Has faith/religion helped your relationship? - Page 5 - Talk About Marriage
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post #61 of 379 (permalink) Old 03-16-2016, 04:15 PM
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Re: Has faith/religion helped your relationship?

I sometimes wish I was a religious person. I'm just not. Every attempt to be just seems so forced and contrived.

I've always been a good person though with very strong moral convictions. I don't need a bible to know right from wrong.

So what's stops me from being evil? If I don't fear hell or need salvation? I'm not sure but I'm just not wired to be a bad person.

I don't know how I reconcile the two. I just accept my logical mind won't allow me to have faith. I can't accept something I can't prove exists.


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post #62 of 379 (permalink) Old 03-16-2016, 04:17 PM
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Re: Has faith/religion helped your relationship?

Think less about religion, and think more about God.

That is the mistake so many people make in their journey of faith.

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post #63 of 379 (permalink) Old 03-16-2016, 04:36 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Has faith/religion helped your relationship?

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Originally Posted by BetrayedDad View Post
I sometimes wish I was a religious person. I'm just not. Every attempt to be just seems so forced and contrived.

I've always been a good person though with very strong moral convictions. I don't need a bible to know right from wrong.

So what's stops me from being evil? If I don't fear hell or need salvation? I'm not sure but I'm just not wired to be a bad person.

I don't know how I reconcile the two. I just accept my logical mind won't allow me to have faith. I can't accept something I can't prove exists.
I know you what you're feeling, I was an atheist for a time, and I get it. Most people who follow God I'd like to believe would still be 'good' people, if they stopped believing in God.
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post #64 of 379 (permalink) Old 07-12-2016, 10:25 PM
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Re: Has faith/religion helped your relationship?

My set of spiritual and religious beliefs and values have expanded my mind, made me more open-minded, allowed me to stay emotionally calm in the face of distressing situations, soothe others if required.

IMO, this has helped me in all areas of life.

My wife's religious background, on the other hand, has led her to have very rigid beliefs in how things should be, and in fact, the belief that "rigid and unbending is good" applies to all her life, not just ethicial/moral values. Therefore, I believe in her case, it's part of why she has few friends, struggles to keep jobs, and IMO, requires a LOT of emotional support from her husband.

So, it depends on what the religion taught you and how you interpret it and whether you continue your own spiritual path beyond the initial stuff you learned as a kid.
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post #65 of 379 (permalink) Old 08-13-2016, 03:52 PM
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Re: Has faith/religion helped your relationship?

@deidre- yes it has. I will not go into details but our faith has helped us defeat each and every obstacle.

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post #66 of 379 (permalink) Old 01-10-2017, 09:49 AM
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Re: Has faith/religion helped your relationship?

Has faith/religion helped my relationship?

Apparently not.

I was raised in a pretty religious family and attended Catholic school. I always had a very strong faith in God. After I married, we worshiped together every Sunday as a family. Life was wonderful. The only thing I ever asked from God was to keep my family (wife and kids) together and to keep us safe. I never asked him for anything else.

After 13 years of marriage, I discovered my XWW was cheating, I still had faith and I still prayed even though my world was falling apart. God was silent. This went on for years until the divorce was final. I felt abandoned by God. For the first time in my life, I stopped praying and going to church completely. In God's eyes, my beautiful family meant nothing. Why should I pray to a God that would ignore my only unselfish request?

I currently have no relationship with God. I'm not sure if he even exists.

I keep hearing people say that God has something even better in the in store. Nothing he could give me now would be better than what I had.

Last edited by Decimated; 01-10-2017 at 03:47 PM.
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post #67 of 379 (permalink) Old 01-22-2017, 10:42 PM
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Re: Has faith/religion helped your relationship?

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Originally Posted by *Deidre* View Post
Just curious if some of you follow any particular faith/religion or set of spiritual beliefs, and has it helped your relationships? If you were/are struggling in your marriages, do you feel being centered in faith is helping you both to improve the relationship?

I left Christianity for a few years, and then was an atheist for two years, and then returned to the faith last year...and just wonder if making faith the centerpiece of our relationship will help shield us from some pitfalls?
My husband and I are both Christians and sharing that makes a massive difference to our marriage. We are on the same path following the same Lord. Having God on our side is amazing. God is all for marriage as I am sure you know.
MY first husband wasnt a christian and I was determined that if I ever married again I would never consider a man unless he was a committed Christian with integrity and good moral values.
Divorces among the christians I have known over the last 40 years are rare, unlike the divorces I know of among the non christians I have known.
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post #68 of 379 (permalink) Old 01-22-2017, 10:48 PM
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Re: Has faith/religion helped your relationship?

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Has faith/religion helped my relationship?

Apparently not.

I was raised in a pretty religious family and attended Catholic school. I always had a very strong faith in God. After I married, we worshiped together every Sunday as a family. Life was wonderful. The only thing I ever asked from God was to keep my family (wife and kids) together and to keep us safe. I never asked him for anything else.

After 13 years of marriage, I discovered my XWW was cheating, I still had faith and I still prayed even though my world was falling apart. God was silent. This went on for years until the divorce was final. I felt abandoned by God. For the first time in my life, I stopped praying and going to church completely. In God's eyes, my beautiful family meant nothing. Why should I pray to a God that would ignore my only unselfish request?

I currently have no relationship with God. I'm not sure if he even exists.

I keep hearing people say that God has something even better in the in store. Nothing he could give me now would be better than what I had.
God cares very much, but we have free will and your wife choose to do the wrong thing. God cant force people to act properly. My first marriage ended in very traumatic circumstances, I never blamed God for it, why would I? He didnt break us up. He hates it when marriages end.

Ity sad you lost your faith. My advise, find a good friendly church(not RC) and get along there, make friends and chat to God again, He is still very much there. Bad things still happen to us, but He has promised to be with us through these things and bring good out of them.

BTW my husbands first wife cheated as well, we have been married for 11 years now and God is so good at giving fresh starts and new beginnings.

Last edited by Diana7; 01-23-2017 at 09:23 PM.
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post #69 of 379 (permalink) Old 01-22-2017, 10:56 PM
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Re: Has faith/religion helped your relationship?

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I think that some sort of grounding faith helps all relationships. That faith is your core belief system whether it be a religious faith, moral compass, or something else altogether. Relationships with far differing beliefs stand much higher rates of failing than if you share common beliefs.

With that being said, our Christian faith has been our bedrock of our relationship and marriage. I had lost my Christian way and had basically turned to a form of agnosticism whenever my wife and I started our relationship. The cause of my departure in my faith was due to the disconnect I felt in the Biblical teachings, where I was as a divorced man, and the harsh criticism from those "Christians" who ostracized me for being marked with the "D" on my forehead.

I wandered in faithless darkness for several years and questioned the sincerity of those who called themselves Christians but who acted anything but the life called to live in the New Testament. I was bitter and angry at God and Christ for the hypocrisy of scripture and people in general. I really beat myself up over my failed marriage and used the Bible as the biggest weapon of torment and torture.

But, things changed whenever I began viewing the Bible and Christianity through the prism of love and saw the overarching intent of the Bible. We are called to love and to forgive. We are absolutely imperfect human creatures who make mistakes constantly and yet God still loves us even at our worst. Does he hate the sinful state of man? Absolutely. But that doesn't mean that we are condemned to our fate. He loves us and has shown us a way to forgiveness and redemption. It's not a "three strikes and you're out" sort of thing. We are covered with His love and mercy if we become Christians. That love and mercy covers "a multitude of sins"...something that I found so comforting in my darkness.

So, I now embrace the fact that I will make mistakes and will fail miserably at times and yet am still saved by His love, grace and mercy. It calls me to have that same forgiveness for others.

Your question about Christianity and divorce is complex on so many levels. I do believe that God hates divorce. It says so in black and white in the Bible. God's intent was that man and woman become one in marriage. So, we are breaking His covenant whenever we divorce. The only caveat for divorce is unfaithfulness. Depending on the version of the Bible, that can be sexual impurity or just a general unfaithfulness to the marriage. It says that remarriage is an adulterous act against our divorced mate. It is in a sense because we have been unfaithful and broken that marriage vow.

However, once broken it cannot be fixed. A new vow can be created but you cannot "unbreak" a vow that has been broken. So, once you've broken that marriage vow by remarriage you do not continue breaking it over and over again. It's broken only once. To divorce a successor spouse would then be to break that vow.

Divorce is not an unpardonable sin (and neither is adultery). So many people think it is but to think that is so limiting on God's love, mercy and forgiveness. They may not be willing to forgive, but God does forgive.

Sin cannot be "undone". Don't beat yourself up whenever you sin but learn from those mistakes and don't live life as if you can't be forgiven or loved for your past indiscretions. Embrace God's love and forgiveness and be willing to love and forgive yourself. Also, be willing to love and forgive others like he forgives us.

So, divorce is not in God's plan. But, neither was the Fall of Man in the Garden of Eden. Divorce and remarriage are part of man's imperfections. But, don't limit God and his saving grace by saying that it is an act that cannot be forgiven.
I am fortunate that I have not ever had bad treatment from a Christian because I was previously divorced. The only stupid comment i got after my 23 year marriage traumatically and suddenly ended was 'well divorce isn't that bad'. Weirdly he is now also divorced, so I am sure he has found out now that it is indeed horrible.
I dont hide it at all and am very open about it. I have heard some who have, they clearly like kicking people when they are down which is sad.
I am very blessed that God has given me an amazing godly second husband.
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post #70 of 379 (permalink) Old 01-22-2017, 11:04 PM
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Re: Has faith/religion helped your relationship?

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My bisexual wife and I have a non monogamous marriage and had sex with others, alone and in groups. We shared a live in girlfriend for most of our 40+ year marriage and had threesomes with her a few thousand times, even after she got married. In our case, I would say that a lack of faith/religion has helped my relationship because all of my friends and family who are religious are divorced, with most of them divorcing due to their faith which says that if you want to love or have sex with another person, as well as your wife, you must destroy your existing life, hate each other, share custody of the children and sell off your home.

It could also be that since I do not believe in any god or go to any church, that I am off the grid and left to live my life in a way that makes me and my wife happy. I sure have a much better life than most religious people I know and that seems to piss them off.
I have found the opposite, that hardly any of the christians I have known in my life are divorced, while so many non christians are. What is marriage without faithfulness? Its pointless. You certainly wouldn't 'piss me off' with your life style, nor would it to any genuine christian. I cant think of anything worse than having a husband who couldn't even be bothered to be faithful and keep the promises he made me. Who didnt love or respect me enough to save that intimacy for us alone. I would far rather be single.


Last edited by Diana7; 01-23-2017 at 09:22 PM.
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post #71 of 379 (permalink) Old 01-23-2017, 08:57 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Has faith/religion helped your relationship?

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My husband and I are both Christians and sharing that makes a massive difference to our marriage. We are on the same path following the same Lord. Having God on our side is amazing. God is all for marriage as I am sure you know.
MY first husband wasnt a christian and I was determined that if I ever married again I would never consider a man unless he was a committed Christian with integrity and good moral values.
Divorces among the christians I have known over the last 40 years are rare, unlike the divorces I know of among the non christians I have known.
This is beautiful and makes me want to cry reading it. Thank you for sharing it!

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post #72 of 379 (permalink) Old 01-23-2017, 09:18 PM
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Re: Has faith/religion helped your relationship?

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This is beautiful and makes me want to cry reading it. Thank you for sharing it!
Thank you, God Bless you.
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post #73 of 379 (permalink) Old 01-30-2017, 05:35 PM
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Re: Has faith/religion helped your relationship?

Absolutely!!! As believing Christians we have the freedom to love each other w/o reservation. About a year ago my wife's personal study in Song of Songs led to an incredible sexual awakening.
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post #74 of 379 (permalink) Old 01-31-2017, 02:00 AM
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Re: Has faith/religion helped your relationship?

My wife and I have had a wonderful and happy 44+ years of marriage as Atheist. Much longer than all of our friends and siblings who are religious. Without the ideas and restrictions of religious rules, we have been able to design our own marriage to please us while not harming others.

Many prefer to drown in a pool of their own morality rather than seek the safety of a different morality.
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post #75 of 379 (permalink) Old 01-31-2017, 03:45 AM
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Re: Has faith/religion helped your relationship?

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My wife and I have had a wonderful and happy 44+ years of marriage as Atheist. Much longer than all of our friends and siblings who are religious. Without the ideas and restrictions of religious rules, we have been able to design our own marriage to please us while not harming others.
My experience is the complete opposite. I only know of one divorce where both were Christians and dozens and dozens where neither were.
There are no restrictions in a christian marriage, apart from things that would hurt the other spouse and potentially destroy the marriage such as cheating and porn use. Faithfulness and trust are the bedrocks of marriage.

I love being married to a godly Christian guy. I am far happier than I was married to a non Christian.

I have to wonder how many you knew of were actually born again believers who pray, read their bibles and go to church. In the uk its rare to have a divorce among christian couples.
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