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post #46 of 379 (permalink) Old 03-05-2016, 01:59 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Has faith/religion helped your relationship?

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This is simply great, 'Junky! And while I've always endeavored to live by that hollowed Christian mantra, unfortunately, neither of the women that I chose to marry would even begin to try to adhere to it!

Do you think that maybe God is remotely trying to tell me something?

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Love is patient. Like God is. Maybe they will eventually desire to do that with you...with God, all things are possible.

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post #47 of 379 (permalink) Old 03-05-2016, 02:18 PM
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Re: Has faith/religion helped your relationship?

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Love is patient. Like God is. Maybe they will eventually desire to do that with you...with God, all things are possible.
That won't ever happen, @*Deidre* ~ They both live their very own lives, and sad to say, they will only implore the Heavenly Father into their lives on a strictly "as needed" basis! I truly wish that they would come to let Him live forthrightly within their lives!
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post #48 of 379 (permalink) Old 03-05-2016, 02:20 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Has faith/religion helped your relationship?

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That won't ever happen, @Diedre* ~ They both live their very own lives, and sad to say, they will only implore the Heavenly Father into their lives on a strictly "as needed" basis! I truly wish that they would come to let Him live forthrightly within their lives!
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I was an atheist at this time last year. I didn't even call upon God on an 'as needed' basis. lol But, God can do remarkable things.
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Re: Has faith/religion helped your relationship?

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I was an atheist at this time last year. I didn't even call upon God on an 'as needed' basis. lol But, God can do remarkable things.
The power and the sheer love of our Heavenly Father is the absolute strongest thing there is ... or ever will be!
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post #50 of 379 (permalink) Old 03-06-2016, 09:27 AM
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Re: Has faith/religion helped your relationship?

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I was an atheist at this time last year. I didn't even call upon God on an 'as needed' basis. lol But, God can do remarkable things.
What made you come to believe in a god? or in the God of the Bible?
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post #51 of 379 (permalink) Old 03-06-2016, 10:47 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Has faith/religion helped your relationship?

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What made you come to believe in a god? or in the God of the Bible?
I was raised with Christianity and left it a few years ago because I didn't feel that the bible was logical. Last year I had what I'd consider to be divine intervention and it caused me to believe again. It changed my whole life and I now see the bible in a new light. I wasn't born again when I followed Christianity the first time but now I am. The experience changed my life and I'm so grateful that Jesus never gave up on me when I identified as an atthiest for a short time.
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post #52 of 379 (permalink) Old 03-06-2016, 01:27 PM
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Re: Has faith/religion helped your relationship?

I prayed a lot before I gave wife the notice that she either talk to a counselor about her past baggage or I would file for divorce.

I felt there was a peaceful knowing that all would be well, no matter which way things went.

I followed the bible example of if you have issues with someone, you take it to them and discuss it. "If your brother sins, go and show him his fault in private; if he listens to you, you have won your brother. 16"But if he does not listen to you, take one or two more with you, so that BY THE MOUTH OF TWO OR THREE WITNESSES EVERY FACT MAY BE CONFIRMED."

I am currently asking God for a "passionate, uninhibited sex life with my wife" based on this scripture - "You want what you don't have, so you scheme and kill to get it. You are jealous of what others have, but you can't get it, so you fight and wage war to take it away from them. Yet you don't have what you want because you don't ask God for it."

When I pray, I say this - "God, if you can give Sarah a child when she was a old woman, I believe you can touch my wife & give her a desire to be with her husband"
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post #53 of 379 (permalink) Old 03-06-2016, 01:59 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Has faith/religion helped your relationship?

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I prayed a lot before I gave wife the notice that she either talk to a counselor about her past baggage or I would file for divorce.

I felt there was a peaceful knowing that all would be well, no matter which way things went.

I followed the bible example of if you have issues with someone, you take it to them and discuss it. "If your brother sins, go and show him his fault in private; if he listens to you, you have won your brother. 16"But if he does not listen to you, take one or two more with you, so that BY THE MOUTH OF TWO OR THREE WITNESSES EVERY FACT MAY BE CONFIRMED."

I am currently asking God for a "passionate, uninhibited sex life with my wife" based on this scripture - "You want what you don't have, so you scheme and kill to get it. You are jealous of what others have, but you can't get it, so you fight and wage war to take it away from them. Yet you don't have what you want because you don't ask God for it."

When I pray, I say this - "God, if you can give Sarah a child when she was a old woman, I believe you can touch my wife & give her a desire to be with her husband"
This is beautiful that you ask God for help in this area, and in such a pure way. I'll pray for you both, too.
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post #54 of 379 (permalink) Old 03-07-2016, 08:32 AM
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Re: Has faith/religion helped your relationship?

I think that some sort of grounding faith helps all relationships. That faith is your core belief system whether it be a religious faith, moral compass, or something else altogether. Relationships with far differing beliefs stand much higher rates of failing than if you share common beliefs.

With that being said, our Christian faith has been our bedrock of our relationship and marriage. I had lost my Christian way and had basically turned to a form of agnosticism whenever my wife and I started our relationship. The cause of my departure in my faith was due to the disconnect I felt in the Biblical teachings, where I was as a divorced man, and the harsh criticism from those "Christians" who ostracized me for being marked with the "D" on my forehead.

I wandered in faithless darkness for several years and questioned the sincerity of those who called themselves Christians but who acted anything but the life called to live in the New Testament. I was bitter and angry at God and Christ for the hypocrisy of scripture and people in general. I really beat myself up over my failed marriage and used the Bible as the biggest weapon of torment and torture.

But, things changed whenever I began viewing the Bible and Christianity through the prism of love and saw the overarching intent of the Bible. We are called to love and to forgive. We are absolutely imperfect human creatures who make mistakes constantly and yet God still loves us even at our worst. Does he hate the sinful state of man? Absolutely. But that doesn't mean that we are condemned to our fate. He loves us and has shown us a way to forgiveness and redemption. It's not a "three strikes and you're out" sort of thing. We are covered with His love and mercy if we become Christians. That love and mercy covers "a multitude of sins"...something that I found so comforting in my darkness.

So, I now embrace the fact that I will make mistakes and will fail miserably at times and yet am still saved by His love, grace and mercy. It calls me to have that same forgiveness for others.

Your question about Christianity and divorce is complex on so many levels. I do believe that God hates divorce. It says so in black and white in the Bible. God's intent was that man and woman become one in marriage. So, we are breaking His covenant whenever we divorce. The only caveat for divorce is unfaithfulness. Depending on the version of the Bible, that can be sexual impurity or just a general unfaithfulness to the marriage. It says that remarriage is an adulterous act against our divorced mate. It is in a sense because we have been unfaithful and broken that marriage vow.

However, once broken it cannot be fixed. A new vow can be created but you cannot "unbreak" a vow that has been broken. So, once you've broken that marriage vow by remarriage you do not continue breaking it over and over again. It's broken only once. To divorce a successor spouse would then be to break that vow.

Divorce is not an unpardonable sin (and neither is adultery). So many people think it is but to think that is so limiting on God's love, mercy and forgiveness. They may not be willing to forgive, but God does forgive.

Sin cannot be "undone". Don't beat yourself up whenever you sin but learn from those mistakes and don't live life as if you can't be forgiven or loved for your past indiscretions. Embrace God's love and forgiveness and be willing to love and forgive yourself. Also, be willing to love and forgive others like he forgives us.

So, divorce is not in God's plan. But, neither was the Fall of Man in the Garden of Eden. Divorce and remarriage are part of man's imperfections. But, don't limit God and his saving grace by saying that it is an act that cannot be forgiven.
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post #55 of 379 (permalink) Old 03-07-2016, 11:12 AM
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Re: Has faith/religion helped your relationship?

This is something I have been thinking about lately.

I firmly believe that Faith/religion would have helped our marriage if my XWW truly had any real faith. I think she pretended to be spiritual, but the truth is, she worshiped only herself. The promises she made to God and me, on the alter, were hollow. If we both had the same level of spiritual commitment, we would be in a much different place now. My parents are still married and have been together for over 50 years. They have told me many times that it was their faith that kept them strong, and together.

My XWW came from a family that didnt worship regularly. They would show up mostly on the holidays. Church was more of an event for them than actual worship. By contrast, I was raised in a relatively religious Catholic family, went to Catholic schools but switched to Presbyterian about 15 years ago because of the Priest scandal. I always had a deep faith in God and what I would consider, a close spiritual relationship. I had complete trust and faith that he would guide me and my family and protect us from harm. After I discovered my XWWs cheating, I felt as if I was getting no clear answer from God as far as what to do. I spent over a year confused by his silence. I finally decided to divorce her as she was unremorseful. I clung tightly to my faith for another year. About the time the divorce was final, I had grown disenchanted and began to pull away. I was angry with God because the only thing I ever asked of him was to watch over my family and keep us safe/together. How could he allow this to happen to me and my children? What good could possibly come from all of this destruction? I felt as if he had abandoned me and my children, and all my prayers and faith meant nothing. I felt that if all of my prayers went un-heard then why pray at all. My anger or disbelief with God continues to grow as my XWWs new life continues to be all wine and roses with virtually no consequences, while I seem to be stuck in an emotional/spiritual rut.

I am now 3 years post-divorce. I dont attend mass any more. I struggle to have any relationship with God as do my children. My faith in him is severely diminished and there are days when I dont believe he even exists. Where is my life going spiritually? Sadly, for the first time in my life, I have no idea.

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post #56 of 379 (permalink) Old 03-07-2016, 11:42 AM
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Re: Has faith/religion helped your relationship?

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How could he allow this to happen to me and my children?

My anger or disbelief with God continues to grow as my XWWs new life continues to be all wine and roses with virtually no consequences, while I seem to be stuck in an emotional/spiritual rut.

Where is my life going spiritually? Sadly, for the first time in my life, I have no idea.
I applaud you for getting a little of this off your chest. I understand where you are coming from as I felt a lot of anger and emotional turmoil at God, family and friends, and life in general during and after my divorce.

I finally realized that the only way out for me was to work through all my emotional issues and work on improving my own self-esteem. I had to get past the hurt and not continually dwell on what might have been. Once I finally started letting go, I began to feel the sense of relief and purpose in life once again. The bitterness went away and along with it, the heartache.

I spent approximately 3 years in the deep dark pit of despair before finally working myself free from those terrible grips. You can do the same thing. Maybe seek a professional counselor or a friend who you can confide your feelings in. Change your lifestyle by getting new hobbies, seeking out new friendships, exercising more often, reading self-help books, donating your time to service projects (these always make you feel better). Look for the positives in life. But, don't try comparing yourself to your XW or anyone else. Focus on you and your self-improvement.

Good luck in your rejuvenation.
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post #57 of 379 (permalink) Old 03-07-2016, 05:04 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Has faith/religion helped your relationship?

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This is something I have been thinking about lately.

I firmly believe that Faith/religion would have helped our marriage if my XWW truly had any real faith. I think she pretended to be spiritual, but the truth is, she worshiped only herself. The promises she made to God and me, on the alter, were hollow. If we both had the same level of spiritual commitment, we would be in a much different place now. My parents are still married and have been together for over 50 years. They have told me many times that it was their faith that kept them strong, and together.

My XWW came from a family that didn’t worship regularly. They would show up mostly on the holidays. Church was more of an event for them than actual worship. By contrast, I was raised in a relatively religious Catholic family, went to Catholic schools but switched to Presbyterian about 15 years ago because of the Priest scandal. I always had a deep faith in God and what I would consider, a close spiritual relationship. I had complete trust and faith that he would guide me and my family and protect us from harm. After I discovered my XWW’s cheating, I felt as if I was getting no clear answer from God as far as what to do. I spent over a year confused by his silence. I finally decided to divorce her as she was unremorseful. I clung tightly to my faith for another year. About the time the divorce was final, I had grown disenchanted and began to pull away. I was angry with God because the only thing I ever asked of him was to watch over my family and keep us safe/together. How could he allow this to happen to me and my children? What good could possibly come from all of this destruction? I felt as if he had abandoned me and my children, and all my prayers and faith meant nothing. I felt that if all of my prayers went un-heard then why pray at all. My anger or disbelief with God continues to grow as my XWW’s new life continues to be all wine and roses with virtually no consequences, while I seem to be stuck in an emotional/spiritual rut.

I am now 3 years post-divorce. I don’t attend mass any more. I struggle to have any relationship with God as do my children. My faith in him is severely diminished and there are days when I don’t believe he even exists. Where is my life going spiritually? Sadly, for the first time in my life, I have no idea.
I left the faith completely for a few years, and identified as an atheist for two years. The Bible at one point, didn't seem logical to me, but more over than that...was when I was a Christian before leaving it, I viewed God differently, and viewed myself differently. I used to view God as this 'grantor of wishes' and I was forever unworthy, always asking...pleading...always hoping He'd hear me. I returned to Christianity last year, due to an experience of faith, what I would consider to be Divine Intervention. It has changed my entire life, and I have a peace and joy that is different than this life can ever offer.

So, for you. How do you see God? How do you think God sees you? We often as fallible humans, do our own thing...and then, expect God to go along with it. And when He doesn't...we wonder where He is. Maybe He wonders where we are. You married a woman who didn't have genuine faith. This isn't an impossible thing, some religious people marry unbelievers, but it seems like your faith was important to you. It is hard when faith is important and of value to one person, and the other person is like...meh.

I heard a really great Christian radio program on the way home, and I'll pass on some of it here to you. Basically, the gist of the host's lecture today was that we are often focused on the world. And not on Jesus. Jesus isn't a grantor of wishes, instead He asks us to take up our crosses and follow Him. He doesn't tell us that He will get rid of our crosses, for we are human. We will suffer, we will have pain. But, if we take up our crosses and follow Him...He will see us through. And when you stay focused on Jesus, your life will be so amazing, you won't even recognize it. It isn't for me to judge your walk with Christ, but it may just take a shift in perspective for you to stop dwelling on your ex-wife, and all she seems to have...and instead dwell on Jesus. Your ex-wife has nothing of lasting value, if she doesn't have God. I believe this. She only has the world, and eventually, the world will let her down. Because that is the world. It's very easy to follow the world, it's very easy to have sex with strangers, or do things that bring us temporal pleasure, but not lasting joy. Life is so much more than temporal pleasure and fleeting happiness. So don't be envious of what she seems to have, for you have so many gifts. So many great blessings...and if you stay focused on Christ, He will show you every single day...those special gifts. Let Him take you to new places, and make you new.

edit to add, and you might want to join a Bible study...and go back to mass this weekend. I grew up Catholic, and I'm now non-denominational, but go where you feel fed. If it is the Catholic faith, then go to mass. What better time to renew your spiritual vows, than Easter?

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post #58 of 379 (permalink) Old 03-07-2016, 10:53 PM
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Re: Has faith/religion helped your relationship?

I had a pastor, for whom I had much respect, tell me God cared much less about my comfort than he did my character.

Considering challenging times is where character is developed, it made a lot of sense.

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post #59 of 379 (permalink) Old 03-07-2016, 10:56 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Has faith/religion helped your relationship?

Agree with that, very much. God will always provide what we need, not necessarily always what we desire.
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post #60 of 379 (permalink) Old 03-10-2016, 04:39 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Has faith/religion helped your relationship?

I heard an interesting message today, and it spoke to me. It was all about how someone may come to you, a loved one...a friend...a coworker...a stranger...and have a 'difficult message.' How you might wish to tune out that difficult message. Well, let's just say, it spoke to me because someone on here yesterday had a 'difficult message.' I dismissed him, and now I think, he meant well. Jesus is all about love and hope, and wanting to give us our best life, here and in the after life. But, He too had some tough messages, and some during His time here, dismissed Him, too. Having sex with my fiance, and we are not yet married...maybe that is the wrong thing to do, as a Christian. Not maybe, it is.

That message today, reminded me of this person yesterday. Who I dismissed. I love my relationship with Christ, but in that love, obedience is required.

Just my random ramblings for the day.
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