coconut

Hi all,

I met my boyfriend a about 3 1/2 years ago through a dating site. He was an exchange student in US and after a while had to return to his home country (he is from Denmark).
My parents were not against our relationship at first, but when my boyfriend asked me to move to Denmark to live with him they wouldn't allow me. I found a job and went to live my boyfriend anyway.
It's been 2 years already. I talked to my parents, they seemed to be ok with our relationship and me and my boyfriend decided to get married this spring. I thought that maybe now when I'm getting married my parents will at least come to my wedding, but my mother called yesterday and informed that they can't see their daughter marrying a foreigner.
What should I do? I'm confused and disappointed? I see no reason why they are so against our relationship

DanF

Do you want to marry your fiancee or your mother?

Blanca

awe im sorry coconut. my in-laws hate me, im a foreigner to them. my MIL did not want my H to marry me because she felt i wasnt good enough. my mom also did not want me to marry my H because he wasnt the right religion.

my H and I eloped. no family was invited. why would i want someone that wasnt entirely invested in helping my relationship at my wedding? It has been a really hard battle on both sides, but more so for my H. his family still really doesnt like me and he is really angry that his mom is so mean to me. i was angry at first too because he didnt stand up for me.

Dont put a lot of pressure on yourself to make everyone get along. you do need some boundaries with them but you can also see it as your family wanting the best for you. how does your H feel about it all?

__________________


"I'm a lover of what is, not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality."
- Bryon Katie

cb45

u dont tell enuff info.

u give simple reasons, like yer folks are that simple? that biased? that ignorant/bigoted?

maybe they have reasons u dont give/share. u wouldnt be the
1st here to do so. so, pls share more info. o/wise boyfriends,
girlfriends, foreigners, whatever, don't warrant a MEANINGFUL
response here at TAM, which by the way, is more inclined
towards marr'd folks, not wanna be's if i may be so blunt/direct.

also, u'll wanna post on general boards too where more traffic
more responses may greet yer entry, and not spirituality biased
type (?) responses like here on R&S.

shalom.....Gods best.

kristinlloyd

Hi Coconut,

It makes sense that you are disappointed because you expected your parents to show their support for you and your decisions. It's sad but your parents have their own opinions, just as you do, and while it would be good if they supported your decisions and came to your wedding, it seems that they won't. Maybe it is their way of showing you how strong they feel about their decision, but this is your life and your choice.
So these are my questions and they may seem silly but - Does your BF/fiance treat you right? Do you love him? Do you want to spend your life with him? Can you imagine your life without him?

IF you can't imagine being without him and want to be with him because of who he is and your love for him, having nothing to do with your parents, then your decisions are based on love and not on rebellion of your parents (which is what they might think this is).
Eventually they will get over it and once they meet him and know him, hopefully they will change their minds but sometimes these things take time. Depending on their background, upbringing and opinions, they might see him as someone who is taking you away from them, so they see him as an enemy. I'm sure your family loves you and wants you to be happy, but they might not understand your choices and that's okay. It's your life, live it to the fullest and be happy with your decisions. Everything else will hopefully workout!
Peace and Love,
~Kristin