I think my husband is cheating - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 3 (permalink) Old 06-18-2014, 08:15 PM Thread Starter
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I think my husband is cheating

So My husband and I have been married for 5 years. We have 2 children. We met online and hit it off from jump. My husband was very religious and I was attracted to him because if that. We would pray together, read the bible together and worship together. We did not have sex before we were married even though we only knew each other 4 months prior to is being married. But these past few years have been difficult, my husband has slowly lost sight of whats important. This is where my issue starts. He has 4 children besides the two we have together by 2 different women, on of them an ex wife and I had 1 prior to our marriage. He sees the 3 children he has by one of the females and everything is fine. I even go pick the children up, drop them off but his ex wife is something else. I am not allowed at her house ( which doesn't bother me) but what I don't like is the fact that he sneaks and texts her and when he goes to see his child he is gone for hours and will not answer his phone nor texts. The other day, i had to get something out of his suv and saw a gift from that child. Now normally it wouldn't matter but the thing is, I asked him and he lied and said he hasn't seen her. So why all the secrets and sneaking if your not hiding something? The day in question (fathers day) i was at work and I came home and had something planned for him only to find him gone. I attempted to call him and asked where he was and he was hesitant to respond and kept asking why I wanted to know. Well I am entitled to know for one because I his wife. He then came home a few hours later, drunk, and them attempted to have sex with me and actually called me his ex wife name. I instantly got mad and he tried to brush it off as if he was joking but I truly believe that he did it not realizing it. I an just so fed up. We have not had the best marriage and for the past 3 years I have been so unhappy, I have asked for a divorce so many times its unbearable. I have mentioned counseling but he doesn't want to do it. I am trying to stay for my children because they adore there father and I am working on my relationship with the lord because I too have not been the wife I should have been and I don't want my babies in the same situation as my oldest because if we divorce, i will be leaving the state because I have no family here but I refuse to live wondering and thinking he and his ex wife have something going on. Most of the time a woman's intuition is right. i have always assumed but don't have any solid evidence. So how can he claim to be a christian when he's breaking a lot of commandments. Its to the point I have thought of cheating. I just want someone to love me and only me. So confused.....
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post #2 of 3 (permalink) Old 06-19-2014, 01:39 PM
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Re: I think my husband is cheating

I am very sorry for your situation and understand your dilemma. I too am a Christian and have a broken marriage. I speak from a place of experience as well as a deep desire to honor God in my life. I hope that that is your desire as well. I say that because as a Christian your first priority is to know and follow Jesus personally. He is your source of fulfillment and He is the One who can guide your heart and mind.

Your husband is responsible for his own walk with God. I am very familiar with a great book that I highly recommend called Love Must Be Tough: New Hope for Marriages in Crisis by Dr. James Dobson. It is very specific in its advice and it could really help you in your current situation. It is written from a Christian perspective and it seeks to honor God while helping to create the best possible atmosphere to convince your husband that change is necessary.

Are you attending church regularly? A woman's group can be very helpful and supportive. You state that you have been very unhappy for three years. Do you think this is a healthy environment for your children? I am not advocating divorce in any way. I am advocating doing whatever it takes to produce change in your marriage. Just co-habitating with a spouse for "the sake of the children" does not bring honor and glory to God. A marriage built on His word and in His presence does. An appointment with your Pastor could be a great first step. My thoughts and prayers are with you.
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post #3 of 3 (permalink) Old 06-19-2014, 02:03 PM
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Re: I think my husband is cheating

Was there a specific question, or are you just venting? Cause that's ok too.

How long was there between your husband's last relationship and you meeting up with him? And you realize that it may not be realistic to leave your current location with the kids, as you may need his permission to do that.

As far as him cheating, I'd give it a 90% probability, based on what you describe. But I give it a 100% probability that he'll continue it as long as you let him.

How does he support all the children he's spawned?

And if you want to deal with his infidelity, you may want to move this post to the Infidelity forum...

C
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