My husband has recently become religious and I'm sooo not - Page 5 - Talk About Marriage
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post #61 of 207 (permalink) Old 02-05-2015, 09:38 AM
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Re: My husband has recently become religious and I'm sooo not

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Originally Posted by daisybush View Post
Its good your husband become religious, explain him being religious is good thing but he should also maintain relation healthy way with you.
How dismissive. She states she does not follow religion, why would she tell him it's good that he's religious? Your telling her, so matter-of-factly that it's good he's religious, is tantamount to telling her, "your husband is now good, and you're not." She clearly does NOT think that it's a good thing, which puts her in the company of MILLIONS of other people. Never ceases to amaze me how blind religious people are to their judgmental nature.

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post #62 of 207 (permalink) Old 02-05-2015, 12:22 PM
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Re: My husband has recently become religious and I'm sooo not

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You HAVE to be kidding me, right? "Tolerance" isn't a hallmark of ANY religion, let alone Christianity. The Bible orders evangelism; that is, a good Christian's responsibility is to spread the faith, which includes making sure you tell people that they will go to hell if they don't follow its values. Keep in mind, that pesky commandment about not following other gods, so if you're religious, but not to the Christian god, you're going to hell. Sound like tolerance to you?

On the OP's particular topic, my issue would not be with his suddenly being a churchgoer. My reaction to this, and my attitude toward any such story from a religious person, is that this isn't critical thinking, this isn't intelligent perspective. Quite the opposite, I don't know, call it "wishful" thinking, "woo-woo," or I could probably use more pejorative terms. It's a desperation, it's something people do when they either don't want to take control/accountability, or can't. Your husband needed some "sign" to help him? And a drunk guy in a car was the answer to his prayers? This is DELUSION. He wanted a sign, he would have found it ANYWHERE, including in NOTHING. No matter what, after his "diligent prayer," he would have spent that whole day looking for the "signs," and eventually would have crafted just about anything into his "answer, and then proclaimed "God!"
That's a really simplistic understanding of the Bible. The gospels were written to evangalize that is true, but very early Christians had no power in the Roman empire. And there is no hell in the Bible. That would come later as a concept. Paul's letters were to instruct individual churches. The Bible has an extremely complicated history and Christianity is used, as other religions are used, to gain political power.
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post #63 of 207 (permalink) Old 02-05-2015, 12:31 PM
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Re: My husband has recently become religious and I'm sooo not

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Originally Posted by changedbeliefs View Post
I offer this to help you see how critical thinkers see "faith":
How are you being any different from a fundamentalist Christian who is evangalizing? At least a fundamentalist Christian will probably not insult your intelligence. I have a great respect for all different beliefs including atheists and agnostics. However, some atheists can be just as bad as the people they are complaining about.
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post #64 of 207 (permalink) Old 02-05-2015, 12:32 PM
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Re: My husband has recently become religious and I'm sooo not

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Originally Posted by Starstarfish View Post
I having a really hard time with your conclusion, Jaquen. That after laying out this beautiful flowing verse all about the glory of a Christian marriage based on a personal walk with Christ, that your conclusion for the OP is either get with the program or potentially face a divorce.

Or that if the don't divorce, it's probably because the husband is a bad Christian who just isn't it his faith. He's not rearly living it.

I'm sorry that's how you read my posts. But you're entitled to interpret them whatever way you chose.

This change, if lasting, affects them both. I will not blow smoke up anyone's butt; these kinds of conflicts can be potentially relationship killing. Is that a foregone conclusion? No, but lets be real, it's a possibility. She might be just as likely to find his new road as unpalatable as the reverse. I'm not even condoning, or suggesting, divorce here. But I'm not going to stick my head in the clouds and pretend that this outcome isn't a very plausible one, and I believe they (or anyone in a similar situation) should be prepared for the worst case scenario.

I never called him a "bad christian", or even implied it. But there is a vast difference between a christian who mostly keeps their spirituality an individualized thing, which makes mixed-faith marriages easier, and someone who requires a partner in the faith. How, pray tell, is a christian who longs to implement the spiritual partnered view of marriage, where both are praying, studying and serving together, for what they believe to be the purposes of God, suppose to handle this situation? And what if the unbelieving party has ZERO interest in walking that spiritually partnered road? I'm genuinely curious as to how you'd resolve this conundrum.

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Originally Posted by Starstarfish View Post
Honestly, both those posts seem to only exist as a way to brag about the superiority of your marriage as an example of "proper Christian behavior" and extort people for not coming to faith earlier in life and therefore making it a major tenant in who they choose to marry.
I'm confused. How did you, out of two lengthy posts, get the idea that I was bragging about the superiority of my marriage when I actually didn't even once mention any details about my own marriage?

Last edited by jaquen; 02-06-2015 at 11:31 AM.
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post #65 of 207 (permalink) Old 02-05-2015, 12:35 PM
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Originally Posted by Married but Happy View Post
Most likely, faith is (on balance) a non-detrimental/non-beneficial side effect of another evolved trait that does have survival value. One such hypothesized trait is the survival advantage children gain when they unquestioningly believe in and obey authority, until such time as they are able to gain sufficient experience to avoid or respond to dangerous situations on their own.
Well put. I thought of that angle as well.
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post #66 of 207 (permalink) Old 02-05-2015, 12:50 PM
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Re: My husband has recently become religious and I'm sooo not

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OR, he may pull out this little gem:

"Ephesians 5:22: Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord."

and suddenly command her to be some subservient slave wife to him. Which brings me back to my favorite saying in all the world lately: "You don't need religion to justify good ideas; you need it to justify the bad ones." Now that "God is on his side" and is answering his prayers, who knows what's on the table for him to try to claim is "God's will."

What no believer here is going to understand, is that to critical thinkers, to non-believers, "people of faith" are virtually indistinguishable from the people in the insane asylum. You hear voices, you claim to be getting signs from beyond, you believe you can close your eyes and think thoughts and that your god will subsequently change reality based on your requests. Believers rise up, like you, and claim that "having faith" is some ethereal achievement, you are "thrilled" that he's "found Christ" as if it's truly an accomplishment. Deciding you're being watched over by an imaginary being is dysfunctional, I'm sorry, it just is. Tell me how it's different than deciding the Loch Ness Monster exists, or Big Foot, but now add in that those beings are actually personally interested in your life and well-being? Gah, I can't even continue, I can only imagine the half-****ed justifications you'll start ringing off...
You're rocking some pretty hardcore prosthelytizing there that would revival even the most venomous, fire-and-brimstone judgemental preacher.

Humans. The more things change, the more they stay the same.
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post #67 of 207 (permalink) Old 02-05-2015, 12:52 PM
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You're rocking some pretty hardcore prosthelytizing there that would revival even the most venomous, fire-and-brimstone judgemental preacher.

Humans. The more things change, the more they stay the same.
Hey! You just quoted me! ��
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post #68 of 207 (permalink) Old 02-05-2015, 01:27 PM
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Re: My husband has recently become religious and I'm sooo not

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This change, if lasting, affects them both. I will not blow smoke up anyone's butt; these kinds of conflicts can be potentially relationship killing.
I am entirely on the other end of the religious spectrum from jaquen, but otherwise I am in complete agreement with him and I had no issue with anything he said. If one person takes being religious seriously, and the other person takes *NOT* being religious seriously (as I do, and as it sounds like the OP does), then basically you have people with two fundamentally different worldviews about the legitimacy of sources of knowledge, the nature and sources of goodness and morality, etc, etc. That is a HUGE and fundamental conflict and source of incompatibility in a marriage... I can't imagine a bigger one.

If my wife became a Christian of any sort, that would be a massive problem for me, and if she became as serious as the OP's husband is, that would pretty much be a deal breaker. She simply wouldn't be the same person I married. After careful consideration of the evidence, I have decided that religion is delusional nonsense (even if it has evolutionary advantages, that does not make it less delusional), and I have no interest whatsoever in a) revisiting that decision b) being the life partner of a person who has embraced delusional nonsense.

(likewise, a devoutly religious person thinks that *I* am the misguided one. That's fine, atheists and Christians aren't going away and so are going to have to learn to get along in the public square... but for them to get along in a *marriage*? uh uh).

Last edited by MarriedManInHis40s; 02-05-2015 at 01:33 PM.
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post #69 of 207 (permalink) Old 02-05-2015, 01:43 PM
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Re: My husband has recently become religious and I'm sooo not

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I am entirely on the other end of the religious spectrum from jaquen, but otherwise I am in complete agreement with him and I had no issue with anything he said. If one person takes being religious seriously, and the other person takes *NOT* being religious seriously (as I do, and as it sounds like the OP does), then basically you have people with two fundamentally different worldviews about the legitimacy of sources of knowledge, the nature and sources of goodness and morality, etc, etc. That is a HUGE and fundamental conflict and source of incompatibility in a marriage... I can't imagine a bigger one.

If my wife became a Christian of any sort, that would be a massive problem for me, and if she became as serious as the OP's husband is, that would pretty much be a deal breaker. She simply wouldn't be the same person I married. After careful consideration of the evidence, I have decided that religion is delusional nonsense (even if it has evolutionary advantages, that does not make it less delusional), and I have no interest whatsoever in a) revisiting that decision b) being the life partner of a person who has embraced delusional nonsense.

(likewise, a devoutly religious person thinks that *I* am the misguided one. That's fine, atheists and Christians aren't going away and so are going to have to learn to get along in the public square... but for them to get along in a *marriage*? uh uh).
No. People who have to be right think this way. Some people can be all right with someone else having a different belief system than they do and still make a relationship work. There are plenty of people like that.
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post #70 of 207 (permalink) Old 02-05-2015, 01:50 PM
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Re: My husband has recently become religious and I'm sooo not

MarriedManInHis40s and Pooh Bear can both be right - it depends on the people involved in a particular case, their attitudes, and the quality of the relationship to begin with. For some it's clearly a deal breaker, but for others it may be something they can work with.


Love is an ideal thing; marriage is a real thing; a confusion of the real with the ideal never goes unpunished. - Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

CELIBACY IS NOT HEREDITARY.
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post #71 of 207 (permalink) Old 02-05-2015, 01:51 PM
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Jesus Christ is the most important figure in my life. I would have never married a woman who didn't have a personal relationship with him as her savior. It would never work because I couldn't be married to someone who didn't share THE single most important part of my life.

When people use "I" and "my", I assume by default that following comments are personal and autobiographical in nature.

So if you honestly weren't talking about yourself and your wife following that statement, sorry. Otherwise my point stands.

As for how is the faithful in that situation supposed to feel when their marriage isn't what they feel marriage should be on a spiritual level, I have no idea. I have no real answers, as I'm in the same situation myself to a certain degree. Though it wasn't a sudden conversion.

We adopted method #1, we simply no longer discuss religion or related topics and no longer attend church. Does it feel like something is missing? Yes, but the alternative (as you suggested) seems worse.
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post #72 of 207 (permalink) Old 02-05-2015, 02:01 PM
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Re: My husband has recently become religious and I'm sooo not

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Some people can be all right with someone else having a different belief system than they do and still make a relationship work.
Well, a lot of people can't, because they view religious beliefs and how they are chosen as a core part of a person's identity. This is a lot more important than picking a team to cheer for in the Super Bowl.

I couldn't. Jaquen couldn't. It sounds like the OP couldn't (note the thread title again: she is "sooo not religious"! Three o's in "so"! She sounds pretty sure! )
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post #73 of 207 (permalink) Old 02-05-2015, 02:06 PM
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This is a lot more important than picking a team to cheer for in the Super Bowl. )
Why you gotta rub salt in my wound like that?!!???��
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post #74 of 207 (permalink) Old 02-05-2015, 02:16 PM
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Re: My husband has recently become religious and I'm sooo not

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Why you gotta rub salt in my wound like that?!!???��
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Tell me about it. Why you no give ball to Lynch? Why? (OK, this is off topic ).
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post #75 of 207 (permalink) Old 02-05-2015, 02:18 PM
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So I'm new to this forum but glad I found it. I don't really have anyone to really talk to about this type of situation. So here's the deal.

My husband has recently, in the last three weeks, become a very strong believer. He had an incident with one of his employees that works for our company that resulted in finding the worker intoxicated in his car before work. He saw this as god answering his prayer because the night before he prayed that god would help him find a way to make sure his guys had enough work so he wouldn't have to lay anyone off. This certain worker was new to the trade and wasn't really up to snuff as it were. Showing up to work intoxicated was grounds for termination thus one less person to have to worry about keeping busy. I saw it as a drunk that was passed out in his car and he got busted but like I said my husband saw it as a gift from god. Ever since he's said he's felt different like he's had the spirit of god flow through him. He reads the bible every night and has made some other changes in a very short period of time. It's been a real shock to me and our relationship. I am not a believer in any way, shape, or form and tried to be supportive in the beginning but now I feel like it's completely changed our marriage because I'm constantly worrying about how he's viewing my words and actions. I know I look at him differently now too.
When we got married we had discussed our religious views and we were pretty much on the same page. We didn't follow any particular religion and didn't really have any interest in the Christian ideals. Now of course that has all changed. He has started going to church by himself and it kind of makes me angry because owning your own business is busy enough and now he's takes more time away from our family to go to church. I know that's not the right way to view it but that's how I feel. Like I said I'm in no way close to being religious and have no interest at all in any faith so this is all a shock to me. This sudden new found religion has definitely put our marriage on the rocks and all I can think of is the old saying "a family that prays together stays together" so if we are in two different worlds now does that mean our marriage won't work?
The value of anything is how much sacrifice or money you give for it, determined or motivated by how precious it is to YOU. I have read few replies before I thought of chipping in my widow's mite. I will keep it simple and straight to the point, cutting it short in righteousness. If you see your husband as the head of your family, follow him. Even if you don't feel so, fake it. Fake going with him and take advantage of the going to learn is newly found "religion" as you called it. It seems to me your husband has found something more than a religion, he's found relationship with God. A word is enough for the wise.
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