i wanted to put this here since there isn't much talk about pastor counsellors in the counseling section.
Anyway, I had posted earlier today this thread: Am I wrong or is she?
I had mentioned that we were going to have our first session tonight. Boy was it a doosey. She claims that she has begged me to go to counseling for 15 years, but she had only brought it up once in that time. typical gaslighting technique
Like I had said would happen actually did happen. Basically, she was told that she was wrong because she wasn't following Gods Word. It really made her upset to have someone besides me tell her that. I thought she was about to walk out of the session, but she didn't. 'Not following God's word?' No kidding! that's a bit of an understatement. I would go futher and say God's not even in the equation
We were given some good homework, and I admit I can be better and I will be a better husband. Not sure if she is willing to work at it though. As were walking to our cars she actually apologized for all she has done. that's a good sentiment and its always a good thing to improve, but i'm sad to say it's not going to make any difference in her eyes. you could turn into ghandi overnight and not make a dent
But my heart is broken because she has decided to take an impromptu "vacation" to visit her friends house 400 miles away for the friends 2 year olds birthday party. Her friend is a woman, but I don't believe that she will want to stay married. Pastor really tried hard to get her to not leave the house and try to fix the marriage. At this point I don't care either way. I am going to work on myself like I need to and hope she wants to stick around and see it. even the pastor recognizes this as a great danger and tried to talk her out of this. I wouldn't trust her with a ten foot pole. she's obstinate, and unrepentant.
I have a sense of relief but a very broken heart. So many things I could have done better, but I am not sure if I was better it would have made a difference. i'm sure there are lots of stuff you could have done better.
and unfortunately this IS a time to reflect on you own short comings. However, you sound a like a good guy. don't fall into the trap of allowing yourself to believe her lie that you caused this. it's horse manure
Thanks for reading.