03-23-2011, 08:38 AM
Join Date: Oct 2010
| | Marriage/test of christianity...
H made statement to me last night "If it ends up you decide and say you need to go on without me to be truly happy, that will be the ultimate test of my christianity."
What does that really mean? He's wanting/trying to get very involved with Church and new outlook etc. I have told him if he truly and honestly wants to be this way, it's more than just on Sunday. One of many struggles I'm having is I do not want nor desire the indepthness he so desires and feels he needs.
So, during a conversation last night, he says he is afraid me seeking an IC is for help in me figuring out and finding a way to move on without him. And if that happens, although he knows he will have to accept it and move on, it will be the test of his christianity if he will be able to forgive me.
My immediate feeling is more pressure to figure out how to be happy with myself with a little guilt thrown in using religon.
More and more I think about past conversations and things, I starting to think we have both expected and depending on each other for happiness all these years. I'm starting to think neither of us have ever been happy with ourselves prior. Hmmm...no sure.