Alone in love - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 7 (permalink) Old 06-21-2014, 02:47 PM Thread Starter
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Alone in love

I recently realized that for the first time in my 28 year old life I have fallen in love. I have been in relationships but never felt this way about anyone. I used to be jealous, controlling. Not anymore. I want this person to be happy, I want him to do whatever makes him happy. But a part of me does want him to feel the same way about me. Unfortunately, he doesn't. We have been friends for almost 7 months now but never really took things to that next level.
He is moving to a different state in early fall and I am constantly torn between just letting him go and doing something to encourage him to think twice.
Why does God send someone in your life if that person is going to leave anyway? I have been struggling with feelings of selflesness and selfishness, and I have no clue how to handle how I feel.
Should I let him know and risk losing a friend, subjecting myself to heartache or should I let him go?
I was told I should fight for what I want and not be passive but is that even right with matters of the heart?

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post #2 of 7 (permalink) Old 06-21-2014, 05:04 PM
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Re: Alone in love

Did you tell him your feelings? What did he say?

If he doesn't feel as strongly as you do, then you're better off letting him go.

There may be things you can do to increase his attraction to you. Find out what excites him, and do those things or become that which excites him. Also become harder to chase, make yourself less available, so that if he really wants you, he'll realize you're a rare commodity and should not be taken lightly.

However, if at the end of the day he's truly not that interested as you are, your best bet is to let him go. You will find another love, especially at your prime and so young.
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post #3 of 7 (permalink) Old 06-23-2014, 04:53 AM
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Re: Alone in love

Yup the main question is did you tell him about your feelings?? If no than first of all try to tell him about your feelings just tell him about you feel about him. and also find out that how he feels about you. if you are interested in him then give him some hints or some signs from your side try to get close to him. Keep calm and try to approach him well be patient and take it easy..
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post #4 of 7 (permalink) Old 06-23-2014, 08:55 PM
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Re: Alone in love

That's a tough call pinktrees.... You COULD expose your feelings, but yeah, there is the risk of crashing and burning...and I'm sure most people can say that once you bring it up, it's either a romance begins OR a friendship ends. But ask yourself, have you been maintaining this friendship solely because of the potential for romance? If there was zippo chance for romance, would you bother to try to stay in contact?

I think how you answer should determine your course of action, 'cos if you are hanging around only because you want to be in a relationship, then it's best to disclose and get it out of the way, so you can either proceed or move on with your life. Many people don't risk declaring their love because they are so afraid of being denied, thus try to be content with a platonic relationship. That is MISERY.
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post #5 of 7 (permalink) Old 06-24-2014, 08:54 AM
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Re: Alone in love

Adding the conundrum of "why did God do this to me" is nothing more than self-induced wounds. God didn't do it, it's called life, it's random, and there are BILLIONS of people in this world. This one guy does not possess the sole key to your heart and happiness. Tell him how you feel, who knows, but in your own mind, you have to dial this back, you can't make it, "if I'm not his soul mate, too, I'll die," or something. Like FormerSelf said, if you're only liking this guy because you think it's your fated soul mate, then you might as well see how he feels. Otherwise, it's on you to just deal with the situation as is, which is to say, his going away.
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post #6 of 7 (permalink) Old 06-24-2014, 09:54 AM
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Re: Alone in love

If he is your good friend, I assume he has talked about other females , been open with you, so you should have some idea what he is looking for in a relationship/ romantic pursuit.. if he wants one.. has he had GF's in the past.. has he talked about them ... what were they like?...what is he attracted to?

Have you ever , in the last 7 months, felt he might want to take this to a higher level? Any moments you hold in your memory? Maybe you rebuffed him early on -possible?

I would ask yourself all of these questions before I would open up how you feel...(thinking how I would feel anyway)

Throwing a few hints so he has an opportunity to play off of them.. I could see that...go for it... but blatantly putting yourself out there --if he isn't throwing any of his own .. just be prepared ..it will put a dagger into your friendship..

Though some things are worth it.. as how will you feel if he finds someone else....and you are still friends, this will tare you up anyway.. so maybe the risk is worth it ...then move on......

Why is he leaving.. job related ?
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post #7 of 7 (permalink) Old 06-24-2014, 05:01 PM
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Re: Alone in love

I say what are you waiting for? You need to tell him ASAP.

With me - my first love actually loved me but never told me - she actually put off every sign that she did not - so I bailed. Then 26 years later - I did find out "the rest of the story" and even though I am happily married - I was totally pissed when she revealed this to me - I did not get to spend the rest of my life with my first love!! I am envious for those who get to do this. By the way - we tried to be friends on Facebook - we crashed and burned again 26 years later.

So don't be that girl who is too scared to let her feelings be known. Yes it may hurt if he does not feel the same - but, it is going to hurt just the same anyway if you don’t tell him and he leaves - because I promise - men and women cannot be friends with the opposite sex once married to someone else.
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