Our Church is same Church as when "they" were married - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 7 (permalink) Old 04-11-2016, 03:09 PM Thread Starter
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Question Our Church is same Church as when "they" were married

I love our Church. I am having a hard time attending and connecting as of lately for a couple of reasons, but my biggest struggle lately is the fact that my husband (recently married) and his ex wife were once regular attenders. They went through a lot of their "stuff" while at this Church. When the Pastor married us, he even accidentally called me the ex wife's name. We are human and we make mistakes....it did sting though. Is it wrong for me to voice that I would like to just try another Church occasionally. I feel like I am always being compared. His ex and I are cordial, but a lot of the women at our Church are friends with her, like really close, and I feel I cannot get very close to a lot of them there now. She isn't my friend on Facebook, but several mutual friends, including the Pastor's wife, and they are always commenting on her photos on how beautiful she is, but they don't show me the same treatment. I mean, I really don't know what I am looking for here, but I know that I would like to ask my husband if we can try another church service once a month to try out different places. He also loves our Church, and we are very active in the ministry, but I am not connecting and my walk is also important. If anyone has been through something similar, or has any advice, or more questions, please let me know. This is surely a first for me. Thank you! Blessings!

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post #2 of 7 (permalink) Old 04-11-2016, 03:15 PM
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Re: Our Church is same Church as when "they" were married

Don't ASK your husband - TELL him that the treatment you're receiving is unacceptable and you will be attending another church.

How can he even think it's acceptable to keep attending the same church as his ex if the congregation is treating you that way? Does he not realize what's happening?

People don't get a free pass to cheat just because their marriage sucks.

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post #3 of 7 (permalink) Old 04-11-2016, 03:16 PM
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Re: Our Church is same Church as when "they" were married

One of my BFFs is in your situation (but she's the ex wife). I don't know how they all go to the same church, especially since the ex spouses don't get along. I would never be able to do this. I don't think you're being unreasonable by wanting to try a different church.

How did you meet your husband?

If you truly love someone you want that person to have the freedom to become everything they seek. You want your partner to soar, not to imprison them. - Pluto2
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post #4 of 7 (permalink) Old 04-11-2016, 03:32 PM
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Re: Our Church is same Church as when "they" were married

I'm not religious, but church or not, I would not want to be around any social scene where my H's ex was prominent or well liked. Its not a competitive thing, I just don't go there. Way too awkward.

I'd want to find one of our own.

"If you deliberately plan on being less than you are capable of being, then I warn you that you'll be unhappy for the rest of your life."

~ Abraham Maslow
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post #5 of 7 (permalink) Old 04-11-2016, 04:06 PM
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Re: Our Church is same Church as when "they" were married

Yeah, this doesn't have to do with church, it has to do with you living in the ever present reminder of your husband's ex. Plus, you're being subjected to constant positive comments about her but not about you. No wonder you feel uneasy and perhaps not genuinely welcomed.

Being called the wrong name at the marriage ceremony? I can't imagine that.

I'll spare you my tangentially related stories, but I do understand how and why you feel this way. I would approach your husband that this church is not a match for you. The reason doesn't really matter in the final analysis, does it? You dislike going to that church. It is impeding your spirituality. End of discussion about this church! Now the focus turns to finding a new church which you both like.

There's bound to be more than one church on the planet which works for both of you.
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post #6 of 7 (permalink) Old 04-11-2016, 07:27 PM
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Re: Our Church is same Church as when "they" were married

Under what conditions did your husband and his ex divorce?

What was the catalyst for the divorce?
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post #7 of 7 (permalink) Old 04-13-2016, 10:02 PM
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Re: Our Church is same Church as when "they" were married

I'm with all the other posters...you are being very reasonable... I don't care whether it's church or not, where people should embrace someone new into the fold... this is just too awkward.. too many memories many of them have - when he was with his ex... too close for comfort.

What brought about the end of their marriage .. is she, too, remarried ... did they have children together ?

This Pastor accidentally saying his ex's name at the ceremony !! Did he immediately catch himself ... apologize right then & there in front of everyone ??
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