17 years of marriage and now she says it's over. - Talk About Marriage
Relationships and Spirituality The place to look for faith based solutions.

User Tag List

 9Likes
  • 1 Post By jerry123
  • 2 Post By Blondilocks
  • 3 Post By BetrayedDad
  • 3 Post By GusPolinski
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Search this Thread
post #1 of 9 (permalink) Old 06-26-2015, 05:06 AM Thread Starter
Registered User
 
Join Date: Jun 2015
Posts: 4
Post 17 years of marriage and now she says it's over.

We are both religious people and after 17 years of marriage she told me last night that is is over and she only wants to be friends because we have two boys 13 and 11. She is taking nursing and I know is stressed. She has told me I don't get her and don't understand her and I can agree on most of those she mentions. She is an INFJ and I am a totally opposite personality type. For instance last night we went running and as we were going she apparently wanted me a 100' back or more to give her space. I found this out later in the night. She is on a higher level and I am which means that she wants intellectual conversation and I can't seem to do it. She also says I'm smothering her with texts and emails and wants me to be a man. I have a really good IT job and have been there for almost 19 yrs now. She indicates that I will never get her and this just won't work anymore. Has this happened to anyone here? I need some advice on how to have these "intellectual" conversations and how to mend a heart that is not willing to love a person lower than she is. One other thing is that she has been calling out to god for help and apparently she has now found her soul mate. She has known about this for 8 months now and I have only know 2 months. There is nothing physical going on but she says they are connected on a soul level. Is this repairable?

livnlif is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
post #2 of 9 (permalink) Old 06-26-2015, 09:43 AM
Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: minnesota
Posts: 1,200
Re: 17 years of marriage and now she says it's over.

Do the 180 and file for divorce.

Find a woman that's wants you inches from her, not 100 feet.

Begging her to change won't work. Let her live fairytale life. Believe me, she'll find out later what she lost.

And I could assure you if she says nothing physical is going on with her "sole mate", they already have been physical.

No more emails or texting.
Posted via Mobile Device
jerry123 is offline  
post #3 of 9 (permalink) Old 06-26-2015, 10:04 AM
Member
 
Blondilocks's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: SoCal
Posts: 3,677
Re: 17 years of marriage and now she says it's over.

I seriously doubt that God gave her the go-ahead with her 'soul mate'. For her to even mention God in this context is disgusting. It seems she knows very little about religion. Have you looked at the traits of an INFJ? Her actions and words do not measure up. She is in the selfish, mememe stage of an affair. Shut her down. 180 and talk only about kids & finances.
Blondilocks is offline  
 
post #4 of 9 (permalink) Old 06-26-2015, 10:24 AM
Member
 
BetrayedDad's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: USA
Posts: 2,953
Re: 17 years of marriage and now she says it's over.

Quote:
Originally Posted by livnlif View Post
We are both religious people and after 17 years of marriage she told me last night that is is over and she only wants to be friends because we have two boys 13 and 11. She is taking nursing and I know is stressed.
She's cheating on you. The medical field with the long hours and close quarters, well-to-do doctors surrounded by female nurses is rife with cheating. How's the sex life? I'm guessing non-existent. She's all set though cause she's getting it elsewhere.

Quote:
Originally Posted by livnlif View Post
She has told me I don't get her and don't understand her and I can agree on most of those she mentions. She is an INFJ and I am a totally opposite personality type
Cheater self rationalization... She has to reconcile in her mind why it's okay to screw another guy because she knows its wrong. So she "makes" it okay with excuses like this.

Quote:
Originally Posted by livnlif View Post
For instance last night we went running and as we were going she apparently wanted me a 100' back or more to give her space. I found this out later in the night. She is on a higher level and I am which means that she wants intellectual conversation and I can't seem to do it. She also says I'm smothering her with texts and emails and wants me to be a man.
She's repulsed by you because her new man consumes her thoughts. Plus, you around you physically or through text reminds her what an awful person she is for being a cheater. It disrupts her fantasy which is all she cares about now.

Quote:
Originally Posted by livnlif View Post
I have a really good IT job and have been there for almost 19 yrs now. She indicates that I will never get her and this just won't work anymore. Has this happened to anyone here? I need some advice on how to have these "intellectual" conversations and how to mend a heart that is not willing to love a person lower than she is. One other thing is that she has been calling out to god for help and apparently she has now found her soul mate. She has known about this for 8 months now and I have only know 2 months. There is nothing physical going on but she says they are connected on a soul level. Is this repairable?
It MAY be repairable, if you even want to. However, until there is unsolicited remorse on her end it's a moot point. Understand also, she started acting cold like this AFTER she started fvcking the guy. And this has DEFINITELY gone physical, don't be such a fool. You CAN NOT nice her back. Do the 180, file for divorce, go no contact. SHE CHEATED ON YOU, DON'T CHASE AFTER HER. Have some self respect. She may or may not snap out of it but you can't compete with a fantasy. I know it's counterintuitive but you start demonstrating worth in her eyes by telling her to, "go fvck herself". She practically gave you the blueprint. BE A MAN. Don't take anyone's bullsh!t including hers.

“When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.” - Maya Angelou

Last edited by BetrayedDad; 06-26-2015 at 10:30 AM.
BetrayedDad is offline  
post #5 of 9 (permalink) Old 06-26-2015, 10:57 AM
Member
 
bandit.45's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 17,135
Re: 17 years of marriage and now she says it's over.

180 and file for divorce.
bandit.45 is online now  
post #6 of 9 (permalink) Old 06-26-2015, 11:01 AM
Member
 
GusPolinski's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: TX, USA
Posts: 12,012
Re: 17 years of marriage and now she says it's over.

Quote:
Originally Posted by livnlif View Post
We are both religious people and after 17 years of marriage she told me last night that is is over and she only wants to be friends because we have two boys 13 and 11. She is taking nursing and I know is stressed. She has told me I don't get her and don't understand her and I can agree on most of those she mentions. She is an INFJ and I am a totally opposite personality type. For instance last night we went running and as we were going she apparently wanted me a 100' back or more to give her space. I found this out later in the night. She is on a higher level and I am which means that she wants intellectual conversation and I can't seem to do it. She also says I'm smothering her with texts and emails and wants me to be a man. I have a really good IT job and have been there for almost 19 yrs now. She indicates that I will never get her and this just won't work anymore. Has this happened to anyone here? I need some advice on how to have these "intellectual" conversations and how to mend a heart that is not willing to love a person lower than she is. One other thing is that she has been calling out to god for help and apparently she has now found her soul mate. She has known about this for 8 months now and I have only know 2 months. There is nothing physical going on but she says they are connected on a soul level. Is this repairable?
*cough* BULLSH*T

Virginia: "Why can't you kids leave well enough alone? Everything was fine until you started digging around."

Burt: "You sound like a Scooby Doo villain."
GusPolinski is offline  
post #7 of 9 (permalink) Old 06-26-2015, 11:10 AM
Member
 
Yeswecan's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 3,259
Re: 17 years of marriage and now she says it's over.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Blondilocks View Post
I seriously doubt that God gave her the go-ahead with her 'soul mate'. For her to even mention God in this context is disgusting. It seems she knows very little about religion. Have you looked at the traits of an INFJ? Her actions and words do not measure up. She is in the selfish, mememe stage of an affair. Shut her down. 180 and talk only about kids & finances.
God does not like to see marriages ended. Using God as a tool as a means to an end is crazy.

Have her served. Request full custody of kids. Expose her affair.

“You're painfully alive in a drugged and dying culture.”
― Richard Yates, Revolutionary Road
Yeswecan is offline  
post #8 of 9 (permalink) Old 06-26-2015, 12:18 PM
Member
 
BetrayedDad's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: USA
Posts: 2,953
Re: 17 years of marriage and now she says it's over.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Blondilocks View Post
I seriously doubt that God gave her the go-ahead with her 'soul mate'. For her to even mention God in this context is disgusting. It seems she knows very little about religion. Have you looked at the traits of an INFJ? Her actions and words do not measure up. She is in the selfish, mememe stage of an affair. Shut her down. 180 and talk only about kids & finances.
Last I heard god said don't be coveting neighbor's wives. Apparently, she thinks god made an exception for her. News flash OP, your wife's not an INFJ she's just another selfish POS.

She has NO RESPECT for you. She thinks you're a needy spineless doormat. You've been trying to "win" her back for the last two months. She should be trying to win YOU back.

Step one. Get your mind right. Google "the 180". Read "Married man sex life primer" and "No more Mr. Nice guy"... Do the OPPOSITE of what your heart says. You want to text her? DON'T... You want to beg her to work things out? SHUT UP... You want to save this marriage? FILE FOR DIVORCE

Step two. Get your physical right. Stop the worthless cardio running nonsense. Hit the gym 3-4 times a week HARD lifting heavy weights. Groom yourself and dress nice even indoors. Start getting out of the house A LOT. Chat up random woman, draw interest from those around you. Get your swagger back.

Any of this sound familiar OP: Leave early for work or comes home late, out late at night with the girls, doesn't answer phone, new sexy underwear, shaving her junk frequently, no sexual interest in you, showers when she gets home, weird white stains in the laundry, defensive about her whereabouts, glued to her phone.

8 months and all you think they did was talk? Wise up bro.

“When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.” - Maya Angelou

Last edited by BetrayedDad; 06-26-2015 at 12:26 PM.
BetrayedDad is offline  
post #9 of 9 (permalink) Old 06-26-2015, 12:23 PM
Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2015
Posts: 41
Re: 17 years of marriage and now she says it's over.

Why would you want someone who basically acts like you are less than she is and has already went shopping for a new husband? She sounds selfish and entitled and without a shred of godliness, compassion or integrity. 180 and divorce. Work on you and find a woman with real morals and values.
LisaKane is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Reply

Tags
intellectual conversation, lost hope, separate, soul mate

Quick Reply
Message:
Options

Register Now



In order to be able to post messages on Talk About Marriage, you must first register. Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.

Important! Your username will be visible to the public next to anything you post and could show up in search engines like Google. If you are concerned about anonymity, PLEASE choose a username that will not be recognizable to anyone you know.

User Name:
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.

Password:


Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.

Email Address:
OR

Log-in









Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



Thread Tools Search this Thread
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search



Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
After almost 12 years of marriage and 3 years of fence sitting... gopherstatedad Going Through Divorce or Separation 2 07-15-2012 12:31 PM
Marriage counseling after 35 years of marriage southern wife The Social Spot 7 04-03-2012 09:03 AM
22 years of marriage and he wants out kamr The Ladies' Lounge 4 11-13-2010 10:11 AM

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

 
For the best viewing experience please update your browser to Google Chrome