First counseling session with pastor - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 8 (permalink) Old 04-10-2015, 11:04 PM Thread Starter
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First counseling session with pastor

i wanted to put this here since there isn't much talk about pastor counsellors in the counseling section.

Anyway, I had posted earlier today this thread: Am I wrong or is she?

I had mentioned that we were going to have our first session tonight. Boy was it a doosey. She claims that she has begged me to go to counseling for 15 years, but she had only brought it up once in that time.

Like I had said would happen actually did happen. Basically, she was told that she was wrong because she wasn't following Gods Word. It really made her upset to have someone besides me tell her that. I thought she was about to walk out of the session, but she didn't.

We were given some good homework, and I admit I can be better and I will be a better husband. Not sure if she is willing to work at it though. As were walking to our cars she actually apologized for all she has done.

But my heart is broken because she has decided to take an impromptu "vacation" to visit her friends house 400 miles away for the friends 2 year olds birthday party. Her friend is a woman, but I don't believe that she will want to stay married. Pastor really tried hard to get her to not leave the house and try to fix the marriage. At this point I don't care either way. I am going to work on myself like I need to and hope she wants to stick around and see it.

I have a sense of relief but a very broken heart. So many things I could have done better, but I am not sure if I was better it would have made a difference.

Thanks for reading.

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post #2 of 8 (permalink) Old 04-11-2015, 01:43 AM
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Re: First counseling session with pastor

How long is she going to be gone for this birthday?
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post #3 of 8 (permalink) Old 04-11-2015, 08:52 AM
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Re: First counseling session with pastor

Go to a REAL counselor!
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post #4 of 8 (permalink) Old 04-11-2015, 09:47 AM Thread Starter
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Re: First counseling session with pastor

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How long is she going to be gone for this birthday?
Don't know. She didn't even say goodbye to the kids.
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post #5 of 8 (permalink) Old 04-11-2015, 12:30 PM
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Re: First counseling session with pastor

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Originally Posted by Skierbri10 View Post
i wanted to put this here since there isn't much talk about pastor counsellors in the counseling section.

Anyway, I had posted earlier today this thread: Am I wrong or is she?

I had mentioned that we were going to have our first session tonight. Boy was it a doosey. She claims that she has begged me to go to counseling for 15 years, but she had only brought it up once in that time. typical gaslighting technique

Like I had said would happen actually did happen. Basically, she was told that she was wrong because she wasn't following Gods Word. It really made her upset to have someone besides me tell her that. I thought she was about to walk out of the session, but she didn't. 'Not following God's word?' No kidding! that's a bit of an understatement. I would go futher and say God's not even in the equation

We were given some good homework, and I admit I can be better and I will be a better husband. Not sure if she is willing to work at it though. As were walking to our cars she actually apologized for all she has done. that's a good sentiment and its always a good thing to improve, but i'm sad to say it's not going to make any difference in her eyes. you could turn into ghandi overnight and not make a dent

But my heart is broken because she has decided to take an impromptu "vacation" to visit her friends house 400 miles away for the friends 2 year olds birthday party. Her friend is a woman, but I don't believe that she will want to stay married. Pastor really tried hard to get her to not leave the house and try to fix the marriage. At this point I don't care either way. I am going to work on myself like I need to and hope she wants to stick around and see it. even the pastor recognizes this as a great danger and tried to talk her out of this. I wouldn't trust her with a ten foot pole. she's obstinate, and unrepentant.

I have a sense of relief but a very broken heart. So many things I could have done better, but I am not sure if I was better it would have made a difference.

i'm sure there are lots of stuff you could have done better.
and unfortunately this IS a time to reflect on you own short comings. However, you sound a like a good guy. don't fall into the trap of allowing yourself to believe her lie that you caused this. it's horse manure


Thanks for reading.
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post #6 of 8 (permalink) Old 04-11-2015, 01:19 PM Thread Starter
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Re: First counseling session with pastor

Thank you jorgegene for the kind words. I was so shocked to hear all the lies she said straight to pastor. I kept quiet, because I was more interested in saving the marriage rather than starting a fight pointing fingers. Left me speechless which is a first.

I do realize that I have no control over actions or what she says. I've just been trying to live my life with happiness and walking with God. It's all I can do. Just have to trust in Him and His will.
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post #7 of 8 (permalink) Old 04-11-2015, 02:16 PM
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Re: First counseling session with pastor

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Originally Posted by Skierbri10 View Post
Thank you jorgegene for the kind words. I was so shocked to hear all the lies she said straight to pastor. I kept quiet, because I was more interested in saving the marriage rather than starting a fight pointing fingers. Left me speechless which is a first.

I do realize that I have no control over actions or what she says. I've just been trying to live my life with happiness and walking with God. It's all I can do. Just have to trust in Him and His will.
Amen. He will lead you out of the wilderness if you just follow the truth.
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post #8 of 8 (permalink) Old 04-11-2015, 04:00 PM
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Re: First counseling session with pastor

Im sorry to hear this, but agreeing to both go to and sit through a counseling sesssion is a giant step in the right direction even if it looks bad for the rest of the relationship. Both of you giving it a chance hinges on the answer to this simple question "do you still love her?"
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