lamaga

Metta, I didn't comment on the text messages before because I was so outraged and angry on your behalf.

She is not respecting your beliefs, period. "I'm praying that you'll find [my] God?" Really? So basically what she is saying is that your buddhism and the path that you are on is crap, she thinks it's crap and she doesn't mind telling you that it's crap, as long as she folds that message into the papspeak that passes for communication among fundamentalist Christians.

Sorry. I don't think you should put up with it (although I realize that stance is very non-buddhist )

Honestly? I think she is using her so-called faith as a tool to avoid intimacy, to avoid a real relationship, and to all the while avoid taking responsibility -- it's not that she's not a good wife, it's just that she's so hurt that you're not a Christian.

BLECCH. Real Christians do not act this way. And you are being played. Sorry to be so blunt, but you did ask.

metta

Dear Lamaga,

Indeed. She is intolerant, and she proudly says that she is intolerant!

Thank you! You just made clear exactly what happened in my mind when I read it!

Well, not necessarily. There is no point in suffering for nothing. Buddhism is the "middle path", you have to avoid extremes. Also, buddhism teaches that nothing is permanent...

Yes, she is "blinded by faith"! Truly, she is just not able to see, hear or think outside the little box called "fundamentalism" she built around herself. The big problem is that it is affecting people around her.

I am not sure, really. I just googled "divorce rate in born again", and found a study by The Barna Group (an evangelical christian organisation BTW), which found that the divorce rate is higher in fundamentalist christians (24% for baptists and 34% for non-denominational) than in atheists/agnostics (21%).

Don't worry! Be blunt! It really helps me to have external and frank point of views!
I have to admit I think you are quite right. I don't even know if she realises it, though...

lamaga

Well, at a certain point, it doesn't matter if she realizes it or not. You are in charge of your own life and your own destiny.

I do wish you well. My H is buddhist, I am Jewish, and we get along just fine. PM me anytime, as I find these issues interesting.

RandomDude

Lamaga speaks the truth, she doesn't accept your ways but justifies her intolerance based on her faith. My wife went through the same thing but even though you can prod her, only she can change her beliefs. The missus came to her enlightenment outside of the church though, she spent more time meditating on the word herself and her own relationship with christ then playing religious at church.

The fundamentalist church unfortunately, is a problem, and will not enable her to see the light. If she comes up with an individualistic belief, they'll shut it down, tell her that her views are wrong, that she needs to spend more time at church, that she's falling away from god's path, etc etc.

In her mind she is hurt, because she feels that your conversion would be the best thing in your marriage, and in the same way she has shut out your faith, now she feels how its like to have her own faith shut out by you.

Even though my wife and I went through the same thing, after reading your story, it's starting to look like a completely different scenario now. My wife has very strong personal qualities, a bit stubborn but she's an individualistic mind at core; she is capable of her own decisions even if confronted with the world.

I don't know your wife but it seems like she lacks the quality that would allow her to continue her faith independently from the fundamentalist teachings and learn to become tolerant and to find her own personal relationship with christ instead of looking to men for god. Add that to the fact that she cheated on you already yet is not making steps to heal the marriage...

Well, it doesn't look promising... I'm sorry =/

metta

Hi RD,

Well, she does spend a certain amount of time reading the bible on her own. She considers herself "unaffiliated" (i.e. the category of evangelical christians with 34% divorce rate!)
Yet she spends a lot of time watching GodTV etc. and listening to audio talks by leading televangelists... And I tend to think that she is not very discriminate in what she gets from those...

Yes, I know! The truth is that they all live in fear.

Too bad!

Well, we'll see how it goes.

Yesterday evening, I told her I have been shocked when she said she would "leave us to our ways" if our daughter would follow Buddhism. She said I misunderstood her, she would not leave the house, but simply let do our things... This is quite possibly because although we have the same mother tongue, in her country they tend to use different expressions.
Yet, that still says that she will give up somehow on our daughter if she follows Buddhism. I don't know to what extent...

Thank you for your support!

jahu77

I agree with RandomDude when he says:

"I don't know your wife but it seems like she lacks the quality that would allow her to continue her faith independently from the fundamentalist teachings and learn to become tolerant and to find her own personal relationship with Christ instead of looking to men for god."

Much of the stuff on God TV is dubious at best. Ever seen Todd Bentley? You can be sure that man does not know God.

I was once an avid follower of many eastern philosophies, but had such a transforming encounter with the Living God , I now know without any shadow of doubt, that Jesus Christ truly is The Way, The Truth and The Life. No man can come to God but Through Him.

But beware of pseudo-Christian things like much on God TV.

With Love

WillIMake36?

LOVE this post. so, so true.

2ntnuf

You know, these are all very basic things which are being discussed. I remember making the same mistake but within the same religion. My first wife wasn't as "religious" as I thought I was. Even though we attended the same church, we still had disagreements about what we believed. So much lack of communication with open and honest discussion. I think I got married to her because the sex was so good. Too bad that wasn't what held us together. There were too many other differences which I did not even consider. I was too young and horny.