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post #91 of 379 (permalink) Old 02-17-2017, 05:11 PM
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Re: Has faith/religion helped your relationship?t

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My husband pulled a religious "bait and switch." He pretended to be a Christian while we were dating - even lied about it to my pastor and our marriage counselor because my church wouldn't have performed the ceremony otherwise.

With the exception of weddings and funerals, he never once stepped foot in a church after our marriage. Tried to prevent me from going. Finally admitted his belief system was somewhere between atheist and agnostic. Last I knew he was practicing Wicca with his GF who is a practicing witch.

I don't honestly intend to ever date again but if I do it will only be men I feel confident are Christians. I hope they won't be able to fool me at 46 the way he did when I was 19.
There are ways. Does he pray? Does he ask that you pray together? Is he involved in a church? Attend midweek meetings? Read his bible? Help out at church in a ministry? How does he treat people? Has he got Christian friends? If so talk to them ánd spend time with them.See what they say about him.
Has he got strong moral values? Does he want to have sex outside marriage? Is he honest? Does he have integrity? Does he watch porn? Does he put God first?

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post #92 of 379 (permalink) Old 02-17-2017, 05:28 PM
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Re: Has faith/religion helped your relationship?

I guess faith has helped our relationship. God knows why we are still together.

I mean that quite literally. After 33 years, it's sure tough to explain any other way.
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post #93 of 379 (permalink) Old 02-22-2017, 03:30 PM
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Re: Has faith/religion helped your relationship?

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I heard an interesting message today, and it spoke to me. It was all about how someone may come to you, a loved one...a friend...a coworker...a stranger...and have a 'difficult message.' How you might wish to tune out that difficult message. Well, let's just say, it spoke to me because someone on here yesterday had a 'difficult message.' I dismissed him, and now I think, he meant well. Jesus is all about love and hope, and wanting to give us our best life, here and in the after life. But, He too had some tough messages, and some during His time here, dismissed Him, too. Having sex with my fiance, and we are not yet married...maybe that is the wrong thing to do, as a Christian. Not maybe, it is.

That message today, reminded me of this person yesterday. Who I dismissed. I love my relationship with Christ, but in that love, obedience is required.

Just my random ramblings for the day.
I've always enjoyed Proverbs... there is one about listening to our critics.. it takes some self awareness to do this, it may take a day or two.. but if we're in-tuned and open, it's something we won't be able to lay down.. till we make "peace" with it, and our God...this is the scripture I was thinking of...



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post #94 of 379 (permalink) Old 02-22-2017, 08:51 PM
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Re: Has faith/religion helped your relationship?

This is a message that I have listened to many times. I was so angry with how my wife treated me. The forgiveness is really to heal yourself. Put the issue in God's hands and believe that he will handle it.

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post #95 of 379 (permalink) Old 03-25-2017, 03:24 PM
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Re: Has faith/religion helped your relationship?

I was raised a Christian, but didn't take it too seriously until a couple of years ago when my then-boyfriend and I started attending church (where we later got married) and have been very religious ever since.

One thing I'll never do is force my beliefs onto others though, nor do I treat anybody differently because of their religion.

For us personally though, it is the centre of our lives and always will be.
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post #96 of 379 (permalink) Old 03-25-2017, 03:27 PM
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Re: Has faith/religion helped your relationship?

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I was raised a Christian, but didn't take it too seriously until a couple of years ago when my then-boyfriend and I started attending church (where we later got married) and have been very religious ever since.

One thing I'll never do is force my beliefs onto others though, nor do I treat anybody differently because of their religion.

For us personally though, it is the centre of our lives and always will be.
We cant force anyone to believe in God, but we can use opportunities to talk about our faith if someone is open to that.
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post #97 of 379 (permalink) Old 03-25-2017, 03:28 PM
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Re: Has faith/religion helped your relationship?

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This is a message that I have listened to many times. I was so angry with how my wife treated me. The forgiveness is really to heal yourself. Put the issue in God's hands and believe that he will handle it.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qng2BBXOMx4
Forgiveness is vital for our well being, or we will end up full of resentment, anger and bitterness and will get mentally and physically ill.
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post #98 of 379 (permalink) Old 03-25-2017, 03:41 PM
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Re: Has faith/religion helped your relationship?

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We cant force anyone to believe in God, but we can use opportunities to talk about our faith if someone is open to that.
Oh yes, you are absolutely right in that respect.
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post #99 of 379 (permalink) Old 03-25-2017, 03:52 PM
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Re: Has faith/religion helped your relationship?

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Oh, this is really a heartfelt post, thank you. I believe that a miracle did happen last year to me...I had an experience of faith, when I was an atheist. I had let go completely of Jesus and the idea of a deity existing. I wasn't angry, just indifferent over time. And out of nowhere, this happened. And it changed my life. I grew up Catholic, and while there is much beauty in the RCC, it doesn't seem to focus enough on being born again, which Jesus spoke of. And when you feel it, you will just know. It can be challenging at times to 'be like' Jesus. But, that's what the faith calls believers to do.
Can I ask what the miracle was? I never had any miracles happen to me so just curious what they are like.
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post #100 of 379 (permalink) Old 03-25-2017, 05:59 PM
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Re: Has faith/religion helped your relationship?

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Just curious if some of you follow any particular faith/religion or set of spiritual beliefs, and has it helped your relationships? If you were/are struggling in your marriages, do you feel being centered in faith is helping you both to improve the relationship?

I left Christianity for a few years, and then was an atheist for two years, and then returned to the faith last year...and just wonder if making faith the centerpiece of our relationship will help shield us from some pitfalls?
I am quite interested in this topic and was surprised to find that data actually points to lower divorce rates amongst atheists:

Atheist marriages may last longer than Christian ones - Salon.com

"When I was young, a slogan made its way around my church: The family that prays together stays together. Tom Ellis, former chairman of the Southern Baptist Convention’s Council on the Family boldly claimed that “born-again Christian couples who marry…in the church after having received premarital counseling…and attend church regularly and pray daily together… experience only 1 divorce out of nearly 39,000 marriages.”

But then came data. According to research by the Barna Research Group over a decade ago, American divorce rates were highest among Baptists and nondenominational “Bible-believing” Christians and lower among more theologically liberal Christians like Methodists, with atheists at the bottom of the divorce pack. When the findings were made public, George Barna took some heat because Christians expected the difference to be more dramatic and to favor believers. Ellis suggested that maybe Barna had sampled badly. Perhaps some people who called themselves born again had never really devoted their lives to Christ. But Barna held his ground, saying, “We rarely find substantial differences” [in the moral behavior of Christians and non-Christians]."

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post #101 of 379 (permalink) Old 03-25-2017, 06:11 PM
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Re: Has faith/religion helped your relationship?

I should disclose that me and my wife seem to be missing the "faith gene". We have been together for almost 20 years (married for 10). We met when we were 16 and did not really have any other partners previously.
I think we would make a great Christian couple if only we could get ourselves to believe the unbelievable.
I don't see any signs that there's anyone watching over us. I don't deny a possibility of higher possible intelligence but certainly cannot reconcile a caring/prayer-answering, omniscient/omnipotent god that is portrayed in the holy texts with the reality we see around us.

I am very curious how people come to believe things for which there is no evidence. We often experience the feeling of awe and the mystery of the universe/world we live in (and how little we still know about it). However there does not seem to be a reason for us to think that anyone cares about us personally (or has a "plan" etc). The events just don't bear this out. We can live in hope of course and we respect others who do think differently but I believe you can have a perfectly functioning moral compass without religions.

I am keen at exploring the Eastern religions though. However they are more like philosophies rather than religions.
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post #102 of 379 (permalink) Old 03-25-2017, 06:18 PM
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Re: Has faith/religion helped your relationship?

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I am quite interested in this topic and was surprised to find that data actually points to lower divorce rates amongst atheists:

Atheist marriages may last longer than Christian ones - Salon.com

"When I was young, a slogan made its way around my church: The family that prays together stays together. Tom Ellis, former chairman of the Southern Baptist Convention’s Council on the Family boldly claimed that “born-again Christian couples who marry…in the church after having received premarital counseling…and attend church regularly and pray daily together… experience only 1 divorce out of nearly 39,000 marriages.”

But then came data. According to research by the Barna Research Group over a decade ago, American divorce rates were highest among Baptists and nondenominational “Bible-believing” Christians and lower among more theologically liberal Christians like Methodists, with atheists at the bottom of the divorce pack. When the findings were made public, George Barna took some heat because Christians expected the difference to be more dramatic and to favor believers. Ellis suggested that maybe Barna had sampled badly. Perhaps some people who called themselves born again had never really devoted their lives to Christ. But Barna held his ground, saying, “We rarely find substantial differences” [in the moral behavior of Christians and non-Christians]."
Actually I have heard the opposite, that marriages where both go to church are far less likely to end in divorce as are marriages where the couple didnt live together first. Of all the countless divorces I have known of, nearly all were between non Christians.
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post #103 of 379 (permalink) Old 03-25-2017, 06:28 PM
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Re: Has faith/religion helped your relationship?

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I should disclose that me and my wife seem to be missing the "faith gene". We have been together for almost 20 years (married for 10). We met when we were 16 and did not really have any other partners previously.
I think we would make a great Christian couple if only we could get ourselves to believe the unbelievable.
I don't see any signs that there's anyone watching over us. I don't deny a possibility of higher possible intelligence but certainly cannot reconcile a caring/prayer-answering, omniscient/omnipotent god that is portrayed in the holy texts with the reality we see around us.

I am very curious how people come to believe things for which there is no evidence. We often experience the feeling of awe and the mystery of the universe/world we live in (and how little we still know about it). However there does not seem to be a reason for us to think that anyone cares about us personally (or has a "plan" etc). The events just don't bear this out. We can live in hope of course and we respect others who do think differently but I believe you can have a perfectly functioning moral compass without religions.

I am keen at exploring the Eastern religions though. However they are more like philosophies rather than religions.
Read the NT, especially the gospel of John in a modern translation. Chat to God(you dont need to be formal)and just be honest with Him. Tell him that you would love to believe but that you struggle to believe. Ask Him to make Himself known to you. Many churches do courses such as 'alpha' where those who are interested or seeking can go along and find out more, and talk to others who can tell you about their own faith.
Honestly, I have seen lives dramatically changed, I know people who have been dramatically healed, who have been set free from addictions and mental illness.Those who were heavily into crime who are now following Jesus Christ.
I have never regretted for a second that I made this decision.

My husband is a very intelligent man. A doctor, scientist, healthcare researcher, and also a qualified accountant. He is also highly logical. He also has one of the strongest faiths I have ever known in a person, and a very close relationship with his Dad as he calls Him.
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post #104 of 379 (permalink) Old 03-25-2017, 06:31 PM
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Re: Has faith/religion helped your relationship?

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Actually I have heard the opposite, that marriages where both go to church are far less likely to end in divorce as are marriages where the couple didnt live together first. Of all the countless divorces I have known of, nearly all were between non Christians.
Can you quantify "countless"? I would expect to agree with you however it's not the way statistics work. The studies referenced in the article involve tens of thousands of couples from various religious/non-religious denominations, conducted over decades. I wonder why you feel it is reasonable to disagree based on hearsay rather than statistical facts.

It's worth it reading the whole article.

The reality, however, appears complex. Churches do honor and support marriage. They also may inadvertently promote divorce, especially—ironically—those churches which most bill themselves as shining lights in a dark world.

To prevent that greatest-of-all-evils, abortion, such communities teach even high school students to embrace surprise pregnancies as gifts from God. They encourage members to marry young so they won’t be tempted to fornicate. But women who give birth or marry young tend to end up less educated and less financially secure, both of which are correlated with higher divorce rates.

Secular couples tend to see both marriage and divorce as personal choices. Overall, a lower percent get married, which means that those who do may be particularly committed or well-suited to partnership. They are likely to be older if/when they do formally tie the knot. They have fewer babies, and their babies are more likely to be planned. Parenting, like other household responsibilities, is more likely to be egalitarian rather than based on the traditional model of “male headship.” Each of these factors could play a role in the divorce rate.
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post #105 of 379 (permalink) Old 03-25-2017, 10:15 PM
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Re: Has faith/religion helped your relationship?

God has really done some work 🏢 on my wife and mines relationship. It's really a blessing that Shauna and I are going to be married 💑 for 11 years this September!
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