Sexless in a Christian Mans Marriage. - Page 4 - Talk About Marriage
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post #46 of 74 (permalink) Old 05-07-2013, 10:05 AM
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Re: Sexless in a Christian Mans Marriage.

You have to love the posters that try to dredge up an dead thread with comments like "this is a lecture" and are subsequently banned.

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post #47 of 74 (permalink) Old 08-11-2013, 04:14 AM
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Re: Sexless in a Christian Mans Marriage.

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It is my opinion that sex is a gift from God to be shared between husband and wife.

When a man finds himself in a marriage where his wife is unaffectionate, unloving, and seldom, if ever sexual, it is not that she is simply being disobedient. She no longer views her husband as the “leader” of their marriage. She no longer views sex with her husband as the “gift” that God intended it to be.

I know what you are thinking; today’s women do not want to be “led”. They feel resentful, controlled, mistreated, abused, and valued as less than men. Today’s society does not look fondly on a man taking power over a woman in any way. Do not misunderstand me or the verses that I quoted above. A woman is, and should be treated as an equal to man. However, even among equals there is always a leader, and in marriage, God intends for the man to be that leader.

If you were to ask any woman, she would readily tell you that she wants to be regarded as equal in value to any man. She wants her voice and her opinions to count for as much as a man. However, these same women would also express that they need to have a strong man in their lives. They need a man that can bring out the best in them. They need a man who can ignite their sexual desires. A woman wants her man to “lead” her and their family to life’s greater purpose.

The challenge for men is to provide leadership for their wife and family in a way that is loving and respectful.

When a woman loses her affection and sexual desire for her husband, it is most likely because her husband no longer inspires in her the feelings about herself that she needs to have in order to be sexual.

To put it another way; a woman will only be inspired to feel sexual when she feels that she is loved and respected by a quality man who is willing to be the masculine leader in her life.

A man that inspires a woman’s sexuality is a man of values, values based on his conviction of being the man that God wanted him to be, his own belief in himself, his purpose, and his vision of what’s best for him, his wife, his family, and his vision of their future together.

A quality man knows what his wife wants, needs, and desires from life. He is a man that she can trust to “lead” her to the best life for herself, and her family. When he is this man, she will not only follow him, she will open herself up to him emotionally, spiritually, and sexually. He will not have to ask, beg, or manipulate his woman. She will surrender into his open arms with love and enthusiasm.

Warmly,
RDJ

This pretty much confirms what I had already concluded: The reason she was not affectionate and sexual was entirely because of my own failings as a man. Failure to live up to the kind of man that would have inspired and led her. And all the time I thought I was being respectful of her feelings and choices. And all the time it seems that was a big turn off for her. Even on the wedding night she was begrudging. I must be just plain uninspiring as a man. Not a "quality man".
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post #48 of 74 (permalink) Old 08-11-2013, 04:34 AM
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Re: Sexless in a Christian Mans Marriage.

It's difficult to go from zero to hero as quick as you can say "I do".

Just as it's difficult to turn what is essentially a pre-marital platonic friendship into a full sexual partnership. the longer you know your partner before marriage, successfully overcoming natural desires, the more those habits of abstinence are ingrained and become the basis for the relationship. Don't be surprised then if it turns out that one of you only wanted that kind of relationship all along, and you never realised that before marriage while practising all that God-pleasing restraint. A BIG disappointment. And now you're locked in to a lifetime of enforced celibacy.
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post #49 of 74 (permalink) Old 08-11-2013, 07:52 PM
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Re: Sexless in a Christian Mans Marriage.

Nothing is ever locked in, but change is only convincing to the spouse with fruits bearing this change. i.e. it will take some time for her to be convinced that you could be the man she wishes to be inspired and led by. If you are willing, and she is obliging to your will to change, then it is not all lost yet.
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post #50 of 74 (permalink) Old 08-11-2013, 09:10 PM
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Re: Sexless in a Christian Mans Marriage.

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Men get boiled down into a desire to ejaculate and watch sports. Ultimately I think we all crave intimacy, we just get it in different ways.
Not all men want the sex to come to climax as fast as they establish an erection. Some men want intimacy too, and indeed this is a biblical virtue that says to his beloved spouse that he values her not just for what she offers him.

Wives are encouraged to give the gift of sex to their husbands as much as the husbands are encouraged to love and cherish their wives as they do themselves (and their sports, if that is applicable...)
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post #51 of 74 (permalink) Old 08-12-2013, 06:54 AM
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Re: Sexless in a Christian Mans Marriage.

I agree with you, in part. I also agree with Rose.

Both the hubs and I were raised Southern Baptist...taught the wait until marriage thing but the marriage bed was scared and as long as both agreed, most sexual things were okay.

As for the man being the leader, that is very sexually arousing for many women.

I spent many years trying to be the leader because that is what I saw at home. My grandmother (who raised me) totally domineered my grandfather. That's what I knew as normal.

My hubs was the spoiled baby of the family and was perfectly content to let me be in control of the finances, fight the battles with zoning, etc, and deal with school and most other hard issues.

One day I remember telling him I was tired of being the man. He didn't get it.

In July of 2011 I had a stroke and was diagnosed with a heart issue that required open heart surgery. We had 2 kids in elementary school, a home and pets to take care of.

Did I mention I was as LD was you could get? I was so stressed and tired (and sick, but I didn't know it) that sex was the furthest thing from my mind.

At this point DH HAD to man up. He took over the bills, took over running the household, and when I came home from the hospital, he took care of me. Very well I might add.

As I recovered, my libido EXPLODED. It just wasn't that I was healthy again, it was that my man had become the leader in our home, I felt safe and secure in his leadership.

Poor guy can't get any rest now, either, because I'm always amorous
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post #52 of 74 (permalink) Old 08-13-2013, 06:49 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Sexless in a Christian Mans Marriage.

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Originally Posted by LonelyinLove View Post
I agree with you, in part. I also agree with Rose.

Both the hubs and I were raised Southern Baptist...taught the wait until marriage thing but the marriage bed was scared and as long as both agreed, most sexual things were okay.

As for the man being the leader, that is very sexually arousing for many women.

I spent many years trying to be the leader because that is what I saw at home. My grandmother (who raised me) totally domineered my grandfather. That's what I knew as normal.

My hubs was the spoiled baby of the family and was perfectly content to let me be in control of the finances, fight the battles with zoning, etc, and deal with school and most other hard issues.

One day I remember telling him I was tired of being the man. He didn't get it.

In July of 2011 I had a stroke and was diagnosed with a heart issue that required open heart surgery. We had 2 kids in elementary school, a home and pets to take care of.

Did I mention I was as LD was you could get? I was so stressed and tired (and sick, but I didn't know it) that sex was the furthest thing from my mind.

At this point DH HAD to man up. He took over the bills, took over running the household, and when I came home from the hospital, he took care of me. Very well I might add.

As I recovered, my libido EXPLODED. It just wasn't that I was healthy again, it was that my man had become the leader in our home, I felt safe and secure in his leadership.

Poor guy can't get any rest now, either, because I'm always amorous
Now that's what I'm talking about

“Conflict is inevitable, combat is optional.”
Warmly,
RDJ
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post #53 of 74 (permalink) Old 08-18-2013, 09:36 PM
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Re: Sexless in a Christian Mans Marriage.

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I just didn't feel the church was any help to my sexuality- at all. It might have kept me a virgin till my wedding day, but it also helped me remain somewhat of a nun afterwards.
I'm sorry this is the case. It wasn't for me and my wife. Yes, she was a lot more conservative sexually than some women (we were both virgins until after our wedding vows) but we have grown past a lot of that stuff. And she doesn't blame the church, but rather more her parents for not talking about sex and being open about it. The Bible has done wonders for my sexuality. Song of Songs -- hot stuff! The whole thing about the marriage bed being pure and how Paul said not to abstain for too long from your spouse -- good stuff!
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post #54 of 74 (permalink) Old 08-19-2013, 01:52 AM
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Re: Sexless in a Christian Mans Marriage.

Song of Solomon is a smack in the face to all who say religion tries to suppress sexuality. On the contrary. Solomon knew how to seduce a woman. His was the first true written erotic literature, but it was also God inspired. God created us to be sexual creatures and enjoy or spouses sexually to the fullest extent possible. Sex is the physical earthly representation of the selfless love a deep emotional relationship between God and the Church.
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post #55 of 74 (permalink) Old 08-19-2013, 01:58 PM
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Re: Sexless in a Christian Mans Marriage.

I do not understand a Christians want to rule his house. My wife is boss in our home. Why? because she is special to me and i honor and respect her as I should. I have a biblical responsibility to provide a role model for our children, love and honor my wife, provide for the needs of my family. But not be my wifes' master.

In a Jewish wedding which Christians base weddings on the wife promises to love, honor and obey. The husband promises to love, honor, cherish, respect and provide for her every need. A husband who honors his wife would not see her as a servant. If he respects his wife he would not pretend to be boss. If he cherishes her he would never ask of her what is immoral.

In public my wife steps back and lets the world see a strong male role model leading his family. When in reality we are partners and she is the one who rules the roost and I enforce her desires. She would never allow me in person to be seen as weak or lose face in front of others (though this doesn't matter to me). I would never allow the slightest disrespect to my wife from anyone.

Maybe this is why you are sexless in your Christian marriages. You see your wife as less than you and someone you should command. A GOOD Jewish family (which Jesus Christ himself grew up in and refused even to death to deny) the mother leads the family in all things inside the home. The man is the representative outside the home and as such must lead a life which will not bring shame to his family. Outside the home to not appear weak the man in a Jewish family is the boss. He decides how to earn money, where to live and how to provide for the needs of his family. All the while in the home mother leads the prayers, mother teaches the children, mother run the house and ALL THINGS under it's roof. Try living the family life of Jesus and you may find yourself happier and with more sex. We live this way and I get sex 4 or 8 times a week and she initiates more than half the time. She is a content, respected and strong woman and the role model for our daughter. I am the role model of how a man treats his wife for my sons AND my daughter.

Good luck with your view which differs from the Jewish biblical reality. Though your faith USED to be based on Judaism and if i am not mistaken the old testament is still within your reading of the good book.

Here is some non-christian advice for you who seek to rule your wife. "If momma ain't happy, ain't no body happy."

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post #56 of 74 (permalink) Old 08-19-2013, 02:05 PM
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Re: Sexless in a Christian Mans Marriage.

PS Jewish divorce is this you divorce your wife (other than infidelity) and she gets it ALL! You keep the shirt on your back and nothing more. If she leaves her husband (same thing on infidelity) he gets it all.
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post #57 of 74 (permalink) Old 09-19-2013, 03:36 AM
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Re: Sexless in a Christian Mans Marriage.

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I do not understand a Christians want to rule his house. My wife is boss in our home. Why? because she is special to me and i honor and respect her as I should. I have a biblical responsibility to provide a role model for our children, love and honor my wife, provide for the needs of my family. But not be my wifes' master.
I had to read that twice to really understand what you mean.

I think you have a good example here. Would I be correct in thinking that such a husband, of which you describe yourself-- delineates the home matters inside the 4 walls to his wife?

I think that I took a similar approach when I married Sarah, my bride. It seemed to make perfect sense to lovingly say to her that I hoped that she would be the "secretary of the interior" as I put it then and put it now.

To this day, I don't care one lick about the inside workings of our house except that it meet her standards. I help her as much as possible in that. I really only care that she feel fulfilled and validated in the way she keeps our home... And, I am willing to do anything to help reach that goal.

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post #58 of 74 (permalink) Old 09-19-2013, 03:20 PM
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Sexless in a Christian Mans Marriage.

This, in the end, is a lesson in honour. Honouring your spouse means you have him/her and his/her welfare at the forefront of your mind. And this is a big part of a happy marriage.
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post #59 of 74 (permalink) Old 12-28-2013, 09:00 AM
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Re: Sexless in a Christian Mans Marriage.

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This, in the end, is a lesson in honour. Honouring your spouse means you have him/her and his/her welfare at the forefront of your mind. And this is a big part of a happy marriage.
Well said!

Want to discover how to build relationship trust with your wife, and romance your wife back into your arms?
7 Marriage Saving Husband Habits ,
3 secrets to an intimate marriage, 5 ways to keep her attracted to you
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post #60 of 74 (permalink) Old 12-31-2013, 12:47 AM
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Re: Sexless in a Christian Mans Marriage.

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CB45,

Methinks I'm just coming from my own perception, methinks that my perception could even be different tomorrow.

I just thought I would put it out there, as there may bo some that can benifit by a small change of thought.

I enjoyed reading your reply, thanks for your perception.

Warmly,
RDJ
Do you have a specific question?

I want to reassure you that not all women Christian women are "prudes".

I am a Christian woman and have known a lot of Christian women that are total cold wives to their husbands. Some of them have put God's holy Scripture in their husbands face. It is very wrong..

Our Almighty gave and instilled in both male and female a deep need for sexual intimacy. It is very wrong and actually sinful for a wife to neglect her husband's sexual needs.

The very sad issue is that there is never any sermon addressing this very issue in Christian marriages, yet the same church strongly criticizes couples on divorce due to lack of sexual relations. I truly think Christian men are the most unhappy and unfilled people and it breaks my heart
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