my_karma

1. Talk bad about in-laws?
2. Talk bad about others in general?

I know I should be communicating to my wife more. But I get turned off when she talks bad about others most of the time. As if like trying to prove "others are bad thats why she is good". 80% of the conversation she has with others will be criticizing some others. So I stopped taking much to her.

I warned her not to talk bad about my parents at-least. She did it again Today in front others.

Our bonding is not good. There is a need for understanding each other. That can be done only through communication. Every time I try to tell my side of story to her she will tell .......yaah ..yaah I am bad, I am the worst person in this world ..... End of the conversation .. we will not talk to each other for days and weeks ...... no sex.

827Aug

Is there more to this--since it is posted in the "Relationships and Spiritually" section? But, from what I see on the surface, I'd say your wife has self-esteem issues. She builds herself up by tearing others down.

Runs like Dog

If my wife didn't talk **** she'd be mute.

cb45

aug n dog are correct.

we need more, as something seems missing.

actually alot more than "something".

greenpearl

It is normal and it is stupid!

People who say bad things about others just show that they have evil heart! They like to think that they are better than others, but they are not!

You have to tell her that you don't like this kind of conversation! Actually a lot of women don't understand why their husbands don't want to talk to them anymore! They don't know that their conversation is only negative, not positive!

my_karma

@827- I did not want to bore you all with full list of issues :-). I know neither she or I are perfect. We need to accept some of our short comings to make the relationship work. But some how I am not able to compromise on this behavior. I already tried to tell her directly and indirectly about my feeling about this. All the time I got this cold reaction. She will stop taking to me for few days .... Any suggestion on how to deal with this situation?

lebogang

Try to shower her with compliments.

I think she feels low about herself or where she is in life. Ask her if she's happy or if there is anything bothering her. Or if there is something she wants to change. I think then you'll find a deeper understanding of what's going on inside of her.

SimplyAmorous

Back biting, silent treatments (passive aggressive behavior), no sex AND she is swimming in insecurities. This can't be easy on you as a husband.

Is it possible she is jealous of your relationship with your parents -hence her putting them down ?

When someone goes around putting everyone else down & can't acknowlege or give any compliments, they are struggling with their self esteem badly ,for whatever reason, they likely do NOT love themselves, therefore they can't love anyone else.


Breaking the Silent Treatment | by Mort Fertel author of Marriage Fitness

__________________
"Love Good Blog"

cb45

good link/idea S.A.

but, not sure if i saw correct pic as got bombarded with
pop up windows galore and had to exit out of THAT
nightmare.

briefly thought i saw both old n young. young was
easier/better, "on the eyes"

selah. (?)

oceanbreeze

the substance of why she is upset could be shared more, but if it's only criticisms maybe you can change her behavior w/o knowing. like when she makes a great meal, ooh honey that was delicious, i like that new spice you added in there gives a little umph.

giving her compliments on what she does do great and in front of others, too (not every 5 sec) but at least once a day.

also if she's doing all the talking maybe you can change topics or do an activity together. if she's also complaining negatively, there is also the possibility she's telling you what she does not like and for you to make the change.

i once had a stupid experience with an ex a long time ago which i will share. the guy i was dating always talked upset about his brother to me. one day over the course of many months, i grew upset and said that it seems like you dont like what your brother's doing, pointed out the facts that he told me, and all the while he put the phone to his brother's ear. he , in turn, grew upset and told all his friends that i disliked him, when i really did not. i've watched him grow from 11 years old onto 22 years, counseled, cooked, talked, etc. my point is that when the upset party needs to find a solution, using a suggestion or not, and then the listening party needs to make the boundary. for e.g. dear, you've been upset about this and that, let's find a solution, and then after that we will not talk about this again. i would rather find some healthier happier ways to be with you because it's taking an emotional and mental strain on me. if not it'll backfire some how (from personal experience).

hope this helps.

ItHappenedToMe

I agree that feeding your relationship can give you wonderful results, and stop or at least limit her complaining. She's unhappy about something, and it is showing itself in this way.

YinPrincess

I can relate... My husband is a pretty negative person and it shuts me down in a way... probably because I don't want to be fodder for his next negative comment.

Negative people aren't happy with themselves so they tend to put down others... Good news is, Optimism is contageous! I would try talking to her about seeing the good in the world and other people... or maybe she needs counseling/medication??

Open up to her, see if she repsonds??