My Husband is Delaying our Church Wedding - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 23 (permalink) Old 01-09-2015, 12:23 AM Thread Starter
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My Husband is Delaying our Church Wedding

We've been living together for the past 7 years and have a 4 year old son. We had a civil wedding last year and we agreed that we will have it ratified in the church last December or early this year. Suddenly all the plans were changed, he kept on delaying the date and now he is telling me that we'll have it on December this year because he is not ready. How sure am I that he's not gonna think of other excuses to delay it more? I only want a simple church wedding and sometimes I don't understand his reasons. We are both Catholics but I go to church more often (I am more devout) and the changed plans and this situation of not being able to marry in the church is upsetting me.

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post #2 of 23 (permalink) Old 01-09-2015, 01:34 AM
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Re: My Husband is Delaying our Church Wedding

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We've been living together for the past 7 years and have a 4 year old son. We had a civil wedding last year and we agreed that we will have it ratified in the church last December or early this year. Suddenly all the plans were changed, he kept on delaying the date and now he is telling me that we'll have it on December this year because he is not ready. How sure am I that he's not gonna think of other excuses to delay it more? I only want a simple church wedding and sometimes I don't understand his reasons. We are both Catholics but I go to church more often (I am more devout) and the changed plans and this situation of not being able to marry in the church is upsetting me.
I'm sorry. That's not right.
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post #3 of 23 (permalink) Old 01-09-2015, 01:40 AM
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Not ready for the ceremony? I mean you guys are already married. That's a cruddy excuse. Is it a financial issue maybe?
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post #4 of 23 (permalink) Old 01-09-2015, 04:58 AM
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Re: My Husband is Delaying our Church Wedding

Why does he say hes "not ready"?

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post #5 of 23 (permalink) Old 01-10-2015, 03:11 AM
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Re: My Husband is Delaying our Church Wedding

Church weddings don't have to be expensive. Doesn't sound like a good reason to delay any further.. Best of luck OP.
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post #6 of 23 (permalink) Old 01-10-2015, 08:11 AM
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Re: My Husband is Delaying our Church Wedding

Not to throw a wrench in this, but have you made sure the church is willing to do your church wedding?

If he isn't a regular attender, they might oversee that without you going in for pre-marriage classes and such.
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post #7 of 23 (permalink) Old 01-11-2015, 06:42 PM Thread Starter
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Re: My Husband is Delaying our Church Wedding

@starfish We are sure that the church is willing because it is not that strict here in the country where I am in. We have different parishes and all he has to do is get a letter from the parish where he was baptized then go through a few pre cana seminars which we will do together.

Financially, we are okay. We already have a budget set for the wedding. Can you imagine all the planning I have gone through only to find out that he doesn't want it yet? I even got all the necessary documents now it's all gonna be expired! We only had a civil wedding upon the advise of our attorney so that we can file a Prenuptial agreement because my mother wished for that and I honored her request.

I think he has an issue because he is a SAHD. But I don't really understand how it is related to getting married in the church. I believe that we have postponed it enough already and it is supposed to be a priority at this point.

I already talked to him about this and told him how badly I want to get married in the church. He only told me that I am thinking about myself. I'm at a lost.

Last edited by pretzelpops; 01-11-2015 at 06:47 PM.
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post #8 of 23 (permalink) Old 01-12-2015, 08:13 AM
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Re: My Husband is Delaying our Church Wedding

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We only had a civil wedding upon the advise of our attorney so that we can file a Prenuptial agreement because my mother wished for that and I honored her request.
What did your mother have to do with this? Do you come from money and are set to get a large inheritance?

Otherwise, your husband might resent your mother's influence in this area, as it might make him question who the marriage (and thus the elaborate wedding) is really for.

What sort of documents do you need that will be expired? You don't need to submit another marriage certificate - you are already legally married.

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I think he has an issue because he is a SAHD.
Does he want to be a SAHD? Was that a role he was excited to embrace, or was he laid off/couldn't find a job and that's simply the role he ended up with?
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post #9 of 23 (permalink) Old 01-12-2015, 03:33 PM
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Re: My Husband is Delaying our Church Wedding

None of this is making any sense. You are already legally married so whether there is a church ceremony or not, you're married. The church wedding is a religious ceremony, not a legally binding one, so what reason could he have to delay unless he is considering leaving you?

What reasons does he give for delaying a church ceremony?
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post #10 of 23 (permalink) Old 01-12-2015, 03:46 PM
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Re: My Husband is Delaying our Church Wedding

Asking again... What reasons does he give for delaying?

Although to be honest, I'm not sure what all the fuss is about... You were living together for 7 years before getting civilly married anyway, and had a child out of wedlock. Getting a religious wedding now seems kind of... Pointless, I guess? But I'm not religious, so I guess that's not something I would necessarily appreciate.

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post #11 of 23 (permalink) Old 01-12-2015, 09:52 PM Thread Starter
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Re: My Husband is Delaying our Church Wedding

@starfish yes, my mother was concerned about my inheritance because the law in my country automatically divides everything 50/50 upon marriage. Including properties acquired before marriage and future inheritance. The church doesn't like the idea of a prenuptial agreement.

I am concerned about the church documents which expire in 6 months. I got them ahead because we had a clear plan of getting married in church early this year then he is suddenly backing out.

He is a SAHD because he did not renew his contract with his former company. He thought he would try to find a new job because I used to be working from home and I can take care of the kid while he is away. But I got an offer I couldn't refuse before him finding a new job. So now I am working full time away from home and he has to take care of the kid.

The issue is that my conscience is killing me. It is not enough to be civilly married in the Catholic church. Yes I had a child out of wedlock and maybe it wasn't right but now I want to correct my ways and live by the doctrine of my church. I've been feeling guilty for the past few years. Another thing is that, my husband cannot keep a word. I was very hopeful but now he is backing out. It makes me sad.
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post #12 of 23 (permalink) Old 01-12-2015, 09:59 PM
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Re: My Husband is Delaying our Church Wedding

You lived with him for 7 years. Now your conscience is killing you?

None of this makes any sense.

Have you asked him his reasons for wanting to wait another year?
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post #13 of 23 (permalink) Old 01-13-2015, 07:52 AM
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Re: My Husband is Delaying our Church Wedding

I understand where the OP is coming from, and yes, it's possible to wish to get married in church and live right. She doesn't have to continue "living in sin" (as she believes she has been doing) just because she has been doing it for 7 years.
To explain this, we were told a story as children:
2 children (A and B) were playing and picked apples to eat. They both started eating it and when they realised that it was a forbidden fruit, A said since he has started, he might as well finish it.B stopped eating it immediately.
When the bad angel came to kill people that ate the fruits, he struck them with illness. The angel was appeased by the people but for B, the angel left him alone. For A, the angel said since he has started killing him, he might as well finish.
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post #14 of 23 (permalink) Old 01-13-2015, 07:59 AM
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Re: My Husband is Delaying our Church Wedding

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I understand where the OP is coming from, and yes, it's possible to wish to get married in church and live right. She doesn't have to continue "living in sin" (as she believes she has been doing) just because she has been doing it for 7 years.
To explain this, we were told a story as children:
2 children (A and B) were playing and picked apples to eat. They both started eating it and when they realised that it was a forbidden fruit, A said since he has started, he might as well finish it.B stopped eating it immediately.
When the bad angel came to kill people that ate the fruits, he struck them with illness. The angel was appeased by the people but for B, the angel left him alone. For A, the angel said since he has started killing him, he might as well finish.
This is why I don't eat salads. Angels never killed nobody for chewing down on a nice medium rare tenderloin steak...

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post #15 of 23 (permalink) Old 01-13-2015, 08:28 AM
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Re: My Husband is Delaying our Church Wedding

I can understand why she would want a church wedding. I was married Catholic to my ex wife in my church, she cheated 8 years later, we divorced and since I didn't get an annulment I was never allowed to receive communion again, I was an outcast. Of course, after a few months, I started again anyway, only a few people knew my situation and I don't think God held it against me, it wasn't my fault + she divorced me as well.
When I met my wife now, we were married by my Dad, who was a judge. I didn't believe in the whole annulment process, give us money and we'll erase your marriage.
After being married for 4 years, guilt finally took over and I spent the 300.00, filled out the 50 page questionnaire, detailing the whole marriage, with condensed versions going to family and friends. After all of this, the church decides if you qualify or not? I did get it, mostly because we were different religions and not because of cheating, go figure?
My wife and I remarried again in the church and it did feel more right, even though we both believed that God wasn't holding this against us.
I can't figure out why he doesn't want this either, it is only a ceremony for peace of mind? strange??
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