My husband has recently become religious and I'm sooo not - Page 6 - Talk About Marriage
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post #76 of 207 (permalink) Old 02-05-2015, 02:21 PM
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Re: My husband has recently become religious and I'm sooo not

Good discussion, but it may be a bit academic. The OP hasn't logged in for nearly a month.

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post #77 of 207 (permalink) Old 02-05-2015, 02:38 PM
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Re: My husband has recently become religious and I'm sooo not

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The value of anything is how much sacrifice or money you give for it, determined or motivated by how precious it is to YOU. I have read few replies before I thought of chipping in my widow's mite. I will keep it simple and straight to the point, cutting it short in righteousness. If you see your husband as the head of your family, follow him. Even if you don't feel so, fake it. Fake going with him and take advantage of the going to learn is newly found "religion" as you called it. It seems to me your husband has found something more than a religion, he's found relationship with God. A word is enough for the wise.
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Fake it? As an atheist, I couldn't "fake" such a thing.

Is it so hard to understand that some of us think God is as real as Zeus, unicorns, and magic beans? And that someone who now has a relationship with a mythical creature or magic beans is not desirable or compatible as a life partner, especially if we married when both of us thought god = unicorns and magic beans and now one has changed?

I couldn't fake accepting my SO starting to believe unicorns exist, and that he has a personal relationship with a unicorn, and that I should go to the unicorn palace to learn more about his non-existing unicorns.
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post #78 of 207 (permalink) Old 02-05-2015, 03:19 PM
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Re: My husband has recently become religious and I'm sooo not

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I couldn't fake accepting my SO starting to believe unicorns exist, and that he has a personal relationship with a unicorn, and that I should go to the unicorn palace to learn more about his non-existing unicorns.
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post #79 of 207 (permalink) Old 02-05-2015, 03:44 PM
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Re: My husband has recently become religious and I'm sooo not

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I can speak as someone that is a Christian, if he truly has turned himself over to God now, your marriage will no longer work.
As someone who is an atheist, thank you for pointing this out.

There are way too many people in this thread making light of this change.

If her husband truly has had an intellectual conversion to Christianity their marriage is most likely doomed.

Square peg/Round hole.

As far as love...the only thing you will regret in life is the risks you never took.
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post #80 of 207 (permalink) Old 02-05-2015, 04:15 PM
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Re: My husband has recently become religious and I'm sooo not

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Originally Posted by JustNeedOpinions View Post
If you see your husband as the head of your family, follow him. Even if you don't feel so, fake it.

As far as love...the only thing you will regret in life is the risks you never took.
-mineforever
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post #81 of 207 (permalink) Old 02-05-2015, 04:27 PM
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Re: My husband has recently become religious and I'm sooo not

I don't buy the doom and gloom or the notion that people have to be extremes of intolerance. I love my wife whether she's god fearing or not and it's that simple. Our oldest son and his wife are devought christians yet our middle son is an athiest and our youngest goes to church sometimes. I love them exactly the same amount each. The concept of loving or not loving my wife based on if she loses her faith is ridiculousness. If she became energized and wanted to go to church all of the time then I'd go with her. Currently we don't go very often though.

I'm as deep as a puddle. Holland.
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post #82 of 207 (permalink) Old 02-05-2015, 04:34 PM
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Re: My husband has recently become religious and I'm sooo not

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Good discussion, but it may be a bit academic. The OP hasn't logged in for nearly a month.
Love academic. We can have academic.
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post #83 of 207 (permalink) Old 02-06-2015, 08:17 AM
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Re: My husband has recently become religious and I'm sooo not

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You're rocking some pretty hardcore prosthelytizing there that would revival even the most venomous, fire-and-brimstone judgemental preacher.
Au contraire. Hear about this guy who punched a teenager in the chest and "crumpled him....just crumpled him" for "not taking the Lord seriously"?

Pastor: I punched a kid ‘as hard as I could’ for ‘not taking the Lord serious’

Or how about the pastor who said we could have an "AIDS-free Christmas" if we just listened to the Bible: "Because if you executed the homos like God recommends, you wouldn’t have all this AIDS running rampant.”

Arizona pastor predicts ‘AIDS-free Christmas’ if all gays are killed, as God commands

Or this guy who is simply 100% sure that people that don't believe what he does are simply doomed to hell (ya know, torture, fire, eternal damnation - gee thanks!)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eAen2NPDr8A
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TedHVzZdkSw

Religion is used as justification for some of the most horrific notions floating around the world today. These are just the tip of the iceberg. I'm prosyletizing? Yeah, for REASON, and LOGIC, if you want to call it that. Atheists don't preach "fire and brimstone," we teach real life, here and now, people, each other, and an utter lack of either supernatural directives, punishments or rewards.
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post #84 of 207 (permalink) Old 02-06-2015, 10:20 AM
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Re: My husband has recently become religious and I'm sooo not

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No. People who have to be right think this way. Some people can be all right with someone else having a different belief system than they do and still make a relationship work. There are plenty of people like that.
To follow up on this point, I don't know what it means to "have to be right", but I certainly try to be right.... don't you? Doesn't everyone? Not that it matters to me, but you make it sound like using one's mind to consider the evidence and draw conclusions (ie: use reason) is some kind of character flaw.

BTW, @changedbeliefs, just my two cents but I don't think this is the right venue for the debate you're engaging in. We atheists have our reasons for believing what we believe. Religious people have theirs. This isn't really the right place to explore/debate those reasons... there are about five million other places on the internet where people can have that discussion if they want it. (likewise, this isn't really the right place for Christians to assert, as several here have, that the mixed-faith relationship problem would be easily solved if atheists could only just smarten up, abandon their values, and accept that they're completely wrong). I think this discussion should be best kept to the area of how mixed-faith relationships can (or can't) work.

Last edited by MarriedManInHis40s; 02-06-2015 at 10:44 AM.
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post #85 of 207 (permalink) Old 02-06-2015, 10:45 AM
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To follow up on this point, I don't know what it means to "have to be right", but I certainly try to be right.... don't you? Doesn't everyone? Not that it matters to me, but you make it sound like using one's mind to consider the evidence and draw conclusions (ie: use reason) is some kind of character flaw.

BTW, @changedbeliefs, just my two cents but I don't think this is the right venue for the debate you're engaging in. We atheists have our reasons for believing what we believe. Religious people have theirs. This isn't really the right place to explore/debate those reasons... there are about five million other places on the internet where people can have that discussion if they want it. (likewise, this isn't really the right place for Christians to assert, as several here have, that the mixed-faith relationship problem would be easily solved if atheists could only just smarten up, abandon their values, and accept that they're completely wrong). I think this discussion should be best kept to the area of how mixed-faith relationships can (or can't) work.
There goes someone else spouting logic! ��
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post #86 of 207 (permalink) Old 02-06-2015, 11:47 AM
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Re: My husband has recently become religious and I'm sooo not

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.

So if you honestly weren't talking about yourself and your wife following that statement, sorry. Otherwise my point stands.
In the context of the subject of this topic, I outlined what my personal criteria for marriage is. No different than the several people who have declared they could never marry a believer because they take unbelief seriously. There were no discussions about the personal, intimate details of my marriage, and certainly nothing to suggest that I was, to quote you, bragging about the "superiority of [my] marriage" as some shining example of "proper christian behavior". And the notion that I was "extorting people for coming into the faith later in life"? Only God knows where you got that. At least a dozen people in this thread have shared their various boundaries within marriage when it comes to this topic, and most of them have shared vastly more intimate details than I have in this thread. For some odd reason, you picked out a small segment of my post and blew it enormously out of proportion.

You are projecting.

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.


We adopted method #1, we simply no longer discuss religion or related topics and no longer attend church. Does it feel like something is missing? Yes, but the alternative (as you suggested) seems worse.

I didn't suggest an alternative. I outlined possibilities that people face in these circumstances, and a relationship ending is a real possibility. Especially for believers and non-believers alike who decide that "method #1" isn't palatable. Not everyone is willing to bury the topic of their belief/disbelief, as various people in this very thread have outlined, people of all different perspectives. I couldn't do it. VMS couldn't do it. MarriedManInHis40s wouldn't do it. It would be foolish for me to ignore that possibility.
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post #87 of 207 (permalink) Old 02-06-2015, 11:53 AM
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Re: My husband has recently become religious and I'm sooo not

There are worse things a husband might become involved in than religion. He could have joined the Hell's Angels, started cooking meth, got into kiddie porn, just got into the neighbor's wife, or invested all the family's money in Blockbuster.
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post #88 of 207 (permalink) Old 02-06-2015, 12:03 PM
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Re: My husband has recently become religious and I'm sooo not

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Religion is used as justification for some of the most horrific notions floating around the world today.
Human beings have never lacked for finding justifications to do the most abhorrent things to one another. Plenty of people have said, and done, horrifying things in the name of their perception of God. And plenty of non-believers have too, for reasons that have nothing to do with religion or spirituality.

You seem focused on this one bee in the bonnet. I see many. Such is life.
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post #89 of 207 (permalink) Old 02-06-2015, 12:07 PM
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Re: My husband has recently become religious and I'm sooo not

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invested all the family's money in Blockbuster.
Hey, that would have been an excellent idea if they cashed out sometime in the late 90s/early 00s!
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post #90 of 207 (permalink) Old 02-06-2015, 01:20 PM
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Re: My husband has recently become religious and I'm sooo not

Hi Everyone,

Been a while since Ive been on but saw this post come up in my email and just had to check it out..

My first thought was "did you talk to him about your issues"

But after thinking about it and reading the response you have here (many of them very good), I just would like to add on simple but true thing. No matter what relationship your in or will get in..... people don't stay the same.... they develop new interest.. they get sick... they change their likes and dislikes. they get old... They get hurt....

What is your commitment level? If you don't have a high commitment standard, be truthful and let him know this may be a deal breaker for you as well as anything else that comes up that "you" aren't sure you can live with.

I'm not meaning that as sarcastic as it sounds, sorry.. I think there are and should be some things that you say "no" that's not going to be acceptable behavior from you... but in a partnership there are more things that although you don't believe or may think the same on them (politics, religion etc..) you not only accept but participate if you can, that's called love, commitment, caring.....Look to see what it can add to your life or take away and make a decision that way....

“Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending.” -Maria Robinson
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