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post #31 of 74 (permalink) Old 10-26-2012, 06:33 AM
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Re: Sexless in a Christian Mans Marriage.

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Originally Posted by hehasmyheart View Post
Because of the existence of pornography and the perversion of sex over the years, many people (especially Christians) get the idea that pleasurable sex is wrong. We sometimes forget that God fashioned us for sex and created the emotions to go with it; pleasure was intended.
I also believe it was intended but this idea that we have to be as pure as the driven Snow before marriage is insanity -to me. This is where I feel the seeds of repression are started long before marriage...then the woman finds them very difficult to shake after the vows (for some of us anyway, as these things have been pounded into our psychs).... most especially as people are not marrying young these days.. so years of this struggle has been going on....at least for the honest ones trying to please God, finding it a huge conflict in their minds- wrestling with these raging hormones.

I wouldn't bring Satan into anything, but I surely believe the world goes TOO far with sexuality, too loose/ too casual ... but the church is also way too strict... This is how I will teach my daughter... to reconcile this as I don't want her to grow up as hindered sexually as I was...

What I will Teach my Daughter about SEX...in relation to LOVE, her emotions, her life

A thread I did on the Christian Purity movement of Today, what they are really teaching.... again, I feel it is "too much", setting them up for a "fall" the majority of the time...

Any Parents familair with "Silver Ring Thing" -Purity Ring movement?



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post #32 of 74 (permalink) Old 10-26-2012, 06:51 AM
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Re: Sexless in a Christian Mans Marriage.

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Religion has a way of ****ing everything up.
And you're commenting in the religious section why?

I'm not religious, but from the people quoting scriptures above, it sounds like the bible has the right idea.

C
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post #33 of 74 (permalink) Old 10-26-2012, 11:40 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Sexless in a Christian Mans Marriage.

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Originally Posted by hehasmyheart View Post
Question: "Is it wrong for a married couple to have sex just for pleasure?"
HMMMMMM?

I think I would ask if it's wrong for a married couple to have sex for reasons other than "mutual" pleasure?

“Conflict is inevitable, combat is optional.”
Warmly,
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post #34 of 74 (permalink) Old 05-04-2013, 12:01 PM
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Re: Sexless in a Christian Mans Marriage.

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It is my opinion that sex is a gift from God to be shared between husband and wife.

It is also my opinion that sex is a gift that a man gives to a woman, a gift that shows his love, affection, pride, and respect for his woman.

As Christians, most of us are familiar with this quote from the bible.
Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.

Husbands love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body. “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.
—Ephesians 5:22-33

Most Christian men in a sexless marriage are familiar with the first passage quoted above. They see that their wife is not being affectionate, loving and sexual with them, and they feel that she is failing to obey the will of the Lord. She is failing to submit to her husband and the marriage.

However, these men do not seem to put as much stock in the second passage. The Lord commands men to be leaders for their families. They are commanded to love their wives even as they love themselves. How many men can claim to be living up to this passage in our modern society?

When a man finds himself in a marriage where his wife is unaffectionate, unloving, and seldom, if ever sexual, it is not that she is simply being disobedient. She no longer views her husband as the “leader” of their marriage. She no longer views sex with her husband as the “gift” that God intended it to be.

I know what you are thinking; today’s women do not want to be “led”. They feel resentful, controlled, mistreated, abused, and valued as less than men. Today’s society does not look fondly on a man taking power over a woman in any way. Do not misunderstand me or the verses that I quoted above. A woman is, and should be treated as an equal to man. However, even among equals there is always a leader, and in marriage, God intends for the man to be that leader.

If you were to ask any woman, she would readily tell you that she wants to be regarded as equal in value to any man. She wants her voice and her opinions to count for as much as a man. However, these same women would also express that they need to have a strong man in their lives. They need a man that can bring out the best in them. They need a man who can ignite their sexual desires. A woman wants her man to “lead” her and their family to life’s greater purpose.

The challenge for men is to provide leadership for their wife and family in a way that is loving and respectful.

Now you may be wondering what this has to do with affection and sex.

Every man is hard wired for sex, just as every woman is. But we are not designed to think the same way. Men use their mind and logic to guide them through life, where women are guided more by their emotions. A woman needs to be emotionally inspired to desire sex; a man needs nothing more than a mental vision to desire sexual activity. Add to that, the masculine and feminine trait that inspires or displaces sexual energy between men and women and it becomes even clearer why a man must take the lead in his marriage and especially when it comes to sexuality.

When a woman loses her affection and sexual desire for her husband, it is most likely because her husband no longer inspires in her the feelings about herself that she needs to have in order to be sexual.

To put it another way; a woman will only be inspired to feel sexual when she feels that she is loved and respected by a quality man who is willing to be the masculine leader in her life.

A man that inspires a woman’s sexuality is a man of values, values based on his conviction of being the man that God wanted him to be, his own belief in himself, his purpose, and his vision of what’s best for him, his wife, his family, and his vision of their future together.

A quality man knows what his wife wants, needs, and desires from life. He is a man that she can trust to “lead” her to the best life for herself, and her family. When he is this man, she will not only follow him, she will open herself up to him emotionally, spiritually, and sexually. He will not have to ask, beg, or manipulate his woman. She will surrender into his open arms with love and enthusiasm.

In closing, I leave you with this quote, Proverbs 1:5 — Let the wise listen and add to their learning, and let the discerning get guidance.

Warmly,
RDJ
This is a lecture.
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post #35 of 74 (permalink) Old 05-05-2013, 06:45 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Sexless in a Christian Mans Marriage.

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Originally Posted by vegasruby View Post
This is a lecture.
Sorry you feel that way.

Allow me to say that most marriages I know that live this way. Are happy!

“Conflict is inevitable, combat is optional.”
Warmly,
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post #36 of 74 (permalink) Old 05-06-2013, 09:20 AM
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Re: Sexless in a Christian Mans Marriage.

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Originally Posted by RDJ View Post
Sorry you feel that way.

Allow me to say that most marriages I know that live this way. Are happy!
It was a lecture
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post #37 of 74 (permalink) Old 05-06-2013, 10:00 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Sexless in a Christian Mans Marriage.

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It was a lecture
Shall I assume you won't be making a contribution?

“Conflict is inevitable, combat is optional.”
Warmly,
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post #38 of 74 (permalink) Old 05-06-2013, 10:17 AM
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Re: Sexless in a Christian Mans Marriage.

Quote:
Originally Posted by RDJ View Post
It is my opinion that sex is a gift from God to be shared between husband and wife.

It is also my opinion that sex is a gift that a man gives to a woman, a gift that shows his love, affection, pride, and respect for his woman.

As Christians, most of us are familiar with this quote from the bible.
Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.

Husbands love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body. “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.
—Ephesians 5:22-33

Most Christian men in a sexless marriage are familiar with the first passage quoted above. They see that their wife is not being affectionate, loving and sexual with them, and they feel that she is failing to obey the will of the Lord. She is failing to submit to her husband and the marriage.

However, these men do not seem to put as much stock in the second passage. The Lord commands men to be leaders for their families. They are commanded to love their wives even as they love themselves. How many men can claim to be living up to this passage in our modern society?

When a man finds himself in a marriage where his wife is unaffectionate, unloving, and seldom, if ever sexual, it is not that she is simply being disobedient. She no longer views her husband as the “leader” of their marriage. She no longer views sex with her husband as the “gift” that God intended it to be.

I know what you are thinking; today’s women do not want to be “led”. They feel resentful, controlled, mistreated, abused, and valued as less than men. Today’s society does not look fondly on a man taking power over a woman in any way. Do not misunderstand me or the verses that I quoted above. A woman is, and should be treated as an equal to man. However, even among equals there is always a leader, and in marriage, God intends for the man to be that leader.

If you were to ask any woman, she would readily tell you that she wants to be regarded as equal in value to any man. She wants her voice and her opinions to count for as much as a man. However, these same women would also express that they need to have a strong man in their lives. They need a man that can bring out the best in them. They need a man who can ignite their sexual desires. A woman wants her man to “lead” her and their family to life’s greater purpose.

The challenge for men is to provide leadership for their wife and family in a way that is loving and respectful.

Now you may be wondering what this has to do with affection and sex.

Every man is hard wired for sex, just as every woman is. But we are not designed to think the same way. Men use their mind and logic to guide them through life, where women are guided more by their emotions. A woman needs to be emotionally inspired to desire sex; a man needs nothing more than a mental vision to desire sexual activity. Add to that, the masculine and feminine trait that inspires or displaces sexual energy between men and women and it becomes even clearer why a man must take the lead in his marriage and especially when it comes to sexuality.

When a woman loses her affection and sexual desire for her husband, it is most likely because her husband no longer inspires in her the feelings about herself that she needs to have in order to be sexual.

To put it another way; a woman will only be inspired to feel sexual when she feels that she is loved and respected by a quality man who is willing to be the masculine leader in her life.

A man that inspires a woman’s sexuality is a man of values, values based on his conviction of being the man that God wanted him to be, his own belief in himself, his purpose, and his vision of what’s best for him, his wife, his family, and his vision of their future together.

A quality man knows what his wife wants, needs, and desires from life. He is a man that she can trust to “lead” her to the best life for herself, and her family. When he is this man, she will not only follow him, she will open herself up to him emotionally, spiritually, and sexually. He will not have to ask, beg, or manipulate his woman. She will surrender into his open arms with love and enthusiasm.

In closing, I leave you with this quote, Proverbs 1:5 — Let the wise listen and add to their learning, and let the discerning get guidance.

Warmly,
RDJ
My reason for not having sex is not because I am not being obedient. It is that I don't want to have sex. I do not see it as a gift. A gift to me would be stop demanding sex or at least stop with the drama of long drawn out sex. I am well familiar with your line of thinking. You are not alone.
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post #39 of 74 (permalink) Old 05-06-2013, 11:35 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Sexless in a Christian Mans Marriage.

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My reason for not having sex is not because I am not being obedient. It is that I don't want to have sex. I do not see it as a gift. A gift to me would be stop demanding sex or at least stop with the drama of long drawn out sex. I am well familiar with your line of thinking. You are not alone.
I understand that very well. With all due respect. If your marriage/sex is only about what you want..... What you feel...

Then it's not a mutual marriage.

That being said. If it can't be mutual, It' can't be mutually happy?

We reap what we sow, do we not?

“Conflict is inevitable, combat is optional.”
Warmly,
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post #40 of 74 (permalink) Old 05-06-2013, 11:49 AM
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Re: Sexless in a Christian Mans Marriage.

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I understand that very well. With all due respect. If your marriage/sex is only about what you want..... What you feel...

Then it's not a mutual marriage.

That being said. If it can't be mutual, It' can't be mutually happy?

We reap what we sow, do we not?
My husband is happy with our marriage. We get along great. Great communication. He loves me to death. He just wants more sex.

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post #41 of 74 (permalink) Old 05-06-2013, 12:02 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Sexless in a Christian Mans Marriage.

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Originally Posted by vegasruby View Post
My husband is happy with our marriage. We get along great. Great communication. He loves me to death. He just wants more sex.
Maybe he needs you to help him lead?

Maybe you desire more affection, more romance, more seduction, more emotional connection?

Maybe he does not understand or know what youi need?

Maybe you need to express to him what you need and help him to meet you on your level?

I don't know, I'm not in your home. I can say that once my wife expressed what she needed in a way that did not attack my boyish ego. We had mutual ground to work from?

Have you expressed what you would like and how he could help you to get there? Have you expressed that he is important to you and that you are interested in finding a mutually happy way of moving forward?

“Conflict is inevitable, combat is optional.”
Warmly,
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post #42 of 74 (permalink) Old 05-06-2013, 07:02 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Sexless in a Christian Mans Marriage.

No response? Did I somehow offend you?

Please allow me to take another perspective.

"My husband is happy with our marriage. We get along great. Great communication. He loves me to death. He just wants more sex."

He is happy, you get along great, you communicate, he loves you to death. So is he a selfish man by wanting to have sex/ wanting to express his desire for the woman he loves, the woman he married, the woman he should be having sex with?

He is the man that God made him. He has a need and desire to have sex. What man does not?

Drama of long drawn out? Could it be that he wants to make love to his wife. Would you prefer a wham bam thank you mam? If so, what message would you send him, how would this create mutual happiness, and for how long before resent creeps into your marriage?

Just asking?

“Conflict is inevitable, combat is optional.”
Warmly,
RDJ

Last edited by RDJ; 05-06-2013 at 07:08 PM.
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post #43 of 74 (permalink) Old 05-06-2013, 08:32 PM
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Re: Sexless in a Christian Mans Marriage.

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Originally Posted by RDJ View Post
No response? Did I somehow offend you?

Please allow me to take another perspective.

"My husband is happy with our marriage. We get along great. Great communication. He loves me to death. He just wants more sex."

He is happy, you get along great, you communicate, he loves you to death. So is he a selfish man by wanting to have sex/ wanting to express his desire for the woman he loves, the woman he married, the woman he should be having sex with?

He is the man that God made him. He has a need and desire to have sex. What man does not?

Drama of long drawn out? Could it be that he wants to make love to his wife. Would you prefer a wham bam thank you mam? If so, what message would you send him, how would this create mutual happiness, and for how long before resent creeps into your marriage?

Just asking?
RDJ, vegasruby was banned. Perhaps she will be back in a few days. I'm not sure. But you won't get a response, yet, until the ban is lifted.

You can use the 2x4 without adding nails to it.
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post #44 of 74 (permalink) Old 05-06-2013, 09:23 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Sexless in a Christian Mans Marriage.

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RDJ, vegasruby was banned. Perhaps she will be back in a few days. I'm not sure. But you won't get a response, yet, until the ban is lifted.
I noticed that after posting. But I thank you for your kind response.

“Conflict is inevitable, combat is optional.”
Warmly,
RDJ
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post #45 of 74 (permalink) Old 05-07-2013, 09:55 AM
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Re: Sexless in a Christian Mans Marriage.

As I read this thread and the conversation between RDJ and Vegas, I cannot help but think of my own marriage.

I think my wife would answer much like Vegas has, however she might not sound as heartless as I read Vegas's responses.

One thing I cannot seem to explain to her is that having sex with her isnt about the finish. It is about the moment, about being in the moment together, completely and wholly devoted to what is going on.

It is like when a wife wants her husband to go shopping with her. She does not want him to go so he can plan the most efficient way to get what is needed and return home. She wants to spend the time with him! It isnt about whether or not you bought anything at all!

Men get boiled down into a desire to ejaculate and watch sports. Ultimately I think we all crave intimacy, we just get it in different ways.
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