Re: Sexless in a Christian Mans Marriage.
You know, maybe I'm wrong, but I think there's one thing that too many people miss about the referenced passages in Ephesians.
To me, your interpretation focuses disproportionately on the man's obligation and gives the woman too much of a pass on fulfilling hers if he falls short. That ties into the "something" that I think people are missing, and I think that "something" is just another reflection of the Lord's brilliance in how He created us.
Here's what I'm getting at: for the formula to work, it MUST go both ways, with the mandates applying no matter what. Meaning that neither the man nor the woman is EVER absolved of his or her respective obligation, no matter how much the other spouse may be failing to live up to the mandate.
Yes, the woman needs the man to be the leader in the home, spiritual and otherwise, in order to fully open up her sexuality. BUT--and here's what I think is missing from your read--the husband MUST be able to express his sexuality with his wife in order to be able to BE the leader she needs! If a man is sexually frustrated, it only adds to and worsens whatever issues or feelings of inadequacy are hindering him from fully stepping to the plate as the leader.
And even worse, sexual frustration inevitably makes him even LESS able to put his focus where it belongs, on his wife and family. It drives his focus outward, toward other women, immoral thoughts and behaviors, and more. So if a woman think's he's not enough of a man to have sex with, she's helping to shape him into even LESS of a man! It's an amazingly destructive, downward spiral.
The solution? It lies in the fact that the obligation on both sides remains, no matter what. The man must still strive to be the leader, even when his wife isn't "putting out," if you'll pardon a bit of crudeness. And yet the woman is still obligated to put out, even if she think's he's not stepping to the plate.
The vicious cycle may break when just ONE of the parties involved decides to make the SACRIFICE of fulfilling the obligation even when the reciprocal is not yet true. Once that happens, the situation has HOPE, with God's help, of improving. It's the only way to stop the downward spiral--when one party realizes that he or she doesn't get a free pass on the obligation. I think that's abundantly clear from both the scripture and from observing human behavior.