Hm. I hesitate to bring this out but it sounds very similar to my ex who was diagnosed NPD. Let's see... your H has no empathy, can't be bothered with things he thinks aren't important, thinks his ideals are more special than yours, and while not listed in the top symptoms, bringing up the past all of the time is another tactic they use to deflect from the current discussion. So I'm not a professional, I just recognized a lot of my ex in your description, though my ex was 10x worse, including the violent part.
In order for a person to be diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) they must meet five or more of the following symptoms:
Has a grandiose sense of self-importance (e.g., exaggerates achievements and talents, expects to be recognized as superior without commensurate achievements)
Is preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love
Believes that he or she is “special” and unique and can only be understood by, or should associate with, other special or high-status people (or institutions)
Requires excessive admiration
Has a very strong sense of entitlement, e.g., unreasonable expectations of especially favorable treatment or automatic compliance with his or her expectations
Is exploitative of others, e.g., takes advantage of others to achieve his or her own ends
Lacks empathy, e.g., is unwilling to recognize or identify with the feelings and needs of others
Is often envious of others or believes that others are envious of him or her
Regularly shows arrogant, haughty behaviors or attitudes https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog...not-know-about
Are highly reactive to criticism.
Have low self-esteem.
Can be inordinately self-righteous and defensive.
React to contrary viewpoints with anger or rage.
Project onto others qualities, traits, and behaviors they can’t—or won’t—accept in themselves.
Have poor interpersonal boundaries.