Is my husband being honest with me? PLEASE HELP! - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 12 (permalink) Old 10-09-2014, 06:43 PM Thread Starter
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Exclamation Is my husband being honest with me? PLEASE HELP!

My husband and I have been working on our marriage. We collectively agreed not to masturbate so we can get closer to each other. To get to the point, I found semen stains on his side of the sheets that were absolutely not there yesterday. I made it clear to him that I would make love to him last night... with body language. But he told me he was tired and wanted to sleep. Normally he snuggles up to me so tight, I am sweating. He has been close to me like that for so long, I've grown accustomed to sleeping that way... last night I didn't sleep so well. He was way over on the other side of our King Sized bed, turned away from me, when I tried to snuggle him and hold his hand, he quickly grabbed it and moved it away from where I was going to put it. He had the corner of the sheet so tightly held in his grasp, I thought he would never change position. But he did. He rolled onto his stomach. Both of these positions are strange for him. I asked him... and even cried to him... why was he so far away? I told him I didn't get any sleep. He told me he was sorry and kissed me goodbye for work. Later, after I fed our baby, I went to lay her down next to me, and the corner of the sheet that was clutched so tightly in his hand was covered in semen stains. As well as the spot on the bed where he would have masturbated. He swears up and down that he didn't do it consciously. But why would someone completely change their sleeping pattern and move my hand so I couldn't feel the wetness, and try to hide, if they weren't consciously making a decision? We had just made love the night before and he made it obvious he wasn't interested in sex last night... or was he? But just not with me? Could he be telling the truth, or is he lying to me?

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post #2 of 12 (permalink) Old 10-10-2014, 05:28 AM
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Re: Is my husband being honest with me? PLEASE HELP!

Only your husband can answer the question truthfully. Can you try to give him benefit of the doubt and believe him?
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post #3 of 12 (permalink) Old 10-10-2014, 07:18 AM
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Re: Is my husband being honest with me? PLEASE HELP!

If you both are known to masterbate alone suggest having him watch you and you watch him. It might be a turn on for him and it may fix the problem.
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post #4 of 12 (permalink) Old 10-10-2014, 02:18 PM
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Re: Is my husband being honest with me? PLEASE HELP!

Why the agreement not to masturbate? "Getting closer" doesn't cut it. There are plenty of other ways to get closer.

If you aren't meeting his sexual needs, he's going to masturbate. And when I say "needs" be careful not to impose your "needs" as his. You may feel that sex once per week is a good sex life while he'd like to have sex every day.

If he excessively masturbates and refuses to have sex with you then yeah you have a problem. But a "no masturbation" agreement isn't how you solve it. Sounds like professional help is needed.
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post #5 of 12 (permalink) Old 10-15-2014, 08:14 AM
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Re: Is my husband being honest with me? PLEASE HELP!

He is being honest. He came spontaneously while asleep because his sperm built up. It is called night emissions, or a wet dream.
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post #6 of 12 (permalink) Old 10-20-2014, 11:03 PM
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Re: Is my husband being honest with me? PLEASE HELP!

You're reading too much into it. It's common for men to ejaculate in their sleep, aka nocturnal emissions, or wet dreams, even if they have an active sexual relationship with a partner. Don't hound him about it.
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post #7 of 12 (permalink) Old 10-21-2014, 07:05 PM
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Re: Is my husband being honest with me? PLEASE HELP!

It wasn't a wet dream if they had sex the night before as she describes. It definitely takes longer than a day for that to start happening.
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post #8 of 12 (permalink) Old 10-22-2014, 10:30 AM
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Re: Is my husband being honest with me? PLEASE HELP!

You know, most guys have this thing called an ego and believe it or not, hate to admit that they yank it from time to time. Most guys are embarrassed to admit it.

Yeah, it could be a wet dream, but just the way you worded it makes it sound like it isn't. At least he is not using porn.

If it gets in the way of the love making then I would have a direct conversation with him about it...but not in the moment.
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post #9 of 12 (permalink) Old 11-08-2014, 05:45 PM
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Re: Is my husband being honest with me? PLEASE HELP!

Quote:
Originally Posted by jerry123 View Post
If you both are known to masterbate alone suggest having him watch you and you watch him. It might be a turn on for him and it may fix the problem.
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post #10 of 12 (permalink) Old 11-11-2014, 11:30 PM
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Re: Is my husband being honest with me? PLEASE HELP!

I am more inclined to feel this is NOT a wet dream if you had relations the night before... combined with the behavior you have described..."I tried to snuggle him and hold his hand, he quickly grabbed it and moved it away from where I was going to put it. He had the corner of the sheet so tightly held in his grasp, I thought he would never change position. But he did. He rolled onto his stomach. Both of these positions are strange for him."

It's just ODD... You even cried to him..

What else is happening in your relationship? Has he hid things from you in the past, what is your communication like.. what brought about THIS agreement to save yourselves for each other.. whose idea was this ? Has he been prone to masturbating alone for a long time ? Sometimes habits are not so easy to break...

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post #11 of 12 (permalink) Old 11-12-2014, 06:00 PM
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Re: Is my husband being honest with me? PLEASE HELP!

Why is this in the spirituality section? I'm confused.

Anyway, I think the "no maturbation" rule to get closer had the opposite effect. At least this time..Perhaps it's time to retool.
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post #12 of 12 (permalink) Old 01-22-2015, 07:29 AM
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Re: Is my husband being honest with me? PLEASE HELP!

I think you must ask him whatever the question coming in your mind and be clear on your visions and whatever doubt you are getting. just ask be direct in life, if he is cheating dnt tolerate.
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