08-11-2008, 08:45 AM
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: Southern USA
| | Re: I need help
Up until a couple of months ago I would have been all for confronting him. Now, however, I see things much differently. My new counselor is helping me to achieve inner peace and I have also turned to the Bible for answers. From what you have written, it appears that your boyfriend is trying to distance himself from you. That being said, confrontation will only drive him farther away. So, you'll have to decide what you want. Do you want a loving relationship with him or do you want to have a relationship filled with demands and arguments? I strongly recommend you read "The Five Love Languages" by Gary Chapman. It has many techniques to help you move closer together (without confrontation). Although Gary Chapman has another book, "Hope for the Separated", I know it isn't for everyone. This book has many biblical references which I have found very helpful.
Also, if you begin confronting him about his e-mails to the ex, you're going to tip your hand. He will change his password and will probably begin doing other things unknown to you. Then, you will lose trust in him. For now, I'd say nothing and just watch the e-mails for a few weeks. In the meantime begin working on things to pull the two of you closer together.
I give you this advice because I tried the confrontation route in my marriage. It didn't work and I'm now separated. My husband saw me as controlling and rebelled. If you look at some of my posts, you'll see his rebellion has cost us everything.