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post #16 of 21 (permalink) Old 01-15-2015, 02:07 PM
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Re: Newly Wed Problems

How about ...

Need a way forward...

/tj


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post #17 of 21 (permalink) Old 01-16-2015, 07:52 AM
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Re: Newly Wed Problems

Have you considered that due to his upbringing, he might get more abusive. I highly doubt that someone whom comes from that environment leaves unscathed. I am also guessing that he has not seen a therapist to work on his issues, because his issues are a barrier between the two of you. He does not know how to operate in a healthy relationship, and falls back on what he learned as a child. You should take this into consideration too. The longer he does not work on his issues, the more ingrained the behavior will be.

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post #18 of 21 (permalink) Old 01-16-2015, 11:42 AM
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Re: Newly Wed Problems

Good evening Kangaroo
you might want to post the sex / intimacy issue in the sex-in-marriage section, I think you will get a wider range of opinions.

In general I think that a happy sex life is vital to a happy marriage. I'm not a Christian, but I think most Christians would agree that a husband and wife should try to please each other - should enjoy each other's pleasure and happiness.

Its possible that your husband isn't really aware of the wide variation in what women enjoy - though I'm concerned that it doesn't sound like he is really trying. I can't tell from you post, but do you make an effort to to the sexual things that he enjoys? Do you know what those things are?
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post #19 of 21 (permalink) Old 01-16-2015, 01:23 PM
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Re: Newly Wed Problems

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Originally Posted by intheory View Post
I personally have come to believe that God can forgive marital blunders; just like he can forgive anything else.
I'm really trying to understand what makes people "believe" certain things. Christians are taught God forgives EVERYTHING, as long as you're sorry. By the rules, Geoffrey Dahmer is in heaven. What is the basis for your specific belief that he forgives marital blunders, along with 'anything else,' and since you came to that belief, what was the previous basis not to believe it? But realize, in the end, he either does, or does not, forgive something; your 'personal belief' on the matter is irrelevant.

Of course this is all just mental gymnastics, as far as I'm concerned. What you decided is that YOU can forgive marital blunders, and I think you're just trying to validate it by claiming that it's the way your god would act. Why not just take personal accountability and say you're someone who forgives marital mistakes? Isn't that much more, a) honest, and b) relevant?
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post #20 of 21 (permalink) Old 01-22-2015, 07:27 AM
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Re: Newly Wed Problems

I think you must consult Sex consultant and marriage consultant.
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post #21 of 21 (permalink) Old 01-25-2015, 05:38 PM
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Re: Newly Wed Problems

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Originally Posted by norajane View Post
Would he do any reading? Maybe something like "Sheet Music" or "She Comes First" would be helpful in retraining him sexually? It could be fun if you read them together, and talk about what's in the books - great way to learn and explore each other together.
Just wanted to give links for these 2 wonderful books..

** Sheet Music: Uncovering the Secrets of Sexual Intimacy in Marriage (Christian author)

Quote:
With his characteristic warmth and humor, Dr. Kevin Leman offers a practical guide to sex according to God's plan. This frank and practical book is a perfect resource for married and engaged couples. Dr. Leman addresses a wide spectrum of people, from those with no sexual experiences to those with past sexual problems or even abuse. Using frank descriptions, this book has a warm and friendly tone that will help couples overcome awkwardness in discussing an issue important to all married couples.
** She Comes First: The Thinking Man's Guide to Pleasuring a Woman: Ian Kerner: Books

Quote:
"When it comes to pleasuring women and conversing in the language of love, cunnilingus should be every man's native tongue," writes clinical sexologist Ian Kerner, Ph.D. in She Comes First, a straightforward, intimate, and exuberant guide to cunnilingus. Kerner first explored "the oral caress" as a way of compensating for his "sexual inadequacies," and quickly learned that women not only welcomed but often preferred "the way of the tongue," reaching orgasm more consistently than through intercourse. Kerner educates readers about the clitoris, "the powerhouse of pleasure," with 18 parts and 8,000 nerve endings (twice as many as the penis) and describes female sexual response from "foreplay" through "coreplay" to "moreplay."

A large part of the book is a graphic, detailed primer on "mouth music," including best positions, step-by-step techniques (illustrated), and tips for tongue and fingers. How long should this last? Until the woman has an orgasm or many, says Kerner, and "melts blissfully before your eyes." "The vast majority of women complain about guys who don't like to do it, don't know how to do it, or simply don't do it nearly enough," writes Kerner. This book will change that. Women: Buy it for your partner!
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