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post #16 of 23 (permalink) Old 01-13-2015, 03:53 PM
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Re: My Husband is Delaying our Church Wedding

The less devout partner is often uncomfortable with church things. Just going to the church can be a challenge. I don't see this as an excuse but rather as a concern. Whether his unemployment or his lack of faith is the bigger factor, the solution is probably a talk with the clergy.
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post #17 of 23 (permalink) Old 01-13-2015, 04:59 PM
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Re: My Husband is Delaying our Church Wedding

I understand why you want to get married in the church, but you have yet to answer a fundamental question. What exactly did he say when you asked him why he wants to postpone the church wedding?
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post #18 of 23 (permalink) Old 01-19-2015, 11:40 AM
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Re: My Husband is Delaying our Church Wedding

Good evenign pretzelpops
Is it possible that the financial issue IS the key? Maybe that while you *can* afford it, he doesn't believe that you can do so without some hardship. Is it possible for you to have a religious ceremony without any significant expense? A ceremony that would be acceptable in the eyes of god and the church, but which does not involve any sort of fancy (expensive) social gathering?

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Financially, we are okay. We already have a budget set for the wedding. Can you imagine all the planning I have gone through only to find out that he doesn't want it yet? I even got all the necessary documents now it's all gonna be expired! We only had a civil wedding upon the advise of our attorney so that we can file a Prenuptial agreement because my mother wished for that and I honored her request.

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post #19 of 23 (permalink) Old 01-19-2015, 11:50 PM Thread Starter
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Re: My Husband is Delaying our Church Wedding

richardsharpe, that's exactly the plan. I thought that he would be uncomfortable with a "fancy" party, and this plan is already long overdue so we won't be inviting a lot. I am aware that the church ceremony is more important than the reception.
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post #20 of 23 (permalink) Old 01-19-2015, 11:57 PM Thread Starter
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Re: My Husband is Delaying our Church Wedding

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I understand why you want to get married in the church, but you have yet to answer a fundamental question. What exactly did he say when you asked him why he wants to postpone the church wedding?
He actually had a very vague answer. He said "I know it is about you but how about me?" I don't actually understand what that meant.
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post #21 of 23 (permalink) Old 01-20-2015, 02:26 AM
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Re: My Husband is Delaying our Church Wedding

It's not important to him, or something he thinks is a priority.

Why did you not have a church wedding the first time?

He probably has told you the reasons he doesn't want to (or wants to delay it) but you might not be really listening to him because your heart is set on the wedding.

Maybe he just really doesn't want to have anything formal, thinking people won't be excited to be there because you're technically already married after living together so long.

From my personal standpoint, I wouldn't want to be in front of a crowd (even of friends and family), and a lot of people don't like to be the center of attention like that.

It could be that he feels like he hasn't been dedicated to the church, so doesn't feel entitled to a church wedding.

Another possibility is that he thinks it's a waste of money, or the money could be better spent on other things.

Has he said any of these things? Maybe he doesn't want to let you down, but really just doesn't want the church wedding.

Can the two of you come to a compromise on it? Ask him what his biggest concern is with it, and try to work together on compromising to where you both could be happy. For instance, if his biggest concern is about the expense, trim the expense more.

For you, is it only about feeling like you're married in God's eyes, or about the wedding itself?
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post #22 of 23 (permalink) Old 01-20-2015, 04:23 AM
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Re: My Husband is Delaying our Church Wedding

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Originally Posted by pretzelpops View Post
He actually had a very vague answer. He said "I know it is about you but how about me?" I don't actually understand what that meant.
This! you do need to understand. So I'll try to explain it. We have this tradition that the wedding is the brides special day. The big dress the friends and family the whole production to make her feel special. If the groom shows up mostly sober he is at best a prop for the bride. This is so wrong. The wedding is the formation of a family. It is the creation of something new and special and important. He is a vital part of that new entity and we treat him like an accessory. You want him on board with this you need to make him as big of a part of it as you are.

Otherwise just tell him to show up and sign the paper and say the words.

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post #23 of 23 (permalink) Old 01-22-2015, 07:26 AM
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Re: My Husband is Delaying our Church Wedding

I think if he is delaying for marriage then i think their sure shot some problem in him mind , you must ask him directly and dnt trust too much on him. life is very small go ahead with truth and acceptance.
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