Hi. I'm a christian currently living with my fiance as if we were married. We met in his country and had a long distance relationship until we got engaged. We made the decision that he come to my country to study and create a better life for himself as he is from a poor country and backround and is an orphan. The plan was for him to live with his brother while going to school in order to finally get a good job (His brother lives in my country). When he arrived in the country his brother lost his job and went to live with friends. When we approched our immigration they said in order for him to reside in the country, we would have to show proof of cohabitation for at least a year. As a result, we have secretly moved in together into my apartment so that when his study permit expires we can apply for a permit for couples that are yet to be married. He can't go back to his country because he has lost his job and has nowhere to go. He can't live with his brother and is currently a student. My parents do not want us to marry because he is foreign and do not know that I live with him. I am financially independent and love my fiance and have no problem supporting him till he is on his feet. But in the mean time, what happens to me and God because at the end of the day, I am living in sin???? Help
Hi. I'm a christian currently living with my fiance as if we were married. We met in his country and had a long distance relationship until we got engaged. We made the decision that he come to my country to study and create a better life for himself as he is from a poor country and backround and is an orphan. The plan was for him to live with his brother while going to school in order to finally get a good job (His brother lives in my country). When he arrived in the country his brother lost his job and went to live with friends. When we approched our immigration they said in order for him to reside in the country, we would have to show proof of cohabitation for at least a year. As a result, we have secretly moved in together into my apartment so that when his study permit expires we can apply for a permit for couples that are yet to be married. He can't go back to his country because he has lost his job and has nowhere to go. He can't live with his brother and is currently a student. My parents do not want us to marry because he is foreign and do not know that I live with him. I am financially independent and love my fiance and have no problem supporting him till he is on his feet. But in the mean time, what happens to me and God because at the end of the day, I am living in sin???? Help
Living in sin? Is that because you were so kind and understanding to take a poor person in? to love? to give? to understand? "Give me your tired, your poor........?" (Statue of Liberty) Where is the sin? I cannot think of any place in the gospels of the New Testament where Christ would condemn you for cohabitating. From what I read in the New Testament, Christ was continually trying to lead mankind forward, to slowly "abandon" many of the age-old traditions and thoughts. To bring man and woman together. Perhaps it was because of fear, that the people of those times could not "let go" of traditional ideals.
Could it be that we all to often try to live according to the way others want us to live? But what makes us so sure that what they think is actually the "proper way"? Isn't it our own soul that we are responsible for? Suppose that they are wrong and we follow their "path", then wouldn't we be answering for their "errors" when we leave this world for the next?
One of the reasons that the early settlers came here was for freedom of religion, freedom of belief. They no longer wanted to tied to any set religion. Since then, many new Christian sects have been established, each with varying doctrines, Christianity is evolving. The question is: Which of these new "churches" is correct, as of today? Who is right and who is wrong?
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Re: Living in sin
I have been a Christian all my life and I find no "sin" in a loving and committed couple that opt to live together before marriage. My wife and I had a long distance relationship. Circumstances brought us into cohabiting when we really didn't know each other very well. We had doubting, concerned and condemning parents at the time. Members of the church that didn't approve of our living arrangements. 25+ years later we are still together and none of that matters to anyone anymore. Least of all the two of us.
Hi. I'm a christian currently living with my fiance as if we were married. We met in his country and had a long distance relationship until we got engaged. We made the decision that he come to my country to study and create a better life for himself as he is from a poor country and backround and is an orphan. The plan was for him to live with his brother while going to school in order to finally get a good job (His brother lives in my country). When he arrived in the country his brother lost his job and went to live with friends. When we approched our immigration they said in order for him to reside in the country, we would have to show proof of cohabitation for at least a year. As a result, we have secretly moved in together into my apartment so that when his study permit expires we can apply for a permit for couples that are yet to be married. He can't go back to his country because he has lost his job and has nowhere to go. He can't live with his brother and is currently a student. My parents do not want us to marry because he is foreign and do not know that I live with him. I am financially independent and love my fiance and have no problem supporting him till he is on his feet. But in the mean time, what happens to me and God because at the end of the day, I am living in sin???? Help
I will not judge you, but I do have some questions:
What are you going to do if he takes advantage of your generous offer, allowing you to support him, then splits with another chick when he has all he needs from you, having never gotten married?
What are you going to do when your parents find out?
What are you going to do if you end up pregnant and he takes off?
Just get married... sheesh. Or just be upfront with your parents. Karma will get you in the but if you don't. Confessing your problem online will not fix the situation. Nothing beats a healhty dose of honesty.
PS
Living in sin? I don't know.... there is a consequence to every choice, so whatever it is, there will be a consequence... good or bad. Plus, the God I know loves you. A God who loves sinners and broken people. I would not be worried about God as much as I would about your parents for lying to them. woopsy, not sucha good idea
Just get married... sheesh. Or just be upfront with your parents. Karma will get you in the but if you don't. Confessing your problem online will not fix the situation. Nothing beats a healhty dose of honesty.
PS
Living in sin? I don't know.... there is a consequence to every choice, so whatever it is, there will be a consequence... good or bad. Plus, the God I know loves you. A God who loves sinners and broken people. I would not be worried about God as much as I would about your parents for lying to them. woopsy, not sucha good idea
I prefer physics to karma - for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction.
If your fundamentalist, 1st Thessalonians 5 says...
22 Abstain from all appearance of evil. 23 And the very God of peace sanctify you wholly; and I pray God your whole spirit and soul and body be preserved blameless unto the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ.
This is what I've been taught. Living together appears evil because even if you aren't sleeping together (fornication) it appears that you are and ruins your testimony.
@Parrothead: I once asked a pastor how you know for sure who you're marrying is right for you. He told me relationships are a risk, you can never know for sure. It's not about choosing right, it's about working on it. As a result, I've chosen the path of believing in us and working on making it work. I don't focus on what if's and would rather focus on being positive.
@needmorehelp & xox: Getting married in Africa is complicated. We do marry in the common way of the world but we first have to marry culturally. Otherwise, even if we get married in court or something, our families will not see us as married. Culturally, he has to pay my parents money. He had saved up some money while working with the intention to use it for our cultural wedding. But since my father decides on the amount of money, he calls out large amounts he knows he can't afford. Since he is not working anymore, we both know the cultural wedding will not happen until he starts working and saving up what he is required to pay. We almost eloped, but I feared for mother's health as she is ailing and would not take it well. So to answer your question, I would say what prevents us from marrying would be our culture, not getting the blessings from my parents and money.
We've thought of getting married and hiding it from them until he can marry me properly according to our culture, but that does not sit well with us.
Living in sin? Is that because you were so kind and understanding to take a poor person in? to love? to give? to understand? "Give me your tired, your poor........?" (Statue of Liberty) Where is the sin? I cannot think of any place in the gospels of the New Testament where Christ would condemn you for cohabitating. From what I read in the New Testament, Christ was continually trying to lead mankind forward, to slowly "abandon" many of the age-old traditions and thoughts. To bring man and woman together. Perhaps it was because of fear, that the people of those times could not "let go" of traditional ideals.
Could it be that we all to often try to live according to the way others want us to live? But what makes us so sure that what they think is actually the "proper way"? Isn't it our own soul that we are responsible for? Suppose that they are wrong and we follow their "path", then wouldn't we be answering for their "errors" when we leave this world for the next?
One of the reasons that the early settlers came here was for freedom of religion, freedom of belief. They no longer wanted to tied to any set religion. Since then, many new Christian sects have been established, each with varying doctrines, Christianity is evolving. The question is: Which of these new "churches" is correct, as of today? Who is right and who is wrong?
You have no idea how much I've argued that point with some of my mates in prayer group that know about us. But when I'm told that the bottom line is that I am sinning, I can't help but feel such shame because it's true. I need to find a way to make peace and move forward with this without compromising the truth of his word.
I'm not even christian and I know that you're living in sin. It is COMMON KNOWLEDGE that sex before marriage is a BIBLICAL sin.
Nobody can HONESTLY deny this fact. Some people think that it is a trivial sin in the grand scheme of things, and that's probably because most of them have committed the sin, but at the end of the day your choice of action will depend upon whether or not you think you have a connection to biblical teachings, and how strong your connection is.
The fact that sex before marriage is a biblical sin is plain.
Assist your fiance in finding an apartment or a roommate.
I once asked a pastor how you know for sure who you're marrying is right for you. He told me relationships are a risk, you can never know for sure. It's not about choosing right, it's about working on it. As a result, I've chosen the path of believing in us and working on making it work. I don't focus on what if's and would rather focus on being positive.
life is a risk. and people who believe in god, rely on him to help us through it.
that is why it is better for you to believe in god and put your trust in what he has directed you to do, so that he will bless your marriage.
you can chose to live in sin, but what if, as a consequence, you lose the blessing of god in your marriage.
so yes, relationships are a risk, and that is why you should go in the direction of god so that he can help you with your relationship.
I'm not even christian and I know that you're living in sin. It is COMMON KNOWLEDGE that sex before marriage is a BIBLICAL sin.
Nobody can HONESTLY deny this fact. Some people think that it is a trivial sin in the grand scheme of things, and that's probably because most of them have committed the sin, but at the end of the day your choice of action will depend upon whether or not you think you have a connection to biblical teachings, and how strong your connection is.
The fact that sex before marriage is a biblical sin is plain.
Assist your fiance in finding an apartment or a roommate.
The interesting thing is that I am also from africa, Sierra Leone, and my sister was in a similar situation as yourself.
One day the family was meeting at her apartment and she invited her fiance over to help her move, even though she knew it would cause a big controversy in the family. When I questioned her about it she told me, "I don't have anybody else to help me move". And of course that was not true, because the african community is very large where I live, and plus she has her family and two brothers. I called some of my friends, and there were six people there, ready to help her move, within 30 minutes.
The point is I know for sure that if you really wanted him out you could find a way. You have guy friends he could room with. You have family. You can ask some of your church members or pastors that you can confide in.
Which pastor will not help you to find him somebody to room with if the pastor knows that you are making an effort not to commit a sin?
especially if you explain to them that initially he was living with his brother and now he does not have a place.
weR2 stated that Christianity is about taking poor people in. So the real solution is to be honest with some church members that you can confide in, and let them take him in; not for you to live in sin.
Living in sin 
