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post #46 of 83 (permalink) Old 01-25-2017, 05:26 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Sex in marriage

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Confining sex to marriage in the context of history made sense. It ensured that a woman would have someone there who would care for her child at a point in time where she was prohibited from doing so herself.

It seems like one of those religious rules that was born more from the necessity of the day than anything. Like not eating pigs or shellfish.

There's also the matter of it being the norm of the day that people would get married in their teens, rather than trying to smother their hormones for an extra decade or two. Probably makes a difference.

I'm reminded of the old question WWJD? Trying to put myself in his position, I'd have to think there would be bigger fish to fry than worrying about who's putting their penis where, and at what time.

You know like teaching people to be kind to each other instead.
This speaks more to how much our society has regressed than sex being better/worse outside marriage. We live in a day where people are taught to be immature as long as possible. I agree with what you said about people marrying young back in those days. Usually at 12 to 14. Now it is what? 30. Back then you had to grow up fast. You were a child and then an adult. Not teenage years/adolescence. You had to grow up. Now? Playstation for 30 year old men and immaturity is encouraged in us. I don't think the no sex outside of marriage is outdated. Our society is just degenerating with each passing generation. Each one is worse than the last.

Child labour laws? Forget it. You had to get a job at 10 as a young man. Note I said young man. That is how you were viewed. As an adult. I see how now the sex before marriage would be popular. Don't think I don't. I just see that despite people saying you have to test drive to see if you are compatible, I still hear of sex problems after the honeymoon. Even though they thought they were compatible.

As that preacher Jimmy Evans said, "I would support the sin if it worked but it doesn't".


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post #47 of 83 (permalink) Old 01-25-2017, 06:13 PM
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Re: Sex in marriage

Funny enough, whenever I hear the term "casual sex", I always picture myself having sex wearing khakis and a polo shirt lol. To me that is casual!
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post #48 of 83 (permalink) Old 01-25-2017, 08:03 PM
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Re: Sex in marriage

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This speaks more to how much our society has regressed than sex being better/worse outside marriage. We live in a day where people are taught to be immature as long as possible. I agree with what you said about people marrying young back in those days. Usually at 12 to 14. Now it is what? 30. Back then you had to grow up fast. You were a child and then an adult. Not teenage years/adolescence. You had to grow up. Now? Playstation for 30 year old men and immaturity is encouraged in us. I don't think the no sex outside of marriage is outdated. Our society is just degenerating with each passing generation. Each one is worse than the last.

Child labour laws? Forget it. You had to get a job at 10 as a young man. Note I said young man. That is how you were viewed. As an adult. I see how now the sex before marriage would be popular. Don't think I don't. I just see that despite people saying you have to test drive to see if you are compatible, I still hear of sex problems after the honeymoon. Even though they thought they were compatible.

As that preacher Jimmy Evans said, "I would support the sin if it worked but it doesn't".
Nonsense.

Every generation thinks the newer one is going to be the end of the world. Yet I look at the last few generations and I see greater respect for freedom. I see civil liberties that our "better" generations denied people on a regular basis. I see a decline in smoking, drinking, drug use and pregnancy among teenagers, especially compared to our "better" generations. Society has regressed because we don't get married at 12 and 14 anymore?

I'll take that kind of regression any day.

Darling it's better down where it's wetter, take it from me! --- Sebastian
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post #49 of 83 (permalink) Old 01-25-2017, 09:20 PM
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Re: Sex in marriage

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No, but what they learn or experience growing up can sometimes be irreversible. So by the time they meet their partner, they are, in fact, hardwired.

I appreciate your optimism, but my wife represents exhibit A for the counter argument. She expresses interest in changing but literally cannot change the way her brain views men and sex. Years of therapy have failed to make a dent. She has acknowledged it and wants it to be different, but is simply not able to change. Communication is not the problem. We've aired it ALL out.
I see your point. I have observed what you are talking about in many couples and had to overcome it quite a bit in my own marriage.

How long have you been married?

What was her upbringing like and yours?
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post #50 of 83 (permalink) Old 01-25-2017, 09:27 PM
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Re: Sex in marriage

E
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Wow, talk about a lasting impression ... but hey, if you are asking yourself "What Would jld Do?", more power to you
Oh my god!!!

You are such a dork!! LOL 😁

Keep up the good work!

I laughed despite myself!
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post #51 of 83 (permalink) Old 01-26-2017, 07:30 AM
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Re: Sex in marriage

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Well, getting to know the person on an intellectual/emotional level is one. Sex, from my observation, usually distorts how you see the person. What do I mean? You become "connected" in a way. You are less likely to break up with someone for a bad quality when you are already banging them whereas if you weren't you probably would have dropped them with the quickness. Sex often seems like self medication to a bad relationship. There are problems, clear ones; but when you have sex they take a back seat. It works before marriage but when you two are married and living together it doesn't work anymore.

In that respect, wouldn't the positive side be that a couple who has sex before marriage is more connected and more willing to work on whatever issues they may have? In the same way they would be more connected after having sex after marriage and hence more likely to stay together despite issues?

This all seems to suggest that marriage is an end goal. Why? Why isn't the focus more on people becoming the best partner they can be as opposed to looking forward to getting married. Nothing has changed after the ceremony, they are still the same two people in the same relationship.
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post #52 of 83 (permalink) Old 01-26-2017, 12:13 PM
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Re: Sex in marriage

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In that respect, wouldn't the positive side be that a couple who has sex before marriage is more connected and more willing to work on whatever issues they may have? In the same way they would be more connected after having sex after marriage and hence more likely to stay together despite issues?

This all seems to suggest that marriage is an end goal. Why? Why isn't the focus more on people becoming the best partner they can be as opposed to looking forward to getting married. Nothing has changed after the ceremony, they are still the same two people in the same relationship.
We were very close and didnt have sex before marriage. Marriage isnt the end, its the beginning, but waiting for sex makes it all the more special.
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post #53 of 83 (permalink) Old 01-26-2017, 12:37 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Sex in marriage

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Nonsense.

Every generation thinks the newer one is going to be the end of the world. Yet I look at the last few generations and I see greater respect for freedom. I see civil liberties that our "better" generations denied people on a regular basis. I see a decline in smoking, drinking, drug use and pregnancy among teenagers, especially compared to our "better" generations. Society has regressed because we don't get married at 12 and 14 anymore?

I'll take that kind of regression any day.
Where do you see it? In your head? Can you site something for those outrageous claims? Decline in drug use....HAH!

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post #54 of 83 (permalink) Old 01-26-2017, 12:42 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Sex in marriage

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In that respect, wouldn't the positive side be that a couple who has sex before marriage is more connected and more willing to work on whatever issues they may have? In the same way they would be more connected after having sex after marriage and hence more likely to stay together despite issues?

This all seems to suggest that marriage is an end goal. Why? Why isn't the focus more on people becoming the best partner they can be as opposed to looking forward to getting married. Nothing has changed after the ceremony, they are still the same two people in the same relationship.
Becoming the best partner they can be? You mean taking a gamble and hoping it works. If that's your thinking then cheaters can't really be blamed. They tried the marriage thing and found out monogamy was not for them. It's not their fault.

That connection is a false one. Self medication so they don't have to deal with the other problems in the relationship. But after the wedding...ha...love is blind, marriage is an eye-opener, they say. When you have to go back to your home there is mystery. You are not around the person 24/7. That's the allure I think of premarital sex. Then you get to wake up next to them, see the wax in their eyes, hear their farts....things change. lol

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post #55 of 83 (permalink) Old 01-26-2017, 01:53 PM
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Re: Sex in marriage

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Where do you see it? In your head? Can you site something for those outrageous claims? Decline in drug use....HAH!
https://www.drugabuse.gov/news-event...ne-among-teens

https://www.hhs.gov/ash/oah/adolesce...cy/trends.html




Darling it's better down where it's wetter, take it from me! --- Sebastian
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post #56 of 83 (permalink) Old 01-26-2017, 01:56 PM
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Re: Sex in marriage

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Becoming the best partner they can be? You mean taking a gamble and hoping it works. If that's your thinking then cheaters can't really be blamed. They tried the marriage thing and found out monogamy was not for them. It's not their fault.

That connection is a false one. Self medication so they don't have to deal with the other problems in the relationship. But after the wedding...ha...love is blind, marriage is an eye-opener, they say. When you have to go back to your home there is mystery. You are not around the person 24/7. That's the allure I think of premarital sex. Then you get to wake up next to them, see the wax in their eyes, hear their farts....things change. lol

Still seems to be a moot point considering one is more likely to experience these things (waking up, wax in eyes, farts etc) when having sex. One is more likely to stay over at partner's house and spend more and more time together once the sex starts. Marriage does not seem the eye opener then, living with one's partner seems to account for that.
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post #57 of 83 (permalink) Old 01-26-2017, 01:58 PM
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Re: Sex in marriage

And yet as I have gotten older, married with kids, I am more likely to use drugs now vs when I was a teen lol.
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post #58 of 83 (permalink) Old 01-26-2017, 01:59 PM
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Re: Sex in marriage

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And yet as I have gotten older, married with kids, I am more likely to use drugs now vs when I was a teen lol.
word

Darling it's better down where it's wetter, take it from me! --- Sebastian
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post #59 of 83 (permalink) Old 01-26-2017, 02:04 PM
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Re: Sex in marriage

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This speaks more to how much our society has regressed than sex being better/worse outside marriage. We live in a day where people are taught to be immature as long as possible. I agree with what you said about people marrying young back in those days. Usually at 12 to 14. Now it is what? 30. Back then you had to grow up fast. You were a child and then an adult. Not teenage years/adolescence. You had to grow up. Now? Playstation for 30 year old men and immaturity is encouraged in us. I don't think the no sex outside of marriage is outdated. Our society is just degenerating with each passing generation. Each one is worse than the last.

Child labour laws? Forget it. You had to get a job at 10 as a young man. Note I said young man. That is how you were viewed. As an adult. I see how now the sex before marriage would be popular. Don't think I don't. I just see that despite people saying you have to test drive to see if you are compatible, I still hear of sex problems after the honeymoon. Even though they thought they were compatible.

As that preacher Jimmy Evans said, "I would support the sin if it worked but it doesn't".
Maybe some of that was due to the average person living only 45 years.

Nah. They were just "better" and "tougher".

"Masturbate with just a slick hand and thoughts of your wife." --Intheory
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post #60 of 83 (permalink) Old 01-26-2017, 02:04 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Sex in marriage

- marijuana now replaces cigarettes
- teen pregnancy decline because abortion more rampant

Was that your point?

Even if I don't get likes for it, I'm still going to say it.
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