How can I live in a miserable marriage?
I don't even think it's important to get into the specifics of why my marriage is awful. No one would fully understand unless they were living it day to day.
We should have left maybe a year into our relationship but kept hanging on, anyway. It seems like it was doomed from the start.
But, as it is today, both of us are extremely unhappy with one another. Miserable, actually. We don't even really fight because neither of us have the energy to. We just simply don't get along. Period. We can't get along.
We've been to counseling. We've tried talking. I've gone to God in prayer. I've tried just accepting our marriage for what it is. It's not even that I think that i'm missing out on someone great, it's not that I think someone out there would be better suited for me. I'm saying, at the core, the foundation of our marriage, we are terrible together. We are so much happier when we don't have to be around one another. It's as if we are from two different planets. After basically doing everything I could to make this fit for the past 9 years, trying to see it from different angles, trying to expect less from it, trying just to get to the point where we can at least occupy the same space without losing it, i've realized that it's just not working. It's not working and we're both losing it.
I just can't imagine spending my life this way. I don't need anyone to make me happy. I'm a generally happy person as it is. I'm pretty optimistic. So it's not like i'm looking for a replacement. I just want peace. I just want to live peacefully without this constant tension. I feel like I am sleeping with the enemy. It's terrible. And the worst part about it is, there isn't a "happy time" to return to. It's always been this way, it was just easier to cover it up back then when we were younger and more preoccupied by things that didn't matter.
Not only are we not on the same page, we're not even in the same book. We're not even in the same GENRE. We are worlds apart.
How can I live peacefully with someone under these conditions. I don't care about romance. I don't care about affection. I've stopped expecting that long ago. I just want to exist under the same roof with him without wanting to knock his head off everyday.
We are both Christians, very very far from one another in our walk. But still, we're both walking. I just don't know what else to do. I've done everything I can think of and i'm just miserable. It becomes harder and harder to block the negativity out and ignore the little comments and passive aggression and what not. I try, believe me. Talking gets nowhere. I just need peace.
Are any of you living peacefully in a loveless, unhappy marriage? Any suggestions?