Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Pacific Northwest
Re: Former Christian but wife still believes
I'm sorry this thread degraded into one that's arguing FOR and AGAINST Christianity, as that is not what this thread is about. As I understand it, what you want to know is if there is any hope of the two of you staying together and, at the same time, you staying true to yourself and your actual beliefs.
Here's my thought, and I offer these as someone who considers herself a Christian, meaning a believer in Jesus Christ and what He taught. Okay, first, I don't see sufficient grounds for your wife to divorce you solely based on this issue (You may have other issues that I'm not aware of, but we're not addressing those here). Even though YOU don't ascribe to it, your wife does, and in the Bible in I Corinthians 7, the apostle Paul describes married life between a believer and non-believer. In verse 12 of that chapter he gets specific, and I'll paraphrase here, but essentially he says that if a Christian is married to a non-believer, and the non-believer is willing to stay married, then the believer must not divorce because the household can be blessed by the believer and the way they ACT. In verse 15 he says if they non-believer wants to go--wants to divorce--that it's okay to let them go and live a life of peace. So from just a moral point of view on this one topic, there is not a moral basis for divorce.
To you, I would say that most Christians are not trained in thinking, in logic, or in truly facing and defending their beliefs. Being very general, many "believe because that's what they've been told or taught" and have never really faced their beliefs head on and thought it through. So for many Christians this is scary because "What if.....?" Now, not all are this way so don't get me wrong! I think, just in general, people are afraid to look at their core beliefs and think "What if what I've been believing all along is wrong?" because it might require them to change who they are at their core. Right? That is scary!
Sooo...I would suggest, when talking to your wife, that a) you encourage her to learn a thing called apologetics--which is a fancy term for "defending the faith." There are books about it and everything, and she would basically be learning how to defend what she believes and why. I think this would give her a little more courage in talking to you, and I believe it would lead to some excellent discussions between the two of you as long as they didn't degrade into ad hominem attacks, etc.
b) I'd suggest that with the kids, maybe rather than facing it like "Dad is attacking what Mom believes...Mom is attacking what Dad believes" that the two of you JOIN FORCES to teach the child how to think and make decisions using logic and reason. For example, rather than making a dynamic of "Dad vs. Mom" have the dynamic be: "As a team we want to teach you logic so you can learn the ability to think!" and then both with your wife and with the children demonstrate them how to respectfully disagree. So what I'm saying is teach your children formal logic.
See, if the children are taught HOW TO THINK and are taught how to not be afraid to challenge "what they're told" to find out why do we do that and why do we believe that...they will have a valuable tool! And your wife can be a living model in her own home of defending Christianity...and you can be a living model of your own beliefs.
Make sense? Oh and btw, I do hear and recognize that you think you'll never believe again, but I do pray that maybe one day, God will send someone with strong apologetic skills to defend the ration and logic of the Christian worldview into your life.
Last edited by Affaircare; 04-11-2015 at 02:06 PM.