Husband plays the lottery behind my back - Talk About Marriage
Relationships and Spirituality The place to look for faith based solutions.

User Tag List

 22Likes
Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Search this Thread
post #1 of 25 (permalink) Old 08-15-2014, 04:02 PM Thread Starter
Registered User
 
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 6
Husband plays the lottery behind my back

Hi there,

I am a Christian woman and i have very strong views against gambling. I only found out my husband plays the lottery after marriage and I once ordered him to throw away a stash of old lottery tickets he kept in the dashboard of his car.

I thought that was over but clearly not. I hv noticed he is still playing the lottery. Is this an addiction or he clearly does not care about my feelings about it and the fact that he carries on secretly means he couldnt care less of what i think?

Can i trust this man on anything??


Last edited by damilola; 08-15-2014 at 04:06 PM.
damilola is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
post #2 of 25 (permalink) Old 08-15-2014, 04:23 PM
Banned
 
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Canada
Posts: 8,913
Re: Husband plays the lottery behind my back

Most likely, he doesn't see it as a problem, so he chose to hide it from you and keep on doing it.

So now the ball is in your court... What are you willing to do about it? Whether it's an addiction, or he doesn't care about your feelings, or he thinks it's "no big deal", the end result is the same. He's going to keep on doing it until something happens to change his mind.

Is he religious too? Can you arrange a meeting with your religious leader?

C
Posted via Mobile Device
PBear is offline  
post #3 of 25 (permalink) Old 08-15-2014, 04:27 PM
aug
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 2,972
Re: Husband plays the lottery behind my back

how much does he spend on the lottery?
aug is offline  
 
post #4 of 25 (permalink) Old 08-15-2014, 04:28 PM
Member
 
Join Date: May 2014
Posts: 530
Re: Husband plays the lottery behind my back

seems like a minor thing, unless he's spending the family grocery money on it every week. But if it's important to you, I guess it's like any other boundary in a relationship.

how did he react when you 'ordered him' to throw out the tickets?
ReidWright is offline  
post #5 of 25 (permalink) Old 08-15-2014, 04:32 PM
Banned
 
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 492
Re: Husband plays the lottery behind my back

Quote:
Originally Posted by damilola View Post
Can i trust this man on anything??
I understand that this is important to you but be careful about assuming that he understands this. He might think it is innocent harm and so indulged it secretly with no malice. As gambling goes, this is pretty innocuous.

That said, you might raise the trust issue with him. Tell him how important this is to you. Even if he doesn't share your hard stance on gambling he should at least appreciate that you take it seriously and thus regard his continued indulgence as a trust issue.
ladymisato is offline  
post #6 of 25 (permalink) Old 08-15-2014, 04:39 PM
Member
 
Hope1964's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Alberta
Posts: 8,818
Re: Husband plays the lottery behind my back

Did your husband know that you have this problem with the lottery before you got married? Because, to many people, buying lottery tickets is not gambling.

People don't get a free pass to cheat just because their marriage sucks.

Our R
Hope1964 is offline  
post #7 of 25 (permalink) Old 08-15-2014, 05:14 PM
Moderator
 
EleGirl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: New Mexico
Posts: 32,924
Re: Husband plays the lottery behind my back

Quote:
Originally Posted by aug View Post
how much does he spend on the lottery?
damilola, this is a very important question. How much is he spending a week / month buying lottery tickets?
EleGirl is offline  
post #8 of 25 (permalink) Old 08-15-2014, 05:15 PM
Banned
 
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 492
Re: Husband plays the lottery behind my back

Quote:
Originally Posted by EleGirl View Post
damilola, this is a very important question. How much is he spending a week / month buying lottery tickets?
Keep in mind, however, that for OP this is also a matter of principle.
ladymisato is offline  
post #9 of 25 (permalink) Old 08-15-2014, 05:15 PM
Moderator
 
EleGirl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: New Mexico
Posts: 32,924
Re: Husband plays the lottery behind my back

Those lottery tickets that you made him throw away? Had he checked them to see if he won? why was he holding on to so many old tickets?
EleGirl is offline  
post #10 of 25 (permalink) Old 08-15-2014, 05:27 PM
Member
 
richie33's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: NYC
Posts: 2,081
Re: Husband plays the lottery behind my back

He doesn't share your beliefs. They were in his car, he had them on his dashboard, doesn't seem like he was hiding anything.


Stop complaining about what you don't have...start enjoying what you do have.
richie33 is offline  
post #11 of 25 (permalink) Old 08-15-2014, 05:44 PM
Member
 
Faeleaf's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 152
Re: Husband plays the lottery behind my back

You have a difference of opinion with your spouse. That's...pretty common, and nothing alarming.

What is alarming, is trying to resolve this difference of opinion by demanding that he toe the line of your convictions, or concluding that he "doesn't care what I think" when he doesn't toe that line. Let me ask you, do you "care what he thinks"? It seems to me there are two people here who aren't really placing much value on the other person's viewpoint.
Faeleaf is offline  
post #12 of 25 (permalink) Old 08-16-2014, 12:09 PM Thread Starter
Registered User
 
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 6
Husband plays the lottery behind my back

He must spend around 50 a week. Cz he buys lottery and raffle worth 10 a day.. Now the problem is he is already won before so am just wondering is it not greed or addiction we are dealing with. That win has already caused some trust issues in the marriage already so I dont know what to do.
damilola is offline  
post #13 of 25 (permalink) Old 08-16-2014, 12:35 PM
Moderator
 
EleGirl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: New Mexico
Posts: 32,924
Re: Husband plays the lottery behind my back

Depending on how much income your both have, 50 a week can be financially devastating or it can be chump change. I could spend that and it would not hurt me finally at all. You do not say that it's a financial hardship so I'm assuming it's not.

If it's not a financial hardship the 50 a week is not an addiction. It's not spiraling out of control. I'd say that it falling into the realm of entertainment.

There a few issues here that should be looked at individually first.

1) Your husband and you have a different value system. If you do not believe in gambling then I suggest that you not do it. Your husband is obviously fine with gambling. He gets to decide what you own values are. And he gets to live by his own values. If you don’t like his values either you divorce him or you accept his values. You are not in control of your husband. Are you this controlling over everything?

2) Use of one’s own earnings. Your husband earns an income. He has the right to spend some % of that income any way he wants. How much a week do each of you get as your own spending $$?

3) If his buying lottery tickets is hurting your family financially, then that’s what you deal with. Work on a budget and determine what each of you can have as spending money each week. Then each of you can spend your money any way you want.

From what you have said, your husband does not have a gambling addiction. He’s not greedy.
EleGirl is offline  
post #14 of 25 (permalink) Old 08-16-2014, 12:57 PM
Member
 
mablenc's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Danvers State Insane Asylum
Posts: 9,963
Re: Husband plays the lottery behind my back

Maybe it's an outlet, and maybe he doesn't share your believe that "it's wrong".
Is he a good husband otherwise?
Posted via Mobile Device
mablenc is offline  
post #15 of 25 (permalink) Old 08-16-2014, 04:53 PM
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 157
Re: Husband plays the lottery behind my back

Quote:
Originally Posted by damilola View Post
Hi there,

I am a Christian woman and i have very strong views against gambling....
What exactly does gambling have to do with Christianity? The "casting of lots" (where the term lottery came from) was actually a pretty common, and I'll figure "god approved" way of doing some things.

Does he covet money or some material thing? Is he just greedy? Why?

If this gambling has turned into a "sin" explain it to him.
HuggyBear is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Options

Register Now



In order to be able to post messages on Talk About Marriage, you must first register. Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.

Important! Your username will be visible to the public next to anything you post and could show up in search engines like Google. If you are concerned about anonymity, PLEASE choose a username that will not be recognizable to anyone you know.

User Name:
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.

Password:


Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.

Email Address:
OR

Log-in









Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



Thread Tools Search this Thread
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search



Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
If you won the lottery.... HeartbrokenW Life After Divorce 34 10-24-2015 12:42 PM
If you won the lottery... Chuck71 The Social Spot 49 05-22-2014 10:19 PM
If you won the lottery.... F-102 The Social Spot 38 06-07-2013 09:53 PM
If you won the lottery would you give your husband/ wife half and just leave? richie33 General Relationship Discussion 16 12-12-2012 08:54 PM
Anyone playing the lottery? Cherry The Social Spot 8 03-31-2012 12:19 PM

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

 
For the best viewing experience please update your browser to Google Chrome