Sexless in a Christian Mans Marriage.
 Talk About Marriage
  The Marriage Advice and Relationship Help Forums
  right
Forums - For Therapists - Link to Us - Advertise  

    A Public Forum Provided by The Family & Marriage Counseling Directory
Register FAQ Community Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read

Navigation »Talk About Marriage »Focused Topics »Relationships and Spirituality » Sexless in a Christian Mans Marriage.

Relationships and Spirituality The place to look for faith based solutions.

Like Tree25Likes

Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Search this Thread
Old 10-11-2011, 10:32 AM   #1 (permalink)
RDJ
Member
 
RDJ's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Denver
Posts: 384
Default Sexless in a Christian Mans Marriage.

It is my opinion that sex is a gift from God to be shared between husband and wife.

It is also my opinion that sex is a gift that a man gives to a woman, a gift that shows his love, affection, pride, and respect for his woman.

As Christians, most of us are familiar with this quote from the bible.
Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.

Husbands love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body. “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.
—Ephesians 5:22-33

Most Christian men in a sexless marriage are familiar with the first passage quoted above. They see that their wife is not being affectionate, loving and sexual with them, and they feel that she is failing to obey the will of the Lord. She is failing to submit to her husband and the marriage.

However, these men do not seem to put as much stock in the second passage. The Lord commands men to be leaders for their families. They are commanded to love their wives even as they love themselves. How many men can claim to be living up to this passage in our modern society?

When a man finds himself in a marriage where his wife is unaffectionate, unloving, and seldom, if ever sexual, it is not that she is simply being disobedient. She no longer views her husband as the “leader” of their marriage. She no longer views sex with her husband as the “gift” that God intended it to be.

I know what you are thinking; today’s women do not want to be “led”. They feel resentful, controlled, mistreated, abused, and valued as less than men. Today’s society does not look fondly on a man taking power over a woman in any way. Do not misunderstand me or the verses that I quoted above. A woman is, and should be treated as an equal to man. However, even among equals there is always a leader, and in marriage, God intends for the man to be that leader.

If you were to ask any woman, she would readily tell you that she wants to be regarded as equal in value to any man. She wants her voice and her opinions to count for as much as a man. However, these same women would also express that they need to have a strong man in their lives. They need a man that can bring out the best in them. They need a man who can ignite their sexual desires. A woman wants her man to “lead” her and their family to life’s greater purpose.

The challenge for men is to provide leadership for their wife and family in a way that is loving and respectful.

Now you may be wondering what this has to do with affection and sex.

Every man is hard wired for sex, just as every woman is. But we are not designed to think the same way. Men use their mind and logic to guide them through life, where women are guided more by their emotions. A woman needs to be emotionally inspired to desire sex; a man needs nothing more than a mental vision to desire sexual activity. Add to that, the masculine and feminine trait that inspires or displaces sexual energy between men and women and it becomes even clearer why a man must take the lead in his marriage and especially when it comes to sexuality.

When a woman loses her affection and sexual desire for her husband, it is most likely because her husband no longer inspires in her the feelings about herself that she needs to have in order to be sexual.

To put it another way; a woman will only be inspired to feel sexual when she feels that she is loved and respected by a quality man who is willing to be the masculine leader in her life.

A man that inspires a woman’s sexuality is a man of values, values based on his conviction of being the man that God wanted him to be, his own belief in himself, his purpose, and his vision of what’s best for him, his wife, his family, and his vision of their future together.

A quality man knows what his wife wants, needs, and desires from life. He is a man that she can trust to “lead” her to the best life for herself, and her family. When he is this man, she will not only follow him, she will open herself up to him emotionally, spiritually, and sexually. He will not have to ask, beg, or manipulate his woman. She will surrender into his open arms with love and enthusiasm.

In closing, I leave you with this quote, Proverbs 1:5 — Let the wise listen and add to their learning, and let the discerning get guidance.

Warmly,
RDJ
RDJ is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Old 10-11-2011, 01:15 PM   #2 (permalink)
Member
 
cb45's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: florida usa
Posts: 658
Default Re: Sexless in a Christian Mans Marriage.

Quote:
Originally Posted by RDJ View Post
It is my opinion that sex is a gift from God to be shared between husband and wife. Funny but i posed a question here in R's & Spirituality concerning whether or not even marriage (as humanity practices it, that is) is even "a gift" or idea from God.
guess all (so far) are clueless to other possiblities or the "other
side of the spectrum" of what was really intended back there in
"the garden of Eden." My revelation(s) have yet to be confirmed tho', so i'll not press the issue here n now but, glad
u at least said "[
FONT="Comic Sans MS"]it is my opinion".[/FONT]

It is also my opinion that sex is a gift that a man gives to a woman, a gift that shows his love, affection, pride, and respect for his woman. and vice-versa, RDJ.

As Christians, most of us are familiar with this quote from the bible.
Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.

Husbands love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body. “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.
—Ephesians 5:22-33 Please note the
underlined boldface. too many christians bypass this hurriedly,
haphazzardly, or forget to return to it for further study when
H>S> has pointed out for them to do so. for it was here that
led me to entertain the notion, the belief, that perhaps God had
a different plan in mind than was perpetrated after "the tree of
knowledge debacle of Ha'Adam (mankind folks, get studying, get
busy...please), and (later to be called) Eve (womankind, ibid).
What do u think the Serpent taught Eve, that Eve in turn, taught Adam, folks? Pray for H>S> guidance, read it in the
hebrew(not just watered down &/or english versions) and see what the H>S> reveals to you (but dont forget to ask for courage too people, cuz u'll need it initally for yerself, and then to tell others for sure!)


Most Christian men in a sexless marriage are familiar with the first passage quoted above. They see that their wife is not being affectionate, loving and sexual with them, and they feel that she is failing to obey the will of the Lord. She is failing to submit to her husband and the marriage. And some men go even farther to fear their W has or is cheating on them or contemplating it or, disappointed in choosing him, the H, in the first place, this many yrs after.
i.e., H's insecurities come to the forefront of his being.


However, these men do not seem to put as much stock in the second passage. The Lord commands men to be leaders for their families. They are commanded to love their wives even as they love themselves. How many men can claim to be living up to this passage in our modern society?Sometimes this is true, sometimes just an "excuse" for W's own selfish behaviors. Even MC's fall into this trap or snare when not seeing clearly thru H>S> eyes/power.

When a man finds himself in a marriage where his wife is unaffectionate, unloving, and seldom, if ever sexual, it is not that she is simply being disobedient. She no longer views her husband as the “leader” of their marriage. She no longer views sex with her husband as the “gift” that God intended it to be.
I would also argue or add that besides the already aforementioned selfishness that both christian & secular women (men too) can share in this world, methinks many a woman (& again, man too) LOSE their vision of what God intends for them to learn, grow, and sharein their marr'd life on earth. i.e./e.g., Wife = spouse, helper, lover, friend, mother, teacher, etc. We all suffer with some degree of the sinful nature of "self", some more than others methinks.

I know what you are thinking; today’s women do not want to be “led”. They feel resentful, controlled, mistreated, abused, and valued as less than men. Today’s society does not look fondly on a man taking power over a woman in any way. Do not misunderstand me or the verses that I quoted above. A woman is, and should be treated as an equal to man. However, even among equals there is always a leader, and in marriage, God intends for the man to be that leader. agreed, but easier said than done in this "civilized world" we live in, where even God isnt respected (enough).

If you were to ask any woman, she would readily tell you that she wants to be regarded as equal in value to any man. She wants her voice and her opinions to count for as much as a man. However, these same women would also express that they need to have a strong man in their lives. They need a man that can bring out the best in them. They need a man who can ignite their sexual desires. A woman wants her man to “lead” her and their family to life’s greater purpose. Yes, yes, but then as per their hypocritcal natures, they often fight/disrespect their men tooth n nail, almost every step of the way just for boredom, entertainments sake, if not their own dysfunctional upbringings. Why u ask? Just to keep life interesting some will admit (with some coercion most likely) or say (after they tire[if they indeed tire] of the blame-game tactics they too oft employ).The challenge for men is to provide leadership for their wife and family in a way that is loving and respectful.
A challenge yes, because they can no longer enact Ghengis Khan tactics/authority (if nec.) to ensure its delivery and fruition; not with impunity anyways. (as a last resort of course, but unfortunately the Tiger w/out his teeth is just a *****cat, and not respected by anyone, anywhere, anytime, except for the BEST of Best Christian wifes. Selah)

Now you may be wondering what this has to do with affection and sex.

Every man is hard wired for sex, just as every woman is. But we are not designed to think the same way. Men use their mind and logic to guide them through life, where women are guided more by their emotions. A woman needs to be emotionally inspired to desire sex; a man needs nothing more than a mental vision to desire sexual activity. Add to that, the masculine and feminine trait that inspires or displaces sexual energy between men and women and it becomes even clearer why a man must take the lead in his marriage and especially when it comes to sexuality. This is a generalization that does not, repeat, does NOT apply to many or most W, tho' few will back me up/honestly admit as much. there are many (25%? less? not sure) horny, sexual women out there in the real world, that are just looking to "get off" (like joan rivers says..."can we talk? can we talk?") so to speak, just like many of stereotypical males. I know, cuz back in the day, i knew where/how to find 'em (& it wasnt just bars/clubs either); problem was this:
tho' it was grrrrrrrrrrrrreat sexually speaking, it wasnt marriage
material, as no fella (at least) wants to worry about which "handyman" is coming over for "lunch" everyday the H is
at work, or who shes "doing" in the parking lot (if she works).

Women on the other hand, are somewhat, (qualify that somewhat however u like) more accepting/tolerant of this (idea in their head) in men as a inbred gene or trait, and willing to "risk it" per se; not all women mind u, but i am trying to explain a difference btwn M & F here. this has been my experience with women and F friends who'll honestly, philosophically discuss such things. Most true Christian W's however, aspire to something more from their man.
In todays secular world, everybody's trying to "get theirs" in whatever that THEIRs maybe. this is nothing new under the sun
but, whats new is its ever increasing in numbers or popularity &
no longer just a "mans world/game".


When a woman loses her affection and sexual desire for her husband, it is most likely because her husband no longer inspires in her the feelings about herself that she needs to have in order to be sexual. THis reality resides mostly in W's head, not nec the real world. more excusatory language perpertrated by female author(s)perhaps?

To put it another way; a woman will only be inspired to feel sexual when she feels that she is loved and respected by a quality man who is willing to be the masculine leader in her life.
i.e., a sugar daddy with deeeeep pockets and plenty of patience
for all her b.s. games she's gonna play on his (upper) head
.

A man that inspires a woman’s sexuality is a man of values, values based on his conviction of being the man that God wanted him to be, his own belief in himself, his purpose, and his vision of what’s best for him, his wife, his family, and his vision of their future together. [FONT="Century Gothic"]This is true, at its ideal, its zenith.[/FONT]
A quality man knows what his wife wants, needs, and desires from life. He is a man that she can trust to “lead” her to the best life for herself, and her family. When he is this man, she will not only follow him, she will open herself up to him emotionally, spiritually, and sexually. He will not have to ask, beg, or manipulate his woman. She will surrender into his open arms with love and enthusiasm. U assume too much. OR are u making a declaration? if so, thats
ok/good. i'm all for Declarations! Yet methinks with all the dysfunctional backgrounds on both sides of the sin aisle, Jesus
himself has to come in a mighty way to heal the wounds many
of us re-open on a daily basis. selah.


In closing, I leave you with this quote, Proverbs 1:5 — Let the wise listen and add to their learning, and let the discerning get guidance. All too true.......all the way around again, no?Warmly,
RDJ
cb45 is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 10-11-2011, 01:36 PM   #3 (permalink)
RDJ
Member
 
RDJ's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Denver
Posts: 384
Default Re: Sexless in a Christian Mans Marriage.

CB45,

Methinks I'm just coming from my own perception, methinks that my perception could even be different tomorrow.

I just thought I would put it out there, as there may bo some that can benifit by a small change of thought.

I enjoyed reading your reply, thanks for your perception.

Warmly,
RDJ
RDJ is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 10-11-2011, 02:05 PM   #4 (permalink)
Member
 
SimplyAmorous's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: USA
Posts: 10,482
Default Re: Sexless in a Christian Mans Marriage.

Quote:
Originally Posted by RDJ View Post
Every man is hard wired for sex, just as every woman is. But we are not designed to think the same way. Men use their mind and logic to guide them through life, where women are guided more by their emotions. A woman needs to be emotionally inspired to desire sex; a man needs nothing more than a mental vision to desire sexual activity. Add to that, the masculine and feminine trait that inspires or displaces sexual energy between men and women and it becomes even clearer why a man must take the lead in his marriage and especially when it comes to sexuality.

When a woman loses her affection and sexual desire for her husband, it is most likely because her husband no longer inspires in her the feelings about herself that she needs to have in order to be sexual.

To put it another way; a woman will only be inspired to feel sexual when she feels that she is loved and respected by a quality man who is willing to be the masculine leader in her life.

A man that inspires a woman’s sexuality is a man of values, values based on his conviction of being the man that God wanted him to be, his own belief in himself, his purpose, and his vision of what’s best for him, his wife, his family, and his vision of their future together.

A quality man knows what his wife wants, needs, and desires from life. He is a man that she can trust to “lead” her to the best life for herself, and her family. When he is this man, she will not only follow him, she will open herself up to him emotionally, spiritually, and sexually. He will not have to ask, beg, or manipulate his woman. She will surrender into his open arms with love and enthusiasm.

In closing, I leave you with this quote, Proverbs 1:5 — Let the wise listen and add to their learning, and let the discerning get guidance.
RDJ, excuse me for throwing a monkey wrench into some of your thoughts here. We all have our stories, right !

Every woman is hardwired for sex ...hmmmm accually I agree, it is in our natures BUT for some, when religious purity teachings WAR against these very natures & desires in our youth and rock us to the core with shame & guilt about it --all those LUST / FLESH scriptures pounded into us, there can be a very destructive disconnet for some. Thankfully, me & my husband escaped with a more "mild" case of this, it just kept us boring & vanilla, not sexless.

I wish it would have went as smoothly as you wrote here RDJ. but it just wasn't this black & white, using Scriptures as a guide to More sex , better sex. Our church sure lacked any "Songs of Solomon" commentary sermons while we sat in the Church pew!

Even my husband admits to feeling a little "dirty" about sex, like it needed to be hidden or something. Yes, even after marraige. If anything in our lives was more of a hinderance to our FREEDOM & enjoyment of each other & confidence to GO THERE in it's pleasurable fullness, it was early indoctrinated religious teachings! I come from a Pentacostal Purity/holiness background.

I realize this does not happen to the majority by any means, but I DO feel many women have a measure of an issue with "Good girl thinking" that might be one of the biggest hindenances to their marraige, It is not talkied about enough openly & not enough books have been written on it.

It is something I Had to uproot out of my system -to get where I needed to be, to enjoy my husband in his fullness. I did a thread on this very subject -as it angers me what I feel we missed. When arousing Passion & our Mindsets Collide - Sexually Repressed to "Awakened"

We were constantly told to "put our flesh down"....I remember hearing this constantly in church, like a clanging bell, they sure wasnt' teaching how HOLY sex was within marraige -to balance all of this out.

Gal 5:16 ...But I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh.

1 John 2:16 : For all that is in the world—the desires of the flesh and the desires of the eyes and pride in possessions—is not from the Father but is from the world

Romans 8:6 :For to set the mind on the flesh is death, but to set the mind on the Spirit is life and peace

I just don't feel there is a "switch" for turning these beliefs on and off just cause you get married. It just doesn't work that way.

There is one poster here....her & her BF were Youth leaders, wanted to honor God in every way , but she was tormented by "desire" so she prayed & prayed for it to go away & IT DID -ALL OF IT - right in time for their wedding -they played the purity route- to Gods instructions alright, then when they married, She felt NOTHING, it was DEAD .......4 years of a sexless marraige her husband endured. She had to go to Therapy to overcome, also why she landed here.... Please take a moment to read her 1st post on this page. Porn and Christianity

This is just another perspective of coarse, even if it is more on the RARE side. I guess some of us take things TOO Seriously, or the wrong way, I don't know, I could never reconcile in my mind what I was being taught to allow getting down & dirty with my own husband.

I just didn't feel the church was any help to my sexuality- at all. It might have kept me a virgin till my wedding day, but it also helped me remain somewhat of a nun afterwards.
SimplyAmorous is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 10-11-2011, 04:03 PM   #5 (permalink)
RDJ
Member
 
RDJ's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Denver
Posts: 384
Default Re: Sexless in a Christian Mans Marriage.

Amorous,

Well said, I appriciate your thoughts.

I have to admit that I had reservations about posting this as there are so many views that can be taken.

But, that is also why I posted it. The great thing about forums like this is all of our different views. We learn from each other.

I realize that my comments were a bit vauge, but there are some that may benefit from just seeing one of our perceptions as a group.

If we help only one person that reads this thread, it was worth it.

Thank's for your replies,

RDJ
RDJ is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 10-11-2011, 05:24 PM   #6 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 263
Default Re: Sexless in a Christian Mans Marriage.

RDJ

I humbly, yet feverently disagree with your intrepretation of this passage.

The wife's submission in this passage has NOTHING to do with sex. It about the wife being the like the church (Hence the use of the female term as 'she' in the scripture) and should be deeply respected and the husband to be like Christ, a leader in terms of the leader, as Christ was. In no way shape or form was Christ a sexual analogy. A leader knows how to care and nuture his follower, just as a leader cares for himself. The wife's submission is in TRUST of the leader. As well, the leader also learns from the follower. Such when Christ submitted himself to John (a follower) to be baptized. If a husband cannot love himself, respect himself, like any leader, of course he is not going to have follower.

I agree how much of the remainder of that passage (Ephesians 25 - 33) is glossed over by so many men.

I think a better passage for your purpose in this discussion would be
1 Corinithian 7

1 Now concerning the things of which you wrote to me:
It is good for a man not to touch a woman. 2 Nevertheless, because of sexual immorality, let each man have his own wife, and let each woman have her own husband. 3 Let the husband render to his wife the affection due her, and likewise also the wife to her husband. 4 The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. And likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. 5 Do not deprive one another except with consent for a time, that you may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again so that Satan does not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. 6 But I say this as a concession, not as a commandment. 7 For I wish that all men were even as I myself. But each one has his own gift from God, one in this manner and another in that.

Sex is a mutual gift from God... and as noted... when difficulties arise, sex is about concessions... not commandments. There is no leader and follower in this realm.
RoseRed is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 10-11-2011, 06:30 PM   #7 (permalink)
Member
 
SimplyAmorous's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: USA
Posts: 10,482
Default Re: Sexless in a Christian Mans Marriage.

Quote:
Originally Posted by RDJ View Post
I have to admit that I had reservations about posting this as there are so many views that can be taken.
NEVER have reservations, if you feel strongly about something .........share it !.......... doesn't stop me ! Gets me blasted and judged sometimes but that is OK , I can handle it. What we are all aiming for is a healthy happy marraige ultimately. The destination is the same, even if the road maps sometimes are very different in getting us there to this glorious place.

Any young marrieds coming here, if they read long enough, devouring posts here - should get a wealth of wisdom to help carry them through thier marriages if they use it.

I know I have so much to teach my children, so much more than my parents taught me, I pretty near was left to learn from THEIR MISTAKES -what NOT to do. Books were more my mentors growing up.

Me & my husband aren't Christians anymore, though most of our friends are . Ironically, our oldest son is a Worship Leader / wanna Be Youth Pastor. We both love the debate- he tells me I sharpen him- helps him prepare to deal with Atheists (nice compliment to his Mother ha ha ) , I learn from him also. He respects me, I respect him, but his .....and.... me & his dad's theologies are not the same.

Even with all of this said , we are still very old Fashioned in so many ways . We are surely out of the box, but who wants to be a cardboard copy of everyone else. It is to have some originality.



Quote:

But, that is also why I posted it. The great thing about forums like this is all of our different views. We learn from each other.
Wouldn't want it any other way.


Quote:
If we help only one person that reads this thread, it was worth it.
I feel the same.
SimplyAmorous is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 10-11-2011, 06:31 PM   #8 (permalink)
RDJ
Member
 
RDJ's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Denver
Posts: 384
Default Re: Sexless in a Christian Mans Marriage.

Quote:
Originally Posted by RoseRed View Post
I agree how much of the remainder of that passage (Ephesians 25 - 33) is glossed over by so many men.
Apperently I could have done a better job with this post?

I humbly appriciate your comments.

I guess what I was trying to say is this. How many men complain about a non-sexual, non-affectionat wife that could change things by simply going home, being a better man by "leading" through love, understanding, faith, values, and simply "Loving" their wife?

Again, Just my opinion. That and a quarter won't even get a phone call.

Warmly,

RDJ

Last edited by RDJ; 10-11-2011 at 06:41 PM.
RDJ is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 10-11-2011, 07:43 PM   #9 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 263
Default Re: Sexless in a Christian Mans Marriage.

Quote:
Originally Posted by RDJ View Post
Apperently I could have done a better job with this post?

I humbly appriciate your comments.

I guess what I was trying to say is this. How many men complain about a non-sexual, non-affectionat wife that could change things by simply going home, being a better man by "leading" through love, understanding, faith, values, and simply "Loving" their wife?

Again, Just my opinion. That and a quarter won't even get a phone call.

Warmly,

RDJ
I truly appreciate your opinions and input! It makes for a very relevent and open dialogue that each one of us can contribute.

The Sanctity of Marriage is very strong in my heart and mind and your addressing Ephesians is VERY VALID!! It does bring home the point that being the leader within a marriage is all about all you spoke of above... not just about bringing home a paycheck, being the financial provider, mowing the lawn,etc. Leadership is NOT by edict, but by love, care and concern for all that follow. For a husband to truly care for a wife's heart, VALUE HER, she will truly respect him!

Kudos to you for your thread... I look foreward to more!

come to think of it.. I can't even recall where the nearest payphone is anymore!!
RoseRed is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 10-12-2011, 05:19 AM   #10 (permalink)
Member
 
cb45's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: florida usa
Posts: 658
Default Re: Sexless in a Christian Mans Marriage.

Quote:
Originally Posted by RDJ View Post
Apperently I could have done a better job with this post?

I humbly appriciate your comments.

I guess what I was trying to say is this. How many men complain about a non-sexual, non-affectionat wife that could change things by simply going home, being a better man by "leading" through love, understanding, faith, values, and simply "Loving" their wife?

Again, Just my opinion. That and a quarter won't even get a phone call.

Warmly,

RDJ
Dont take our contrary commentary too hard. for this is just the natural progression
of posting here oftentimes. u know, "iron sharpening iron" scriptures apply especially here.

There is some truth in what u wrote (copied, actually). what the %'s are is part of what i take issue with or question folk on
especially when it sounds/reads like an "absolute" or EXCUSATORY THINKING, especially in this weakened politically
correct society we live in (here in USA anyways).

I was just trying to convey the frustration many men who are
putting forth the efforts to "give" W's what they need but,
have little to show for it, so to speak. Too often we read/hear
(the same) goobledeegook about "women need this, women need that," etc.

Life's a two-way street. i feel men have been on the defensive
for soooooo loooooong now, that one can argue that too many
men dont QUITE resemble malehood anymore. (just the old men
in nursing homes, or soon to be in nsg homes perhaps....lol)

And its frustrating to hear/read men "spew" this stuff out, matter of factly, or robotically like, or like they've been "neutered". (or females spayed too, for that matter; yet another thread, perhaps)

"Ya know what i mean jelly-bean?" (old time expression)

no harm, no foul. (oops, there i go again, cant get past cliches today....lol)

shalom.
cb45 is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 10-12-2011, 09:12 AM   #11 (permalink)
RDJ
Member
 
RDJ's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Denver
Posts: 384
Default Re: Sexless in a Christian Mans Marriage.

CB45,
I appriciate your respectful comments. (copied, actually?)

Rosered,

Thanks for your kind words. Please allow me to point out a lesson inside of a lesson using this thread.

I make a comment/statement that I know may recieve some emotional response. I preface my comment with "in my opinion" and I am prepared to hear other views. I don't get offended or hurt by other views,I humbly accept them and I try to learn from them.

The three of you offer a different view, but you also do so in a humble and respectful way.

Through the process, we do NOT build ill feelings or resent. In fact (as far as I am concerned) we have built mutual admiration and respect for each other. Even though we have different views.

Now if more couples could learn to do the same inside of their marriage, there would be far less people on this site.

Warmly and Humbly,

RDJ
RDJ is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 10-12-2011, 02:54 PM   #12 (permalink)
Member
 
SimplyAmorous's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: USA
Posts: 10,482
Default Re: Sexless in a Christian Mans Marriage.

Quote:
Originally Posted by RDJ View Post
The three of you offer a different view, but you also do so in a humble and respectful way.

Through the process, we do NOT build ill feelings or resent. In fact (as far as I am concerned) we have built mutual admiration and respect for each other. Even though we have different views.

Now if more couples could learn to do the same inside of their marriage, there would be far less people on this site.
You are so easy to get along with RDJ -- Very true, that goes for Friendships in life too !



Ever hear of this :

.... Different Drums and Different Drummers....

Quote:
If I do not want what you want, please try not to tell me that my want is wrong.

Or if I believe other than you, at least pause before you correct my view.

Or if my emotion is less than yours, or more, given the same circumstances, try not to ask me to feel more strongly or weakly.

Or yet if I act, or fail to act, in the manner of your design for action, let me be. I do not, for the moment at least, ask you to understand me. That will come only when you are willing to give up changing me into a copy of you.

If you will allow me any of my own wants, or emotions, or beliefs, or actions, then you open yourself to the possibility that some day these ways of mine might not seem so wrong, and might finally appear as right--- FOR ME. To put up with me is the 1st step to understanding me.

Not that you embrace my ways as right for you, but that you are no longer irritated or disappointed with me for my seeming waywardness. And in understanding me you might come to prize my differences from you, and, far from seeking to change me, preserve and even nurture those differences.

I may be your spouse, your parent, your offspring, your friend, or your colleague. But whatever our relation, this I know: You are I are fundamentally different and both of us have to march to our own drummer.
SimplyAmorous is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 10-12-2011, 04:05 PM   #13 (permalink)
RDJ
Member
 
RDJ's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Denver
Posts: 384
Default Re: Sexless in a Christian Mans Marriage.



Had not seen this before, I sure did enjoy it though.

Thank's

RDJ
RDJ is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 10-12-2011, 08:15 PM   #14 (permalink)
Member
 
cb45's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: florida usa
Posts: 658
Default Re: Sexless in a Christian Mans Marriage.

[SIZE="3"]yes....copied (actually) i said 'cuz yer not the first (nor will be the last) to post/put forth
this "opinion" of yours. copied need not mean, knowingly or plagerism wise.

i.e., many others have preceeded u (again, what the %'s are, who knows?)./SIZE]
cb45 is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 10-12-2011, 08:22 PM   #15 (permalink)
Member
 
cb45's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: florida usa
Posts: 658
Default Re: Sexless in a Christian Mans Marriage.

Quote:
Originally Posted by RDJ View Post
CB45,

Methinks I'm just coming from my own perception, methinks that my perception could even be different tomorrow.

I just thought I would put it out there, as there may bo some that can benifit by a small change of thought.

I enjoyed reading your reply, thanks for your perception.

Warmly,
RDJ
Hey RDJ, careful with my
copyrights to "methinks" borrowed...er...."bought" from
shakespeare for "a song and a dance..."

i.e., i "own" methinks (get yer own....lol...i know yer j/k'g)
cb45 is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Options

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on Talk About Marriage, you must first register. Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.

Important! Your username will be visible to the public next to anything you post and could show up in search engines like Google. If you are concerned about anonymity, PLEASE choose a username that will not be recognizable to anyone you know.
User Name:
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.
Password:
Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.
Email Address:

Log-in

Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Sexless Marriage... Sexless Relationship LonelyWife11 Sex in Marriage 17 01-12-2014 08:58 PM
I'm a non-Christian H, married to a ultra conservative Christian Wife and I want out forthekid Relationships and Spirituality 60 06-11-2013 08:10 PM
Christian wife vs. non Christian egotistical Husband Lostirishchick Considering Divorce or Separation 7 12-11-2011 10:39 AM
Should a Christian marriage have ANYTHING to do with porn? Bloodymary Relationships and Spirituality 37 03-02-2011 09:05 AM
Conservative vs. Liberal Christian Marriage hlmartin Relationships and Spirituality 32 07-07-2010 11:22 PM

Member Area

Find a Therapist:


Sponsor Ads


Sponsor Ads




Get The Family & Marriage Counseling Directory Help Guide via Email:
Name:
Email:




All times are GMT -5. The time now is 07:42 AM.



Copyright 2007 - 2013 © Talk About Marriage

SEO by vBSEO 3.6.0 PL2 ©2011, Crawlability, Inc.