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post #61 of 79 (permalink) Old 04-24-2015, 10:54 AM
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Re: Former Christian but wife still believes

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Originally Posted by norajane View Post

Focus on everything else about her that makes her your dream girl instead of on where you think she falls short.
For the love of God and Einstein, see your W for what she does well. Not what mold of yours she does not fit.


“You're painfully alive in a drugged and dying culture.”
― Richard Yates, Revolutionary Road
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post #62 of 79 (permalink) Old 04-24-2015, 10:58 AM
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Re: Former Christian but wife still believes

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Just admit you no longer respect her and are quickly falling out of love with her...it will save you a lot of time.
In a nutshell, she ain't falling into line.


“You're painfully alive in a drugged and dying culture.”
― Richard Yates, Revolutionary Road
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post #63 of 79 (permalink) Old 04-24-2015, 11:04 AM
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Re: Former Christian but wife still believes

Sure, I was in your situation. I also had the superior arrogance that oozes from your posts.

Your marriage will fail if you continue down this road. No, I am not talking about choosing not to believe. Every time you say she is ignorant, because she doesn't follow your path, diminishes her in your eyes.

You'll say "no, I love her" but all of this:
Quote:
I guess it's hard to put into words. She's ignorant. I guess that's it in a nutshell.
Quote:
I'm more knowledgable about the source of her beliefs than she is.
Coupled with this contradiction
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I'm fairly new to atheism but it's become a fascination for me.
Says something completely different to me.
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post #64 of 79 (permalink) Old 04-24-2015, 03:45 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Former Christian but wife still believes

FW - love left a while ago. That's a whole different thread. We are a great partnership and raise our children well together (except the religion thing which I think is becoming less of an issue). We splitup for a time due to other issues. Neither of us want to leave and neither of us want to be single parents. What we have now is working. Its cordial and business like I guess. There is no deep love like things I've read here but nor is there anything causing distress and arguments. So you are not far off with your statement but it's not something we want to leave for.

Hawkeye - I think this is where we are heading. My 6yo asked a question to her last night "how do we know god is the right god - what about those in Egypt and vikings. what about those gods?" I smiled. My wife avoided it and changed the subject. And yeah - aspydad knows nothing.

Yeswecan - I do respect her tremendously for what she does well. she tops me in so many aspects. I dont want her to fit in a mold. Rather I dont want her to blindly follow religious teachings without question. Religion often causes real harm to people and their psyche. She's not in danger of that - at least right now she's not.

Philly - saying she's ignorant is not a slam. It's the truth. I'm ignorant of many things. I see more potential in her than blindly following christian teachings. And yes, when she gets offended when I tell her some historical fact about her own religion or worse yet something written in the bible that goes against her beliefs of the classic all loving god - it sucks. If I were ignorant on a topic and she was privy to knowledge about it, i'd hope she'd share it with me / teach me. But like I mentioned the topic wont be coming up again. I'm avoiding it and will only talk to her if she has genuine questions about how I got to where I am today or questions in general. I'll not try to get the conversation going like I was. When I read something crazy, I'll not share it with her.

I predict she'll be agnostic in about 10 years. Especially if our children dont believe - which I think will be the case. That's up to them though.

Some of you have had great thoughts on this - thanks. To the rest - well thanks for reading and the conversation.
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post #65 of 79 (permalink) Old 04-24-2015, 05:30 PM
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Re: Former Christian but wife still believes

Mutha...teach your children not to walk my way.........
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post #66 of 79 (permalink) Old 04-25-2015, 10:16 AM
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Re: Former Christian but wife still believes

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Philly - saying she's ignorant is not a slam. It's the truth. I'm ignorant of many things. I see more potential in her than blindly following christian teachings. And yes, when she gets offended when I tell her some historical fact about her own religion or worse yet something written in the bible that goes against her beliefs of the classic all loving god - it sucks. If I were ignorant on a topic and she was privy to knowledge about it, i'd hope she'd share it with me / teach me. But like I mentioned the topic wont be coming up again. I'm avoiding it and will only talk to her if she has genuine questions about how I got to where I am today or questions in general. I'll not try to get the conversation going like I was. When I read something crazy, I'll not share it with her.
Ignorant can be an accurate description and not a slam or insult. Still, it is all about context. So, when you say she is ignorant and then constantly follow it up with things like:
Quote:
I see more potential in her than blindly following christian teachings.
Quote:
I tell her some historical fact about her own religion or worse yet something written in the bible that goes against her beliefs of the classic all loving god - it sucks.
Quote:
I'm more knowledgable about the source of her beliefs than she is.
Quote:
I want her to at least explore something outside of what she was told is real.
It is an insult because everything you type is about her not following your belief.
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love left a while ago.
It is more telling when you say love left, but you are trying to make her follow your belief system.
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post #67 of 79 (permalink) Old 04-25-2015, 07:17 PM
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Re: Former Christian but wife still believes

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I guess it's hard to put into words. She's ignorant. I guess that's it in a nutshell. She is ignorant about Christianity's history. I was also ignorant. I know more about it now than I ever have - the more i've learned the more I was appalled by what I once believed. So yeah, I guess I'm superior to her in knowledge and history of her believe system.
Christian history, or the history of the Catholic Church?
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post #68 of 79 (permalink) Old 04-26-2015, 05:12 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Former Christian but wife still believes

Philly - No longer accepting christian teachings and doctrines or the bible isn't really a belief system. I have no belief or faith in that material. The only change I have experienced is I now view all religions with the same disbelief and skepticism. They all seem silly to me. Ten years ago all but my version of Christianity seemed silly. So you once had my view then changed? Did your marriage fail because of it? I think we are fine now. Like I said before - we dont talk religion and she isnt practicing Christain - at least not as much as she once was.

Gouge - both.
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post #69 of 79 (permalink) Old 04-26-2015, 09:28 PM
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Re: Former Christian but wife still believes

It was the big bang... you know, the foundation of all physics, violates the laws of physics. That's foolishness at its core.

When I see an out of order sign, I think twice about plugging the machine with quarters. Just saying...
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post #70 of 79 (permalink) Old 04-27-2015, 09:29 AM
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Re: Former Christian but wife still believes

I like that. The reality transcends cause/effect.

I also like to think cause/effect transcends reality. In terms of physics. The primal cause must transcend reality. The laws of thermodynamics, matter/energy.

If the law (reality) states: "matter and energy cannot be created or destroyed." Then the primal cause must transcend reality and physical law. = God.

Or simply, "nothing moves without being moved." We're moving at 67k/mph on a ball of clay... maybe its time we check in with God?


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post #71 of 79 (permalink) Old 04-27-2015, 11:56 AM
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Re: Former Christian but wife still believes

This is the wrong forum for someone to debate what is atheism. We have another forum, the Politics and Religion Forum, for such discussions. This forum is to offer support and advice for someone grappling with spiritual issues in their marriage. If you are unable to offer that, please don't post. We have many other threads on TAM.

Please keep this in mind as you post.
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post #72 of 79 (permalink) Old 04-27-2015, 06:06 PM
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Re: Former Christian but wife still believes

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I was for a while. Christian for 25 years, decoverted slowly after a few years of marriage. Coming out to my then Christian wife about it was kind of rough, but she took it ok and over the course of a couple years she also lost her faith. yay! We do have a 9 year old daughter and we don't really teach her anything one way or the other. She has some vague beliefs in god thanks to her grandparents hauling her to church occasionally and we don't encourage or discourage those. We just want to teach her how to think and be rational and the rest should take care of itself. I want her to make her own decisions, not be spoonfed what I believe (or don't).



You know nothing about anything. Of that much I am certain. No faith required.
This is pretty much exactly how I was raised I think I turned out all right. There is secular progression underway in the US. All it takes is one generation to break with dogma as my parents did in the 60's.
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post #73 of 79 (permalink) Old 04-29-2015, 01:08 PM
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Re: Former Christian but wife still believes

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Yeswecan - I do respect her tremendously for what she does well. she tops me in so many aspects. I dont want her to fit in a mold. Rather I dont want her to blindly follow religious teachings without question. Religion often causes real harm to people and their psyche. She's not in danger of that - at least right now she's not. I'm not sure of your ages but I have noticed over 21 years of marriage my "holy roller" W has come to realize one needs to question and ask. She depends on many resources to find the correct answer. People's life experiences will mold them into more well rounded people. Well, most. Some go off the deep end. I suspect your W will learn to depend on all her available resources to find the appropriate answer to the question at hand.



I predict she'll be agnostic in about 10 years. Especially if our children dont believe - which I think will be the case. That's up to them though. You can not predict what path your children will take. As a parent you can only introduce several paths and allow them to make the final decision. As I stated in a past post, you have the best of both worlds in you and your W. My W and I are very similar to both of you. Marriage takes work like anything else.

“You're painfully alive in a drugged and dying culture.”
― Richard Yates, Revolutionary Road
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post #74 of 79 (permalink) Old 05-21-2015, 10:45 PM
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Re: Former Christian but wife still believes

There isn't such thing as a "former" Christian. One is saved through the transforming operation of the Holy Spirit. After one is saved, the Holy Spirit resides in them and continues their transformation through sanctification. You may have heard the word of God and were moved in the direction of becoming a Christian and it just didn't happen. That is akin to the Word falling among rocks and not taking root (parable). But don't be mistaken, if you are not a Christian now, you never were.

1 Cor Ch 7: If you and your wife are willing to live together you can do so with the blessing of scripture. It does make things difficult, as you are experiencing. Two rational people can figure out how to make it work under the circumstances. As for the kids, we each get to the point where we make our own decision regarding Christ/God. Let them go to church with your wife; the moral teachings is not a bad alternative. It won't make them Christians, it will just give them another point of view. At some point in their life they will arrive at a decision point regarding their faith or lack thereof.
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post #75 of 79 (permalink) Old 04-26-2016, 10:58 AM
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Re: Former Christian but wife still believes

Tough position my story is very similar I'm still trying to figure out the same. I have days were it doesn't bother me and I have days that it eats at me . A lot of my frustration comes from the fact she won't even look at other alternatives.
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