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post #16 of 40 (permalink) Old 01-21-2015, 07:32 PM
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Re: Husband's female friend

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I do trust my husband.

I felt that her behavior was pushy back then.

Yes, I have spoken with my husband. He knows how I feel about her. Her pushiness gets on my nerves.

What I mentioned is an example of her pushiness.
I would stay out of the relationship between she and her boyfriend. I mean what are you going to do anyway? If you feel bullied by her just push back. Or just stop hanging out with her.

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post #17 of 40 (permalink) Old 01-21-2015, 07:36 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Husband's female friend

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I would stay out of the relationship between she and her boyfriend. I mean what are you going to do anyway? If you feel bullied by her just push back. Or just stop hanging out with her.
I do not want to get in the middle of anyone's relationship much less their relationship. That was already posted in an earlier reply of mine.

Her pushiness gets on my nerves regarding our marriage.
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post #18 of 40 (permalink) Old 01-21-2015, 08:48 PM
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Re: Husband's female friend

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I do not want to get in the middle of anyone's relationship much less their relationship. That was already posted in an earlier reply of mine.

Her pushiness gets on my nerves regarding our marriage.
What you posted in your first post has nothing to with you. What is she doing to affect your marriage now? Is she trying to get involved in how you and your husband interact? Are you able to confront her when you feel she is being inappropriate?
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post #19 of 40 (permalink) Old 01-21-2015, 09:07 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Husband's female friend

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What you posted in your first post has nothing to with you. What is she doing to affect your marriage now? Is she trying to get involved in how you and your husband interact? Are you able to confront her when you feel she is being inappropriate?
Regarding her replies to what my husband tells her...

I end up explaining why his doctor wants him to watch his fatty food intake or why I get frustrated when he keeps on spending money. I feel that this is not necessary. Hence the reason why I am trying to figure out the best way to deal with her behavior.
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post #20 of 40 (permalink) Old 01-21-2015, 09:36 PM
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Re: Husband's female friend

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Regarding her replies to what my husband tells her...

I end up explaining why his doctor wants him to watch his fatty food intake or why I get frustrated when he keeps on spending money. I feel that this is not necessary. Hence the reason why I am trying to figure out the best way to deal with her behavior.
Tell her it is none of her business. If she is asking personal questions you can just let her know you are not comfortable sharing that information. Hopefully she respects your boundaries. If she keeps pushing you might have to reconsider the relationship.

I am having similar problems with a friend's girlfriend who keeps pushing after we say no to something. She started calling herself Aunt to our son although we had only really known her for 3 months and gave him a Christmas present we were not comfortable with without asking. Luckily he is young enough that he doesn't know the difference. When we tried to give the gift back she refused to take it. We had to go to dinner with our friend individually and give the gift to him and let him know we were not comfortable accepting the gift. They are getting married and frankly we may have to reconsider the relationship or keep a pretty big distance. Especially since our son is involved.
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post #21 of 40 (permalink) Old 01-21-2015, 09:50 PM
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Re: Husband's female friend

Ok, I see where my confusion came from. I thought those first two examples were her comments to her boyfriend, not to your husband. There's two "he's" in your story.

So... Those two things, if people are discussing topics at dinner, don't come across as being overbearing or pushy. They could very easily just be someone expressing their opinions on something that came up in conversation. Just because it doesn't match with your opinion doesn't make her overbearing.

C
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post #22 of 40 (permalink) Old 01-22-2015, 03:15 AM
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Re: Husband's female friend

I get your concerns about this bossy woman in your life, particularly when your husband insists on what a good friend she is (to him).

After this thread, now you know to be clear on how she treats you and your husband. Otherwise, mentioning her behavior towards others will only get you framed as busybody.

If I were in your position, I would share your concern. Has your husband ever used "But my friend says...." as a justification to do something, particularly when it goes against what you want? Has your husband ever chided you for not being to this woman?

If I were in your position, I would

1. Redirect your social efforts to widen your social circles
2. Whenever you can avoid this woman, (ie not invite her and yes, your husband's friend somewhere), I would do it
3. Encourage your husband to go out with his friend without her (but make sure it is without her)
4. think of some all purpose returns so that when she does become bossy, you can verbally confront it. For example, "and your point is......." (said in a friendly tone of course), might slow her bossiness down.

Last edited by NextTimeAround; 01-22-2015 at 03:24 AM.
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post #23 of 40 (permalink) Old 01-22-2015, 07:23 AM
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Re: Husband's female friend

if you really think that your husband friend is really making problem in your life I think you should ask him directly about her and ask him question what is relation with her. Be direct in relation and dnt waste your time in life. so that you can take decision as per that. Good luck
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post #24 of 40 (permalink) Old 01-23-2015, 04:24 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Husband's female friend

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I see. So you guys have known her for a while and she basically propositioned your boyfriend, now husband, while you were dating. And she knew you were dating. I can see why you would feel uncomfortable then. The interaction between her current boyfriend and her are between them. It sounds like you are angry with her for some past stuff. I mean, do you feel like you can trust your husband with her? Are you afraid she is going to convince him to have an affair with her? Have you talked with your husband? It is important to your relationship to feel like you can trust your husband. If that is an issue, it should be dealt with. So no matter what setting you are in, you can trust him and it doesn't matter what she does. But if you are truly uncomfortable with her because of past behavior maybe you should just refrain from going anywhere with them.
My husband's female friend insisted that she was not about to have sex with him at that time. But, that is not the only way to cheat with someone's significant other. Emotional cheating exists.

My husband is the kind of guy whom females would come to for a shoulder to cry on, for advice regarding their personal problems, and so on.

I was not about to deal with my husband *who was boyfriend at that time* having an emotional affair with a female friend of his. I did not learn about emotional affairs until after she asked him to come over to her place alone on a Friday night.

We were in a serious relationship. I did not want a third party being involved in our relationship.
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post #25 of 40 (permalink) Old 01-24-2015, 10:17 PM
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Re: Husband's female friend

She made comments directed at your husband. She's entitled to her opinion and to share it with her friend. She wasn't addressing you, and yet you feel the need to explain to her why he should not eat fatty food or whatever.

Let it go. She's not telling you what to do in any of your examples. And if she does, who cares? It is just her opinion, and you are free to take it or leave it.

I suspect you feel threatened by her and so you react defensively to what you perceive as her "pushy" behavior. If you feel threatened, that is between you and your husband--either you trust him or you don't. Taking it out on her by interpreting her behaviors as you do is a sign that you actually don't. Who the heck cares what she thinks, after all, when he is married to you? And if he takes her advice sometimes, that is no threat to your marriage--at least, not from anything you have said. So relax, figure out what is "fun" about her (there must be some reason your spouse enjoys her company) and take her at face value. You will feel better for letting go of your worries--or for addressing them, if you decide she really is a threat (and that is a whole 'nother issue).

Good luck.

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post #26 of 40 (permalink) Old 01-25-2015, 08:59 AM
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Re: Husband's female friend

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She made comments directed at your husband. She's entitled to her opinion and to share it with her friend. She wasn't addressing you, and yet you feel the need to explain to her why he should not eat fatty food or whatever.

Let it go. She's not telling you what to do in any of your examples. And if she does, who cares? It is just her opinion, and you are free to take it or leave it.

I suspect you feel threatened by her and so you react defensively to what you perceive as her "pushy" behavior. If you feel threatened, that is between you and your husband--either you trust him or you don't. Taking it out on her by interpreting her behaviors as you do is a sign that you actually don't. Who the heck cares what she thinks, after all, when he is married to you? And if he takes her advice sometimes, that is no threat to your marriage--at least, not from anything you have said. So relax, figure out what is "fun" about her (there must be some reason your spouse enjoys her company) and take her at face value. You will feel better for letting go of your worries--or for addressing them, if you decide she really is a threat (and that is a whole 'nother issue).

Good luck.
Oh dear, where is the "dislike" button?
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post #27 of 40 (permalink) Old 01-25-2015, 09:30 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Husband's female friend

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Oh dear, where is the "dislike" button?
Thank you.
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post #28 of 40 (permalink) Old 01-25-2015, 09:39 AM
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Re: Husband's female friend

spunky. This "friend" of your husband is ridiculous!

If I were in your shoes when dating my wife, I would say that friend has to go.

If a man friend of my wife had invited her to spend the night at his house wile she was first dating me and then been pushy when told no........

let us just say there are places where no ne will ever find you.....

Establish your boundaries with this wench. You might want to let your husband know that fireworks are coming out of consideration.

Next time this presumptuous woman starts pushing about issues in your marriage ABOUT YOUR HUSBAND, stop her cold by breaking her line of sight to your husband and tell her she can shove all the fatty food down her throat she wants and spend as much money as she wants but YOUR husband is none of her business.

Sounds like this friend is very self important and no respecter of boundaries. It also sounds like your husband is somewhat weak concerning keeping appropriate boundaries with this friend.

Lay it out for him. He better start protecting his marriage at the cost of this "friend" or this friend might end up costing him his marriage.

This stupid friendship has already caused enough distress to your marriage as is.

Time for your H to grow up. He is acting more like a boy than man concerning this issue.
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post #29 of 40 (permalink) Old 01-25-2015, 09:41 AM
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Re: Husband's female friend

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Oh dear, where is the "dislike" button?
Right here......DISLIKE......

There!!
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post #30 of 40 (permalink) Old 01-31-2015, 01:10 PM
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Re: Husband's female friend

Pushy boundaryless people are not the type we want as friends.. if more could learn that sort of behavior will lose them friendships, the better.. Her even asking for him to spend the night KNOWING HE was in a serious relationship.. are you kidding... Your BF should have stood up to her immediately on that one.. without your having to say a word.. (Yrs ago now though... I know)..

You haven't said too much about WHERE your Husband stands in all of this.. what does he think of her behavior, does he think she pushes the bar ?? Or he makes excuses for her & tells you to lighten up.. just trying to gauge the situation here... if you're on the same page in regards to her.

I also think when a couple marries.. his friends become hers.. her friends become his..it's a Union now.. and needs to be recognized in all ways.. if she is undermining what is important to his welfare, knowing where you stand.. it would feel like a JAB.. though if she has no idea you feel as you do, and she's just throwing out personal opinions, it's on a lessor scale really. some people are just more outspoken over others..

Do you feel he is ON YOUR SIDE and probably even feels bad for his friend -having to deal with her ..... these are the things I would wonder if your shoes , I guess.
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