so it's okay.

One of the deepest feminine pleasures is when a man stands full, present, and unreactive in the midst of his woman's emotional storms. When he stays present with her, and loves her through the layers of wildness and closure, then she feels his trustability, and she can relax. -- David Deida, The Way of the Superior Man
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post #8 of 41 (permalink) Old 04-15-2014, 05:43 PM
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Re: confession

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Originally Posted by lifeistooshort View Post
Hey jld, I think you and I have the same build! I'm 5'4 and about 130; 140 gets heavy for me as well and I can get into the 120's but it's very tough. I am of the mindset that if you have to kill yourself it's not meant to be.

For me a few extra miles and cleaning out some refined starch usually does it.
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Hi, life! Yeah, I hear you on the refined starch. The flour products don't help me, that's for sure. But where I really notice the difference is the amount of fat I eat.

I did have some Woodstock on my pasta salad, but only one bowl. But there were plenty of chocolate chips in my cookie.

I think it just has to be important enough to me to cut back, or cut it out when I can. If it is not important enough, I will just eat what I want.

You are a runner, right? I bet you have no trouble staying at 130.

I can't run. My organs are at risk of prolapse. I could do more exercisewise, though, if I wanted to. Lazy here.

And congratulations on the pay increase!

One of the deepest feminine pleasures is when a man stands full, present, and unreactive in the midst of his woman's emotional storms. When he stays present with her, and loves her through the layers of wildness and closure, then she feels his trustability, and she can relax. -- David Deida, The Way of the Superior Man
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post #9 of 41 (permalink) Old 04-17-2014, 08:47 AM
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Re: confession

Patience. It is one of my main character flaws. I am turning it over to my higher power and actively seeking to work on it. Everyone wants what they want when they want it, but it becomes a problem, and sometimes an obsession, for me when it concerns my physical, mental or emotional needs.

Being impatient has cost me heartache, headache, and some self-flagellation. I am working on it.
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post #10 of 41 (permalink) Old 04-17-2014, 09:05 AM
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Re: confession

I think patience is an issue for most of us, movealong. Welcome to the thread.


One of the deepest feminine pleasures is when a man stands full, present, and unreactive in the midst of his woman's emotional storms. When he stays present with her, and loves her through the layers of wildness and closure, then she feels his trustability, and she can relax. -- David Deida, The Way of the Superior Man
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post #11 of 41 (permalink) Old 04-20-2014, 12:19 AM
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Re: confession

I am too patient; too patient in my plan to loose weight.
I have the same problem as jld but I have a LOT more weight to lose than 10 pounds!!

have no excuse it is just that i do not have the motivation and discipline right now. If I ever get off my BUNS then I will share with you all
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post #12 of 41 (permalink) Old 04-20-2014, 12:30 AM
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Re: confession

Lol, Mr. Blunt. I am not doing anything about it, either. I am not motivated enough, either!

One of the deepest feminine pleasures is when a man stands full, present, and unreactive in the midst of his woman's emotional storms. When he stays present with her, and loves her through the layers of wildness and closure, then she feels his trustability, and she can relax. -- David Deida, The Way of the Superior Man
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post #13 of 41 (permalink) Old 04-20-2014, 12:52 AM
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Re: confession

My situation is a blessing and a curse. The blessing is that my life is so good and I am so contented right now. the curse is that I am too satisfied to do anything about my weight.

Oh well I am sure some crises will come along and then I will get off my buns
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post #14 of 41 (permalink) Old 04-20-2014, 01:25 AM Thread Starter
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Re: confession

my vices:

i drink, i curse, i smoke. well, the smoking not so much, i quit recently, but its too recent for me to really feel like i quit yet.

oh, and sometimes i use porn. but, i cant remember the last time i used porn without my wife... so i guess that ones not too bad

"The ecologist is continually having to look at the aspects of nature with which he is unfamiliar and perforce must be an amateur for much of his working time.... professionals may carp at omissions, misconstructions, or even downright errors in these pages. perhaps ultimately they may forgive them for the sake of the overall vision that only the amateur, or the ecologist, blithely sets out to experience."G. Evelyn Hutchinson
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post #15 of 41 (permalink) Old 04-20-2014, 01:39 AM Thread Starter
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Re: confession

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mr Blunt View Post
My situation is a blessing and a curse. The blessing is that my life is so good and I am so contented right now. the curse is that I am too satisfied to do anything about my weight.

Oh well I am sure some crises will come along and then I will get off my buns
if you can find a way to make it fun, you wont need a crisis.

personally, i like to dance. like an idiot. on sundays.
with my four year old daughter.



oh, and i slay monsters and dragons with swords made of pencils and rolled up pieces of paper.

"The ecologist is continually having to look at the aspects of nature with which he is unfamiliar and perforce must be an amateur for much of his working time.... professionals may carp at omissions, misconstructions, or even downright errors in these pages. perhaps ultimately they may forgive them for the sake of the overall vision that only the amateur, or the ecologist, blithely sets out to experience."G. Evelyn Hutchinson
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