Has faith/religion helped your relationship? - Page 3 - Talk About Marriage
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post #31 of 379 (permalink) Old 02-17-2016, 06:33 PM
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Re: Has faith/religion helped your relationship?

Good evening
My wife is somewhere between agnostic, and very slightly Christian Scientist. I am somewhere between atheist and satanist.

Religion or lack of same has had not effect that I can think of on our relationship. We've been together ~35 years, married almost 30. Other than are rather mediocre and limited sex life, we are very happy together.

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post #32 of 379 (permalink) Old 02-23-2016, 09:59 PM
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Re: Has faith/religion helped your relationship?

Ok.. this won't come off a normal answer here...but I think my religion & husband's is just being awfully romantic at ...I would consider us both sensitive & spiritual in nature to always want to DO the right thing for the other, for the better of our family.. to strive to be TRUE to those in our lives.. in our inner circle.. to not hinder or harm our sphere of influence in this world..

I started out as a christian , or I should say "tried to be".. that is what I grew up with .. but I was always always always questioning my beliefs..... others beliefs (our dearest friends are Mormons).... so much I would buy books on these subjects .... I wanted to UNDERSTAND why we believe as we do, why anyone does.....also to invite hearing WHY others rejected our beliefs..

One of my favorite debaters, God rest his soul, was an Atheist ! ..

Truth be told....I reasoned a long long time ago.. that our choices today have a huge impact on our tomorrow... but also the choices of others - even complete strangers can destroy us ... so much unfairness in life.... it trips me up.. I do not like the Book of JOB ! the Injustices brought upon this man...like he was some Pawn being tested...and somehow he passed..watching his entire family DIE, & everything he worked for, his livestock ... then boils all over his body(?) & in excruciating pain..

I could see ME being his wife saying "Curse God & die".. wouldn't many of us...

Though there are many wonderful lessons in the Bible, the parables, etc.. so much goodness therein...WISDOM for the ages...even in the end of the book of JOB... those friends of his - they were "miserable comforters" ...a lesson we really don't understand nor should we assume so easily, WHY BAD things happen to others...

I have a different perspective on how I feel one's faith , or should I say a community of Faith is beneficial...what do I miss the most about going to church >> the Fellowship.. my friends !...it's this community of people...there for each other.. coming together in times of crisis / sadness.. lifting each other UP...

I have always felt.. no matter what our beliefs are.. it's more about having others in our lives .. that helps us get through the hard times.. the storms of life.. Who we hang with, who we take counsel from influences our walk....this includes our marriages.

This is one of my favorite scriptures pertaining to marriage... though I kinda see this as common sense really.. but a caring God is implied in the "threefold cord" ending.....



I would call myself a Deist today... my husband.. he really doesn't care about practicing a faith.. asking him about this one time.. he had me almost rolling on the floor in how he responded.. I guess we've seen too many Holy rollers in our time.... it's turned him off... but ya know.. knowing what the fruits of the spirit are .....listed here....



He's been a wonderful example TO ME.. Beings I got on my knees at age 15 praying for someone like him to walk into my life... and how it all played out.. I am just very thankful.. and it's true.. many scriptures have given me comfort & insight over the years in how to live...this also reflects back to marriage - in how we treat each other.

Last edited by SimplyAmorous; 02-23-2016 at 10:11 PM.
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post #33 of 379 (permalink) Old 02-23-2016, 10:34 PM
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Re: Has faith/religion helped your relationship?

My bisexual wife and I have a non monogamous marriage and had sex with others, alone and in groups. We shared a live in girlfriend for most of our 40+ year marriage and had threesomes with her a few thousand times, even after she got married. In our case, I would say that a lack of faith/religion has helped my relationship because all of my friends and family who are religious are divorced, with most of them divorcing due to their faith which says that if you want to love or have sex with another person, as well as your wife, you must destroy your existing life, hate each other, share custody of the children and sell off your home.

It could also be that since I do not believe in any god or go to any church, that I am off the grid and left to live my life in a way that makes me and my wife happy. I sure have a much better life than most religious people I know and that seems to piss them off.

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post #34 of 379 (permalink) Old 02-25-2016, 08:31 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Has faith/religion helped your relationship?

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Originally Posted by Vinnydee View Post
My bisexual wife and I have a non monogamous marriage and had sex with others, alone and in groups. We shared a live in girlfriend for most of our 40+ year marriage and had threesomes with her a few thousand times, even after she got married. In our case, I would say that a lack of faith/religion has helped my relationship because all of my friends and family who are religious are divorced, with most of them divorcing due to their faith which says that is that of you want to love or have sex with another person, as well as your wife, you must destroy your existing life, hate each other, share custody of the children and sell off your home.

It could also be that since I do not believe in any god or go to any church, that I am off the grid and left to live my life in a way that makes me and my wife happy.
Your story is so different wow...you have led a really interesting and ...adventurous life.
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post #35 of 379 (permalink) Old 02-25-2016, 09:18 PM
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Re: Has faith/religion helped your relationship?

My wife and I are both Christians, although we are not quite the crazy people most think of when envisioning Christians.

We watch South Park, periodically curse, and are pretty edgy in things.

But each night at bed time, we hold each others hands, say what we are thankful about from each other for that day, and then pray together.

It is pretty powerful. It is hard to go to sleep with resentment when the last thing you before sleep is humble yourself before your maker with your spouse.

It was the single best thing we incorporated into our relationship in our rekindling.

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post #36 of 379 (permalink) Old 02-25-2016, 09:36 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Has faith/religion helped your relationship?

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Originally Posted by farsidejunky View Post
My wife and I are both Christians, although we are not quite the crazy people most think of when envisioning Christians.

We watch South Park, periodically curse, and are pretty edgy in things.

But each night at bed time, we hold each others hands, say what we are thankful about from each other for that day, and then pray together.

It is pretty powerful. It is hard to go to sleep with resentment when the last thing you before sleep is humble yourself before your maker with your spouse.

It was the single best thing we incorporated into our relationship in our rekindling.

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This is really beautiful, thank you for sharing!!
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post #37 of 379 (permalink) Old 03-03-2016, 02:16 PM
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Re: Has faith/religion helped your relationship?

I read this recently and I can't comment about the accuracy of the data, or even if going to church is a cause or merely a correlated variable of the increase in longevity....

"Dr. Byron Johnson said that the studies show that if you go to church on a regular basis, you'll add seven years to your life, if you're white. If you're black, you'll add 14 years to your life."

The studies compiled were for Black and White Americans, so I'm not sure if the same data would be true for the UK, but 14 years is colossal.

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post #38 of 379 (permalink) Old 03-03-2016, 02:38 PM
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Re: Has faith/religion helped your relationship?

Quote:
Originally Posted by farsidejunky View Post
But each night at bed time, we hold each others hands, say what we are thankful about from each other for that day, and then pray together.

It is pretty powerful. It is hard to go to sleep with resentment when the last thing you before sleep is humble yourself before your maker with your spouse.

It was the single best thing we incorporated into our relationship in our rekindling.

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I have always admired this about you, far. I wish Dug and I did this.
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post #39 of 379 (permalink) Old 03-03-2016, 03:53 PM
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Re: Has faith/religion helped your relationship?

I am a Christian and have been my entire life. At one point in my life, I was a youth pastor. I was raised by two Christian parents, parents who showed me that putting Christ in the center of their lives, much less their marriage, isn't as easy as it seems it should be. That is where I learned about faith and commitment, the importance of pushing through the hard times and learning to pray during good/bad. It certainly helps knowing that I am not in this alone, that I am accountable to a God who knows me.

My wife is the daughter of conservative Baptist missionaries. Faith is an integral part of her life. That is probably what sealed the deal and helped me decide to ask her to marry me.

Our marriage is far from perfect, but we are still married after 23 years. Both of us have parents who celebrated 50 years of marriage. Their relationships grew as they seek God together. I am still learning to do that with my wife... but I have the example set by my parents. My parents are close to sixty years of marriage and both tell me that their love has grown even more since they celebrated fifty years. A lot of that they attribute to concentrating on their faith together.

God will bless your relationship. Seeking God together requires an openness and honesty that is another form of intimacy. You have to practice at being that open, learn to accept each other as God accepts you. That's great when you can do that.
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post #40 of 379 (permalink) Old 03-04-2016, 02:18 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Has faith/religion helped your relationship?

Quote:
Originally Posted by TAMAT View Post
I read this recently and I can't comment about the accuracy of the data, or even if going to church is a cause or merely a correlated variable of the increase in longevity....

"Dr. Byron Johnson said that the studies show that if you go to church on a regular basis, you'll add seven years to your life, if you're white. If you're black, you'll add 14 years to your life."

The studies compiled were for Black and White Americans, so I'm not sure if the same data would be true for the UK, but 14 years is colossal.

Tamat
That is so very interesting! I wonder if there's really something to it. I bet it has to do with stress management. When I was an atheist, I was more stressed and returning to faith, I feel more grounded and at peace.

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Originally Posted by wanttolove View Post
I am a Christian and have been my entire life. At one point in my life, I was a youth pastor. I was raised by two Christian parents, parents who showed me that putting Christ in the center of their lives, much less their marriage, isn't as easy as it seems it should be. That is where I learned about faith and commitment, the importance of pushing through the hard times and learning to pray during good/bad. It certainly helps knowing that I am not in this alone, that I am accountable to a God who knows me.

My wife is the daughter of conservative Baptist missionaries. Faith is an integral part of her life. That is probably what sealed the deal and helped me decide to ask her to marry me.

Our marriage is far from perfect, but we are still married after 23 years. Both of us have parents who celebrated 50 years of marriage. Their relationships grew as they seek God together. I am still learning to do that with my wife... but I have the example set by my parents. My parents are close to sixty years of marriage and both tell me that their love has grown even more since they celebrated fifty years. A lot of that they attribute to concentrating on their faith together.

God will bless your relationship. Seeking God together requires an openness and honesty that is another form of intimacy. You have to practice at being that open, learn to accept each other as God accepts you. That's great when you can do that.
This is so wonderful to read! Thank you for adding to this thread with your own experiences.

My fiance and I are on the same page pretty much with our faith, I'd say that he is more moderate than I am with some things, but we both have similar worldviews, which I believe is important in a marriage.

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post #41 of 379 (permalink) Old 03-05-2016, 05:10 AM
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Re: Has faith/religion helped your relationship?

When we first married I thought our faith would keep our marriage safe and strong. I used to think that since my husband loved God more than he loved me that he would not do something to hurt me, because it would be hurting God.

I thought my husband was "teflon" so I failed to cover him in prayer.

After his adultery, I did not blame God, but I thought that my husband loved himself more than he loved God or me! Now I am learning that my husband is motivated by insecurity, and self doubt, not self love.

My faith has led me to good Christian counselors, who value the marriage covenant, and who love us enough to be honest, using scripture as the plumb line. I made a promise to my husband, "for better or for worse" and sometimes I have wanted to give up and end it, but because of my faith, I have stayed and given him time to grow, even if it is slow. Through this trial, God has shown me that I lack the capacity to give people grace, and through our reconciliation I have begun to learn to give grace.

My husband has endured a lot from me since his adultery. His humility, strength, self control and love have given me confidence that he is a good man at heart, that he is truly sorry, and that he will never do something like that again. He has treated me the way Jesus would. I really believe that no man could have endured the hell that I put him through without the help of Jesus.
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post #42 of 379 (permalink) Old 03-05-2016, 11:11 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Has faith/religion helped your relationship?

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When we first married I thought our faith would keep our marriage safe and strong. I used to think that since my husband loved God more than he loved me that he would not do something to hurt me, because it would be hurting God.

I thought my husband was "teflon" so I failed to cover him in prayer.

After his adultery, I did not blame God, but I thought that my husband loved himself more than he loved God or me! Now I am learning that my husband is motivated by insecurity, and self doubt, not self love.

My faith has led me to good Christian counselors, who value the marriage covenant, and who love us enough to be honest, using scripture as the plumb line. I made a promise to my husband, "for better or for worse" and sometimes I have wanted to give up and end it, but because of my faith, I have stayed and given him time to grow, even if it is slow. Through this trial, God has shown me that I lack the capacity to give people grace, and through our reconciliation I have begun to learn to give grace.

My husband has endured a lot from me since his adultery. His humility, strength, self control and love have given me confidence that he is a good man at heart, that he is truly sorry, and that he will never do something like that again. He has treated me the way Jesus would. I really believe that no man could have endured the hell that I put him through without the help of Jesus.
Oh my gosh, your post deserves more than 100 likes! I have tears in my eyes reading this, for I think maybe I lack giving grace at times with people. Personally, I never looked at the vows 'for better or for worse' in terms of staying after infidelity, however...I do believe that adultery is less about the marriage, and more about an internal battle going on inside of the ''cheating spouse.'' I think your post here is so beautiful and eye opening for someone like me, and truly inspiring. I can only imagine how it had to hurt you, but you both have the love of Jesus to make you and your marriage stronger and the glory goes to Him. Thank you so much for sharing this! I will hold you both in my prayers, too.
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post #43 of 379 (permalink) Old 03-05-2016, 11:23 AM
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Re: Has faith/religion helped your relationship?

You are actually too nice!

I am often too hard.

I will share my story here soon.

You started a nice thread and I have to remember going forward what a gentle soul you are.

Please forgive this barbarian for not being more careful with you.
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post #44 of 379 (permalink) Old 03-05-2016, 11:33 AM
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Re: Has faith/religion helped your relationship?

Quote:
Originally Posted by farsidejunky View Post
My wife and I are both Christians, although we are not quite the crazy people most think of when envisioning Christians.

We watch South Park, periodically curse, and are pretty edgy in things.

But each night at bed time, we hold each others hands, say what we are thankful about from each other for that day, and then pray together.

It is pretty powerful. It is hard to go to sleep with resentment when the last thing you before sleep is humble yourself before your maker with your spouse.


It was the single best thing we incorporated into our relationship in our rekindling.

Sent from my SM-N910V using Tapatalk
This is simply great, 'Junky! And while I've always endeavored to live by that hollowed Christian mantra, unfortunately, neither of the women that I chose to marry would even begin to try to adhere to it!

Do you think that maybe God is remotely trying to tell me something?

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Last edited by arbitrator; 03-05-2016 at 12:26 PM.
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post #45 of 379 (permalink) Old 03-05-2016, 01:58 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Has faith/religion helped your relationship?

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Originally Posted by ConanHub View Post
You are actually too nice!

I am often too hard.

I will share my story here soon.

You started a nice thread and I have to remember going forward what a gentle soul you are.

Please forgive this barbarian for not being more careful with you.
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hahaha Aw...you are forgiven.
I look forward to your story.
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