I completely agree that her activities are wrong. But contacting her parents, and pastor, to try and convince her of such is very controlling. I know that makes no sense to you. You think all you want is what is best for her. But you're actually using that to justifying being controlling. It would be good for you to read Boundaries in Marriage by Cloud and Townsend.
I don't know if you are a believer, but it would definitely help me to understand your viewpoint if I knew. Also, what I did in asking her mother and our pastor comes straight from the bible, that which I try my best to live by. I fall short, yes, i do, but it is the authority from which i try my best to govern my life.
Matthew 18 says this:
15 If your brother wrongs you, go and show him his fault, between you and him privately. If he listens to you, you have won back your brother.
16 But if he does not listen, take along with you one or two others, so that every word may be confirmed and upheld by the testimony of two or three witnesses.
They were my witnesses.
Im sure you made a lot of "requests" that she respect your station. As I've said before, i know your requests sound innocent to you but they dont sound innocent on this side of things. The above sounds incredibly domineering, demeaning, and un-loving. You have an image to uphold and she might damage that image. And now? Your worst fears are coming to life, arent they. Do you actually care about your marriage or is divorce just a major blow to your ministry? How would you look as a divorced minister? That's it, isnt it. I remember when you first came on here you were obsessed with the idea of not divorcing. You'd do anything to keep that from tarnishing your record.
Nope, there were no more "requests" other than those any husband would have and nothing other than the same courtesies i extended to her. I didn't require that she go to bible study or Sunday school. I didn't require that she wear "preacher's wife's" clothing. I only asked that she let me know where she was going and what time i could expect her back as I voluntarily did for her EVERYTIME i left the house, because I felt a wife should know where her husband is. Was it asking too much to get the same in return? I didn't tell her she couldn't go out with her friends. I just asked that if she hang out with her girlfriends, that she not come home at 1 or 2am. And if asking for someone to do what is right is controlling, then shame on me.
It has absolutely nothing to do with trying to control her. And nothing to do with a "rep". You have no idea how much I LOVE my wife. You have no idea how I would trade anything in this world to have my wife back. The only thing i will not compromise is my devotion to God. I don't care about being a divorced minister. I would rather not be divorce PERIOD, minister or not. People say that unconditional love is not possible, but it is. Having endured much of what she has put me through over the last few months and still loving her as I do is unfathomable to many, but God loves me no matter what condition I'm in and that's how I feel about my wife. Good, bad, and all, I LOVE HER. I have even been told, by even some of her own family, that I'm crazy for fighting for her and my marriage in light of some of the things that are known to many, but "love" makes you do crazy things.