Sexless in a Christian Mans Marriage. - Page 5 - Talk About Marriage
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post #61 of 74 (permalink) Old 01-01-2014, 04:42 PM
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Re: Sexless in a Christian Mans Marriage.

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Originally Posted by RoseRed View Post
6 But I say this as a concession, not as a commandment. 7 For I wish that all men were even as I myself. But each one has his own gift from God, one in this manner and another in that.

Sex is a mutual gift from God... and as noted... when difficulties arise, sex is about concessions... not commandments. There is no leader and follower in this realm.
I know this is an old thread, but for anyone who might be reading it...

The marrying / taking a sexual partner is the optional part. Paul is telling the Corinthians that he wishes they were like him (unmarried), because unmarried people can devote themselves to the things of God whereas married people have to devote themselves to the things of the world.

What you are suggesting is a contradiction. You can't have "do not deprive" (wich has a connotation of withholding from someone that which he or she is due) followed by "it's a suggestion" (so go ahead and deprive if you feel like it).

IMO, the clear meaning of the whole passage is that all (men and women alike) owe sex to their spouses. And that sex needs to be of a sufficient quality and quantity that our spouses are satisfied (so you are not tempted to sin).

If you don't have sexual cravings, stay single and serve God. If the lack of sexual craving is not your "gift" (meaning, such a lack is not the norm) go ahead and marry to avoid sin. But know that since condoned sex is a primary reason to marry, you marry with the understanding that you are making a commitment to your spouse to fulfill that need.

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post #62 of 74 (permalink) Old 03-03-2014, 08:17 AM
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Re: Sexless in a Christian Mans Marriage.

I am new here and reading this thread has been very enlightening. RDJ, I appreciate your thoughts as I do ALL the others. I am currently in a sexless marriage but it is due to my own sins and not being the husband and father my wife deserves. I am currently working very hard and trying to form new habits to be a better husband and father and being the best I can. I make no excuses. It is mostly my doing. I am giving my wife the space she needs and not even bringing sex up in conversation. I am putting myself last and my wife and children first and doing much better at respecting her wishes and desires for our family. My problems are in the past but not necessarily for her and that is what we are working on. I have a very clear plan and each day is another opportunity to SHOW my wife I love her. So for now, I will say again thank you to everyone posting here but it is time for me to get busy with my chores. I pray God's blessings for you all.
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post #63 of 74 (permalink) Old 03-11-2014, 10:40 PM
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Re: Sexless in a Christian Mans Marriage.

Welcome! You sound very humble, keep us posted as you progress!

Blessings
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post #64 of 74 (permalink) Old 03-11-2014, 10:43 PM
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Re: Sexless in a Christian Mans Marriage.

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Song of Solomon is a smack in the face to all who say religion tries to suppress sexuality. On the contrary. Solomon knew how to seduce a woman. His was the first true written erotic literature, but it was also God inspired. God created us to be sexual creatures and enjoy or spouses sexually to the fullest extent possible. Sex is the physical earthly representation of the selfless love a deep emotional relationship between God and the Church.
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Thank you for posting this....you are correct. I have often thought if God devoted a whole book of the Bible to speak or MARITAL sex, it must be pretty darn important. What I love about the Songs is that male and female enjoy and initiate sex with each other equally. It's not just the male pursuing the female.
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post #65 of 74 (permalink) Old 07-08-2014, 05:39 PM
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Re: Sexless in a Christian Mans Marriage.

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Every man is hard wired for sex, just as every woman is. .... A woman needs to be emotionally inspired to desire sex; a man needs nothing more than a mental vision to desire sexual activity.

To put it another way; a woman will only be inspired to feel sexual when she feels that she is loved and respected by a quality man who is willing to be the masculine leader in her life.


A quality man knows what his wife wants, needs, and desires from life.
Hogwash.

Saying that a man needs nothing more than a mental vision to desire sexual activity is simply not true, especially when it comes to husbands and ones who have been faithfully around for a while. That man is stimulated by affection and a respect that does not need to be earned.. he does not have to try to reach that standard of "quality", a bar set so high (especially in the Christian community) that any normal man can not reach.

So I have to say HOGWASH to your post.
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post #66 of 74 (permalink) Old 07-08-2014, 05:45 PM
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Re: Sexless in a Christian Mans Marriage.

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IMO, the clear meaning of the whole passage is that all (men and women alike) owe sex to their spouses. And that sex needs to be of a sufficient quality and quantity that our spouses are satisfied (so you are not tempted to sin).
Close but not quite. Paul is speaking to believers in Corinth, a place where sex and prostitutes was pagan worship. Sex was readily and easily available. It was better to be married there and for spouses to satisfy each other because the temptation was so great. It had nothing to do with a spouse owing sex to the other.
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post #67 of 74 (permalink) Old 07-08-2014, 05:47 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Sexless in a Christian Mans Marriage.

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Hogwash.

Saying that a man needs nothing more than a mental vision to desire sexual activity is simply not true, especially when it comes to husbands and ones who have been faithfully around for a while. That man is stimulated by affection and a respect that does not need to be earned.. he does not have to try to reach that standard of "quality", a bar set so high (especially in the Christian community) that any normal man can not reach.

So I have to say HOGWASH to your post.
I respect your opinion and there is certainly no "absolute" in my statements. But I will say that I stand by my comments based on my experience with many.

Thanks for reading my post and sharing your thoughts.

“Conflict is inevitable, combat is optional.”
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post #68 of 74 (permalink) Old 07-09-2014, 09:55 AM
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Re: Sexless in a Christian Mans Marriage.

Wanttolove, are we not believers in a culture where sex is readily and easily available?
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post #69 of 74 (permalink) Old 07-09-2014, 10:02 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Sexless in a Christian Mans Marriage.

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Wanttolove, are we not believers in a culture where sex is readily and easily available?
Maybe more outside of marriage than in ?

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post #70 of 74 (permalink) Old 07-09-2014, 10:44 AM
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Re: Sexless in a Christian Mans Marriage.

wh*redom seems to be running rampant these days


The All-Father wove the skein of your life a long time ago. Go and hide in a hole if you wish, but you won't live one instant longer. Your fate is fixed. Fear profits a man nothing.
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post #71 of 74 (permalink) Old 07-10-2014, 02:22 PM
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Re: Sexless in a Christian Mans Marriage.

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Wanttolove, are we not believers in a culture where sex is readily and easily available?
We definitely are. And it's good reason for spouses to consider that temptation in regards to their spouse. It does not mean sex is OWED.
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post #72 of 74 (permalink) Old 07-11-2014, 08:53 AM
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Re: Sexless in a Christian Mans Marriage.

So what word do you prefer? Clearly it is saying something and that something is stronger than a saying it would be nice if they had sex with their spouse.
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post #73 of 74 (permalink) Old 07-11-2014, 12:58 PM
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Re: Sexless in a Christian Mans Marriage.

If not OWED, maybe:
  • duty to
  • responsibility for
  • encouraged to
  • expected of
  • assumed to provide
  • obliged to

?????????????

"Merely falling short of your ideals is not hypocrisy, it's humanity. We are all fallen. We are all sinners. We are all carved from the crooked timber of humanity." - Jonah Goldberg
"Fallacies do not cease being fallacies when they become fashions". - G.K. Chesterton
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post #74 of 74 (permalink) Old 07-11-2014, 04:38 PM
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Re: Sexless in a Christian Mans Marriage.

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Originally Posted by Zatol Ugot? View Post
If not OWED, maybe:
  • duty to
  • responsibility for
  • encouraged to
  • expected of
  • assumed to provide
  • obliged to

?????????????
Out of that list, my understanding of what Paul says in I Corinthians 6 and 7 is 'encouraged to'. What Paul says about Corinth in his day definitely describes at least America, the availability of some form of sex to anyone who wants it. Taking care of your spouse is both a physical and .
safe guard.

My wife asked me, after a few years of no sex or affection in our relationship, if I was having an affair. She did not ask because she had any evidence that I was, but because I could easily have one and had reason because she had cut me off! Temptation is the same today as it was in Paul's day, it just looks a little different and has taken on different forms due to technology.
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