I am sure that many of you have heard this before, and it has probably been discussed on this forum. I have always thought that the strongest marriages can be represented by a triangle.
As a husband and wife draw closer to God, they also come closer to each other. As they come closer to God, they develop more attributes that are essential for a relationship to last for years upon years. These characteristics include respect, forgiveness, repentance, love, and compassion. I have noticed this principle in my practice. As couples are working at drawing closer to God, they move through counseling faster and are able to maintain an intimate connection for a significant longer period of time.
Based on what I've gone through, I really believe that is an accurate assessment. Of course, my saga went the opposite direction. I moved closer to God and my estranged husband went the opposite direction (lying, cheating, swinging, embezzling, partying, drinking, etc.). No triangle for us-- but rather a straight line.
My H only pulled the God card to try to get me to give him another chance (so I could find out what God had planned for us). I'll be better about choosing next time. I guess I read too much Corinthians, where your own faith is supposed to be enough to carry over as an example to the atheists and that it's possible for a Christian to be married to a non-Christian or even an atheist. I wonder what he was smoking when he wrote that stuff!
Just throwing this out there to add on to this topic---
I completely believe a marriage includes 3 people: God, a husband, and a wife. Anything other situation can't possibly be a marriage. Something else to be aware of is to make sure that triangle doesn't become a more complicated shape by both sets of parents.
Now that I'm married, I'm starting to read more about how to cleave to my husband and leave my parents. That won't be an easy task for me because I am very close to my parents. I know already that certain decisions need to stay between my husband, God, and myself-- and-- that I don't have to tell my parents everything, but I have to be honest and say that while I do very much trust God, my parents are still my "security blanket" for when times get tough. I can't imagine not calling my Mom after a bad day at work and sharing what happened and seeing what she thinks, but I know that it would be much more appropriate if I shared such things with my husband instead.
Some Christian marriage counselors have spoken about the topic of couples not completely cleaving together and instead relying too much on their parents and the havoc it can wreck on a marriage. It's bad enough if we don't include God every day in our marriage, but letting our parents into our marriage can do a lot of damage too.
Hi there, personally in my own marriage I am finding that whilst God always comes first in my life, the opposite is for my husband. My husband has always put himself first. Whenever I try to share the Gospel or any wonderful miracle in my life, my husband laughs it off to coincedence. It is very frustrating. Yes, I agree that if a man is a God fearing man, we as woman would definitely be loved and respected more. Today, we as woman have such a lot of responsibility - we are wives, breadwinners, lovers, mothers, house cleaners, domestic doctors and the list continues....it feels like our husbands are just there at home to eat food when they come home from work and the house is just a place to rest your head when you sleep. I should have taken the message of being "equally yoked" more seriously when I got married.
Hi there, personally in my own marriage I am finding that whilst God always comes first in my life, the opposite is for my husband. My husband has always put himself first. Whenever I try to share the Gospel or any wonderful miracle in my life, my husband laughs it off to coincedence. It is very frustrating. Yes, I agree that if a man is a God fearing man, we as woman would definitely be loved and respected more. Today, we as woman have such a lot of responsibility - we are wives, breadwinners, lovers, mothers, house cleaners, domestic doctors and the list continues....it feels like our husbands are just there at home to eat food when they come home from work and the house is just a place to rest your head when you sleep. I should have taken the message of being "equally yoked" more seriously when I got married.
I understand what you are saying here, but, it is not always women that have "such a lot of responsibilities. Besides myself, I can think of other men that have "such a lot of responsibilities" while their wives sit at home visiting with their friends. The man and woman need to grow together to become one with God (love triangle), but with the society in which we live we are fooled into believing that success is measured by how much you have. Nothing can be farther from the truth, what you have, should be your reward for the effort that you put forth in this world, to live a more comfortable life. Other than that, perhaps we need to spend more time on the "love triangle", growing together with our SO.
It seems, however, that the biggest hurdle is to encounter someone that PERCEIVES God in the same way that you do. If your SO has a different perception of God and what He expects, then everything becomes more difficult. The fact of the matter is that nowadays, with all the different ideas and beliefs, there are an astronomical amount of perceptions. WHICH IS CORRECT? That is for each of us to choose, we cannot "force" our beliefs onto someone else. It is by "works" (example) that we can reach them.
I am sure that many of you have heard this before, and it has probably been discussed on this forum. I have always thought that the strongest marriages can be represented by a triangle.
As a husband and wife draw closer to God, they also come closer to each other. As they come closer to God, they develop more attributes that are essential for a relationship to last for years upon years. These characteristics include respect, forgiveness, repentance, love, and compassion. I have noticed this principle in my practice. As couples are working at drawing closer to God, they move through counseling faster and are able to maintain an intimate connection for a significant longer period of time.
Most Christian couples think that if they are Christian that is all they need to do. That God will miraculously make everything in their marriage all rosey. Not going to happen. Each person has to work at it. Every marriage involves work.
Some Christian marriage counselors have spoken about the topic of couples not completely cleaving together and instead relying too much on their parents and the havoc it can wreck on a marriage. It's bad enough if we don't include God every day in our marriage, but letting our parents into our marriage can do a lot of damage too.
Quote:
Originally Posted by 4sure
Most Christian couples think that if they are Christian that is all they need to do. That God will miraculously make everything in their marriage all rosey. Not going to happen. Each person has to work at it. Every marriage involves work.
One of the biggest issues with trying to build god into my marriage was I think played in part by the in-laws. I see the longest lasting strongest couples are those who include god in their marriage, and have a shared belief they can grow with.
Hubs lived by the theory that all he needed to do was believe in god. No effort towards the marriage, no work towards a good life, and more saddening, he left god behind in the church, and only mentioned him in narcissism.
To add to it, he was very much dependent on his parents to fix his problems. I remember many times where i reminded myself God would help us through it and we could do it, only to have him call daddy every time anything went wrong instead of working with his wife to solve it.
It does become an issue, I got to a point where it drove me nuts to have his parents paying for and fixing thing we otherwise could have, had "we" been trying. I also stopped bothering to have the sunday "get out of bed" fight to go to church because it was more for show than anything else.
I still think a good marriage includes god, but much like my ex in laws, it cannot rely on one force alone with no effort from the individuals involved. You can't sit around waiting for god to magically fix everything while you watch cartoons, and you cannot sit around letting the parents fix everything either. Man and Wife work together, not sit around waiting for everything to work for them.
Most Christian couples think that if they are Christian that is all they need to do. That God will miraculously make everything in their marriage all rosey. Not going to happen. Each person has to work at it. Every marriage involves work.
I've never heard any Christian couple state that they think God will do all the work. Even having faith in God requires work-- you work on building your faith through prayer, worship, reading the Bible, a marriage requires that you care for the relationship just like you would your relationship with God.
However, without God in your marital relationship (and your personal relationship) you'll have to do a lot more work to keep things going.
A try? I have gone the "extra mile" not for myself, but because of the realization that I must GROW with my SO to be able to reach that pinnacle of the "triangle". With the realization that we each have varying degrees of learning and stamina, I chose to "help" in ways that others may or may not, for love.
I also realize that as a male, I cannot fully inderstand the NATURAL realtionship of the female to their offspring/family. Likewise, the female cannot fully understand the NATURAL relationship of the male to their offspring/family. BUT, I am not afraid to assist in chores and duties that will enhance the physical, mental, or spiritual growth of ANY family.
A try? I have gone the "extra mile" not for myself, but because of the realization that I must GROW with my SO to be able to reach that pinnacle of the "triangle". With the realization that we each have varying degrees of learning and stamina, I chose to "help" in ways that others may or may not, for love.
I also realize that as a male, I cannot fully inderstand the NATURAL realtionship of the female to their offspring/family. Likewise, the female cannot fully understand the NATURAL relationship of the male to their offspring/family. BUT, I am not afraid to assist in chores and duties that will enhance the physical, mental, or spiritual growth of ANY family.
It's not about a female's "natural relationship". It's about a realization of just what a housewife does. They don't just "visit with friends". Don't believe me? Just watch what happens when they stop doing it.
Most Christian couples think that if they are Christian that is all they need to do. That God will miraculously make everything in their marriage all rosey. Not going to happen. Each person has to work at it. Every marriage involves work.
I grew up listening to my mom think that being religious was going to solve all her problems. She really thought that if she just loved god, went to church, read her bible, that everything would be OK. She believed it so much that when things were not OK she couldn't accept it, still cant. Both my parents were devoutly religious. Their problems only got worse because they just kept looking up instead of at themselves. Of course that's not the case for every religious family.
Religion is simply an extended expression of oneself. Emotionally healthy people who want to be married make marriage work. They could pray to a rock, call it whatever they want, and get the same results. As christ said in the bible to all those who were looking outward for the kingdom of heaven, It exists in you. There's nothing 'out there' to find. If an already healthy person turns to a higher power it will help the marriage because out of their emotions they create the boundaries of their religion. Unhealthy people are doomed by religion, not because religion doomed them but because their unhealthy emotions create the religion and their god. The parameters of their religion will necessarily be unhealthy because they are unhealthy and it will add to the dysfunction of the marriage. There's nothing 'out there' that's going to help, which is a huge mistake so many emotionally unhealthy individuals make.
Now that I'm married, I'm starting to read more about how to cleave to my husband and leave my parents. That won't be an easy task for me because I am very close to my parents. I know already that certain decisions need to stay between my husband, God, and myself-- and-- that I don't have to tell my parents everything, but I have to be honest and say that while I do very much trust God, my parents are still my "security blanket" for when times get tough. I can't imagine not calling my Mom after a bad day at work and sharing what happened and seeing what she thinks, but I know that it would be much more appropriate if I shared such things with my husband instead.
Some Christian marriage counselors have spoken about the topic of couples not completely cleaving together and instead relying too much on their parents and the havoc it can wreck on a marriage. It's bad enough if we don't include God every day in our marriage, but letting our parents into our marriage can do a lot of damage too.
I love the word "cleave" and how it applies to a relationship. To me cleaving to your spouse is more than just a marriage contract. It is being best friends and sharing your lives together.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dr Snuggles
Hi there, personally in my own marriage I am finding that whilst God always comes first in my life, the opposite is for my husband. My husband has always put himself first. Whenever I try to share the Gospel or any wonderful miracle in my life, my husband laughs it off to coincedence. It is very frustrating. Yes, I agree that if a man is a God fearing man, we as woman would definitely be loved and respected more. Today, we as woman have such a lot of responsibility - we are wives, breadwinners, lovers, mothers, house cleaners, domestic doctors and the list continues....it feels like our husbands are just there at home to eat food when they come home from work and the house is just a place to rest your head when you sleep. I should have taken the message of being "equally yoked" more seriously when I got married.
Selfishness should have no place in a marital relationship (or any relationship for that matter). EVERY problem I see in my counseling office can relate back to one or both members of the relationship being selfish.
Marriage triangle: God, husband, wife. 
