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post #76 of 94 (permalink) Old 01-31-2017, 04:38 AM
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Re: Has faith/religion helped your relationship?

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Just curious if some of you follow any particular faith/religion or set of spiritual beliefs, and has it helped your relationships? If you were/are struggling in your marriages, do you feel being centered in faith is helping you both to improve the relationship?

I left Christianity for a few years, and then was an atheist for two years, and then returned to the faith last year...and just wonder if making faith the centerpiece of our relationship will help shield us from some pitfalls?
Good question. And it's not easy for me to answer.

Many times when I entered prayer privately to try to become a better husband, I would l find my wife becoming argumentative with me. I always found that ironic. Now, if I wanted to be a simple minded "Christian" I would mark that up to spiritual warfare and blame the devil. Who knows why it happened, really.

Just last Sunday my wife told me she is far away from God. It takes a lot for my wife to admit something that is not positive about herself.

All in all, I believe if a couple prayers together and read scripture to together it can really help. Just going to Church doesn't do anything at all. It's just going through the motions. My wife and I go to Church together and our marriage is not well. But I do believe that praying together can make a difference.

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post #77 of 94 (permalink) Old 01-31-2017, 05:51 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Has faith/religion helped your relationship?

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Good question. And it's not easy for me to answer.

Many times when I entered prayer privately to try to become a better husband, I would l find my wife becoming argumentative with me. I always found that ironic. Now, if I wanted to be a simple minded "Christian" I would mark that up to spiritual warfare and blame the devil. Who knows why it happened, really.

Just last Sunday my wife told me she is far away from God. It takes a lot for my wife to admit something that is not positive about herself.

All in all, I believe if a couple prayers together and read scripture to together it can really help. Just going to Church doesn't do anything at all. It's just going through the motions. My wife and I go to Church together and our marriage is not well. But I do believe that praying together can make a difference.
Aw, you seem like a kind man. I think I read one of your threads about your marriage recently, I'm sorry you're going through some tough things right now.

Sometimes, you fall in love with the most unexpected person, at the most unexpected time. ~ Unknown
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post #78 of 94 (permalink) Old 01-31-2017, 07:34 PM
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Re: Has faith/religion helped your relationship?

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Originally Posted by *Deidre* View Post
Just curious if some of you follow any particular faith/religion or set of spiritual beliefs, and has it helped your relationships? If you were/are struggling in your marriages, do you feel being centered in faith is helping you both to improve the relationship?

I left Christianity for a few years, and then was an atheist for two years, and then returned to the faith last year...and just wonder if making faith the centerpiece of our relationship will help shield us from some pitfalls?
My wife and I who have been long term atheists (from before we met), are happily looking forward to celebrating our 18th wedding anniversary this coming May.

Through close to 21 years of being together, we have found that our absence of belief in a deity or deities, combined with also having largely coincident ethics and values has certainly helped to positively develop our relationship.

Sharing the same perspective has also helped as a bulwark against the consternation, anger and vitriol that is sometimes directed towards us by my wife's mother. As a consequence of her not liking the fact, that we are not raising our children in the Roman Catholic faith.

I can also relate that one set of my (long time from before they were married) atheist grandparents, enjoyed a happy 64 year long marriage that only death brought to an end.

Plus as an aside my above mentioned grandmother survived Tuberculosis without faith, as she also survived losing her first marital home to the German Blitz without faith. Likewise without faith my grandfather survived the landings at Normandy on D-Day through to the conquest of Germany, inclusive of being wounded by shrapnel from German rocket artillery.

That said my other grandparents also enjoyed similar marital longevity and happiness that only death brought to a close. Yet they found comfort in sharing the same faith/religion and first met each other at church. With one of them being the child of a couple who played a notable role in growing the Churches of Christ in Australia.

Regardless of having faith or otherwise some people enjoy terrific long lasting marriages, while others have horrid long lasting marriages, or don't have long lasting marriages at all. In Western civilisation, good marriages, bad marriages and divorce are just as common to religious people, as they are to atheists as well.

How your relationship/s work out depend upon you, who you're with and what happens to you both along the way and how you both deal with that along the way. The best you can do, is at the time do the best you can do. If it works out, great! If it doesn't, at least you've tried your best.

Last edited by Personal; 01-31-2017 at 07:56 PM.
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post #79 of 94 (permalink) Old 02-01-2017, 04:19 AM
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Re: Has faith/religion helped your relationship?

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Aw, you seem like a kind man. I think I read one of your threads about your marriage recently, I'm sorry you're going through some tough things right now.
Thanks.
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post #80 of 94 (permalink) Old 02-02-2017, 07:54 PM
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Re: Has faith/religion helped your relationship?

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My wife and I who have been long term atheists (from before we met), are happily looking forward to celebrating our 18th wedding anniversary this coming May.

Through close to 21 years of being together, we have found that our absence of belief in a deity or deities, combined with also having largely coincident ethics and values has certainly helped to positively develop our relationship.

Sharing the same perspective has also helped as a bulwark against the consternation, anger and vitriol that is sometimes directed towards us by my wife's mother. As a consequence of her not liking the fact, that we are not raising our children in the Roman Catholic faith.

I can also relate that one set of my (long time from before they were married) atheist grandparents, enjoyed a happy 64 year long marriage that only death brought to an end.

Plus as an aside my above mentioned grandmother survived Tuberculosis without faith, as she also survived losing her first marital home to the German Blitz without faith. Likewise without faith my grandfather survived the landings at Normandy on D-Day through to the conquest of Germany, inclusive of being wounded by shrapnel from German rocket artillery.

That said my other grandparents also enjoyed similar marital longevity and happiness that only death brought to a close. Yet they found comfort in sharing the same faith/religion and first met each other at church. With one of them being the child of a couple who played a notable role in growing the Churches of Christ in Australia.

Regardless of having faith or otherwise some people enjoy terrific long lasting marriages, while others have horrid long lasting marriages, or don't have long lasting marriages at all. In Western civilisation, good marriages, bad marriages and divorce are just as common to religious people, as they are to atheists as well.

How your relationship/s work out depend upon you, who you're with and what happens to you both along the way and how you both deal with that along the way. The best you can do, is at the time do the best you can do. If it works out, great! If it doesn't, at least you've tried your best.
Sometimes people confuse the benefit of a shared worldview with the worldview itself. Being a Christian (Muslim, Hindu, whatever insert your belief system here) does not guarantee anything. Having a shared belief in the same thing, though does go a long way towards promoting a LTR that lasts. Two atheists are just as likely to last as two Christians and more so than an atheist/Christian couple would.

At the center of every moMEnt of my life is ME!
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post #81 of 94 (permalink) Old 02-12-2017, 01:28 PM
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Re: Has faith/religion helped your relationship?

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Originally Posted by *Deidre* View Post
Just curious if some of you follow any particular faith/religion or set of spiritual beliefs, and has it helped your relationships? If you were/are struggling in your marriages, do you feel being centered in faith is helping you both to improve the relationship?

I left Christianity for a few years, and then was an atheist for two years, and then returned to the faith last year...and just wonder if making faith the centerpiece of our relationship will help shield us from some pitfalls?

When I was young, I went to church because of my parents and the summer camps. I hated it.

As I got older and wiser, I had an awakening and now fully believe in Christ.

Has my faith changed my wife's low sex drive? No.

Has my faith got her to take care of her body? No.

My faith prepares my soul and not my physical body.

Does having faith shield you from life's trials? Not at all.

Faith gives you morals, ethics, how to live your life according to Jesus and God and prepares your soul for the 3rd heaven.

If having faith gave your spouse a super high sex drive, I'm sure most would get faith really fast.

Strength and Honor. What we do in life echo's in eternity.
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post #82 of 94 (permalink) Old 02-12-2017, 01:36 PM
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Re: Has faith/religion helped your relationship?

My faith has not saved my marriage but it has definitely helped me cope with the various miseries the failure of the marriage has caused.

The road goes ever ever on, down from the door where it began... JRR Tolkien
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post #83 of 94 (permalink) Old 02-12-2017, 03:56 PM
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Re: Has faith/religion helped your relationship?

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When I was young, I went to church because of my parents and the summer camps. I hated it.

As I got older and wiser, I had an awakening and now fully believe in Christ.

Has my faith changed my wife's low sex drive? No.

Has my faith got her to take care of her body? No.

My faith prepares my soul and not my physical body.

Does having faith shield you from life's trials? Not at all.

Faith gives you morals, ethics, how to live your life according to Jesus and God and prepares your soul for the 3rd heaven.

If having faith gave your spouse a super high sex drive, I'm sure most would get faith really fast.
Is your wife a Christian also?
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post #84 of 94 (permalink) Old 02-12-2017, 03:58 PM
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Re: Has faith/religion helped your relationship?

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My faith has not saved my marriage but it has definitely helped me cope with the various miseries the failure of the marriage has caused.

Yes its like having an anchor that holds you tight even when there are storms.
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post #85 of 94 (permalink) Old 02-12-2017, 04:12 PM
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Re: Has faith/religion helped your relationship?

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Is your wife a Christian also?

My wife is neutral on faith. Her mom believes and her dad is an atheist. Our good friends from another unit in our complex are the same. She believes and he is an atheist.


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post #86 of 94 (permalink) Old 02-12-2017, 04:15 PM
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Re: Has faith/religion helped your relationship?

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My wife is neutral on faith. Her mom believes and her dad is an atheist. Our good friends from another unit in our complex are the same. She believes and he is an atheist.
My first husband wasn't a Christian. When my marriage ended I knew that I would not consider dating a man again who didn't share my faith.

Last edited by Diana7; 02-17-2017 at 05:13 PM.
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post #87 of 94 (permalink) Old 02-17-2017, 04:13 PM
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Re: Has faith/religion helped your relationship?

The more I drift away from traditional Western Beliefs and embrace the open mindset of Eastern Beliefs - the better I get along with everybody, period.

In short:
The focus is on the exact current moment, not the past, and without anxiety toward the future.

And...on forgiveness, not blaming.

Thus, one chooses to divorce not because the other person did something wrong. But because the present moment and situation does not suit one's current preferences in the world, and is unlikely to do so in the future. Bear in mind that since forgiveness and acceptance are huge in Eastern Beliefs, one tends to draw this conclusion only after many years of attempting to increase acceptance and forgiveness and deciding, finally, that the effort is probably consuming too much of your love and compassion, and you'd rather have all that available for a larger part of the human pack.

Just my opinion....

There are three kinds of business. Your business, my business and God's business. Whose business are you in? -Byron Katie
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post #88 of 94 (permalink) Old 02-17-2017, 04:37 PM
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Re: Has faith/religion helped your relationship?t

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My first husband wasn't a Christian. When my marriage ended I know that I would not consider dating a man again who didn't share my faith.
My husband pulled a religious "bait and switch." He pretended to be a Christian while we were dating - even lied about it to my pastor and our marriage counselor because my church wouldn't have performed the ceremony otherwise.

With the exception of weddings and funerals, he never once stepped foot in a church after our marriage. Tried to prevent me from going. Finally admitted his belief system was somewhere between atheist and agnostic. Last I knew he was practicing Wicca with his GF who is a practicing witch.

I don't honestly intend to ever date again but if I do it will only be men I feel confident are Christians. I hope they won't be able to fool me at 46 the way he did when I was 19.

The road goes ever ever on, down from the door where it began... JRR Tolkien
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post #89 of 94 (permalink) Old 02-17-2017, 04:48 PM
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Re: Has faith/religion helped your relationship?

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My concern is...that I don't believe in staying in an unhealthy marriage, one with abuse and infidelity, let's say. But, Christianity teaches to turn the other cheek, so I find some of my own personal views difficult to reconcile with my faith.
I'm banking on the fact that we don't live in the bible belt, which has the highest percentage of divorces, will keep us married for at least awhile. Seriously, I guess that those states have the highest rates of divorce because many of the couples get married earlier in life.
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post #90 of 94 (permalink) Old 02-17-2017, 05:05 PM
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Re: Has faith/religion helped your relationship?

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Well, before I left the faith, I can honestly say I didn't feel 'born again.' Coming back to the faith, largely had to do with the Holy Spirit, and my faith is entirely new now. I'm grateful that I left it though for a time, because as an atheist, I could look at all religions in a more objective way, and coming back to faith, I understand atheism better than I did before. It always seemed mysterious to me, before I 'deconverted.' Faith for many is a journey, for some...they just know. I had to take a journey. My fiance is a Christian, more moderate.

My concern is...that I don't believe in staying in an unhealthy marriage, one with abuse and infidelity, let's say. But, Christianity teaches to turn the other cheek, so I find some of my own personal views difficult to reconcile with my faith.
Jesus himself allows divorce for sexual immorality, and what loving Father is going to want His children to be sexually of physically abused? Sometimes divorce is better than what is happening.
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