It is my opinion
that sex is a gift from God to be shared between husband and wife. Funny but i posed a question here in R's & Spirituality concerning whether or not even marriage (as humanity practices it, that is) is even "a gift" or idea from God.
guess all (so far) are clueless to other possiblities or the "other
side of the spectrum" of what was really intended back there in
"the garden of Eden." My revelation(s) have yet to be confirmed tho', so i'll not press the issue here n now but, glad
u at least said "[
FONT="Comic Sans MS"]it is my opinion".
It is also my opinion that sex is a gift that a man gives to a woman, a gift that shows his love, affection, pride, and respect for his woman. and vice-versa, RDJ.
As Christians, most of us are familiar with this quote from the bible.
Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.
Husbands love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body. “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” This mystery is profound,
and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.
—Ephesians 5:22-33 Please note the
underlined boldface. too many christians bypass this hurriedly,
haphazzardly, or forget to return to it for further study when
H>S> has pointed out for them to do so. for it was here that
led me to entertain the notion, the belief, that perhaps God had
a different plan in mind than was perpetrated after "the tree of
knowledge debacle of Ha'Adam (mankind folks, get studying, get
busy...please), and (later to be called) Eve (womankind, ibid).
What do u think the Serpent taught Eve, that Eve in turn, taught Adam, folks? Pray for H>S> guidance, read it in the
hebrew(not just watered down &/or english versions) and see what the H>S> reveals to you (but dont forget to ask for courage too people, cuz u'll need it initally for yerself, and then to tell others for sure!)
Most Christian men in a sexless marriage are familiar with the first passage quoted above. They see that their wife is not being affectionate, loving and sexual with them, and they feel that she is failing to obey the will of the Lord. She is failing to submit to her husband and the marriage. And some men go even farther to fear their W has or is cheating on them or contemplating it or, disappointed in choosing him, the H, in the first place, this many yrs after.
i.e., H's insecurities come to the forefront of his being.
However, these men do not seem to put as much stock in the second passage. The Lord commands men to be leaders for their families. They are commanded to love their wives even as they love themselves. How many men can claim to be living up to this passage in our modern society?Sometimes this is true, sometimes just an "excuse" for W's own selfish behaviors. Even MC's fall into this trap or snare when not seeing clearly thru H>S> eyes/power.
When a man finds himself in a marriage where his wife is unaffectionate, unloving, and seldom, if ever sexual, it is not that she is simply being disobedient. She no longer views her husband as the “leader” of their marriage. She no longer views sex with her husband as the “gift” that God intended it to be. I would also argue or add that besides the already aforementioned selfishness that both christian & secular women (men too) can share in this world, methinks many a woman (& again, man too) LOSE their vision of what God intends for them to learn, grow, and sharein their marr'd life on earth. i.e./e.g., Wife = spouse, helper, lover, friend, mother, teacher, etc. We all suffer with some degree of the sinful nature of "self", some more than others methinks.
I know what you are thinking; today’s women do not want to be “led”. They feel resentful, controlled, mistreated, abused, and valued as less than men. Today’s society does not look fondly on a man taking power over a woman in any way. Do not misunderstand me or the verses that I quoted above. A woman is, and should be treated as an equal to man. However, even among equals there is always a leader, and in marriage, God intends for the man to be that leader. agreed, but easier said than done in this "civilized world" we live in, where even God isnt respected (enough).
If you were to ask any woman, she would readily tell you that she wants to be regarded as equal in value to any man. She wants her voice and her opinions to count for as much as a man. However, these same women would also express that they need to have a strong man in their lives. They need a man that can bring out the best in them. They need a man who can ignite their sexual desires. A woman wants her man to “lead” her and their family to life’s greater purpose. Yes, yes, but then as per their hypocritcal natures, they often fight/disrespect their men tooth n nail, almost every step of the way just for boredom, entertainments sake, if not their own dysfunctional upbringings. Why u ask? Just to keep life interesting some will admit (with some coercion most likely) or say (after they tire[if they indeed tire] of the blame-game tactics they too oft employ).
The challenge for men is to provide leadership for their wife and family in a way that is loving and respectful. A challenge yes, because they can no longer enact Ghengis Khan tactics/authority (if nec.) to ensure its delivery and fruition; not with impunity anyways. (as a last resort of course, but unfortunately the Tiger w/out his teeth is just a *****cat, and not respected by anyone, anywhere, anytime, except for the BEST of Best Christian wifes. Selah)
Now you may be wondering what this has to do with affection and sex.
Every man is hard wired for sex, just as every woman is. But we are not designed to think the same way. Men use their mind and logic to guide them through life, where women are guided more by their emotions. A woman needs to be emotionally inspired to desire sex; a man needs nothing more than a mental vision to desire sexual activity. Add to that, the masculine and feminine trait that inspires or displaces sexual energy between men and women and it becomes even clearer why a man must take the lead in his marriage and especially when it comes to sexuality. This is a generalization that does not, repeat, does NOT apply to many or most W, tho' few will back me up/honestly admit as much. there are many (25%? less? not sure) horny, sexual women out there in the real world, that are just looking to "get off" (like joan rivers says..."can we talk? can we talk?") so to speak, just like many of stereotypical males. I know, cuz back in the day, i knew where/how to find 'em (& it wasnt just bars/clubs either); problem was this:
tho' it was grrrrrrrrrrrrreat sexually speaking, it wasnt marriage
material, as no fella (at least) wants to worry about which "handyman" is coming over for "lunch" everyday the H is
at work, or who shes "doing" in the parking lot (if she works).
Women on the other hand, are somewhat, (qualify that somewhat however u like) more accepting/tolerant of this (idea in their head) in men as a inbred gene or trait, and willing to "risk it" per se; not all women mind u, but i am trying to explain a difference btwn M & F here. this has been my experience with women and F friends who'll honestly, philosophically discuss such things. Most true Christian W's however, aspire to something more from their man.
In todays secular world, everybody's trying to "get theirs" in whatever that THEIRs maybe. this is nothing new under the sun
but, whats new is its ever increasing in numbers or popularity &
no longer just a "mans world/game".
When a woman loses her affection and sexual desire for her husband, it is most likely because her husband no longer inspires in her the feelings about herself that she needs to have in order to be sexual. THis reality resides mostly in W's head, not nec the real world. more excusatory language perpertrated by female author(s)perhaps?
To put it another way; a woman will only be inspired to feel sexual when she feels that she is loved and respected by a quality
man who is willing to be the masculine leader in her life. i.e., a sugar daddy with deeeeep pockets and plenty of patience
for all her b.s. games she's gonna play on his (upper) head.
A man that inspires a woman’s sexuality is a man of values, values based on his conviction of being the man that God wanted him to be, his own belief in himself, his purpose, and his vision of what’s best for him, his wife, his family, and his vision of their future together. [FONT="Century Gothic"]This is true, at its ideal, its zenith.[/
A quality man knows what his wife wants, needs, and desires from life. He is a man that she can trust to “lead” her to the best life for herself, and her family. When he is this man, she will not only follow him, she will open herself up to him emotionally, spiritually, and sexually. He will not have to ask, beg, or manipulate his woman. She will surrender into his open arms with love and enthusiasm. U assume too much. OR are u making a declaration? if so, thats
ok/good. i'm all for Declarations! Yet methinks with all the dysfunctional backgrounds on both sides of the sin aisle, Jesus
himself has to come in a mighty way to heal the wounds many
of us re-open on a daily basis. selah.
In closing, I leave you with this quote, Proverbs 1:5 — Let the wise listen and add to their learning, and let the discerning get guidance. All too true.......all the way around again, no?