This is something I have been thinking about lately.
I firmly believe that Faith/religion would have helped our marriage if my XWW truly had any real faith. I think she pretended to be spiritual, but the truth is, she worshiped only herself. The promises she made to God and me, on the alter, were hollow. If we both had the same level of spiritual commitment, we would be in a much different place now. My parents are still married and have been together for over 50 years. They have told me many times that it was their faith that kept them strong, and together.
My XWW came from a family that didn’t worship regularly. They would show up mostly on the holidays. Church was more of an event for them than actual worship. By contrast, I was raised in a relatively religious Catholic family, went to Catholic schools but switched to Presbyterian about 15 years ago because of the Priest scandal. I always had a deep faith in God and what I would consider, a close spiritual relationship. I had complete trust and faith that he would guide me and my family and protect us from harm. After I discovered my XWW’s cheating, I felt as if I was getting no clear answer from God as far as what to do. I spent over a year confused by his silence. I finally decided to divorce her as she was unremorseful. I clung tightly to my faith for another year. About the time the divorce was final, I had grown disenchanted and began to pull away. I was angry with God because the only thing I ever asked of him was to watch over my family and keep us safe/together. How could he allow this to happen to me and my children? What good could possibly come from all of this destruction? I felt as if he had abandoned me and my children, and all my prayers and faith meant nothing. I felt that if all of my prayers went un-heard then why pray at all. My anger or disbelief with God continues to grow as my XWW’s new life continues to be all wine and roses with virtually no consequences, while I seem to be stuck in an emotional/spiritual rut.
I am now 3 years post-divorce. I don’t attend mass any more. I struggle to have any relationship with God as do my children. My faith in him is severely diminished and there are days when I don’t believe he even exists. Where is my life going spiritually? Sadly, for the first time in my life, I have no idea.
I left the faith completely for a few years, and identified as an atheist for two years. The Bible at one point, didn't seem logical to me, but more over than that...was when I was a Christian before leaving it, I viewed God differently, and viewed myself differently. I used to view God as this 'grantor of wishes' and I was forever unworthy, always asking...pleading...always hoping He'd hear me. I returned to Christianity last year, due to an experience of faith, what I would consider to be Divine Intervention. It has changed my entire life, and I have a peace and joy that is different than this life can ever offer.
So, for you. How do you see God? How do you think God sees you? We often as fallible humans, do our own thing...and then, expect God to go along with it. And when He doesn't...we wonder where He is. Maybe He wonders where we are. You married a woman who didn't have genuine faith. This isn't an impossible thing, some religious people marry unbelievers, but it seems like your faith was important to you. It is hard when faith is important and of value to one person, and the other person is like...meh.
I heard a really great Christian radio program on the way home, and I'll pass on some of it here to you. Basically, the gist of the host's lecture today was that we are often focused on the world. And not on Jesus. Jesus isn't a grantor of wishes, instead He asks us to take up our crosses and follow Him. He doesn't tell us that He will get rid of our crosses, for we are human. We will suffer, we will have pain. But, if we take up our crosses and follow Him...He will see us through. And when you stay focused on Jesus, your life will be so amazing, you won't even recognize it. It isn't for me to judge your walk with Christ, but it may just take a shift in perspective for you to stop dwelling on your ex-wife, and all she seems to have...and instead dwell on Jesus. Your ex-wife has nothing of lasting value, if she doesn't have God. I believe this. She only has the world, and eventually, the world will let her down. Because that is the world. It's very easy to follow the world, it's very easy to have sex with strangers, or do things that bring us temporal pleasure, but not lasting joy. Life is so much more than temporal pleasure and fleeting happiness. So don't be envious of what she seems to have, for you have so many gifts. So many great blessings...and if you stay focused on Christ, He will show you every single day...those special gifts. Let Him take you to new places, and make you new.
edit to add, and you might want to join a Bible study...and go back to mass this weekend. I grew up Catholic, and I'm now non-denominational, but go where you feel fed. If it is the Catholic faith, then go to mass. What better time to renew your spiritual vows, than Easter?